<p>I am a loner in my workplace. There are a few people I talk to sometimes, but generally, I hang out by myself. I've been working here for 2 weeks. I get the feeling that people don't like me because I stay off to the side, but I don't know what else to do. I don't want to intrude on peoples' discussions, so I don't join any discussion groups that might form. I feel awkward and stupid when I just stand around, trying to figure out what to do, or when I try to be included in a conversation. I want to change this, because I get lonely and bored. Any tips on how to integrate myself into a social environment that is already established? In other words, become one of the gang? Is it too late; will people have already determined me to be an unapproachable loner, or is there still hope?</p>
<p>Just go up to them and say Hi. Join in. Unless it's something personal (and it most likely won't be) they won't mind at all. Don't be a loner.</p>
<p>I would, but I keep feeling like other people find my presence annoying, so I don't want to approach them. Is it just me, or do other people really find it annoying when someone walks in on their conversation?</p>
<p>You should try not caring what other people think and walking up to them to be a part of the conversation. If you have really awful input, then yeah you may find that they walk away or the conversation ends quickly. Most people are not near as composed and cool as they may seem from the outside, and so you shouldn't think their conversation is too good/cool for you.</p>
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do other people really find it annoying when someone walks in on their conversation?
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Yes. Sorry I find it annoying when a 'new' person comes and tries to join in . But I think the better approach is to make conversation with 1 person at a time. Then, after the one on ones, you will definetly feel comfortable in joining the group conversations, and so will they.</p>
<p>At first I find new people annoying...but if they're cool, then it all turns out alright. If your there and everyone is having a conversation, just turn your attention to it...smile/laugh if somethings funny, show an interest...they'll eventually join you in. Thats atleast how it works with adults...if you work with teenagers, then just talk.</p>
<p>just smile a lot. i notice this seems to be the key across the board. don't frown. smile as if in reaction to your own brilliant internal thoughts. then they will want some of that and you can begin to experience the joys of popularity!</p>
<p>i understand how you feel. i was like you sometime ago and i am still a little shy. however this is what helped me become more social.</p>
<p>i talked more one on one with ppl. i didn't wait for a conversation group to form before i asked 'hey, what's up.' i asked them a question after i answered theirs so that there were no dead end answers like yes, or no. this would lead to awkward standing around which i really dislike. </p>
<p>i learned that a conversation doesn't have to be long and debatable. you don't have to make anyone laugh or be the life of the party. in your small convos just let them know that you are a cool, down to earth individual. when the convo is done go away. don't stick around the person even though you have nothing to say, unless there is a reasonably big group (more than three ppl includng yourself) and you don't have to have an input to keep the convo open. </p>
<p>join other ppls convo from time to time. if you are going to join it, join it. don't stand in the back as if you are unsure if you want to talk with the ppl. </p>
<p>don't force it. if you are not very talkative, don't be. everyone won't lighten up to you right away. maybe some won't at all. (hey in life everybody doesn't like everybody else) just work on it a little each day.</p>
<p>and trying to improve your social ability is imprtant for success in life so go through the awkwardness now so you don't have to pay for it later.</p>
<p>how old are you? and is it a summer internship?</p>
<p>I'm 18. And it's a summer job, not an internship. Thanks for the advice, guys. Any ideas on how to NOT come across as annoying, since new people do indeed seem to irritate?</p>
<p>find happiness in your lonerness. ;) just kidding!</p>
<p>if it's a job there should be at least once or twice a day where you HAVE to be with other workers. crack a joke and start up a conversation. if they are annoyed by you all they have to do is not listen.</p>
<p>Well, for me, I get irritated when new people join in the conversation all enthusiastically and blabbery. I know it's pretty stink of me but yeah I prefer it when new people start off slowly by like, asking small questions and just smiling and laughing nicely and stuff.
