<p>I've been dating a guy for almost a year and we're absolutely head over heels in love crazy about each other. We're in a relationship as well as best friends, and I can't ever imagine being without him.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, next year we are going to be 3000 miles away, with me in Washington and him in Ohio.</p>
<p>We've talked about this extensively, and what we've come up with doing is some kind of variation on an open relationship... basically, we're still going to talk everyday and whatnot but we're free to see other people.</p>
<p>He wanted to stay together, and he knows ("knows"?) he won't become interested in anyone else and plans on not seeing anyone else... he is very mature and honest and, especially since he will still be living at home (he goes to college around where we live and I'm a senior this year), I belive him.
However he has had previous serious relationships and this is my first.</p>
<p>He wants me to see other people next year and ya know, see what else is out there and kind of just test the waters.
I love him for letting me do this, but right now I'm leaving in less than 5 months and I'm just starting to totally freak out.
I know I made the right decision in going to Washington because it's where I've always wanted to go, and he has said that after my freshmen year if I want to stay with him he will transfer (or sophomore year or whatever) because the school I'm going to does have better research facilities than the one he is at.</p>
<p>I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess I just kind of needed to vent. Is anyone else leaving a lover behind, or has anyone else left one? How did it work out? Is there anything you wish you would have done differently?</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you, girl! I had a long-distance college relationship that was semi-“open” for two years. It can work, but words of wisdom: try not to talk every day, or if you do, limit the time to less than thirty minutes, or even just a simple email. Especially since you’re a freshman, you’ll be in a new place, may not have any friends from back home going with you, and it’s a scary time. DO NOT use him as a crutch. There’s a tendency to rely on what’s familiar and comforting, and if you spend your time on the phone with him, you will miss out on making new friends and opportunities will pass you by very quickly. Trust me, I know this firsthand. When I was having a hard time with a class, stressed out about an audition, or having a spat with someone, I called him, because he was my best friend. Resist the temptation to do so and share your ups and downs with your new friends at college. It’s the only way you’ll build friendships there. </p>
<p>Good luck – it’s a very hard, very painful separation, and saying goodbye at the airport never gets any easier, but the feeling you get when you’re back in their arms is like nothing else in the world.</p>
<p>pretzel’s right, don’t use him as a crutch. On the other hand, I wouldn’t limit your conversations with him just because of this. Try to communicate as much as possible about real stuff, not just the courtesy “hey what’s up nm you? nm here either.” It’ll be hard, but I guess it’s a good test for your relationship.</p>
<p>I’ve had a long distance relationship for my freshman year of college, this year, and though it was hard, i can say that it is worth it. We did an sort of open relationship in the beginning of the year and i have to say, it was the best thing we ever could have done. it allowed me to go out and experience college and decide if we were really meant to do the long distance thing. as everyone told me when i was leaving for school, and crying at the airport, if it’s meant to be, it will work out, and it did. i agree with everything pretzelbreaker says as well :)</p>
<p>I need to have the ‘what are we going to do’ conversation with my boyfriend. It’s hard to think about, hard to talk about. Especially since I’ve narrowed it down to two schools, both excellent, both good fits for me, one in state and one far, far away. It’s hard not to let feelings about a relationship influence that decision.</p>
<p>don’t over analize everything, and worry so much, what will be will be</p>
<p>there was a postlike this last year and the girl said she KNEW they could make it work by “being together and dating others”</p>
<p>well, didn’t work out that way- jealousy reared its head and they broke up</p>
<p>trying to have it both ways will make you both nuts- you will go out with someone on a friday night and you won’t be able to share what you did</p>
<p>it will make for awkward moments and statistically it won’t work…you could be one of the few that does make it work, but gotta tell you, you dating others while he “isn’t” seems kind of one sided don’t you think?"</p>
<p>Imagine him on a date with a girl, sharing jokes, flirting, walking her home…is that something you could live with? </p>
<p>I don’t know, I think its best to make a clean break, but then I have more experience this </p>
<p>Also, sorry, but any guy that says, go ahead, play around with other guys, I will wait for you, seems needy and unsure of himself, not confident…</p>
<p>to pretzel, collective and jellybean… thank you so much for the good advice. i needed to hear some “success” stories to make me feel better about what we’re doing. i don’t want to use him as a crutch and hopefully we will be able to find a good balance.</p>
<p>Elorax - i know exactly what how you’re feeling. it was the scariest thing in the world before having the conversation(s) but i’m glad that we did, it made us a lot closer. i did not apply to one in-state school, and i was kicking myself for that at first because i have no chance of even being close to my boy, but in a way i’m glad that i didn’t because it will force me to go out on my own.</p>
<p>citygirlsmom - i understand what you’re saying, but we have a more mature relationship than most i’ve seen and i’m hoping it will work. we’ve also discussed what will happen if it doesn’t, and if it doesn’t than i guess it just wasnt meant to be.
