<p>Kids leave in fall for Class of 2016, going to different colleges.I'll be left with some problem relatives and slumping, unsatisfying business. Wont' have money to pursue a different degree, travel, etc. Have a therapist. Know the routine advice: exercise, find your passions, etc. Don't have many similarly situated friends. Thrilled for my babes but curling up and sleeping until they're back for holidays is not practical. My professional dreams are unfulfilled, I feel ancient, and I don't know how to replace their (occasional!) night owl company. Has anyone else needed a crane to lift them out of their emotional quagmire--how did you do it? Is there a more private CC on line support group.Thanks for any thoughts- Trying hard.</p>
<p>Awwww…</p>
<p>I don’t have any great wisdom for you, but I can sure sympathize! It sounds like your kids heading off to college is hitting you a lot harder because life is just plain hard and sucky right now. I’ve sure had those years before. I had a year when I saw a list of the top 5 stressful things to have to deal with and thought, “Huh. I have 4 of those going on right now. No wonder I feel like I’m stuck in a miserable daze.” I guess all I’d say is do those things you mentioned (sunlight, exercise, laughing, helping others, reaching out to friends, etc.) and keep putting one foot in front of the other until things start to turn around. </p>
<p><<<<hugs>>>> to you!</hugs></p>
<p>I have to say – I don’t like what this college thing is doing to our family. Which is like not liking life itself, or change. But it’s deeply unsettling, isn’t it? </p>
<p>Do you have any kids left at home, or once the twins are gone, that’s it? There are so many pat answers out there – get a dog. Write a memoir. Travel. As you said, some of those are not possible for you right now. I think you have to just resign yourself to feeling some pain. I know when I dropped my daughter off at college, I felt ill. Physically sick. It hurt. Even now, with one kid still at home, I feel like things aren’t right.</p>
<p>Once D was off, I told myself I’d focus on getting my writing career off the ground. Still hasn’t happened, but at least with rejections, I have another reliable source of pain :)</p>
<p>Try and be proud of yourself in this moment. You’ve raised 2 kids who are college bound.</p>
<p>Commiserate with others here on CC? You will have a lot of company. Stick with us for company and support…</p>
<p>CindyMoose, my wife certainly feels your pain (and so do I to a lesser degree). My Wife has a part time job but her full time job the last 20 years has been raising our two kids. Our youngest went off to college half way across the country last Fall so we are empty nesters now and it has been tough. W if still trying to figure out her new “role”. I really think that it will take a couple of years to develop a new “normal”. Hang in there. You WILL find a new path.</p>
<p>Is there any way you might consider “reinventing yourself” and doing something you’ve always secretly been thinking about but didn’t for whatever reason? Shortly after S left for his U & D was in CC, I lost my dream job. S said, “Oh, so mom, you’re going to reinvent yourself, right?” </p>
<p>I did some soul searching and decided he was right. It was time to reinvent myself and take a gamble. It has been quite a ride, but I wanted to show my kids I would pick myself up and pull through as I urged them to do. So far, it has worked out very well and it has now been over 5 years. D is now getting her college degree in less than a month & S has a rewarding career that he likes so far.</p>
<p>I know it may sound hard and it really is, but you can just take small steps and do a little at a time. Who knows where things may lead? Travel can be inspiring and be as simple & inexpensive as driving to places in or near your own town/home & seeing things through new eyes, like a visitor.</p>
<p>I can sympathize - my twins are now freshmen in college and we went to empty nest in one fell swoop. My advice – rediscover your husband, try some new things, rekindle old friendships. I am now training for a 5k, taking trapeze and dance lessons. Best of luck!</p>
<p>cindymooose…hang in there. I only have one and I cried a LOT when he went off to college. Thought I had him back and he moved cross country last year…ack. Doing OK though…was lucky enough to find a new job…very demanding…but keeps me busy and feeling useful. Plus taking care of myself and enjoying alone time with dear hubby. I fit a lot into one day and have very little time to even think about being sad. It takes quite a bit of effort and strength…and if things get tough…this forum is a wonderful place to turn. Find stuff to keep you busy that you enjoy…simple but it works.</p>
<p>I found the most difficult time to be before my son (my only child) left for college. I really didn’t know how I’d get through it but the thought of it, the anticipation, turned out to be worse than the actual experience. </p>
<p>I also encourage you to join the High School Class of 2012 thread. My CC friends have been so helpful to me!</p>
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<p>Thank you all so much. Yes, two at once leaving: the silence will be deafening. I will be very glad to join the Class of 2016 thread; as a new member , I didn’t realize its existence or purpose. Can you tell me how you handled the summer “before”? I would really like to do something special, such as a trip, or renting a beach house for 2 or 3 weeks , which would be out of the ordinary for us, but I’m a little afraid it will feel too fraught with emotion. I have a slightly older child who is ours through adoption; she has decided to become mother to her younger half-sibs and is not around much. Lots of change. Thanks again for your support, and peace, hope and joy to all of you.</p>
<p>My nest got empty almost 3 years ago, and what I can tell you is that recovery goes in stages, and in fits and starts. Some days I thought, “OK I can do this, and it does have its advantages” (and it definitely does!), and other days I was just a mess. In retrospect, the lead-up may have been the hardest part, because I felt I had to hold it together for D’s sake. And the first few weeks after she left were just awful. But the human being is a creature of habit, and after awhile, we settled into the “new normal” and a while after that, we started actually enjoying certain aspects of the empty nest. We started to appreciate the peace.</p>
<p>Don’t be too quick to dismiss the conventional wisdom – exercise, find your passion, etc. Those things are tried and true and let’s face it, they’re better than non-stop brooding on the couch. Not that they are a magic bullet. But I found that doing things like that – even when I had to force myself – did help. </p>
<p>As for online support groups for empty-nesters, you have found the best one on the web. 
