<p>OP – as others have said, often when things are going well at home, it’s hard to think about leaving and going so far away, but once she’s there things will be fine at school too. Also, remind her that while a 1000 miles seems far, it’s probably only a few hours flying time. I think often kids who have to fly to/from school have an easier time getting home than those who are 4-5 hrs away w/o a car on campus and have to wait for parents to drive over to pick them up, get rides from others etc.</p>
<p>As for rooms, I really wouldn’t take the best of everything regardless of whether you have a frosh or upperclassman roommate. Obviously the person who arrives first can pick their side of the room and may get the better side – closer to the window or whatever. But I don’t think they should switch the furniture to get the best of everything; being a decent roommate is about compromise, so if you have the better bed, I’m sure you’ll survive with the worse dresser. The roommate who arrives second will notice that they got the worse of everything and it could stir up some hard feelings right from the start, whether they say anything or not. At my school, it was the kids from far away who always arrived first and often did early move-in, while those from within a 1-4 hr radius typically would get there later on move in day because they’d be driving down the same morning; the “local” kid and his/her parents can be pretty useful at times and you don’t want to tick them off right from the start because you decided to choose the better furniture, completely change the room setup without including them etc.</p>
<p>As for rooms - both of my kids have been going to summer ballet intensives since they were 12, as a late arriver most of the time, I don’t think there was ever once when the first arriver didn’t take the nicest side or the furniture. CC parents/kids must be a lot nicer. To not stress over the roommate situation, D1 has always opted for a single in college.</p>
<p>i’m only going 45 minutes or so away (from boston to providence) and i’m already starting to worry about feeling homesick / having cold feet. i can only imagine how it must feel for your d to be going so far away, when i feel this way going practically one large city over! however, i’ve heard that once you get to campus, make friends, etc, the feeling of homesickness starts to fade… at least i hope so : )
good luck to your d!</p>
<p>Thanks, everyone. D was in tears last night. Yikes, it’s getting worse. </p>
<p>If you, bostongal, and she ~ and the nameless other rising freshmen who are going through this ~ can hold it together for another month, I’m pretty sure the worst will be over, and you’ll be happily engaged in your new surroundings. At least, I hope so!</p>
<p>I think cold feet are a natural for anyone with a warm heart. Home feels good and familiar and she may even be worrying about how you will do without her. The approaching date is making everything real in a new way. It is just a roller coaster time and there are dips in the ride. Somehow the actual details about roommates, rooms, etc. make the images of sitting alone in a distant place seem “real”–when it is really just one more random thought with no substance yet. I think our job is to be empathic about how transitions are hard–but also to be the steady “brick wall” a former poster mentioned. They need to know we are confident in their success. Sometimes telling stories about moments from our own history (selected carefully of course) can help. We all fall into comparing our insides to other peoples outsides in ways that don’t actually have much validity (eg: I am nervous and everyone else is calm in these circumstances). It sounds to me like she is right on track and just needs to shed some tears and feel your support and excitement (rather than worry) for her. The great thing about this forum is we can share our worries here without shame!</p>
<p>My Minnesota D is avoiding thinking about her 1300 mile trek which is coming in 3 weeks. She has busied herself with work and friends and doesn’t want to talk about it! </p>
<p>I truly expect that once she is there she’ll be so excited about all the new things ahead of her that she will settle in without too much trauma. It is the time between now and then that will be hard for all of us.</p>
<p>The hardest moment for my daughter was walking out of our house. She said at that moment she knew it would never be the same again. It was like leaving her childhood behind. It wouldn’t really be her home any more.</p>
<p>Yesterday my S mentioned it was only 18 days until he leaves for college 8 hours away. Yikes! I haven’t been thinking in terms of days, just kind of ‘end of the month’. S has been fretting about his roommate since he was assigned. Didn’t appear that any thought was put into pairing on the part of the college, even though a likes/dislikes form was filled out. S is dreading the drunks on campus to the point of rethinking college all together. (When we visited schools he crossed off the party schools.) Roommates facebook is all about beer and keg parties. My S doesn’t want his college experience to be all about drinking and animal house behavior that goes with it. I hope he finds his niche and can hang with like minded people. Do they exist? Any words of encouragement?</p>
<p>Of course they exist. Your roommate doesn’t have to be your best friend and sometimes it is better that way. I also like to remind my own kiddos that facebook isn’t about who you really are. it’s about how you want others to see you. The roomie might not be as big a partier as it appears on facebook.</p>
<p>He can and will find his “peeps.” The big partiers are going to be noisier and more obvious than the others, so it may take a few days to start to connect with like minded folks. Remind him that he can attend the parties without drinking (not a big deal) and he may find others who are doing the same. He does not need to hang out socially with his room mate; they just need to be able to coexist in a congenial fashion.</p>
<p>Sure! If he’s like many college students who didn’t drink in high school, he’s likely to find that he likes drinking and animal house behavior much more than he thinks he will!</p>
<p>Always happy to give words of encouragement here!</p>
<p>Seriously: Don’t take the roommate’s FB page at face value. That may be his social context now, but if the college is not a party school, perhaps the roommate is looking for something different, too. Also, even if the roommate does drink and party, that does not mean that he can’t be a perfectly good, considerate roommate, and an interesting person, too. In my experience, most 18-year-olds, especially boys are pretty good at accommodating to one another and finding common ground. They may not wind up as BFFs, but they may not have a bad experience, either.</p>