I’d just like to share something with all of you! I’ve been thinking about all of this for some time, as all of us have. In the last few weeks, to be honest, I’ve been able to let it go to some extent, and that has felt very good. I wrote this out earlier today and I feel it would be enjoyable for all of you to read.
- What if I don’t win the scholarship
The most expected outcome. Honestly I spent a couple of months feeling like I really, really nailed that application and feeling like I really won this thing. I didn’t know a thing about the JKC scholarship when I first started school. I was a high school drop out, just hoping to finish up my prerequisites and transfer to the local university. Let’s just say my self-conception was very, very different than it is today. I went from being surrounded by a heavy drug culture to, well, I was named the most outstanding student of my graduating class, and that was so, so humbling to me. I can’t even explain the transformation that implies in and of itself.
I heard about the JKC scholarship through another young lady who won it a few years ago at my school. She is now going to Harvard as a graduate student with a full ride. My instructor told me about this girl’s story, and I was struck with this sense of possibility. I worked my ass off to be competitive to this scholarship, but along the way, I realized my own potential.
The result? Now I know. I know that whether I get this scholarship or not, my future is bright. I must say this: I am very lucky. Not in terms of income. My family is very poor. But one of the schools I applied for offered me a nearly full ride (minus loans) to attend their school, and it’s the kind of school which will likely land me grad school opportunities. I have paid my deposit and I am 100% ready to go. I have even connected with alumni who are interested in progressive local politics and permaculture, so I believe I will find “my people” right away. I know that what I want to do, community and economic development, is an attainable goal for me, and no matter what happens, I have an excellent path to pursue it.
I have decided this: if I do not get this scholarship, it is simply because someone else needed it more than I did. And I am 100% okay with that.
- What if I do win the scholarship
If I win this scholarship, that sends me one message: my responsibility on this Earth has just increased tenfold. If some man who built a fortune ended up giving that fortune to this foundation and I ended up benefitting from it, well that just means I need to give back that much more. If I win this scholarship, and I can go to Vanderbilt or Columbia, I will work my ass off to see that the changes this world needs happens. I will do everything that is in my soul to make sure this country moves in the direction it must. My heart breaks for the millions of souls across this country and in the world who are never realized, who never actualize their full potential because of the circumstances in this world. I was meant to work towards change, and I will do it whether I win or not. But if I do win, my opportunities are greater, and therefore my duty is greater.
I am at peace with either option. I hope you all will think through this for yourselves and take the time to think about your purpose, no matter the outcome. All of you are incredible world-shaking leaders, and I know that you can find your way and realize your purpose.
Besides that, I hope that everyone can let this go and let it happen on the day it does. We will know when we know, and we must make peace with this.
Much love to all of you, much respect, and much hope for a brighter future. You are a beautiful group of people.