<p>This is a 2 part question I guess... one is my opinion and the other is yours, but I need some advice, too. So I'm in a relationship with a guy who I don't really see myself in the long run with. I mean, who am I to judge where we'll both end up after college, but we're doing really different things right now. I'm in community college about to transfer to a university for my Ph.D in psychology, and he's moving to LA to try to get into the film industry with his friend. I do really like [love] him and he's really sweet, but I'm not crazy about him and he annoys me sometimes, and my family also doesn't like him. I really don't want to be in another long distance relationship with him, because last time it was only for half a year, but this time it would be for way longer (as long as it takes to get a Ph.D). The biggest part is that we've been together for a year, and I don't know how to show him/tell him I don't see us together in the long run. I've broken up with him a couple times before but got back with him to see if we would get better/make a better couple, but nothing really changed and I feel like I'm changing for him to get along with him better (which I don't really like). He's moving in the summer, so would it be a good time to tell him then?? help???</p>
<p>And if you guys are in a long-distance relationship & going to a university, how is it? how do you maintain it, and how much time do you dedicate to each other? what do you like/dislike about it?</p>
<p>Thanks so much & sorry for the length!!! Lol :P</p>
<p>If you don’t see yourself staying with this guy long term, then what’s the point of the long distance relationship? I would break it off, if I were you. Just my opinion though.</p>
<p>Absolutely no reason to go through a long distance relationship if it’s not going somewhere. Don’t put yourself through that. Explain to him how you feel, be honest and gentle, and hope for the best. Do it face to face too.</p>
<p>You’re in community college now but you’re transferring for a… Ph.D? don’t you mean you’re transferring for your BS? sorry, little confusing.
long distance only works when the people are mature enough to stick it out and plan to be together (really together) in the future. i recently got out of a long distance relationship of a year and a half or so and it just wasn’t realistic. if you don’t want to be with him, then you shouldn’t be.
break up with him face to face before you guys move.</p>
<p>It would be possible to make it work through a BA/BS after you transfer (although it’s still extremely tough and you would BOTH need to really want it to work). However, I don’t think it is realistic to make it through the PhD years. You will be working/studying/researching most of the time, you may have a strange schedule (up late, nap when you can, depends on your workload), making new friends, focusing on your thesis - you will find that you will have less and less time for a boyfriend at all, and especially a long-distance one. </p>
<p>I think you should just be honest with him - let’s say you transfer for your bachelors, that’s another 2-3 years. Then the PhD takes an additional 4-6 years. That’s anywhere from 6 to 9 years long distance! You already admitted you’re not crazy about him, so I would tell him that you need to focus on your studies (PhD admissions require a very strong undergraduate career), aren’t certain about a future with him, and don’t want to lead him on. Be gentle about it, but firm. And do it in-person if you can, or at least over the phone (not via text or facebook).</p>
<p>Focus on your studies and the people and opportunities around you. A LDR is just going to drain you of valuable time and effort. Since the end result is a breakup, just dump him as quick and clean as you can. Be firm with him and don’t compromise by trying to make him feel better about the whole ordeal. He’s going to be hurt anyway. If he resists, you’ll have to cut off all communication with him and just shut him out of your life because he’ll keep trying to make things work. And that’s just going to be a waste of your time.</p>
<p>This is your life. If you feel as though he will distract you, then you should end it now. If he really cares about you, he’ll respect your decision and cooperate. If not, then that’s one more reason to dump him.</p>
<p>If you already see it ending, END IT NOW. I was in a LDR and it was definitely do-able but it will not be if each person is not 100% committed. End it now.</p>
<p>I think that LDR’s can work if you’re REALLY willing to be with that person and you REALLY think they’re right for you… I was in another LDR for a year before this one and the reason it didn’t work out was because he was a jerk, not because it was too hard. Then again a Ph.D requires a LOT of work (Hella- I’m hoping to work toward a Ph.D, but I’m transferring to get my BA first… sorry for the weird wording :P) as well. Thanks for all your advice, I just hope I have the courage to break it off >.< He’s so sweet and I think we can be friends after a while, but I just don’t want to be tied down so much to someone I’m not sharing a similar life path with.</p>