<p>I'm a freshman at college. Academically, I'm doing okay --- getting reasonably good grades in my classes, and liking them all right (although not exactly loving them as much as I had hoped...). Socially, not so much. I've met a lot of people, but I haven't really made friends, much less any sort of "group." I made some friends during orientation, but it seems like everyone has gone his or her own way --- I don't see the people much. My floormates are nice, but seem to have much more in common with each other than they have with me. Although I talk to a lot of people during the day, I eat a lot of meals alone, and despite my best efforts, I don't have much to do socially on weekend nights. As hard as I try, I can't seem to break the barrier between people who I talk to and people who I actually hang out with more than incidentally chat with.</p>
<p>I've tried to do all the things that would put me in a position to make friends
--- going to various clubs and social activities, introducing myself to people even when it's really awkward, inviting people to see if they want to hang out --- nothing seems to work in terms of meeting people who really seem to want to spend time with me. I tried a religious group, but all the people who are regularly involved are much more into it than I would want to be. I constantly feel awkward, out of place, and like I'm doing the wrong thing socially.</p>
<p>I think part of my problem is that I'm having trouble adjusting to being around people all the time --- in high school, I had a lot of friendly aquaintances and a small number of extremely close friends, but always needed to spend a LOT of time by myself. I also realize that other people are adjusting socially, too, but I feel like I'm abnormally behind. I'm really scared that I kind of just won't really make friends, and will never get to go to parties or any of the fun college stuff like that...</p>
<p>"I think part of my problem is that I'm having trouble adjusting to being around people all the time --- in high school, I had a lot of friendly aquaintances and a small number of extremely close friends, but always needed to spend a LOT of time by myself. I also realize that other people are adjusting socially, too, but I feel like I'm abnormally behind. I'm really scared that I kind of just won't really make friends, and will never get to go to parties or any of the fun college stuff like that..."</p>
<p>That sounds exactly like me, or what I feared at first. You can't expect to make friends after a few weeks. People have told me they made their best friends second semester. Look at it this way--people cling to the first people they meet in a new enviornment. I doubt many of them will be friends as they branch out. Just stick with clubs (not neccessarily religious ones, because I also felt out of place at them b/c im not uber-religious). In HS i was the same way, I had like 3 really close friends and tons of acquaintences and it seemed like college would be like this. Right now i don't have any really close friends but i have lots of people i know so it works out, because then u can kind of pick and choose who you want to spend time with. I had an identical post to yours weeks and weeks ago, but it got better. Trust me, just be yourself, don't do things that make you feel uncomfortable for friends, and be a nice person and you'll be set. I see some kids that just go get smashed to be like their new friends, dont' do that if u don't want to. I got to parties and stuff with friends and have a good time, i just don't drink and everyone respects that. You'll be fine :)</p>
<p>You're not alone by any stretch of the imagination. Just keep trying to meet people and make new connections and it'll work itself out. Most importantly, don't become someone you're not for the purposes of making friends.</p>
<p>I have plenty of friends and go to clubs with hot girls on a weekly basis...and yet sometimes I feel so alone in the world that I want to be a philosophy major and live in a thicket of solitude...seriously though, you have to learn to be content with yourself, the more you exude a confident, serene aura, the more people will gravitate towards you. Feeling lonely in college is something everyone of my friends experienced, you wouldn't be human otherwise.</p>
<p>I'm not socially awkward. I talk to alot of people, but have very few friends. I have a few very close friends and several aquantinces who I hang out with on occassion. As my college career has progressed, I have learned to value alone time. That is one thing I wish I had more of my freshman year. </p>
<p>These friendships took 2 years to cultivate. I am now a junior. Dont rush things. You will make friends, but you need to be patient.</p>
<p>OP, you should go to the counseling center at your (unnamed) college. You are not alone in having more trouble than you would like meeting people, and they are there to help you. Most U's have groups that focus on various areas, such as social skills. Being in a group will show you that you're not alone, and also you'll get practice and advice on developing your skills at relating to other people.</p>
<p>Also you might want to define down your expecations a bit, as others have suggested. True friends take a while to develop, and perhaps you're pushing things too quick. You write you invite people to see if they want to get together; maybe you should just take part in activities that are already plan and just chat with people at them. Most colleges schedule a bunch of things for new students; they have dances, intramural sports teams, study groups, and so on. Also I'm a bit surprised you're eating most meals alone, although I don't know the size of your school. When I was a frosh most people on a dorm floor sat at the same table and pretty much anyone on the floor was welcome to grab a chair and join up; you didn't get an invitation, you just saw the familiar faces and joined them.</p>
<p>Anyway, the thing I really hope you do is go the the counseling center. At this relatively early point in the school year it will be much easier to turn things around to your satisfaction than in the spring when people really have formed tighter groups and are less open to meeting new people.</p>
<p>You know things take time. You've been at school what, 4-6 weeks? Keep doing what you're doing. There is nothing wrong in joining in a group that's going to dinner. </p>
<p>Don't think that all those who jump in and seem to have friends everywhere are happy. Sometimes they're paddling as fast as they can. </p>
<p>Go to things that your interested in. Continue to be friendly. Maybe open your dormroom door and keep plugging away. It will work out.</p>
<p>It's funny; my roommate and I are just like this. And the strange thing that I'm realizing is that I LIKE being alone much of the time; it's just kind of disappointing to have nowhere to go on a Friday night but know that there is so much socialization out there - yet to not be a part of it. And I feel like there is so much fluff in small talk and gossip when I'd rather talk about ideas/books/philosophy with someone, but no one really talks about these things right off the bat. I keep telling myself that there are people like me out there - but they stay in their rooms a lot, just as a I do. In this way, socially introverted people like myself have a hard time finding friends by nature because the people most like ourselves socially are often inaccessible or appear distant from the outside. One comfort is that I know that just because someone is quiet doesn't mean they are boring! This is often the assumption of naturally confident, outgoing individuals who have a hard time understanding insecurity and shyness. </p>
<p>It takes longer, I think, for people like us to find each other, whereas the extroverted "party people" often form groups earlier on.</p>