<p>I'm currently a freshman studying in a University in New York City and I'm really struggling with making friends/going out/having a social life. I'm from out of state and just moved to NYC for college; I don't know anybody from New York either. Also, I'm not living in a dorm (it was too expensive) so now I'm living in an apartment in the same borough but still pretty far from my University. So I'm living alone* (sharing a room with people not really my age) for the first time in my life and I'm really struggling.
During Orientation week I was fine--I went out plenty and was staying in the dorms with people I met. Once school started though, I found myself becoming more and more isolated. It's been a month or so of school now and I've found myself really feeling alone and falling to depression.
I really don't know what to do. I feel like it would be so much easier if I was in the dorms but because I live so far away I feel like I'm always left out. I'm a young person living in new york city but I often spend my friday and saturday nights alone in my room.
Do any of you guys have tips on how to socialize better or make friends? I just really feel so alone. And I'm an introvert by nature, I can normally handle solitude, it's just that right now I really have no choice BUT solitude. I'm fine with being alone often but it would be nice to be able to go out with friends once in a while... I just really don't know what to do.. </p>
<p>Go sit in a coffee shop during the day. If there’s one actually somewhere on your campus, that’s the best one. Sit there for hours and look interesting. I tend to “look interesting” because I seem friendly, approachable, and I have awesome hair and a constant smile. But you could read a book, have some awesome thing on, be sitting in an odd way or in an odd place (I’d recommend the floor, not the table as you’ll likely just get yelled at for that). It works best to just be there and talk to people randomly or have them talk to you. And the awesome thing is you aren’t in a small middle-of-nowhere town like I am, so maybe you can venture out and find some sort of quieter establishment (never lived in a city, no clue what that may be but maybe it’s another coffee shop) that is open really late and just kinda be there over and over. If you don’t look horribly generic, people will start to recognize you being there every week or however often you go.</p>
<p>Hmm… I don’t see sitting in a coffee shop as a way to meet people. People don’t usually strike up conversations with random strangers in coffee shops, especially not in NY. I think your best bet is to continue to try to get and stay involved on campus. Maybe look for volunteer opportunities. It is tough because you are essentially a commuter, but not even back to your own family. One of my kids studied at a European university and was in a situation kind of like this. The college didn’t provide housing, so she ended up in a sublet apartment a few subway stops away from the campus. And I have to say, she never cracked the code and made many friends in the semester she was there, even though she is super outgoing. </p>
<p>@SerenityJade I actually do already do this… I find that the only way I can actually talk to people outside of class is by just sitting around in the main cafeteria and hoping to run into people. Mainly, I try to stay in the vicinity of my school so that I see people around. The problem though is I live a good 30-45 minutes away riding the subway and once I go home it becomes hard to even talk to people or know what’s going on. I even take the trip to the school during the weekends and spend my day around the neighborhood, still I struggle.
I do go to coffee shops (like today, actually) carrying a book or doing homework, but I agree with @intparent, I feel like I can’t really meet people through that; nobody bothers or interacts with each other there… it’s New York after all…</p>
<p>@padamoose I definitely am thinking about joining clubs, the problem is that my school isn’t really big on that kind of stuff. Not many clubs to go around, not plenty of “school spirit” (which I think is pretty common in all schools in this city–the trade-off for nyc is an atypical college experience)</p>
<p>Most universities are all about affinity groups and have Facebook pages for those groups. Kudos to you for reaching out to us here. This (loneliness) is not a side issue, it is very important to your success. First, it is not uncommon, it is so common, in fact, that universities have thought a bit about it and can help out- hold tight to your school. Secondly, you will get through it- slowly and with potential impact to your grades and overall experience, or meeting it head on and dealing with it- it is up to you. First, bind tight to your university, they (not NYC, and not your friends from home) have the resources you need and will be your best bet here.</p>
<p>Specific things to do:
Take out a piece of paper and recall how you were parsed during orientation. Did you go to Diversity sessions, out-of-state sessions, athlete sessions, transfer student sessions, College of Arts and Sciences sessions? Universities make everyone feel special by classifying them into their special group that gets special privileges. The thing is, everyone gets classified into one or more special groups (with the same --Shhh!–special privileges). Figure out your tribe. Adopt one (commuter student lounge?) if you need to. Much of the work was probably done for you by the university. Just look back on orientation. See if any group you identify with has a social nexus and/or a Facebook page and become active. You are all going through this together, and living groups are only one (and maybe not the best) form of social glue in this universe.
Check out the workshops put on by the College Mental Health services. Every university will have some free counseling service with some non-threatening name (that sounds nothing like “Mental Health”) and clever acronym. At this point, you may want to check out the group meetings they will be holding on stress-reduction, organization skills, planning, or other common freshman skills that no one told you but that, in fact, you do need to learn. Attend some of these workshops and meet classmates.
Take classes at the recreation center. Not only to meet people, but to get you moving, release endorphins, and keep you in shape. Take anything: yoga is great, but something that increases your heart rate for at least 20 minutes and something that builds muscle mass is important, too. Commit to 1-1/2 hour (all-in, maybe 45 minutes - 1 hour of actual activity) 3 days a week. It will actually GIVE you time by making your other hours more productive. Set personal goals and timelines.
