Last essay was a 10, what about this?

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<p>[Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond out of our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used]</p>

<p>Assignment: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

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<p>Knowledge is a prime contributor to the many luxuries that humans enjoy daily. However, recently, our knowledge has become a burden. Examples of certain technologies currently being researched as well as social networking sites are potent examples. </p>

<p>When the ever-expanding field of science managed to successfully clone Dolly the Sheep in 1997, a number of questions were raised concerning the ethical moves of this experiment. Scientists were positive that soon, it might be possible to manipulate the genetic code of a fetus, in order to instill desired traits into it. The consequences of this revolutionary technology would be manifest in a plethora of situations. A paragidm of the good use of gene therapy would be the cures of the certain genetically inherited diseases, such as Alzehimer’s and Down’s Syndrome. In most people’s opinions, however, the technology poses as a tremendous risk of driving the human race to the borderline of perfection. The negative connotation of this view is understandable when considering how the Holocaust played out during World War II. With limited access to genetic therapy, two classes or castes would be established in the world: the modified and the ‘inferior’. It is unfortunately probable that the new modified race could seek tyranny over the other. Gene therapy has been subjected to large arguments because of these consequences. Human knowledge can create apocalyptical situations that most would rather avoid. </p>

<p>Another archetype of the negative implications of human knowledge can be seen in the rise of social networking sites in the past decade. While to most of the popular, these are harmless opportunities to stay in touch with family and friends, a different breed of people seek exploitation of the enormous amount of information stored inside them. Many recent reports of stalkers and rapists using networking to establish potential victims has been relieved by the public. The knowledge might be used in a positive way by most, but the harm it can cause outweighs the conveniences it gives. </p>

<p>As seen by the ongoing ethical debates over genetic enhancement and the rise of social networking sites, it can be seen that knowledge is, indeed, becoming a burden on the human race. The implications of many breakthrough technologies are quickly spinning beyond control and seems to have the potential to cause enormous harm.</p>

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<p>all errors included.</p>

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<p>Easily an 11, possibly 12. I see you have a great flow of ideas, somewhat strong thesis but great examples to back it up. Topic sentences for each paragraph are well written and you don’t drift from your pov-believe it is a burden. Vocab is relatively superb.</p>

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<p>wow thanks!</p>

<p>Any more views? I wanted to average 2-3 scores to see my grade.</p>

4

<p>I agree with dirkslam41. Definitely above a 10.
You are very eloquent. However some wording is awkward (“We know how to do many things, but we do not where, when, or even whether this know-how should be used”-- be more specific? “Things” is a bit general; and “A paragidm of the good use of gene therapy would be the cures of the certain genetically inherited diseases, such as Alzehimer’s and Down’s Syndrome.” - be more direct; it is too much to decipher.) These are minor though. Great job!</p>

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<p>Yea like the above poster, try not to be so vast on your own opinions that it becomes an overstatement.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the input theaudone!</p>

<p>Yeah, I have a tendency to write some slightly awkward sentences, types that make sense to me while I’m writing and in the zone, but when read later seem weird as hell…lmao.</p>

<p>So far,

  • need to write a bit more coherently</p>

<p>Seems like consensus grade is 11. Any other thoughts?</p>

7

<p>Alright so with an 11 on this, my final score = 730 Math, 670 Crit, 720 Writing which adds up to a personal record of 2120!</p>

<p>I’m still kinda ****ed since all three math questions and 2/3 writing questions were stupid mistakes that I already knew…that would have me well above 2200.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>