<p>One more note on this subject, I was fairly mature for my age and at 18 was simply not as interested in some of the high school things that went on. Once I had an older boyfriend, I completely lsot interest in high school hijinks and I felt like I had a real life with real interests: politics, business, etc. I cannot say if this was good or bad and whether it was just me, btu I am pleased to have be daughter be fully engaged in her high school activiites. There is plenty of time for grown-up things later. So, one concern I would ahve about an older boyfriend is the hope that it does not change your daughters interests and cause her to miss potentially fun and rewarding events and relationships of senior year.</p>
<p>I was never interested in "older" men, but my younger sister began dating a man 14 years older than herself when she was a junior in high school. She married him two years later and they had the first of their 5 children a year after that. I would have never approved my child dating a man who was heading for middle age while still in high school, but I wasn't living at home anymore and my sister apparently just saw him at church. ( She is Mormon) My mother was "out" of it, and I doubt she said anything beyond a "boy he is old!"
I must say though that my sister was always mature or at least very conservative in her approach to life. One thing that sticks out is the suits she wore to high school in the late 70's. Let alone her music, my mother prides herself on never listening to Elvis, instead she preferred Pat Boone, my sister only listens to traditional classical music.</p>
<p>( LDS rules are quite fascinating. My sister was married in the Temple less than one year after she graduated from high school , you must have been engaged two years before you are allowed to be married in the Temple, but the year before he married my sister, he told his family he was engaged to someone else. Who would have know there is such drama beneath those garments!)</p>
<p>somemom: thanks for your story. Wow, <em>two</em> exceptions that prove the rule? Maybe I need to rethink the rule a little...</p>
<p>The big issue is the Early Decision app, which carries the committment to attend the school if one is admitted. The ED college is a big reach and I know ED can potentially really help her get in. I think I am inclined to encourage her to press on-- knowing that, if she is not happy about being at that school later, she could always transfer. </p>
<p>I believe there is an emotional hurdle about going far from home & growing up (every bit as much as leaving SO.) Once she is over the hurdle, it will be great. However, if I am wrong, and she <em>can't</em> make the transition and genuinely love being at the school, she can certainly transfer. This way, at worst, it's just a year... plus when you transfer from an excellent school, all doors are open. At best, she's in her dream school.</p>
<p>If, on the other hand, she lowered her sights to stay nearer to home & her SO, the doors might not later be open to go to the more excellent schools and the ED chance would be lost.</p>
<p>One of my mottos for years and years, in parenting D, has been "keep your options open!!!" As somemom wrote, it applies to this case. (My other motto, "when you see a potty, pee," doesn't.)</p>
<p>However, "Don't put that up your nose!" after years in the attic, becomes useful again!</p>
<p>SBmom, I'm impressed at your keeping your sense of humor! I have just read this entire thread and thought I would contribute my S's experience. He had a gf for the last 2 years of high school, they applied to many of the same schools, and their number one choices were the same--they both claimed it had nothing to do with each other, though. He got in, she didn't. He went. They stayed in VERY close touch all last year, but over the summer, things really began to slow down. How I know the relationship is in its death throes: S said to me last month, "Do I have to get [g/f] a birthday present? I really don't feel like spending the money."</p>
<p>SBmom, you wrote "Fortunately he lives about 90 mins away and this has kept a lid on somewhat." Nobody seems to have commented on that, so I will. Many kids are relatively inexperienced (thankfully!) in relationships, and so when they get into one the relationship can be short-lived because spending time with a real person they discover the other person doesn't live up to a fairy-tale image of romance. Eventually they discover everyone has their warts and they abandon a perfectionist ideal for a more realistic one; of course, plenty of SO's don't meet that one either. </p>
<p>Having someone who lives so far away means your D doesn't see this person too frequently, and hours of phone conversations don't replace hours of actual in-person interaction. Whether this is an early romance and she has unrealistic expectations or she is more seasoned and has more down-to-earth hopes, this lack of frequent contact means she can invent a persona for this guy who manages to say just the right thing or act just the perfect way (or at least would if he was there). These imaginary interactions can be very long-lived since there is no evidence to contradict them!</p>
<p>The point is that after 12 weeks with a guy she barely sees, its a mistake to throw away a shot at a great college experience for this romance. The bad news is I don't know how to convince your D of this ...</p>
<p>That is a big problem-- except the "needy" aspect of this guy does come out rather well even from afar. </p>
<p>I also feel that more aceess would encourage more realism, yet I plain old OBJECT to the age difference, so I am loath to push them more together just to enhance her getting real.</p>