<p>To the moderators: This isn't a duplicate post. I posted twice, because I was curious about my current college and college students in general.</p>
<p>Anyways, I'm just curious as to the average mentality of college girls these days when it comes to relationships. It seems like the classic dating scene has disappeared. Now all the girls are either quick "hookups" or friends-with-benefits. I even visited some colleges and the admissions people told me that their campus was really sexually active, and I had to "becareful of many who have multiple partners." What is going on? Why have most college girls turned to this? For me, personally, I'd rather enjoy a relationship with someone that actually involves emotion. Back in high school, I had hookups at parties and, even though they satisfied my temporary urges, they didn't satisfy the long-term emotional benefits I wanted. Seriously, you can't really "love" the person you 'hook up' with.</p>
<p>Where have all the classy women gone?? I don't know when the "dating" trend suddenly got turned over to the "hooking up with multiple partners" trend, but I kind of want the old, classy "dating" trend back.</p>
<p>So what really is going on through the minds of college girls these days? Why are they turning away from the classic "Date" and instead just randomly hooking up with multiple guys? Where is the emotion in that?</p>
<p>Unless your school is the playboy mansion, penthouse university, or a trade school where you learn to become a porn star, there is no way someone in admissions would say the school is very "sexually active". That would be a complete turn off for parents, virgins (by choice), and conservative people in general. In fact, no school could seriously make that claim. How the hell would they know the number of people doing the deed in comparison to other institutions? </p>
<p>Beyond that, I think girls that take that mentality of hooking up, rather than dating are trying to avoid getting hurt instead of vesting a lot in a relationship, when their partner could care less. I wouldn't worry though, there are a number of reasonable girls out there, and if you are that against hooking up, tell the girl where you stand initially, and the approach to your relationship will certainly change with her.</p>
<p>All girls aren't like that, even though it seems to be the current stereotype (go to the bookstore right this instant and buy "Female Chauvinist Pigs" by Ariel Levy - it's a great read on raunch culture and feminism, I honestly can't recommend it enough). I say this from experience - nobody in my close group of girlfriends has ever had a random hookup, and a lot of us have been or are still in long term relationships. </p>
<p>A lot of people who live in residence just hook up, because if they start dating someone from their dorm and then break up, it makes things really awkward for a long time (more awkward than if you pretend you have no feelings, apparently). I also think that when a person is relatively new to the whole sex thing, they want to explore. That's normal, and even though you can explore a lot of things with only one person, not everyone wants to. </p>
<p>That being said, it also depends where you look for girls. You're probably more likely to find a girl interested in dating in say, a class or an extra-curricular group/activity than you would in a bar or a frat party. I also think that if more of your friends are really hardcore partiers, you'll be less likely to find a girl who wants to date than if you are friends with people who are more balanced - they want to have fun but not "omgletsgetsohammered" every possible opportunity. There is definelty a dating scene on every campus, you just need to look.</p>
<p>I would say that a lot of girls are into hooking up because a lot of girls who go to college have boyfriends at home. I’m not saying all girls are like this. There are a lot that aren’t. However, you have to realize why girls dress up for parties. Wink wink. Well, I’ll say some to be politically correct.</p>
<p>Well for one, I don’t see why you’re targeting women. Why do females have to be “classier” than males? Why do you consider females trashy… how come not the males? Who are these females hooking up with?</p>
<p>That being said I think the majority of people are followers. This is what is considered cool, its what “everyone” is doing… so people follow along. Many girls I knew went out every night and pretty much hooked up with the first male that gave them attention, however when the first male actually offered to date them, they are no in relationships even though they thought relationships were stupid blahblahblah. Maybe some girls just like sex and want as much of it from whoever. Who knows? (Though from observation it seems girls crave the attention more so).</p>
