<p>I think that cardiovascular diseases are the number one killers in the US. So grabbing that lunch bag is killing more than drugs...</p>
<p>You sound like a real square. You're going to Brown...you need to learn to loosen up.</p>
<p>Negru, I can understand your pain more than anybody else on this forum (or tied perhaps.) I went through your situation about six months ago and went through most likely the same emotional roller coaster that you are going through now.</p>
<p>Ill start with a brief synopsis of my past situation. I was madly in love with a girl and she was madly in love with me; everybody else knew it and used to talk about it, although with varying degrees. Some teachers supported us to the nth degree and wished us a happily ever after, others revolted the site of seeing the scantly dressed seductress of the school on the valedictorian, but that?s there fault. Basically when it came time to college we both committed to the same place, where I am now, and we looked forward to it every day and spent at least 5 hours per day with each other (every class but one, and next to each other). However, when it came to the summer before college, her parents took a massive disliking to me, saying I was using their daughter for sex for a logical reason I will admit. She lost her virginity in a rape the previous year and did that ?thing? girls due after that and consider their body worthless and pass it around to a couple of worthless guys. To them, I was just the third. Ultimately, after some struggle on both of our parts she ended up going to a different college (Purdue) because it was just too much for her. We decided to break up because it seemed like her parents would never accept me, and that was important to her. So I said I wanted to be her friend still. This is when she started to lose it completely though. It started small with a drinking charge, but then escalated. Within 2 weeks she had hooked up with a couple of guys, and started harassing my friends telling them that I had used her. Eventually, I actually DID call her parents, hoping that they would get her a psychiatrist since she had improved vastly when they got one after they first heard about the initial rape. They did not, used what I told them against me, and then told my ex that I bashed her over the phone and said other stuff. She eventually attached onto some partying senior, who was just finishing up, and proceeded to party herself into a 1.xx GPA, at which point her parents disowned her completely, and with OOS tuition she was screwed. Meanwhile, I was left starting college with nonstop nightmares about the situation, keeping me up all the time, and even causing me to wake up with panic attacks. And when I saw her doing something very special with herself on a Girls Gone Wild Commercial I nearly lost it. My emotional distress has persisted all school year and is the current cause of me applying to transfer away from my current place. However, I recently heard from my Chemistry AP teacher that she emailed her saying that she had changed and learned a lot of lessons, which gave me a great relief. </p>
<p>Okay so that did not turn out to be as brief as I thought it would be. Either way, I hope any parallels you can draw between the situations will help you take what I am about to say with more weight. </p>
<p>Now, first you must try and figure out what exactly you are.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You could be the ?parents? in my story. You might simply be finding a scapegoat for a change in your ex?s situation, and focusing on him, rather than simply accepting it as a change in her. </p></li>
<li><p>Or, you could be the ?me? in my story. You could be powerless to help the girl you cared for the most in the world, and it could be tearing you apart inside. You could be desperate to do whatever it takes to help her, and I hope you are the person.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Realizing whichever you are actually has minimal meaning in this situation, but it will make your introspection on the outcome much easier. </p>
<p>Basically, she is an adult female, albeit complex, has the ability to, and is entitled to, make her own decisions. If they are mistakes, hopefully, she will learn her lesson and change or correct herself for the better. It might take her a while, and she might have some major falls, but it will most likely not kill her. And if it gets even close to that point, at that point you can jump into and save her from living as a crack whore on the streets, but most likely she will never get that way and is just ?experimenting? in college. </p>
<p>As for you, this will definitely not be easy on you. You probably think that you know what is best for here, and you might, but that is meaningless without power in the situation. You could try and remain her friend through long distant contact, but honestly, that is most likely pointless since girls never want to be vulnerable to their ex?s. They want to seem as perfect as possible, and she will likely lie to you if you try and investigate too deep. Basically you need to regroup yourself and figure out what you want to do for college. This is your last year in high school and it is very important for determining your future, so I would suggest you get this out of your mind as best as you can for the time being and figure out your plans without thinking of her. It is my opinion that to a certain degree you still want to be with her, and you also are genuinely concerned for her well being. However try not to mix them up, as they can intermingle since you believe that she will be best off with you. If you truly only care about her well being, then I would suggest you back off and let her live her life. I am sure one day she will look back at this time and view it as being young and stupid, and there is nothing you can do to change that. She NEEDS to make her own life mistakes so that she can mature as an adult and figure out who she really is and how she really wants to spend the rest of her life. Afterwards, that is when you can find out if that is when you truly meant to be together, but not any sooner I would suspect. She is a ?big girl? and you need to learn it. </p>