additionally, he is allowed to date others, he just doesn’t want to. he is a year and half older than me, and has dated more than i. i of course would never want him to be dating someone else however i have the same fears he does - he is afraid that if i never see anyone else but him then 5, 10 years down the road i will think what did i miss? i don’t want him to think that either. i want us to both KNOW that this is the relationship for us. </p>
<p>we couldn’t make a clean break if we tried. he has been a huge part of my life for the past year, and that’s not something you can just snap in half.
the worst thing that could EVER happen would be if we did make a clean break, and i saw other people, and five years down the road it turned into what if?</p>
<p>I really don’t think being in a LDR hurts the college experience as long as you’re both on the same page. I’ve been with my bf 4 years (3 of that in college). We had issues when he was more emotionally needy than me (constant calling, wanting to know where I was all the time, etc) and ended up taking a break for a few months freshman year. But now that we’ve both adjusted to college and have our groups of friends, it works great. People on here keep saying those in LDR use all their time calling their significant others, but I’ve seen just as many couples on campus spending every waking second with just each other. The key is balance, whether long distance or not. If you desire partying+hooking up as part of the “college experience,” then clearly that’s your priority, not the relationship. Personally, I look foward to a lengthy phone conversation on a Friday night instead of going out sometimes.</p>
<p>I think you’re unnecessarily turning your story into another cheesy, sappy love story about high school sweethearts. Face reality, and know that when you’re around other people (many of whom will be better than your boyfriend), you will not feel as strongly about him. </p>
<p>It’s also hard to maintain a strong relationship without regular physical contact, especially since both of you will grow so much (even become different “people”) over the next four years. How do you know you will still like each other despite these changes? </p>
<p>I would suggest a clean break-up, and if feelings are still there when you get back from break or something, consider getting back together. It’s never too late. The worst that could happen in trying out other people and deciding your original mate was the best choice is hurting those other people. However, if they truly understand how relationships work, they’ll be able to come into terms with the break-up eventually.</p>
<p>^ I don’t really understand your “better than your boyfriend” comment. In what way? I tend to notice most guys in college have no intention of serious dating, so this probably isn’t true in terms of a relationship. But yes, some people don’t feel as strongly about their partner as soon as they leave their sight. Others don’t, so it’s worth giving it a try, and you’ll probably decide either way by winter break. Hope springs eternal, and optimism thrashs negativism any day of the week.</p>
<p>Idefinitely feel for you girl. I’m from California and my boyfriend left last summer and went to New York to the Merchant Marine Academy…so not only is he 3000 miles away, he has to deal with sports, school regiment, and homework. It is seriously hard and takes a lot of work to keep your relatonship together, but it is possible. Just a word of advice though, I have other friends who went into college with “open relationships” and needless to say…jealousy showed its ugly head and none of them are together anymore. Just be careful if you are going to be in an open relationship. set the boundaries, make sure you both know them.</p>
<p>Make a clean break. Truth is there are lots of “right” people for anyone. If you had never met this guy would you have been destined to live out your life single and unloved? Of course not! </p>
<p>It’s just the way life works these days. You’re capable of these deep feelings of love long before you’re able to form a permanent bond. 100 years ago you would have married and raised your kids in the town you both grew up in, doing the same work your parents did and that your kids would do. These days there’s college, perhaps grad school, perhaps a decade of getting established in a career before you’re really ready to settle down. It doesn’t make the feelings you have for each other any less genuine, it just means that you can’t act on them right now the way you could have in times past.</p>
<p>And to be honest I see a bit of passive-aggressiveness in your BF here; “go ahead and shop around, but know that I sit here and won’t look for anyone else. I’m morally superior if you take a look; feel guilty about breaking us up if you do.” </p>
<p>My advice is this; clean break, ** no obligations**. If he wants to take a vow of chastity, that’s his business. Who you date is yours. And you have no obligation to discuss it with him (who you’re dating, that is). And if after a year he shows up at Washington and you’d rather date him than the other guys you know, then great! If not, or if you find someone else in the meantime, that’s great too.</p>