I'm a Taiwanese American living in Taiwan my whole life. I'm very close to my parents and studying college here was the plan for financial reasons. Now an opportunity came suddenly to study in the US. So I took it.
Now in 2 months I’m going to move back to the US for college. And my mom who is Taiwanese has been crying at night over the fact I’m leaving. It’s quite a painful thing to bear to see her like that caused by me. How could I make her feel better? Please help!
And my parents don’t talk to each other so she’s really on her own dealing with this issue.
I live in India. Lots of my neighbors have kids who go to the US for college. Yes, it is hard, but it is hard for parents who are IN America to send a kid to college. In this day and age with Skype and other ways to stay in touch - it doesn’t make any different if your parents are in Taiwan or Boston…you can just as easily be in touch. Good luck!
The crying isn’t ‘caused by you.’ That’s guilt talking. It’s caused by the fact that her life is changing and she is going to miss you a great deal. Nothing wrong with that and nothing to feel guilty about. Is she also proud and happy that you have an opportunity to do something important educationally that will benefit you for the rest of your life? I bet she is. Talk to her about this if you can and let her know that her being strong for you would help you a lot.
And yes, Skype is your friend. You can talk as often as you or she needs to in the beginning and taper off once everyone has settled into a new routine.
Speaking as a sometimes teary mother of a son 500 miles away… this is normal! Let’s assume your mom loves you more than anything. She is used to taking care of you, and may be feeling anxious about how you’ll manage on your own. The pain of losing someone she loves, combined with the anxiety, will ebb and flow as the departure approaches. Be prepared for a lot of tears at the airport.
But assume that she also is really proud of you; and she wants you to go out in the world and take charge of your life. Without being really obvious about it, reinforce that feeling of pride. Let her know that she did a good job of raising you to be an independent person, giving you this exciting opportunity. And find ways to reassure her that you love her and will communicate with her… you won’t be one of those silent kids who let’s weeks go by without any contact.
Let her know that, even though you’re far away, with skype it will seem like you are just in your room. Don’t just call with skype. You can message her through skype. Just send a little smiley once a day, just to let her know that you are doing well and you haven’t forgotten her. You can start now before you go! Good luck. It will be fine.
I did that decades ago. I ended up stay in the US after graduate school. If you have plan to go back to Taiwan after college, it is only a few years that you will be away from home. Your mom probably will cry also if you stay in Taiwan for college but away from home. If you can afford a round trip ticket or two every year, it is probably not much different from going to a college in Taiwan out of town. Make use of technology. Get her familiar with Whatsapp and skype. It will be fine.
Parents who want better for their children make sacrifices to send the kid off when opportunities arise. But growing up and moving out and away is something pretty much every parent has to cope with on their own, to some extent. It just make it seem harder if you are farther away but it is all part of being what we call an ‘empty nest-er’. Just tell her you appreciate the sacrifice and show the ways you will be in touch, by sending emails about what you are doing and all the exiting things going on and, yes set up Skype. Keeping her informed about some details will give her things to hang on to and talk about with friends and family.