<p>Also, remember that the real person you have to focus on is the girl, not who she is currently involved with. Approaching him will have minimal effect in my opinion as it is her who is deciding to stay with him. If he is indeed mistreated her, doping her, or whatever, that is her mistake for being with him, and will not likely change at the end of her current relationship. If you want to do anything about it, you would have to talk to her. And as for calling her parents, what do you really think will come of that? She could easily just say you are trying to get revenge on her for her breaking it off. </p>
<p>So in closing, you both pretty much need a long time apart from each other if anything is going to happen between you two again, but that will most likely never happen. Remember that she was willing to throw your relationship away for whatever it is she has now and nobody deserves that (you included). Feel free to keep in touch with a friend of hers to see if anything goes drastically wrong, but not to the point of it becoming stalkerish. It is time for you to move on with your life and hopefully find a new girl, one who will respect you more than this current girl. The old one will be alright and will get through college in one piece, with some mistakes and lessons here and there, and you need to make sure you do the same. Who knows, you might get into some of the same stuff and have a little stupid fun. Either way, move on, and try and put this behind you ? it?s out of your control now. Saying that will not make it any easier, you will struggle for a long time before accepting it, but you will be alright in the end. With your heart, I can promise that.</p>
<p>I am sorry for the length of this post, if it comes off as too much me and not enough you, please forgive me. I was trying to add as much as my thought process to this topic as possible, cuz God knows I have a lot of related thoughts, and I probably am missing some important ones.</p>
<p>Thanks for your story Seiken</p>
<p>You see the thing is i don't care what she'll think of me afterwards (I mean, I would care a very lot, dammit, but it's only second to her well-being)..I loved her for my past 5 years, and that never stopped me from a lot of very painful self sacrifice for her sake...twice I even helped her get together with her boyfriend, before we eventually got together ourselves.</p>
<p>But all this just doesn't seem right. I have no doubt that all these changes that she went through came because of her starting to smoke pot, cause most of the time when I talked to her she was high, and acted pretty weird. Like, after we broke up, and I was asking for some reasons, cried to her, etc she was only like "uuuu, what a pretty flower I have on my desk" and stuff like that. That's, well, whatever, sure, her choice, nothing I can do about it, I'm just wondering where would this lead? She's not a stable girl, she very easily gets into deep depressions, many times with no apparent reason, and keeps all the pain to herself, even though this ruins her. At a party, she would be the girl that sits sad and alone in a corner, and doesn't speak to anyone.</p>
<p>Anyway, I wouldn't call her parents unless I was sure she was getting into real deep trouble. I would, however, like to do something, before anything happens. Can you imagine what would happen if she started heavier drugs, and by that time also have fallen deep in love with the guy? What forcing them apart would do to her at that point? And I told you, he already uses coke as well as lsd and acid almost daily. She once told me, before getting closer to him, "damn, I really wouldn't want to end up like him". And now that seems dreamy to her. Well, excuse me, but my common sense tells me that you make better decisions while "sober" than while high. I am a drinker myself, and I know that while drunk everything you do seems ok and well thought. The thing is that since she started she's been almost constantly high. Well, she can't obviously keep it up forever, so..what then?</p>
<p>The problem is if you do something rash she will most likely respond in a way that would prevent you from easily helping her in the future.</p>
<p>I would say right now the best thing is, as I said, to let her be and play out this act. If it gets worse you can then act to save her, when it is more warranted. However, chances, are this relationship of hers will not last much longer (if her GPA is indeed falling) at which point she might have some heavy revelations. The truth is, high or not, she has already made some bad decisions and she needs to learn the lessons of them on her own. </p>
<p>Will she start doing cocaine? I really cannot say, although if she stays with her boyfriend long enough probably. However, this is not the end of the world. Although, after my experiences, I want to say its best for everybody to mature on their own or whatever, you know her much better than I do, as well as everybody else on this forum, so in the end you are best equipped to deal with this situation and make an informed decision. </p>
