just wondering

Prep School Admissions
1

<p>how many of you chose to apply for boarding school yourself? how many of you applied because your parents wanted you to?</p>

<p>maybe a bit of both? (tell me approximately how much %)</p>

<p>does anyone here feel like their life is controlled by their parents (what to eat, tutors/extra classes, what to do in free time, what classes to take, etc.)? or is that only with asians?</p>

<p>what kind of things should be decided by parents, and what kind of things should be decided by ourselves? (if the parent and child have different opinions)</p>

<hr>

<p>i'm just feeling stressed because even if i am accepted or waitlisted by choate or hotchkiss, my mom doesn't want me to leave home. she wants me to be under her supervision. i feel like she has her own 'master plan' for my future and she doesn't want anything to ruin it, so i must be under her eye all the time.</p>

<p>personally, i really REALLY want to go to these boarding schools. they're AMAZING schools. and i just feel like if i'm accepted, then i HAVE to go, no hesitations or second thoughts. like i'll hate myself (and my mom) forever if i don't go. i know that going to BS is going to be risky and tough, but that's the whole point right? you experience so much more.</p>

<p>another thing making me want to go, is that i'm really getting annoyed by my mom's constant nagging. right now i just deal with it, whenever she schedules a tutor or makes me eat a plate of veggies. but i feel like i want to take control of my own life. if this carries on, she'll be making ALL the important decisions for me. i don't want her to tell me how to live, or what to be.</p>

<p>so, under these circumstances, would it be better to stay or to go? (not that i'm guaranteed to have the opportunity to go, but... i want to be ready)</p>

<p>sorry for the really long rant. i'm just feeling a bit depressed.</p>

2

<p>I have the opposite situation. My parents are very relaxed on these matters. Basically, they say, “If it’s going to be safe, and you feel you can benefit, it’s all up to you.” I made the decision to apply all by myself, and my parents have barely played a role in this, besides the statements, fees, and traveling arrangements. In fact, my parents barely play a role in my life in general - I pretty much do everything myself, with the exception of money-related matters. I think this independence has really gave me the opportunity to shape my life and find my interests, and I still maintain a great relationship with my parents. </p>

<p>In my opinion, you shouldn’t even consider staying with your parents if you do get accepted. I’m not insulting them, but there’s so much more to the world than just living in one place and knowing the same people for so many years, and if a chance arises in which you can meet new people and see new places, you should take it without question. I don’t know what your parents are like, but I would be firm and tell my parents that this is something that I want to do, that I’ve put my heart in it, and I’m ready to go into the world and make something more out of my life. When March 10 arrives and you get your acceptances, call your first choice and tell them immediately of your decision to enroll, and don’t look back. My gut feeling says You won’t regret it.</p>

<p>Don’t feel depressed. It’s normal to feel controlled in parent-child relationships, especially if you’re Asian. But you’ll be leaving for college soon anyways, and it never hurts to get an early start on living your own life. In the end, it’s up to you and your family to see what best works out for you, but if I was in your shoes, I would go if accepted, no questions asked. So think about it for a while, and good luck! Hope everything works out.</p>

3

<p>Also, to your question about what things should be decided by parents and what things by the kids, I honestly think that the parent shouldn’t be involved in the kid’s life beyond safety, money, transportation, well-being/happiness, and a little bit of health. By a little bit, I mean preventing them from becoming anorexic or obese. This is just my opinion - in fact, I probably missed something in that list up there, so please don’t flame me for forgetting. :D</p>

<p>For education, I think a parent can definitely intervene if money-related matters are concerned, but if Hotchkiss and Andover both accept you with full-FA, then your parents have no right to force/firmly tell you to attend one over the other.</p>

4

<p>@lost1nth3music</p>

<p>Thank you so much for your thoughts =)</p>

<p>I guess my mom isn’t as strict as some other mom’s, but I just get really irritated every time she tells me ‘finish your soup’ ‘go hang your jacket’ ‘clean up the books on the floor’ ‘go to sleep’ ‘stop chatting’… and i feel like that irritation is going to build up until i explode one day…</p>

<p>Would you say that being away from my mom for a few years would be better?</p>

<p>I think she’s most worried about sending me away with ‘no one to take care/watch over me’. She’s starting to see ‘problems’ with me, whenever I’m being ‘myself’ (rebelling, having fun, relaxing, enjoying life, drawing, wasting time in the process of drawing). Is it true that kids at boarding school do whatever they want? Do teachers email/call parents when they feel like something is wrong? I need to find a way to reassure my mom, she’s probably just scared about sending me away to live on my own so soon. (It’s starting to make me worry about it =/)</p>

<p>Sigh.</p>

5

<p>I do go to a boarding school right now, and it’s true that I can do almost whatever I want, but you really learn responsibility from being on your own. If you feel you’re really irritated by your mom nagging over you all the time, then it’s all the more reason to try out a boarding school to see how you fare with independence. I don’t know if it would make it better, but it’s definitely something to try if you think you’re gonna ‘explode’ in your current situation.</p>

