Life, Love, Community Service, and Cynicism...

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>Hi guys,</p>

<p>So I'm a student in my freshman year in college, and I've been experiencing a couple of confusing emotions that have been making me very sad and depressed lately. I guess I need some advice, or at least an ear.</p>

<p>A bit of background story: In high school, I was one of the top performing students, not necessarily grade wise, but at least in terms of my resevoir of knowledge - I was the brainiac, the nerd, the go-to guy for homework help and stuff... I was also extremely active in the school and the community. I also had big dreams for the world... I also had a curiosity in world peace and improving the welfare of people. I was also very optimistic, hopeful, and open to different socially progressive ideas and people. I worked very hard, though toward the end of my high school career, my grades started to slip, but my desire for knowledge didn't. My family and I had (still have) a very rough relationship, because I was very escapist in high school and they are hard-working bread and butter people who didn't really see the glamor in intellectual discourse and academia.</p>

<p>When I came to college, most of the students had similar interests and reasons for learning that I did. In fact, I'm really lucky to be at a school where people really value knowledge for its own sake and not for grades or competition... for the most part. But lately, I've been down and depressed... my grades were terribly mediocre last quarter, and my confidence as a student has waned. I have not participated in any community service activities, and my general optimism and desire for learning has gone from fanaticism to somewhat of a vague interest in the discussion of subjects like literature and sociology, which I thought were some of the most fascinating disciplines in high school.</p>

<p>Part of my depression and apathy toward academia and community service originates from other, deeper things. I have rationalized that since utopia cannot exist on this planet (the proof for this I guess is arguable, but let us assume for this particular confessional piece of cathartic writing that utopia is impossible), that therefore a clear image of what life should be like is impossible, and thus these little intermediate steps toward better healthcare, education, gay/women's rights, environmentalism, human rights... etc, are meaningless since they are all futile and cannot lead to perfection of humankind, since a perfect world cannot exist. Thus, volunteerism, community service, whatever... I feel is useless.</p>

<p>I also, aside from this philosophical argument, have realized a number of personal things about myself... I was such an ******* in high school. I didn't actually want a better world so that people could be healthier and happier... I just wanted the glory of being the one to bring about these changes. I didn't actually care about knowledge... I just wanted to show off how brilliant and academically adept I was... and now, I'm depressed and cynical because I feel like not only am I this way... self-deceptive, self-seeking and unaltruistic, but I feel like many students are this way... and it hurts me to be unable to 1) find a reason to learn and do community service anymore... 2) not to be able to do community service without having a self-serving reason like getting into med school or something.</p>

<p>I'm also depressed because my love life stinks in college... I had a lot of expectations of what college life would be like... an intellectually and culturally stimulating experience, full of people that I could be friends with, fall in love with... etc. I guess these were all elitist and selfish reasons for wanting to go to college. Even though it is somewhat human nature... it makes me sad that it has to be this way. I have a lot of friends, but I guess I feel really lonely.</p>

<p>If I became a volunteer in a nursing home... true commitment to the welfare of others is listening and wanting to be around some old woman who's decrepit and in need of company.. which I don't want to give. That's true community service, and I don't want to do that. I feel shallow, but hey I guess that's natural selection for you. I'm just afraid I don't/can't really love anyone or anything... I just lack the will to do anything these days. My life sucks right now... even though I am living comfortably, I guess I want something more. I just want sometimes to be with someone who I love... but I don't really have any admiration for people anymore... it makes me sad.</p>

<p>J</p>

2

<p>Can you post a tl;dr version? Soz brah, but I’m not irresponsible enough to spend that much time reading a CC post.</p>

3

<p>I don’t know what you’re asking for.</p>

<p>You sound depressed. Go get help.</p>

4

<p>Yeah what RoxSox said. Utopia is a futile effort but hey we might as well get as close to perfect as we can eh?</p>

<p>As for love life, you’re not the only one, last time I was even halfway intimate with a female was about 9 months ago, and that number will probably continute to grow till I go on a trip to Nevada.</p>

5

<p>hmmm… people here don’t seem very friendly… and i thought I was trying to get help from listening to peers who may experience the same feelings. Of course, the help you are referring to might be professional help, even though they’re also just in it for themselves too… whatever… oh well. thanks for reading anyway…</p>

6

<p>How do you know they’re just in it for themselves? You sound like Holden Caulfield. </p>

<p>Yeah obviously people do things that make them feel good, why else would they do it? Read this guy’s story:</p>

<p>[Once</a> a rising star, chef now feeds hungry - CNN.com](<a href=“http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/04/01/cnnheroes.krishnan.hunger/index.html]Once”>Once a rising star, chef now feeds hungry - CNN.com)</p>

<p>You gonna say he’s “just in it for himself” cos he’s happier now than he ever was as a high-earning chef? He’s done more for the unfortunate than most people will in their lives. And the thing that keeps him going is that feeling he gets knowing he’s making a difference.</p>

7

<p>try playing games, visual novels, watch a show, an anime, slack off for a bit. do fun **** and stop being a nerd for a while</p>

<p>ok fine people are selfish and thats just a fact of life you need to get over</p>

8

<p>^ second that. Well put!</p>

9

<p>it sound to me like you haven’t really found your passion. yeah it’s hard and i went through something similar freshman year. hell, i still haven’t found my passion but a little part of me is still wanting to learn for the sake of it. you said you had a desire for knowledge. keep at it! talk to a professor you admire. maybe he/she can encourage you. read about existentialism. Existentialism in Education by Van Cleve Morris is a book you might agree with. you are probably going through the point in life where you realize that everything is within your choice. no more doing it for society or The Man or for getting into med school…etc. find something that YOU truly want to do and stick with it. hope this helps</p>

10

<p>You sound like me. We should hang out.</p>

11

<p>I think you’re experiencing what you’re supposed to be experiencing in college. Now’s the time for self-discovery and it certainly sounds like you’re starting to know your true self. Who cares if you’re bringing world peace for your own glory or not? It doesn’t matter the purpose; if you accomplish something for money or fame and somehow it ends world hunger, there’s going to be critics who point out your purpose behind the action but you’ll be known more for ending world hunger. Strive for whatever you want to strive for. Your motive behind something should be the last thing stopping you from trying to make a better world lest it be illegal.</p>

<p>It sounds to me like you’re in the same boat as me in that you don’t want to love but love the idea of being in love. It’s also not because you want to devote yourself to someone, but because you want someone to devote themselves to you. Make lots of friends who are girls until you run into that one special girl that you want to give the world to from the bottom of your heart.</p>

12

<p>Sir, you have more than enough creativity and intelligence to solve that philosophical problem, but it seems like some of your depression is biological. ie. talk to a counselor who is trained to help.</p>

13

<p>"hmmm… people here don’t seem very friendly… and i thought I was trying to get help from listening to peers who may experience the same feelings. Of course, the help you are referring to might be professional help, even though they’re also just in it for themselves too… whatever… oh well. thanks for reading anyway… "</p>

<p>I’ve changed a lot in the past 10 years… You have to learn how to cope with changes within your beliefs and outlook. It worries me that you say psychologists or psychiatrists are “just in it for themselves.” Obviously, no one can know that, and if I have a broken arm, I go to a doctor regardless if he is in it for himself. you might be bipolar.</p>

14

<p>hey guys, thanks for the responses! i appreciate the support… one step at a time, and I’m going to go see a therapist. I’m thinking it might be biological, as someone said before. and i guess its okay that i don’t have all the answers, haha… thanks</p>