<p>This mom quit her job and went into debt just to help her daughter through the college app process. Seems pretty extreme to me--and something limited to either uppe middle class moms or moms on welfare. If you have to do all that and the the kid isnt able to negotiate the process on his/her own, at least for the most part, then maybe the kid isn't ready to go to college? And maybe the mom is a tad bit overinvolved? Just maybe? </p>
<p>I feel that if the kids aren’t willing or able to fill out college applications independently without prodding or nagging from the parents, they are not ready for college. I’m sure many involved parents will disagree.</p>
<p>Well, I was willing to get my kids the information they needed to prepare themselves to get into a variety of colleges … and then succeed where they matriculated. And yes, THAT was a lot.</p>
<p>I guess the issue here is whether there’s much difference between the mom who quits work soon after marriage … and the mom who quits work fifteen years after her children were born.</p>
<p>helping with applications is one thing, but this Mom does a lot more: </p>
<p>“Instead of overseeing company accounts, Kumar organizes piano lessons, SAT preparation courses and Advanced Placement class homework assignments.”</p>
<p>you stay home with a two year old because he cant feed or dress himself. seems as if a teenager, however, should be able to crack an SAT study guide or gp to music lessons without Mom snapping the whip. Her daughter got into NYU. I wonder how the kids will navigate all that comes with that without Mom standing guard.</p>
<p>mom is obviously proud of what she’s done or she wouldn’t have let the media do a story on the family. but that’s the problem. it seems as if shes proud of what SHE has done, not her daughter. once you put yourself on CNN criticism (or praise) will come because you’ve set yourself up for it.</p>
<p>I have no problems with anyone leaving work if they feel it’s the correct choice. It’s micro-managing the kid’s lives is what I have trouble with.</p>
<p>“Instead of overseeing company accounts, Kumar organizes piano lessons, SAT preparation courses and Advanced Placement class homework assignments.”</p>
<p>My heart goes out to the students who “fall through the cracks” because their parents are too busy to get them to music lessons, check their homework, and communicate how important grades and test scores are to both college admission and scholarships.</p>
<p>I totally agree with BigAppleDaddy. I was stunned by this story. This woman didn’t quite work to help her daughter get into a college, she quite work to help her daughter get into an elite college. I’m going to catch some flak for this but I’ll say it anyway. She didn’t care enough about her kids to stay at home with them when they were little but when it comes to her daughter’s pedigree then she suddenly has time to stay at home. I’m not a stay at home mother either, by the way, I work because I have to and paying for college meant that I needed to work even more hours.</p>
<p>And to answer the OPs original question, if the single minded obsession described in this article is what it takes to get into the elite colleges these days then that’s more than I’m willing to do. There are plenty of good colleges that don’t require these types of resumes to be accepted.</p>
<p>I think the article is a little slanted. The first mom cited sounds like she is micromanaging a little, but who knows. I don’t think that is necessarily a fair characterization of every parent who decides to spend this important time at home.</p>
<p>I am now spending this final year at home supporting our third child- and she is not even going to college!</p>
<p>This time in our children’s lives is very stressful, and as parents, it can be hard to be attentive to kids, work, household, friends…everything at once. Sometimes, something has to give.</p>
<p>Also, I suspect that some working parents realize that this is their last chance to spend the oft-cited “quality time” with kids who are leaving the nest. (Though “quality time” is not always what happens w/the kids who are “fouling the nest” before they go!).</p>
<p>The last year is a time when many parents do, indeed, strengthen relationships with their kids, and that is worth any amount of money or professional progress, to me.</p>
<p>Caveat: it is good for our kids to know that we have lives that continue after they leave, so they don’t worry about us facing some kind of void when they leave ! :)</p>
<p>The mantra I kept in my mind was, “He has to go to college and do the work.” In otherwords, if we did too much, then how would we know if he’s ready to do the work?</p>
<p>Because of our financial situation, I did a ton of research on merit aid. Same when we realized he might be a National Merit Finalist. I figured, we don’t have the cash on hand but I do have good research and organizational skills. Having said that, he had to schedule himself for standarized tests, contact the colleges, fill out the application, write the essays, have everything edited and get it back on time. Although my natural inclination is to just take over, I bit my tongue because I knew it was best for him and, frankly, we cannot afford to spend a years tuition on a kid who is not ready. </p>
<p>We provided love, support, guidance and checks. The rest was up to him.</p>
<p>I stayed home for 15 years (well, I had some p/t jobs now and then when DH didn’t have a crazy travel schedule) and went back to work f/t 2 years ago after I finished my advanced degree so that we could afford to send our kids to college (since we couldn’t save enough on 1 income.) I was still able to guide my D during her college app & visit process (they are in school from 7:30am-2:30pm with afterschool activities so they didn’t need me then.) I am a librarian, so I’ve got the whole efficient research process down pat. </p>
