These days we hear about “hookup culture” on college campuses. I have read that on a campus in which hookup culture is prevalent, someone wishing to stay out of it has limited avenues for going to parties or hanging out casually with friends. Because casual social situations may lead to ones in which hookup was expected.
Is there a way to find out for a given campus, how true this would be?
It is hard to tell whether hookup culture is even real or not (not disputing that hookups take place, just wondering whether they actually pervade “the culture” of a campus). I keep reading about it in the press but I don’t know anyone who has experienced it. In some cases, I might think, “well they may have experienced it but are not interested in sharing with me.” But in other cases the students are clearly opposed to it and would definitely have talked about it if it was a problem. So based on personal conversation it is not a problem. My sample size is insignificant though.
Are you an applicant trying to get a feel for a particular college, or are you writing a report? You can always check Niche to see what kids say about their college in regards to these topics.
(opinion) Beyond the very small schools, it seems unlikely that a ‘hookup culture’ can actually dominate a campus.
Also, be careful about conflating “hookup culture” with “casual social situations may lead to ones in which hookup was expected”: the latter can & will happen at every.single.college (and has almost certainly occurred in the HS your student is in). If you are concerned for your student (and haven’t already had these conversations, now is a great time to be having them.
I agree that it would have to be a small campus for this type of culture to dominate a campus.
According to several former & just one current student, I know of one prominent LAC where the “hook-up” culture is supposedly the norm. Really turned us off, as parents, to this otherwise outstanding LAC.
Agree that other websites are better for investigating this type of campus culture.
As the adage goes, you can’t (and shouldn’t) always “prepare the path for the child”, but you can “prepare the child for the path”. From that standpoint, I recommend a book called “Sex, Teens & Everything in Between”. I suggest parents read it first, and if you feel your student is mature enough, then have him/her read it too. I read my library’s copy, but ended up buying a copy for DD. It is an excellent guide to prepare and help them chart their way through those kinds of murky waters.
But it is more than charting oneself through murky waters. Many parents & students hope that healthy relationships develop during the college years. For many, that is difficult in a hook-up culture in a small community.
You might find this list of top ten hook up colleges helpful. https://www.collegemagazine.com/top-10-colleges-hookups/
Predictably, there are some big rah rah schools on this list, but there are also some super selective academically focused schools.
AFAIK though, for the most part, colleges with serious academics aren’t usually known for hook up culture. Big party schools tend to be more well-known for that, along with colleges with a lot of Greek Life.
I can tell you that at my kid’s LAC, there is very little hook up culture. No one wants to be known for that on a small campus, or not hers, at least.
The thing is, all of those places are so big that it can’t really ‘dominate’ the college experience to the point that “someone wishing to stay out of it has limited avenues for going to parties or hanging out casually with friends”, which is the OPs concern.
I’m sure Stanford Columbia u mich and penn have plenty of quiet and chill students who just like to hang out. They are 4 of the 10 on that list. In wouldn’t worry a bit about this imho.
Ok here is an article that prompted this question:
“[In college] pretty much if you didn’t want to stay home with microwave popcorn calling your parents, especially for freshmen and sophomores, that was kind of what they did. They went out, they got drunk, they hooked up.”
That’s overgeneralizing. Eating popcorn and calling your parents is a CHOICE, not one of only two options. While the behavior goes on at almost every college (Alaska Bible College being a possible exception), it’s a pretty safe bet that nowhere do 100% of the students participate.
If this is a big concern for you, try to learn as much as you can about campus culture ahead of time. Spend a night at schools where you have been accepted.
Students who do not engage in that behavior will find their tribe eventually, at any college, large or small. If not, find a job that requires you to work Friday and Saturday evenings (for example, there are some colleges that keep their gyms and/or libraries open). Or if commuter colleges appeal to you, pick a college not too far from home.
OP is a parent, concerned about the situation the student will be in.
I have girls, and based on the colleges that they have been in (including one in your list) that was not remotely the majority case at any of them.
Does it happen? almost certainly. My collegekids know/knew where the hard-partying crowd is/was on their campuses.
But they aren’t / weren’t staying in and microwaving popcorn (or calling me, for that matter): they were out debating and working on the theatre production and playing board games and in a musical ensemble. They were going to concerts and movies and baking mad creations. They were off on ski trips and mountain climbing.
