<p>I have a question... is there anyone out there who's going to school far from home who has a boyfriend/girlfriend living across the country (i.e. long distance relationship)? Well, as for me, I'm not IN college yet, but I was accepted to Northwestern (near Chicago) for this fall. The only problem? My boyfriend is going to New Mexico Tech. I know I have awhile before I actually leave and it's possible that we could break up before then, but I've been on and off w/this guy for like 2 years, and I truly do not want to break up w/him. However, so many people tell me I need to cut off all ties before going to college... any one have any opinions or words of wisdom on this? Possibly some personal experience?</p>
<p>Personal experience, sure! I didn't even do long-distance (went to school close to where he went to h.s.), but it was HELL. I say this without exaggeration - dating him while in college was, quite simply, the biggest mistake I made during my undergraduate years (I'm 23). Some of it (certainly) was his possessiveness - but - it was more than that. When I started grad school this fall, I broke up with the current boyfriend before leaving. We had a great relationship, but we would both have been miserable. There is too much adjustment to make when you are in such different places, geographically and psychologically.</p>
<p>I had been looking forward to college forever - but I was horrendously miserable first semseter (until I broke up with him over winter break). The relationship ate up time that I wanted to spend meeting people and getting acclimated, spending on activities, and just hanging out and doing the college scene. That just doesn't happen when you do long-distance. You'll be constantly torn between talking to him on the phone, IMing, and wanting to build your life at college. Unfortunately, they are often mutually exclusive.</p>
<p>Finally - honestly, you guys are going to break up. You've been on and off for two years, and long distance brings out the worst in relationships. I've seen exactly ONE relationship last through college, and they had been dating (quite seriously) for years. They also sacrificed a lot to make it work. I've seen dozens of couples break up within the first year. I always maintain that inertia is a lousy reason to stay in a relationship - especially long distance!</p>
<p>I'm in a long distance relationship now (but I'm still in high school), so I say that they can work if you want them to, but since you have been on and off (and I assume college presents a whole different scenario) I can't really predict anything for you. But what's the hurt in trying? You can break up after a month if it doesn't work out. Just keep your mind open and don't feel pressured either way.</p>
<p>I think you both have to be willing to make it work. I have had two long distance relationships in the last two years (the first one went to school four hours away, and the most recent one was six hours away). It probably wouldn't hurt just to try it though.</p>
<p>life goes on. you will develop other attachments believe me.</p>
<p>I really can't understand how ppl can "break" their relationships with ppl they've been around for years. It's like "Hi, I've been going out with you for 2 years, but now I'm going away to get a better partner. I certainly won't miss you and our 2 years are now void." I believe he wasn't your boyfriend, but just a male friend.</p>
<p>Just because you've been with someone for years doesn't mean it's destined to work out. You may have just been in it for the fun; chances are it wasn't perfect. I doubt people are as harsh as "hi, it's been a great 2 years, bye!" but it's quite common for serious HS relationships to break up before college. If duration is the reason you're staying with someone...well, I think that relationship isn't bound for much good anyway..</p>
<p>I wish I had something positive to add to the thread, but I saw a quote that went something like this on someone's aim profile:</p>
<p>"What can be broken, should be broken."</p>
<p>Surrender to the inevitable. See Aries' post: an LD relationship just isn't compatible with all the things you should be doing in college. If you were deeply committed to each other, then I would say "try it"; though the odds are strongly against, I'd never get in the the way of possible True Love. But if it's been on/off already...time to move on.</p>
<p>Btw, a break-up doesn't mean that "the past two years are void." It just means that you should both be moving on.</p>
<p>well, we have been on/off for 2 years, but for the entire time, he would date people and i would date people, but we were never happy... pretty much the reason why we broke up in the first place was my best friend didn't like him (and i was like, boys come and go, friends are forever, blah, blah, blah), but I know I've loved him for at least four years, and almost depend on each other for happiness (which sounds horrible, I know, that's why I'm so worried about college). I've even considered going to NM Tech w/him (and dropping my $30000 scholarship to Northwestern)... I guess we could always try it and see what happens, or break up and hope we'll end up back together (possibly through fate)...</p>
<p>Surrendering your $30K scholarship is one of the dumbest things you could do. And I say that with the kindest regard...I'd tell my D the same thing. And, ummm..."depending on each other for happiness" is not a sign of a good or healthy relationship. Happy people have good relationships; another person does not "make" you happy.</p>
<p>okay, okay, TheDad, thanx for the advice, but it was unsolicited (i appreciate that it was sincere and full of concern) ... i said i had CONSIDERED dropping my scholarship (but, obviously, i won't), and we ALMOST depend on each other for happiness, but we don't... however, i honestly think he's the man i'm going to marry. I've dated many guys and none even come close to him. I know it sounds like I'm crazy, but I'm really not... just really frustrated, and a lot of people go to this site when they're frustrated, so i thought why not?</p>
<p>If you both come home after freshman year, have dated other people, have started to really adjust to college and get into the experience, and the sparks are still there - go for it. But, this is coming from the slightly older been-there-done-that crowd - you have NO IDEA how much college will change you. It seemed like every semester would be an amazing growing experience (not to sound entirely cliche, but it's true). I personally wouldn't recognize the person I was at age 17 as "me" as I am now - and I think many people feel the same way.</p>
<p>Northwestern has so much to offer. You won't even realize what you are missing out on until you experience it without half of you in NM.</p>
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i honestly think he's the man i'm going to marry
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<p>If that's the case, then you shouldn't worry about it (I know, I know, easier said than done.) because what's a few years of separation compared to a marriage?</p>
<p>Go off and do your own thing. If you guys are "meant to be," then you'll survive the separation. If you aren't, yeah, it'll suck when things go awry, but at least you won't have to live with the regret of having gone to NM when you could have gone to Northwestern. Good luck with everything.</p>
<p>If you really had the gut feeling that he was who you were meant to be with forever, you wouldn't be asking around here :) I think you said that as a defense. In any case, mosby is right, if you're really going to end up with him, you're going to end up with him, whether you're far apart or not. But there's no harm in having your own life in college and playing it by ear.</p>
<p>I'm only a freshman, but i;ve stayed with my boyfriend from hs. Although it's been hard, if you both want it, then its doable. Sure there were sometimes when id talk to him instead of hanging out, but then again everyone that i know would take some time out to talk on the phone whether to friends or family. A lot of people at my school (upperclassmen included) are in ldrs. But our relationship was really strong going in...the ldr definately brings out the worst in a relationship</p>