In the fall of '09, when all else failed, I came here. More times than I care to tell you, I poured out my misery to my fellow CC parents, and without fail, they were supportive and helpful. Most important, they understood. </p>
<p>It takes a while, but it really does get better.</p>
<p>ETA – Here’s one of last year’s threads about “the summer before”:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1175297-not-diggin-sassiness-summer.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1175297-not-diggin-sassiness-summer.html</a></p>
<p>I agree - the summer leading up to the launch was by FAR the hardest emotionally. I handled it by crying at long distance phone commercials. ;)</p>
<p>Please come join us on the parents of the high school class of 2012! <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/658245-parents-high-school-class-2012-a-537.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/658245-parents-high-school-class-2012-a-537.html</a></p>
<p>we are still getting final decision in of where our kids are all going to college, but soon we will be alternating between lists of things to do to get ready for “move in” and crying on each others shoulders about “move out.”</p>
<p>We didn’t do anything really special the summer before with my oldest two years ago, but I think it’s a great idea! Big moments in life should be commemorated and celebrated!</p>
<p>We didn’t really do anything the summer prior to the kids each going off to college either. None of us really felt like it. Must admit, felt like strangling S, whom I generally get along with pretty well–fouling the nest in retrospect, I think. D was very pensive and said she’d miss us but was SO looking forward to going off to join S at the U 2500 miles away. It was only a brief while–after vacation 1.5 years after S left before she went off to join him. The years have flown & now our little lady is graduating from college in May! She plans to live there for a while, building her portfolio and developing skills. S is 5000 miles away, but happy enough with his career.</p>
<p>It is a cliche but finding your passion and finding ways of helping others has really helped keep me busier than I ever dreamed. I still miss my darlings but could never have launched my career while they were first in my lives. It is very freeing and exhilerating to reinvent yourself and I HIGHLY recommend it!</p>
<p>Figure out an exercise you’ve always wanted to try or thought about & DO IT–yoga, paddleboarding, ballet, zumba, tai chi, cycling, running, you name it! It will help with those endorphins, build your strength & stamina and help keep your bones nice & dense!</p>
<p>I am spending way too much time thinking about the empty nest in the fall. HS was not a happy time for DD who is a college junior, so I was happy for her to go to college. For DS, HS has been a fun time for the most part. The biggest thing is that the kid makes me laugh…a lot. My kids are going to be about three hours apart and I told them I was getting an apartment midway between the two. I was sort of kidding.</p>
<p>cindymoose, have you made your reservations yet for both Parent’s Weekends? I think it can be helpful to put those dates on the calendar and know that you will see them not too long after they start school.</p>
<p>That’s a great idea, thanks. I just have to wait for them to decide.</p>
<p>I’ve never been good at changes, and when my only child was born, even though I loved him dearly, it took me about four years to truly get used to having a new person in my life. Now he’s almost halfway through college, and I can’t say that I’m “back to normal” yet. Last year was harder than this year, so it’s getting better. I’m thinking that it might end up taking me four years to get used to this beloved person being absent from my life.</p>
<p>It is lifechanging for sure. But this is not life-ending and for the most part it’s what you make of it.
My two youngest graduate from college this year. I admit I have embraced my empty nest. Of course for me with 4 kids I was just exhausted after having one of more kids in high school for 11 consecutive years. Now I am exhausted after having one or more kids in college for 11 consecutive years! </p>
<p>In the beginning - it is HARD. If you like your counselor keep going. Do not sit around the house!! Even with limited resources there is much for you to offer!
Get a part time job. Work at a place like Target that hires a lot of young people. Volunteer - the local food bank? Wheels on Meals? Homeless shelter for women and families? You have much to share with the world!!!</p>
<p>Find a hobby - take knitting, art or swimming lessons. Get a gym membership. If there is a Planet Fitness near you it’s $10/month.
Take up a new sport. I took up golf at age 51 and skiing at age 52. It’s an amazing feeling to see that even at our <em>advanced</em> age we can still learn and improve upon new skills.</p>
<p>You don’t say if you are married - if you are then take stock of that relationship. If not then start dating! </p>
<p>Visit your kids once in a while - instead of expecting them to come home all the time. Offer to put on a tailgate for their friends! </p>
<p>Thinks NOT to do:
Don’t hover.
Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. You don’t want to sabotage you children’s’ new experiences.
Don’t call them every day.<br>
If you are facebook friends - don’t friend their friends - allow their friends to friend you. Respect their facebook rules about you posting on their walls. In other words, give them space.</p>
<p>Your children are on to a new and exciting future - you have done your job well!!!
Bring your own new and exciting future to the table and this will enhance your new and changed relationship with your adult kids.</p>
<p>Lots of great advice here, so the only thing I would add is a variation on the “glass half full”: when mine went away to college, I looked on it as expanding my world, not taking away from it. I got to visit parts of the country that were new to me and partake in parent events - especially enjoying lectures and sporting events. once your two make their choices, spend some time learning about the schools and areas online and like another poster said, plan your parent/homecoming visits. </p>
<p>I also agree the anticipation is sometimes worse than the actual event.</p>
<p>My mum found it very hard to cope with the whole situation at first, but then she started to find things to do that were rewarding… for instance, she started volunteering in different organizations and that really helped to feel less lonely. She started to meditate a lot too, to do yoga and to try to understand what she really wanted from life now that her responsibility as a parent was somehow less than before. </p>
<p>Hope this helps!! you could also try starting new hobbies… what about painting, drawing, playing an instrument, dancing? something which can be challenging but rewarding at the same time.</p>