If you don’t know where to go to do something or find something, the office of the Dean for Student Affairs is your resource central. Don’t worry about taking up their time, they have staffers and that is what they are there for.
As you have time, get involved in clubs and interest groups.
You will build a rich life and who knows, maybe a deeply committed personal relationship with a special person. Keep this list for when that relationship breaks up. ;)</p>
<p>Please give us a status in a couple weeks! I suspect you have it all within you all along, you just need to acknowledge it.</p>
<p>Ask people in your class if they want to do homework together or get some lunch after class.
Join a group at your college that does service/volunteering work. You will get a chance to meet people.</p>
<p>First, be kind to yourself. You have only been in college for a little over a month now. It’s all still new for you, and everyone else. Recognize that others are in the same boat as you - adjusting to life in college in new surroundings. You’re all going through the same things at the same time.</p>
<p>Have you considered the social clubs that your university has, and going to one of their meetings? If you have a special interest or hobby, and meet others who share that interest, that would be an automatic ‘ice breaker’ so to speak. Are there any volunteer groups or opportunities through your university that other students would also be participating in? I bet there are and along with doing some good for the community, you would be making like minded friends in the process.</p>
<p>Are there any students in any of your classes that you might be interested in asking to look over class notes with, or maybe studying as a study group together? Or just talking to - open up a conversation with ‘that reading assignment was pretty hard/easy’ or ‘what do you think of the course so far?’ or ‘so where are you from?’</p>
<p>When you walk into class, consider making eye contact with some students and just smiling and saying “Hi, how’s it going?” If people respond, that’s the start of conversation that could lead to ‘hey, want to get a coffee?’ or “Did you understand what the professor wants?”</p>
<p>Are there other students living in your same building? Do you see any walking or riding to school at the same time you are? You could just say hi to them from time to time and maybe start up a conversation.</p>
<p>I guess my best advice is to be open to people - make yourself open to people. Just because you are in NYC doesn’t mean you can’t say hi to people and smile if you make eye contact. </p>
<p>Good luck to you. You are in a fantastic city with unlimited opportunities. Go and take advantage of all that NYC has to offer you. You will never be so young again! Enjoy it now! Look for opportunities and seize them!</p>
<p>^I was going to add this. You aren’t the only one. After the first rush of excitement and newness, a lot of kids feel let down and homesick. </p>
<p>You have to put yourself out there, whether it is hanging out in a campus coffee shop where you get known as a regular or by joining clubs and groups. Some of your first efforts won’t go anywhere. Some of your first friends won’t be keepers. Just keep at it. </p>
<p>WTFFFF. youre in NYC. ■■■!!! Stop being a freak and share a room. Stop being isolated and boring and close minded. Who cares how old they are and what they do and if theyre messy or something. Just get a 4 bedroom apartment with ppl…THEN youll be not alone and plenty of talking and having fun.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the replies guys, will definitely look at clubs and try to get involved. :)</p>
<p>@justabe1020 when I say old, I mean OLD like senior aged–50s or 60s. And they don’t really do much… Only living there cause its the cheapest I could find. (Also, I meant sharing an apartment not room)</p>
<p>Oh, well. Damn. Ok, I thought you meant like 25-30 or something. Ok. Its honestly REALLY hard to try to find friends, because most ppl there are in between the ages of 18-25…and theyre view on life is incredibly immature vs you, who’s been through it all. They want to party their a$$es off and talk about stupid things…senior centers are your best bet. </p>
<p>You are not alone. I tend to be on the introverted side and found it tough to bond with people during freshmen year- a long long time ago now that I am one of those OLD people I do understand, as I don’t think a college student would have a lot of fun hanging out with people with whom they don’t share common experiences. You need friends your age. </p>
<p>I found that I made friends with people who I shared interests with. Friendships tended to grow between people in lab classes - where you spent time interacting instead of sitting and listening to a lecture, study groups, interactive classes- seminars- and other activities where people were doing things together. </p>
<p>What is meaningful to you, and what groups are there that share it? Volunteering is a good way- is there a club that does something for the community? Is there an interactive class- theater, art, music- where people work together- that interests you? Are there some students you could form a study group with- and this might include going for coffee or a meal afterwards.</p>
<p>If you practice a religion, seek out some student groups. I think some college kids tend to let go of this in college- either they question their background or realize that mom and dad aren’t there to see that they go to church/temple. However, there are social benefits to these groups- meals together, holidays, outreach programs to charities- like Habitat, or food drives, where students meet each other. Usually the group leaders- pastors, rabbis- are adults who enjoy working with students, and they can be an additional support to students who feel isolated. </p>
<p>I will second the counseling center. They may have suggestions and even groups for students who find the transition to college not so easy. With a little effort, this can get better. </p>
I do understand, as I don’t think a college student would have a lot of fun hanging out with people with whom they don’t share common experiences. You need friends your age. </p>