Mid-winter, and empty nest finally hits

<p>We too, are missing the sophomore more than we missed him last year. I think it was because we were so thrilled he was HAPPY and doing well. Now that is a given, so it's hard to be as thrilled.</p>

<p>Another single mother of an only child...my DS graduated from college last month (a semester early), and is now living at home til it's time to leave for law school in August...wow, what a difference 3 1/2 years makes! It's wonderful to have him home...but now I find myself sort of missing my single empty nest life! And DS is so adult now...my "child" has not returned home...I now have a dearly-beloved, not-yet-quite-independent but totally adult second person in my house, rather than the child I was responsible for taking care of...key difference!</p>

<p>Well I remember the empty nest adjustment of 3 1/2 years ago!</p>

<p>My best advice: go ahead and wallow in feeling bad (I remember one afternoon just breaking down in over-the-top sobs at discovering nothing of DS' in the laundry a few days after he first left for school)...indulge in self pity...after a (pretty short) while, you'll pull out of it cuz you'll drive yourself so crazy you'll actually want to do (or at least be willing to do) all those things you know you should be doing...</p>

<p>Seriously...sometimes fighting the sadness only prolongs it.</p>

<p>Now of course you can't wallow "forever"...we're talking a reasonable length of time here...but it sure helped me to just drown myself in "I'm not ready for him to be grown and gone yet" feelings til I bored myself out of them!</p>

<p>Good luck, lots of sympathy and I promise--it WILL get better!</p>

<p>There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread. Reminds me of when I quit my job, and moved with a two-month-old to a city where I knew NO-ONE except the husband and the dog. I invented a lot of things to do, and found friends at the mommy and me classes at the college extension campus.</p>

<p>I know it sounds silly, but the suggestion to go read in the cafe or coffee shop sounds fine to me. Ask at the library if there know of any book clubs looking for members. Go to the gym at the same time every day; take the same classes at the gym every week and you'll see the same people each time. You have to do things you might not do ordinarily -- join a church, volunteer, etc. -- because you absolutely, positively have to get out of the house.</p>

<p>Consider yourself a wonderful person. You have to make yourself available so other people can see the wonderful person who is you.</p>

<p>I have a "happy light" and it has, without a doubt, changed my life. It's from Northern Light Technologies. My doctor recommended the company to me. I sit in front of it every morning for 1/2 hour while I drink my coffee and read the newspaper. I would recommend it to anyone who struggles with the winter months.</p>

<p>a dog really does help, that warm snuggle is great. also good to talk with comrades who are in the same boat. writing on cc is helpful as we "get" each other. But also good to just talk on the phone with a friend who you can be yourself with. reading all your posts reminded me how much of a transition it is as our kids head off to college...my oldest is a college freshman, and as others have said--its so exciting when they start college, that becomes the focus. so now, midyear, while we've all adapted, life is different--we've gotten used to the lopsidedness of our new family gestalt. my daughter is a h.s. senior and I anticipate life being soo different once she too is off. my youngest is a delightful 12 yr old, but I know it will feel even more lopsided. He's such a third child, so connected to his sibs and their comic routines.</p>

<p>Thanks for all the great ideas. I like that so many of them are small and doable, rather than huge leaps. Getting up and showered and dressed first thing (including shoes) is already a huge help. I've also started going to the library to work in the mornings, and this helps a lot as well. It gets me out of the house and into a pleasant space where others are working too. I've always found it productive to work there, but had gotten out of the habit. Plus I know some people at the library so there's always a little chat to be had. Having lunch with my former co-workers once a week is something I plan to do as well. </p>

<p>Those are just a few of your ideas that I have gotten going so far. Already I feel better. </p>

<p>And as for pets, I have three already: dog, cat, and bird (food chain). They do help, especially the dog. I have a lot of friends I connect with via phone - so lucky to have that, even though they don't live nearby. The evenings are fine. My work involves a lot of thinking and problem solving, so evenings I'm happy to zone out and watch tv or read.</p>

<p>One other thing: It helps to keep the computer turned off for as much of the day as I can manage. This isn't always possible since a lot of my work requires it, but I am trying to keep good habits and not get lost in cyberspace.</p>

<p>(And yes, my daughter is now in a new school and doing very well, so I am needed less, and thrilled about it, but it does create a new dynamic.)</p>

<p>Oh, Heron...I am so very happy that your D is in a good place!!!! I am sure that must make you feel better! Winters are tough for me, also. I still have D2 at home this year but I know once the cold and snow start next year it will be tough! I am guilty of slacking off and not getting dressed until noon when it is cold and dreary outside. I am a different person once I am awakened by spring weather! I probably should get a " happy lamp" !!! I won't get a dog because I want to be free to travel when the girls have sports but....I do need to find something! Would love to find a job after all these years of being out of the workforce that wouldn't mind when I left to see the games!!! Ummm...sure! ;)</p>

<p>Good luck with working things out! I will be checking in with you next winter when I need support!!! :)</p>

<p>Well, last Fall we were <em>really</em> empty nesters, what with D graduated and working her first job on the other coast.</p>

<p>I suggested to TheMom that now might be the time to have another child. She said to take it up with Wife #2.</p>

<p>Half an hour later, she comes by the dining table, where I'm scribbling on a legal pad. </p>

<p>"What are you doing?"</p>

<p>"Making notes for the audition."</p>

<p>"What audition?"</p>

<p>"For Wife #2...notes as to what I'm looking for."</p>

<p>I tell you, you can't please the woman, even if I do what she just suggested. And how was I to know she didn't mean concurrently?</p>

<p>The Dad: you do have a way with words. Thanks for the laugh.</p>

<p>TheDad... :D
D1 is in grad school, D2 is in her 1st yr of college, and D3 is a high school sophomore. My solution? I'm retiring at the end of March after almost 32 yrs...to get a semblance of my former life back! ;) Luckily, our weather allows one to move around even during the winter...for that I am thankful.</p>