<p>My question is now: What do you actually plan to do in your situation? And with that, how do you imagine things playing out?</p>
<p>PS. ":She's not a stable girl, she very easily gets into deep depressions, many times with no apparent reason, and keeps all the pain to herself, even though this ruins her. At a party, she would be the girl that sits sad and alone in a corner, and doesn't speak to anyone." She sounds like seeing a therapist could help her a lot, and not just with this whole drug thing. She is starting to actually remind me of my first girlfriend, whom I told needed to see therapy constantly. Instead she just hooked up with the guy she cheated on me with. (the one above was my 2nd gf)</p>
<p>PSS I understand the thought of not caring how she feels about you in order to save or fix her or whatever, it was something I had to believe when I called my ex's parents. Just make sure not to do anything to hasty, if you do, or you will end up as I did, exhiled from her and unable to change anything.</p>
<p>I too used to think about telling her to get some real help with her problems..but usually I was always there for her, and took care of her. And while we were together she really seemed to be happy and over her depressions, so..</p>
<p>In any case, all I can do now is wait to see how things work out. I was just looking here for some more opinions, from people who may have been in similar situations with either drugs or friends. At first I was ok with her smoking pot and stuff, but then she said she's open to other drugs too, plus almost all my friends (some of who have used light drugs), upon hearing the situation, told me I should do something if I really care about her, even if it means losing her forever. And, well, I'm ready to do anything, if it helps. At least I can kill myself in peace after :) jk</p>
<p>Just do E with her. It's a fair compromise.</p>
<p>
[quote]
And when I saw her doing something very special with herself on a Girls Gone Wild Commercial I nearly lost it.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>holy popcorn!</p>
<p>geez you make it seem like she is smoking crack or doing meth.</p>
<p>
[quote]
And I told you, he already uses coke as well as lsd and acid almost daily.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>LSD is acid.</p>
<p>Okay, I'll use my own experience to tell you a few things.</p>
<p>When I went to college I had never planned to smoke weed, but I ended up doing it (a combination of peer pressure and learning a bit about the drungs themselves). I got extremely paranoid doing it, and eventually this developed into a simple bit of questioning the world and how it works, etc. To the point that I almost had a religious revelation (a scary thought for me). I've gotten over this, now I can ignore these thoughts (those that I think unnatural to my character) and I have a lot of fun smoking weed. I've taken salvia (not too impressed), and am thinking about LSD, but am cautious about the affect due to my past experiences with marijuana.</p>
<p>Now with this experience I can tell you it is possible that these drugs could have caused you ex-girlfriend some problems, but I really don't think they cause the problems you describe. Now, I'm not condoning drug usage, but I'm not sure if you've found the right culprit for your problems. College changes you. Even before I started smoking weed I broke up with my girlfriend, who I had been dating for over a year, it was the stress of going to college and meeting new people, not drugs that caused this.</p>
<p>Honestly, mushrooms, LSD, Marijuana, salvia, and even 2-CI (of you've heard of that) have a very minimal addictive effects, and should not cause very much long term damage if they are taken responsibly. This is obviously just my experience, but I recommend you get educated on these drugs before you get involved.</p>
<p>hey, salvia gets better the second time you try it. But i suggest you try shrooms before lsd, shrooms is pretty amazing, i mean A-MAZING but it's pretty intense, and i don't think i'd be able to handle acid.</p>
<p>hey negru... I am really sad to read about what happened to your girlfriend.. cause I kind of know you both a little.. I wish I could help.. but you can't do much before you get to her, in August. I am really optimistic that things will work out then. Just hope for the best :)</p>
<p>oh my.... I didnt read that he would for sure be a frosh at Brown. well that certainly complicates things. did you apply ED while u were still with her or something?</p>
<p>Ya, I applied while still with her. Like, that was the main reason I wanted to go there..it was our damn dream to be together..oh well. Ya, it's gonna be pretty complicated..I won't even be able to hang around with my own kind, cause she'll be there. Not looking good for me :)</p>
<p>Oh, and to makes things even more fun, the boyfriend she had before me will also be joining us next fall :). What a family reunion, no? Like, that guy is my arch-enemy :)). I have no idea why he applied ED here too, but I'm guessing because he wants to slit my throat while I sleep, or something.</p>
<p>I thought of making peace with him and becoming the good friends we used to be, until this girl blew both our minds away, then dumped us. Maybe we should open special club...and the drug dealer guy would soon be our next member.</p>
<p>Anyway, leaving the joking behind. I know it was spring break and stuff, party, drink, smoke, trip, etc...but I haven't heard from her at all during this time..about 2 weeks? And neither any of her other friends...getting kinda worried here..</p>