A HS friend of one of my collegekids went to a top school, with a strong reputation for hard-partying. We were all very surprised that this very sweet, shy, young for her age young woman was going there. She lived in “substance free” housing the first year and found her people right away. She went on to have a happy, socially active college experience there.
I wish I knew the context of that quote: I can believe that it is true for any particular group of girls, but I don’t believe that it is the majority experience at any college.
I’ve never hooked up with a girl during my lifetime, and I’m currently a college senior who parties almost every weekend.
Some hookups are obvious, while others are hidden in plain sight. We also don’t know if they’re just dating or currently in a relationship. Furthermore, it all depends on the situation and how people interact with each other. Alcohol plays a significant role within the hookup culture as well.
Campus size may be another factor, but I think it has to do with the students’ themselves. They chose to party, drink, hookup, etc. They’re the ones who decide if they wanna hookup or not, despite being drunk or sober during that time.
This is certainly a choice. For many, it may be one they make once or occasionally. And hooking up may be making out, not necessarily sex. The book explains why many girls feel culturally compelled to take part in this kind of behavior.
While I wasn’t convinced that this book was necessarily good, hard social science, I think it did capture something of what many young women experience in terms of attitude and behavior. It could be a good book for both you and your D to read and discuss. It’s a whole lot easier to deal with something you understand. Opting out is certainly possible.
I noticed this when you first wrote this and wanted to ask, why would a house be designated “substance free” - are substances permitted in other dorms / campus housing? Even those designated for undergrads who are underage?
Tobacco counts as a substance. And, most colleges don’t designate campus housing for undergrads who are underage. It is true that the heavy majority of first years are underage, but there are older first years, so you can have a 22 year old in a freshman dorm (one of my collegekids did).
But irl, I think it is realism on the part of the college: illegal substances are obviously not permitted, and alcohol is not permitted for the underaged, but a significant proportion of students arrive looking forward to a college life that includes one or both of those categories. Other students actively don’t want that to be a part of their college experience, and substance free housing gives them a way to be with other students who aren’t looking forward to learning about the joys of a keg party.
One of my collegekids did not choose substance free housing in first year, b/c she was afraid that the kids who did pick it would be …different (not in a good way). I thought she would be happy there, but it was her choice. Turned out that most of her closest friends ended up being on that floor in her dorm (at her college, there was a substance free floor in all the larger dorms) and she chose to live there the following year- but again, it was her choice! #momforthewin
I brought up the topic after a harrowing discussion with my friend whose daughter is in her first year of college. She (let’s call her Jane) recently was asked to leave the dorm room she shared with three others because she objected to alcohol in the room. Jane would have liked for it to be never in the room but at some point she agreed that they could have it when she was not around and as a result she stayed away all weekends, mostly going home. Even this did not suffice and the roommates had alcohol even on weekdays.
In a mediation session, the RA said that decisions about alcohol in the dorm room were to be negotiated among all, just like decisions about having lights or music on. Jane (and her mom) believed that if something was illegal, then that would prevail over individual preferences.
I am stunned that the school does not prohibit alcohol in the dorm rooms even if all occupants are underage.
Tbh that is a pretty interesting story. Most of the alcohol tolerance stories I hear are along the lines of ‘we won’t look for it, but if by your behavior you put it in front of us we will shut it down’. I know that one of the (US) colleges that one of my collegekids went to could, would and did call parents about alcohol/drugs. That an RA would say ‘majority wins’ about an illegal activity is kind of amazing- and probably would get the RA in trouble is somebody pursued it.
BUT: your cumulative posts reminds me of a woman in her first pregnancy being told every awful pregnancy & birth story going. Yes, there are horror stories- but they really are the minority, and listening to the stories will just reinforce your anxiety about your young adult.
So far, every really tough patch in my collegekids path has come as a complete surprise- either she was fully prepped for the possibility and in the moment it went clean out of her head, or it was so odd / unusual that nobody could reasonably have anticipated it And yet: they have each weathered those rough patches, learned and grown with only temporary psychic bruising. Because that’s what our chicks do (same as we did): they stretch their wings, they take chances, they take a few tumbles, they fly. We can’t stop them, or prevent every bump, any more than our mothers could with us. Trust that 18 years of watching you cope with the world has helped her learn that even when life throws you curve balls you can handle it.