<p>There are also plenty of females who do not follow the majority. I didn’t, and won’t, go beyond “2nd base” unless I am dating the person. They don’t like that? They can move on. =-) However these are my preferences I would never feel comfortable being intimate with a person I wasn’t dating. I don’t consider sex sacred or anything, but I don’t want to sleep with whoever gives me attention.</p>
<p>I wish I knew what people meant when they said things like “second base,” lol. It seems to me that everyone has different definitions of the bases.</p>
<p>In the “old days” most women saved themseleves for marriage. There was social stigma attached to the whole thing. A promiscuous woman was a terrible wife that men would stay away from. Now a days people don’t care that much. The woman could have sex with 60 guys and there would still be some guy willing to marry her and eventually be divorced from. What happened? I would venture to guess that it had a lot to do with the feminist movement. The transition from being underpowered to empowered changed a lot in the way men and women interact. Women want more power in a relationship and they have power through sex. That’s for another topic though.</p>
<p>Sue me, but if any girl was willing to do it with anyone, anytime…she isn’t the girl for me. Dating was the gateway to sex. Now people want away with the dating and right to sex. This was bound to happen though. Over time, people became less and less prudish. It wouldn’t suprise me if one day prostitution became legal everywhere.</p>
<p>I’m personally of the belief that a girl looses a part of herself physically/mentally everytime they have sex, and just discussing previous relationships hurts me. Yet, I’m a hypocrite a lot of the time, so take it as what you want.</p>
<p>chronicfuture11’s “loose” is an amazing freudian slip. =)
But seriously, I’m very sorry you feel that way. I hope you meet someone who will make you change your belief.</p>
<p>To ThisCouldBeHeavn:
Prostitution isn’t illegal because it’s a great way to spread diseases; prostitution is a great way to spread diseases because it’s illegal. I may be wrong, but I think legitimizing prostitution means safer sex (in terms of rape and in terms of infections). </p>
<p>And I think people should have a hook-up at least once before claiming hookups are terrible. Not because they’re wrong, but because it’s one of those things you should experience yourself. Hearing “hook-ups are bad” is kind of like those warnings your mother gave, like “it’s not safe to be out at night” or “smoking is bad” or “lying isn’t worth it”. It feels like it’s true, but the weight of it doesn’t come until you experience it yourself. And compared to muggings and drug addictions, hook-ups are relatively harmless.</p>
<p>Purely in terms of infections, no sex is completely safe. People that have sex with a ton of people are still a great risk, whether they use protection or not. And I doubt there are many prostitutes in this country that don’t use protection (though that is 100% speculation).</p>
<p>All of this is irrelevant though since prostitution laws were first created well before there was any (reliable) type of birth control or STD protection. By the time those things were created and made popular the laws were pretty typical and weren’t coming off the books.</p>
<p>But you’re far, far more likely to lose 20 bucks if you get mugged and become addicted to cigarettes if you smoke than you are likely to get herpes if you hook up (provided you are practicing safe sex).</p>
In 1987, more than 10% of illegal prostitutes were found to have AIDS. In same year, every legal prostitute in Nevada was tested, and not one had the disease. </p>
I don’t have the link but I saw a study showing that many (illegal) prostitutes in the US either did not use protection at all, or were willing to not use it for a higher fee.</p>
<p>Female Chauvinist Pigs is one of the most interesting reads - I read it a while ago, but I keep bringing up concepts from it whenever I’m talking with females. </p>
<p>The mentality of college girls isn’t any different than it has ever been. People aged 18-22 are in their sexual prime and being humans, both males and females are inclined to have sex. Hook-ups aren’t bad from the basic primal part of the brain that essentially runs the show. The mentality of college girls isn’t that different from college guys - classy dating, relationships, and random sex - all are parts of the college world, and have always been. If you have cool parents, ask them about this stuff and after they have lectured about the dangers, they will reaffirm what I’ve said.</p>
<p>They’re turning away from dates?!?! I don’t think so. I’d bet most girls would love to have a date. But boys today don’t invite girls on dates. Sure, the girl could ask, but she won’t. Why? Because that would send the message that she’s looking for a relationship. And most boys don’t want relationships. They want sex.</p>