<p>I also think blueiguana’s proposed response is perfect. So non-confrontational but gets your point across. The problem is that I can never compose such a great response at the time. It always comes to me a few hours later when I am stewing over the comment.</p>
<p>This individual was clearly looking to rattle your cage and illicit some angry response, so I think the fact that you did not reply has you coming out the winner.</p>
<p>“It’s just pocket change to us.”
That should get her attention!</p>
<p>I like Barfly’s answer best.</p>
<p>Don’t worry too much about this. If you actually do spend $50,000 a year to send your kid to college, people are going to stop talking to you anyway, so you won’t have to defend yourself.</p>
<p>When my first kid went away to college, people were delighted to hear about his plans and later, his experiences. They would seek me out in the supermarket to ask how he was doing. And they were just as happy to share their own kids’ stories.</p>
<p>When my second kid went away to college, people would suddenly steer their grocery carts into the pet food aisle, even though they didn’t own any animals, just to avoid having to talk to me. </p>
<p>What was the difference? Kid #1 went to our flagship state university. Kid #2 went to an Ivy League school, even though we were full pay. </p>
<p>Kid #1’s choice didn’t threaten anyone or imply that their family’s financial decisions might not have been as good as ours. Kid #2’s choice did.</p>
<p>I haven’t had a decent conversation in the supermarket for years.</p>
<p>D attended a very expensive school and we got more than a few comments like this. From the way the comments were made (and by who the comments were from) I know that the insinuation was that we were idiots. I took the high road (smile and nod). I was very tempted to say “I’m not asking you to pay for it”, but I never had the guts.</p>
<p>Just have your kids go to a top LAC that hardly anyone has heard of. Then they won’t realize it is $60,000. :D</p>
<p>
This would be a good line, even if it’s obviously not true.</p>
<p>“Stupid” is a strong word, but it can be painful. I can see why other families might make a different choice.</p>
<p>Drop the “It’s just pocket change to us” line, smirk, while looking them up and down.</p>
<p>LOL</p>
<p>It is very possible they think it is “stupid” because they simply cannot do it themselves.</p>
<p>I would not respond at all. This is one of those times you excuse yourself to get a glass of wine, go to the bathroom, or floss your teeth :)</p>
<p>I might say, “Yeah we’re all different aren’t we. We think it’s stupid to pay $60,000 for a car.”</p>
<p>I doubt that I’d actually say this, but…</p>
<p>“I’m sure if I had your kid(s), I’d feel the same way.”</p>
<p>When we decided to send our kids to boarding school, we received many similar comments from acquaintances in town (often from folks who lived in huge houses and bought new cars every 2 years). I started saying something along the lines of, “We be fortunate to have saved money over the years for our children’s education. What better way to spend your money than on educating your children?”, in a nice way with smile firmly on face in a way that would make Miss Manners proud. Honestly, no one has been able to disagree with that statement without sounding like a jerk. :)</p>
<p>^^^^
Did anybody say *
“I’m sure if I had your kid(s), I’d feel the same way.”*?
;)</p>
<p>I would smile and either say nothing or “that’s interesting” and not let it bother me one whit.</p>
<p>Useful quote from Marie Sexton. Mutter under your breath as needed:</p>
<p>“You can’t control what others think. The only thing you can control is yourself. Some people will look down on you for your choices in life no matter what they are. You can’t do anything about that. The only thing you can do is decide how to live your own life. And to h@@@ with everyone else.”</p>
<p>“We don’t know what we would do in retirement if we did not spend it and retired early”</p>
<p>“We have actually put a lot of thought into that decision.” (looking at the person straight in the eye, of course).</p>
<p>The older I get, the more direct I get. Even though I would love to say “It’s just pocket change to us”, I would never say that because it would just get repeated in the gossip circles and I would look like a jerk. What I would say is “That’s not a very nice thing to say.” Let’s see if THAT gets repeated in gossip! It’s sort of a game now to think of how to say something so that the person can’t repeat it without looking like a jerk. Here are some of my favorite examples. When a parent sitting behind me criticized my son’s performance at a football game, I turned around and said, “Oh, that’s my son you’re talking about. He is only 15 and is doing his best.” Silence! When a student didn’t stand for the National Anthem, I walked up to him when the anthem finished, sat down next to him, introduced myself, and said “The next time the National Anthem is played, would you please stand?” Reply - “Yes, Ma’am”. I don’t think anyone ever called the boy on this. I’m glad I did. I have spoken to a boy who was using foul language in front of his girlfriend, several parent screaming at athletes, refs and coaches, and a guy in line behind me at the grocery checkout who dropped an F bomb. I always speak quietly so as to not make a scene, I always speak directly with no sarcasm, and I always smile. Well… not always. Last year I told a soccer parent to SHUT UP!"</p>
<p>I’m not convinced this statement was about you. I think she was just stating what she and Joe have decided is best for them, and maybe even defending why they aren’t going to send their kid to a $50K per year undergrad school. Not knowing the context in which it was stated, I’d conclude that it was more about her than it was about you.</p>