<p>I married my college sweetheart of 5 years just a few months after we graduated, when we both were working. That marriage lasted almost a year...</p>
<p>OUCH!</p>
<p>Thanks for all the viewpoints. We are not the knee jerking types - so no premature pushing towards or pulling away from the marriage idea. All we have done so far was ask our son not to jump into anything he would regret That was after he been dating only a few months when two of his unmarried high school friends announced they were pregnant. He told us they were not planning to even get engaged until after school, though I won't hold him to that if they change their minds. We probably won't bring up marriage unless or until he does. Ultimately it is up to them and we will support their decision.</p>
<p>Our friends got married at 19, at the end of freshman year, because they were pregnant. Their son was born sophomore year and they took turns going to class and caring for him (this was before the days of on-campus day care). By the time their careers were underway he was in kindergarten. They were not able to get pregnant again until they were 35--when all of their friends were having first babies! My friend says juggling baby #1 and college was a LOT easier than juggling baby #2 and two full time full-on careers in their mid '30s. Their older was by then in high school--so they had that to juggle as well.</p>
<p>I wonder if it would be easier to balance career and family if the pendulum swung back to favor starting families before careers demanded so much time and energy, especially for women who have to take time away from work to deal with childbirth and recovery.</p>
<p>I got married at 20, graduated from college at 22, had baby #1 at 24 and baby #2 at 27. I will be 49 when kid #2 finishes college (hopefully). It's not for everybody but personally I'm glad I started young.</p>
<p>Mombot: that's precisely the question I was pondering. A child at 25 means college is done by 48 or so, leaving many years available to save for retirement... a child at 40 and you're crowding up against those years. My father was 48 when I born, and retired my freshman year; I know that was difficult.</p>
<p>But of course the catch to early children is the risk that the marriage will fail, leaving the children to be raised by one parent or the other. However, the single moms I know all waited to have their children... which doesn't seem to have made that much difference.</p>
<p>Me? I didn't even WANT children until I was in my late twenties. At the time, 30 was late for a first child; now it's not unusual at all.</p>
<p>Packmom--same here, except for marriage (23, in grad school). Baby #1 at 24, 2 at 27, will also be 49 (just barely) when 2 graduates. I feel that H and I now have a lot of good years to put together the rest of our lives, though I do admit that the stresses of trying to stay above water in the early years were formidable. I guess there are tradeoffs either way (the one thing I woudn't have wanted is to be like Mombot's friends--with kids so far apart. they'll be actively parenting for a long, long time!)</p>
<p>I agree with Mombot and those who say there is no blueprint. I taught I young woman who had gotten pregnant at 15 and then again at 17. She married her 17 year-old boyfriend. Both were brilliant. He was already teaching computer classes at Stony Brook at 17. He went to work. She got her GED. When I met her she was 23 and had a six and eight year old. Her 25 year old husband was vice president of a construction company earning much more money than the the architects (which is what he wanted to be.) She was in college. They were stable and happy. Unusual, I know, but it did happen like this.</p>
<p>On the other side, are friends who waited, waited and waited and then found that they couldn't conceive. And this caused a lot of heartache.</p>
<p>I "lived with" my college boyfriend for 5 years. His support was invaluable to me. We couldn't have been married; we were that committed. We married after five years, and stayed together another 8 years and then got divorced. I thought we were happy. Thank goodness no children yet, but boy, did I have to scramble.</p>
<p>I taught and wrote my doctoral dissertation while I was pregnant. I taught five classes, got up at 4 to work on dissertation and left the house at 7, in the first trimester! Got hooded and had baby within a month of each other.</p>
<p>Sorry, this is rambling. What I want to say is that if either of my children wanted to marry in college (not likely) I would provide as much financial support as I could, just as if they were still single. I really don't see why not. These kids have such long odds to achieve so many things with the price of housing, rate of divorce, etc, etc. etc. I would want to help both my kids realize their dreams. I don't see the rule, "married -- self-supporting" as being necessary. Rich people always help kids get set up. I only wish I were so I could buy my daughter that NYC brownstone! (LOL.)</p>