wow that makes me sound like a jerk lol</p>
<p>Ask to borrow something.</p>
<p>like a girl's panties :)</p>
<p>dont ask to borrow something! if i really didnt know anyone, and they asked to borrow something of mine, i would be weirded out! unless its something as trivial as a cd to burn, etc.</p>
<p>i too am trying to overcome a shyness problem before college starts. ive figured out that i thought about everything too much, ie when i had an impulse to say something, i analyzed it, and most of the time said nothing at all. if you listen to peoples conversations, some of the things people say really are not all that important, they just go along with the person's personality, and people just kind of accept it as such.</p>
<p>point of above story: say whats on your mind, if you have any imput on a topic, speak your mind and if you are at least somewhat down to earth, you will be fine. this also works when there is no talking going on (= akward!). just bring up a random topic that might be on your mind. good luck!</p>
<p>I'm not saying ask to borrow their car, more so something like a stapler. Either that, or since you're new, ask where something is. You'll get a chance to introduce yourself and if you seem cool enough itll go from there.</p>
<p>the fact that you stand off by the sidelines makes you seem standoffish, which kind of intimidates your coworkers. you could fix this by smiling and just randomly greeting them when you see them. and as for including yourself in their conversations...just break the ice by asking about the recent grey's anatomy episode, or something of that ilk. it's cool, don't worry. if you don't befriend them now you're gonna look back and think of what a waste working there was. =) my input.</p>
<p>are you the same way at school and where are you working?</p>
<p>Well, at school I have my friends and I hang out with them, and they introduce me to more people and I become friends with THEM, and so on. And it's a little different, because school is people I've known for a long time and everyone's kind of on the same page, so it's easy to make friends. Another thing is, I work at Jiffy Lube so it's basically all guys, so I kind of don't know what to talk about with them. I don't want to be an annoying girl, the type that squeals and tries to hard to get attention and stuff. I don't really know what to talk about with guys, or how their social group dynamics work.</p>
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I don't want to be an annoying girl
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.....is this for your sister as well?</p>
<p>-oh, and just figure out a way to make them laugh.</p>
<p>I'm glad that you posted your question because what you have is a situation that virtually every person encounters when they start working. It's also hard for most people to figure out what to do in terms of getting to know their co-workers. That especially is hard when the others are of a different gender, have worked together for a long time, are permanent employees and are older than you are.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, if you just sit quietly, more than likely your co-workers will assume that you are unfriendly and will at best ignore you. That could make for a long summer. It really does make things much more pleasant when one has friendly relationships with co-workers.</p>
<p>So - what I suggest that you do is since you're in an all male environment, start following sports in the newspaper or on the radio as you go into work so that you can make a few comments about whatever sports are popular with the guys. "Do you think the XXXX team will win tonight?" can be a way to make a bit of small talk. You don't have to fake like you're a huge sports fan if you're not. Usually people who do love sports are glad to talk your ear off about their favorite team or about the team that they hate. </p>
<p>Also, find out about cars. You don't have to be an expert, but just be able to chat a bit about cars. Presumably, they're interested in cars since they are working at Jiffy Lube. It's fine not to be an expert. You can always ask someone "What kind of car was that silver one that just came in? I haven't seen anything like that before. Is it a rare car?" As long as the guy isn't buys, he'd probably be glad to show off his knowledge.</p>
<p>If they appear to be married, ask if they have kids. People tend to love talking about their kids. </p>
<p>And it is a good idea to instead of trying to break into anyone's conversation to simply say "hello" to everyone individually and add a comment like "Wow, it sure has been rainy. I was hoping to go to the beach this weekend. Have you heard a weather report?" By telling a little about yourself (the beach), you also give them a "hook" to converse with you because they know a little about what you like.</p>
<p>One nice thing that you might consider doing is baking cookies and bringing them in for your co-workers. People usually appreciate things like this. It also would give them a reason to talk to you. You could say that you decided to bring in the cookies to thank them for the opportunity to work this summer and to earn money for.... (fill in the blank -- college, whatever you're working for). The info about why you're working also will give them some things to talk about with you.</p>
<p>One last thing. I used to work in overwhelmingly male environments when I was young. It can be a very good idea to mention having a boyfriend even if you don't have one. I learned this the hard way because sometimes men old enough to be one's father will try to date you. I know this sounds unbelievable, but trust me, it happens, and having a "boyfriend' can stop that kind of unwanted attention.</p>
<p>Thanks, northstarmom! That was really helpful. I'm not too worried about the dating thing because I'm not attractive and therefore probably not going to get much attention. I will take your other advice, though!</p>