I've dropped out of university twice now and am going back for a third time

Student Lounge College Life
1

I’m a transfer student and got a 3.83 GPA. I transferred to a good school but things didn’t turn out the way that I had hoped. I failed my first two quarters and dropped out. Two years later I came back and did well the first quarter but not the second and dropped out again. My cumulative GPA was a 1.8 and because I was on probation they expelled me. I’m now in the reinstatement process and have to take classes at community college again to prove that I’m academically ready to come back. That’s two months away.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2 at the end of my last quarter and blame this for my failure at university. A week before finals I was even put on a psychiatric hold because they believed I was a threat to myself. I think it was the stress of the more difficulty classes at university that triggered my depressive episodes and made me not care about the courses when I should have. I now have medication, though, and I feel a lot better and more focused.

Like I said, I can’t even start community college for another two months, so I’m left with nothing to do but worry about school. Even when I pass those classes, though, (if I pass them) I have to go back to university and get my GPA back up. There’s so much time and money being wasted just trying to get this degree. I have several things I’m worrying about right now because I NEED TO GET STRAIGHT A’S for all my next classes at university and community college if I even want to attempt to start taking the classes for my major and that’s something I haven’t been able to do at university.

I’ve been talking with my cousin who got a 3.8-3.9 GPA from the best college in our state with an electrical engineering degree and asking him how he did it and he just tells me he studied all day. I feel I studied all day too but maybe just not enough?

I’m in my room not being able to sleep because I’m worried about failing school again for the third time that’s two and six months away. I just want this tension and nervousness to be over with but I can’t shake it. I’m freaking out. I can’t fail again because I’m going to kill myself if I do. I know it. I want this degree and it’s been taking too many years out of my life already (I’m almost 25).

I don’t feel I’m dumb. I just feel I’m lazy and unmotivated. The first quarter went like this: I registered for three classes, withdrew from two and got a C in the third. This was my first quarter there and so I got really depressed and couldn’t focus or get out of my bed. My second quarter I changed my major and took three classes again. I ended up leaving school three-quarters of the way in because I knew I was going to fail. I ended up getting two F’s and another C somehow even though I wasn’t there for the final. Two years later and I went back and took another three classes. I got two A’s and a C+. The next quarter I got a B and two D’s and a 1.8 GPA and then got expelled.

It was then when I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and got medicated and started seeing psychologists and psychiatrists regularly. It’s bad timing because I wish I had had this problem fixed before I went to university and failed. But now that I’m better and feel like myself I want to go back to school more than anything but I have to wait six freaking months.

What do I do? How do I enjoy myself when I have all these things to worry about and am a failure? How can I make sure I don’t fail again? I’ve never felt this way about school before and maybe because I’ve never failed this hard at something. I want to die.

2

Are you involved in psychotherapy as well as medication therapies? It sounds like you may need to do some intensive cognitive behavioral therapy and perhaps also learn some systematic relaxation strategies to begin to cope with the swing in emotions that is part of your mental illness. You also probably need to really come to grips with the chronic nature of bipolar disorder and strategies for meeting your goals effectively while battling this disease every single day.

There is no magic to doing well in school. It is a day in and day out commitment. You may have to take it slow, only one or two classes at a time, and really take advantage of resources like academic assistance and disability services at your school. Before you start in a couple months you could do some frontloading by studying effective study strategies.

Also, a part-time job might help you to get you mind off your racing thoughts about school.

3

I agree with the above poster. In your situation, I think you should just take a year off. There isn’t any rush to get a degree is there? Take care of your mental health and allow yourself time to mature. I think you will know when you are ready to go back to college and do your best, and it doesn’t seem that two months from now is the time to do that. Defer until the fall if you can, and go to therapy.

4

I agree, you need some time off. It is too much pressure to put on yourself “i have to get straight A’s” That is not realistic when you’re struggling in other ways. Continue therapy (CBT could help) and sometimes even getting a job could help. You mention money being a concern, don’t spend it on an expensive school. When you’re ready, go back to cc and finish your two years before transferring. There is no rush.

5

College isn’t the right path for everybody. Maybe look into some trades or something.

6

Thank you for the sincere responses. I feel better as of right now and I’ve decided I’m just going to take it step by step. I’m going to go back to community college and take those classes to get reinstated. I don’t know if this wasn’t clear or not but I already got a transfer degree and transferred – just failed twice. Next quarter I’m taking all introduction classes because I heard those were the easiest. I’m taking intro to astronomy, intro to sociology, and intro to communication. Then when I get to university I have to take easy classes again to get my GPA up. By Fall quarter I’ll be ready to start my major. I’m kind of confident I’ll be able to do it this time now that I know what my mistakes are, which I learned from failing so many times.

7

You know what they say: the third time’s the charm.

If you do go back to school:

You must work your tail off, but try to look forward to the challenge: embrace it. Run toward it, not away from it. Own it.

And think, you can learn so much that will help you in life. It really is such a great opportunity. You’ve been knocked down twice, but you’re not out, and on your feet you can still throw a mean hook at academia. Stick and move.

The work you do now and this pressure you’re feeling – and which you can deal with, with some help if necessary – can really prepare you well for life after school. So go in knowing that you have the goods to get it done; give it your all – you’re not watching TV between classes; you’re studying; and always remember you still have opportunities that many do not.