<p>To each his own, I don’t think she did anything “wrong” but I do think it plays up the hysteria surrounding “elite” university admissions. Dude, if that’s what it takes to get into Top 20 schools then D2 is going to be disappointed </p>
<p>Did you notice they quoted CC in the article?</p>
<p>Really? Your kid can’t handle this on their own. Both my parents work and have NEVER checked my homework(literally, never), NEVER talked to me about grades and test scores and NEVER gotten me into any activity. I lived and I thrived. I don’t understand this “we” attitude with college. Your CHILD is applying, not YOU…seriously. It’s one thing to support them, another thing to push them</p>
<p>The reason this is a news story is because this woman is an outlier–she’s not the typical parent nor is her behavior typical IMO. There’s a big difference between providing support and encouragement for a kid applying to college vs. micromanaging the entire process.</p>
<p>I’m with R6L on this one to some extent. I’ve never checked homework, never helped study for tests (I actually felt guilty when I found out that friends sat with their kids every night and went over spelling lists in ES; I sat down that night with the Ds and said “lets do this” and they looked at me like I was nuts…and I was! They were already getting A’s.) I was going through grad school from when D1 was in 5th through 10th grade (we moved, I transferred, that’s why it took so long) so they saw how important education was to us. </p>
<p>However, living in the suburbs you do need a taxi driver to get kids to: sports events, music lessons, practices, etc. And when they’re involved in after school ECs there has to be someone to pick them up at the end of the day. But that’s way different than micromanaging.</p>
<p>I think this article slanted things a bit to make it sound like the parent is staying home just to get the kid into college. The way I see it is the parent wants to be a stay at home parent for a myriad of things to support the kids’ activities. College admissions is just one of them. </p>
<p>I never “pushed” my kids (referring to post #13), as they are self motivated types. However, I know that they benefitted in many ways by having a parent who was available and not working outside the home. For example, it would have been VERY difficult for my kids to do all the ECs that they did if no parent was available because where we live, the only transportation is by car and their activities were in a wide radius. This required one parent to be available after school and both parents available every night and weekend, just for the transportation alone to do the things they wanted to do. I never thought I was at home “to get them into college”…never crossed my mind in those terms. But there were other advantages such as one parent had flexibility to do the college visits (and in one of my kid’s cases, take her to all her college auditions). Being a support person for college admissions does take some time, even if a kid is doing most of it on their own. It is one more thing to juggle with a full time job. Can it be done with both parents working full time? Of course! But some of us have chosen to have one parent at home who has a flexible job so that some of these things are easier to manage with the kids’ activities and so on. </p>
<p>I give lots of kudos to families with two full time job parents who also manage supporting their kids’ activities, attending all their events, and advising in the college process, etc. And doing this with more than one child at a time, in most cases. I’m a college counselor and I can see how helpful it is to parents where both work (or single parent families) to have someone to assist in the college admissions process as it is a lot to do on top of all the other responsibilities of parenting and a full time job. </p>
<p>So, I see the article emphasizing that parents don’t just take off from work for babies and toddlers but also make that choice for the teen years that require a different sort of attention and time. I don’t think it is just about college admissions.</p>
<p>The choice to stay home is a family choice and isn’t really our choice to judge. But, the few college professors I know who have or have had students with “micromanaging” moms tell me the students struggle in college because they don’t have mom taking care of them. Staying home is one thing, but being a child’s personal PR agent may be too much and could hinder the child later on.</p>
<p>Kids can have a parent who stays home and that doesn’t imply that the kid can’t manage on their own! Speaking for just my own personal situation, we raised two daughters and I was home most of the time out of choice. One went off to college at 16 1/2 and one on her 18th birthday. Both went off to cities having grown up in a rural area in the mountains. Both are very independent young women who managed in college beautifully from day one, and never lived at home again, even for a summer. One has even lived overseas four times by the age of 22, and has traveled alone in many countries and lived alone in them too. I never had ANY contact with their colleges during their entire college educations. Do they call to share things with me and ask for input? Yes, but that isn’t due to not managing but more valuing the sharing every few days, about things going in their lives that are important to them.</p>
<p>Being a stay at home mom or father does not mean that the parent will micro-manage. But, if the parent is a micro-manager, which the article seemed to imply it can hinder a child’s development. Micro-managing parents sometimes work or don’t work. My mom stayed at home was not in any way a micro-manager. I wish I could stay home, not to micro-manage, but to focus on other things.</p>
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