Leaving for College

<p>The annual ritual of students leaving home and going off to college is beginning to play itself out on a grand scale in families around the globe. For young people the process is often both exciting and a bit intimidating. For parents, it’s frequently bittersweet, as the following story illustrates. </p>

<p>Moral of the story: You’re gone, but not forgotten. :) </p>

<p>Henry left for college yesterday. Was he ready to be on his own? Would he get distracted by campus life? Would he get up in the morning and do his work without his mother on his back? Would he lose his passport?</p>

<p>We spent the last 18 years preparing him; but when the day finally came for him to leave, we weren’t ready for it. </p>

<p>He said goodbye to both grandmothers...to his brothers...to nieces who are staying with us this summer...to Damien, the gardener...to the cook...to friends and relatives. Then, his mother and father took him to the train station. The station was deserted. Henry bought his ticket and sat down with us outside the waiting lounge, facing the tracks. </p>

<p>“We’re going to miss you,” said his father. “There are a lot more shutters to paint.”</p>

<p>His mother was silent. She stroked his curly brown hair. She petted his shoulder. The sun reflected on the polished steel seats outside the station as if on a mirror. She turned her head down to avoid the glare, and then looked up at him again.</p>

<p>After a few minutes, the moment she dreaded arrived; we saw the little blue train coming around the bend. Henry stood up, gathered up his two bags. His father hugged him. His mother kissed him on both cheeks. He got into the car and took a seat, while we waited on the dock. A young man with a long face stood at the doorway of the train, smoking a cigarette. He smoked rapidly, until the conductor blew the whistle. Then, taking one last, deep drag, he tossed the butt on the tracks and the door closed.</p>

<p>The train started to roll forward. The glass was tinted, so we could barely make out the people inside. Then, we saw him again...Henry waved...and the train sped up.</p>

<p>“He’ll be fine,” we said, escorting Elizabeth to the car.</p>

<p>But she was in tears...not because she doubted Henry could take care of himself, but because she knew he could. </p>

<p>“I should have gone with him. But I wish he didn’t have to leave at all,” said his mother. “Some mothers feel liberated when their children leave home. They feel as though they can finally do what they want. I don’t feel that way at all. I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.”</p>

<p>The above story was written by Bill Bonner. It ran in today’s “The Daily Reckoning”, a free, daily e-mail service. It vividly expresses how my wife and I felt when we left our son at UVa late last August.</p>

<p>Parents: If you haven’t been through the process before, beware of the emotional roller coaster you’ll likely find yourselves on when you say “good-bye”. And know you’re probably not going to hear from your sons and daughters as often as you’d like.</p>

<p>Students: Have fun and do well at school. Make friends and get involved. But don’t totally forget Mom and Dad, or relegate them simply to the role of “Tuition Payors”. Stay in touch from time to time; let them know how you’re getting along in your new surroundings. There’s a good chance you’ll find yourself in their shoes someday.</p>

<p>I wish my parents were like that. My mom doesn’t even know where I am going to college and my dad looked me in the eye yesterday and said “You are a gigantic fu*k up”. I’m committed to providing my future children a loving household…not a nightmare broken home.</p>

<p>What doesn’t kill ya makes you strong jask.</p>

<p>My mom came from a similar background and she is determined her kids will have better and we do. It will work at the same way for you.</p>

<p>You ever need help let me know.</p>

<p>HHD, thank for you such a great post. :slight_smile: I need to print some slogan out along the lines of your last paragraph and keep it somewhere where i will always see it to remind me to call and update my parents on everything.</p>

<p>My mother is insisting on calling me every day.</p>

<p>galoisien: you need to talk to your mother now and make sure that she understands you’ll be busy and sometimes, you can’t call everyday. When I was at JHU, I assumed my parents understood that, but I forgot to call one day b/c my phone was out of battery and they yelled at me like crazy the next day. I missed the “big” phone call that takes about an hour to talk to my whole family. </p>

<p>So, from that experience, I learned something. One, make sure their expectations are somewhere near yours. And two, you don’t need to have a set time to talk to your family; don’t make it a burden. Since then, I call my parents all the time during the day. Most conversations last 5-10 min, but those 5-10 min are enough for them to know that I’m not ignoring or trying to get them out of my life. Same thing with my siblings.</p>

<p>I’m really excited to move in, but at the same time, I know there are going to be tears. I’m a daddy’s girl to the fullest, and so, I’m really worried about my dad. I’ve seen him cry twice: once when someone close to him died and another when my mom was having life threatening complications after a surgery. I know he’s going to cry on move in day, and that just kills me. A few days ago, he gave me a hug and was like I’m gonna miss you so much. I went to my room 5 min later and bawled my eyes out. As I write this, I’m starting to tear up. I’m gonna miss my family. :(</p>

<p>jask, I sent you a PM.</p>

<p>Thanks, vistany. Db, I didn’t get a pm.</p>

<p>i was still writing it haha. I got distracted by my fruit loops.</p>

<p>i sent it now.</p>

<p>Haha, ok. I got it now. Reading…</p>

<p>I’m guessing there will be phone call every day, at least for the first bit. My Dad got himself a MacBook just so we can iChat.</p>

<p>I’m sorry…i couldn’t get past the part about saying goodbye to Damien the gardener and the cook…</p>

<p>that is good…such is the story of life…</p>

<p>Hey TooMuch,</p>

<p>I struggled a bit with that as well, but it doesn’t change the point of the story.</p>

<p>For the record, the guy who penned this is quite well off. He could certainly afford OOS tuition at UVa.</p>

<p>I dropped my daughter off yesterday and it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Her excitement far outweighed my sadness at her leaving. It’s really hard to not be excited for her! I’m trying not to text her too much. I heard from her this morning and she’s having a blast! Making lots of new friends and learning her way around.</p>

<p>Hi lav241,</p>

<p>One of the things that made it easier for me deal with my son leaving home for college last year was knowing (from personal experience) what an incredible experience UVa offers. Hopefully that will also prove to be the case for your daughter.</p>