<p>I don’t know if NE boarding school kids do whatever they want, but they certainly don’t have anybody telling them to finish their soup, or hang up their jackets, or go to sleep. But I do believe that to survive at a school like Hotchkiss, you don’t have the leisure to stay up late chatting with friends, so that’s probably a habit you’d have to change. </p>

<p>The teachers and advisers at these schools are amazing; they’ll notice if you get depressed or start falling behind, and they WILL help you. In fact, you could ask your mom to relate her worries to a Dean of Students at one of these schools (maybe after March 10, when they’re less busy), and I’m sure he or she will do a fantastic job of putting her worries to rest.</p>

6

<p>In life, one should always be growing, no matter what their age. This applies to parents also.</p>

<p>If you go to boarding school, you will probably grow in ways that you won’t if you stayed at home. You will discover new passions, a new sport, a new subject you’ve never thought you’d be enthusiastic about, new friends, and a new outlook on life. If you share this growth with your mom, she will grow too. It may be hard for her at first but if you remain positive and maintain a good relationship with her, she will come around and be proud of you growth.</p>

<p>I’m constantly pleasantly surprised by the new things my kids discover at boarding school. They introduce me to new books; I learn about a new sport; their friends parent’s invite us to stay at their home; I grow.</p>

7

<p>@lost1nth3music</p>

<p>that seems like a good idea… i’ll wait until the results come out, THEN start making the decision. i guess we’re both anxious. my mom is talking to teachers at my current school, asking about IB and AP courses… arrggghhhh… i can’t argue with her because that’ll just make her go against me more, so I’ll have to wait it out.</p>

8

<p>@brandenburg5</p>

<p>do you work? because my mom has always been taking care of me, so once i’m gone she’ll feel like she has nothing to do except for worry about me every day…</p>

9

<p>Your empathy for your mom and your desire to be more independent are both admirable. It shows your maturity.</p>

<p>Yes, if you go away she’ll be experiencing a phase of life that she’ll probably have to deal with four years from now when you go to college, but let me tell you from an adult’s perspective four years can go by quickly. Those four years can be spent growing exponentially, for both you and your mom, or remain in the status quo. </p>

<p>Besides raising you, your mom must have had dreams when she was young. Did she have a favorite subject when she was in school? Did she work before? There is so much to life.</p>

<p>Remind her that she will not lose you. You are just growing up and she will be proud.</p>

10

<p>@vivsters,
My parents are the opposite of yours. They are very relaxed, and initially didn’t want me to apply to boarding school. As for your mom, she clearly loves you a lot. And you clearly love her b/c you’re worried about how she’ll feel without you. If I were you, I’d focus on getting your application in, and then try to convince your mom that boarding school is the right thing over the next few months. Who knows, by April 10th she could be 100% behind you.</p>

11

<p>vivsters, I sort of know the way you feel because my mom is sort of like your mom. I say sort of because they’re still lenient enough for me to make my own decisions. </p>

<p>Parents, especially Asian parents, have an ideal image of who you’re going to be when you grow up and will do as much as they can to influence you and your decisions until you go off into that path, whatever it be.</p>

<p>I can also tell you being at boarding school doesn’t allow you to not listen to your parents. You still keep constant contact and you’ll still go home for school breaks and such, and a lot of things will not change. Your mom will still bug you about things, but you have to be mature enough to accept that and learn that she wants the best for you. </p>

<p>My mom’s old boss was from the Stamford (in Connecticut) area and was the first to introduce the idea to me and my parents. From there, it just sort of grew. We were tentative at first, but eventually, it became a mutual decision for me to go. I’d have to say it was about a 50%-50% decision.</p>

12

<p>aha. vivsters, i think our mom are carbon copies of each other.
Thank god for my dad though, he supports me in my application. What about your dad?</p>

13

<p>Haha same. My dad is willing to send me to whatever school I choose in the end XD (he’s really too busy to do any research on the schools anyways… but he came with me for the tours and he likes hotchkiss best)</p>

<p>My parents always disagree with each other.</p>

14

<p>Personally, I chose to apply to boarding school on my own. My parents don’t care where I end up as long as I am happy. Although, my parents to disagree often upon their favorite school. But, truthfully it doesn’t bother me because I know I will end up at a school that is good for me. Also, I kind of already know what schools are stretch schools,safe schools, and just right.
So don’t let you parents view take a huge toll on your decision, do what you think is best for YOU</p>

15

<p>I think that, if you end up working really hard in a boarding school, it will very much improve your situation with your mother, for she will be able to see that you are capable of doing things on your own well. :slight_smile: So, I think boarding school is a great idea for you.</p>

<p>And besides, your mother won’t be there to tell you what to do your whole life, so it will actually help you in life if you go, if you want to put it that way.</p>