<p>Gosh he sounds more and more like my son! My son loves history. He enjoyed football in JV his 9th grade year but was discouraged and did not continue when a new coach said the not so good players could be on the team but would basically be target practice for the varsity players. He played tennis on the JV team and also swam. I often felt that he did not want to try too hard or show he cared too much because he was afraid of failing. A confidence issue that stems back to his struggles in elementary school.</p>
<p>i do feel for you and hope you find a solution. It is very difficult to figure out the right path and there is not as much help out there as one might imagine. Most of the help is for severely disabled kids or those with behavior problems. Really sad as kids with such potential really do fall between the cracks because they do not have enough problems yet they could really be helped. Good luck.</p>
<p>Oh-we went through the medication route. My son said the medications made him feel "weird". I felt it was wrong to force the issue. We had a therapist, an ADD tutor and met continuously with the public school. All through 9th grade, my son drifted further and further into the background. He had always participated in sports-swimming, tennis and XC. When he got to HS, have gave up on it all. I loved watching him race in the water again last year at BS and felt like he was reconnecting with himself again. I liked the co-ed aspect of the BS-dances and normal boy-girl interactions. Others would argue that co-ed is too distracting. In our case, the co-ed aspect was good. Our son had his first "date" at BS and now has several female friends.</p>
<p>Mom- your son sounds like an interesting, wonderful person. Perhaps visiting some boarding schools will get him more excited. I think the small classes and low teacher/student ratios may help engage him more - well, he certainly won't be able to hide! Also, smaller/medium sized boarding schools have JV/Third and Club teams where kids can feel comfortable engaging in sports without the performance pressure. </p>
<p>From the way you describe him, he doesn't sound like a child that would be a good match for a military school but perhaps I am stereotyping. Definitely, take a close look at Proctor. I know a few kids there and they are quite bright.</p>
<p>hornet, Our sons do sound similar. Thank you for the information about post-grad programs. I was only vaguely aware of these. This is what I am looking for - a place where my son can gain some self-confidence and discipline. The pros you list sound great. The cons are what worry me. It's a variant of the old Groucho Marx joke about not wanting to be a member of a club that would admit you. My son is not a good candidate for the kind of BS where we'd like him to be. A flexible admissions policy toward him implies a flexible policy toward others, including kids with "issues" that I don't want him to be around. So I'm looking for a very particular kind of place. I am also unhappy about the prospect of sending my son away, but he is floundering here.</p>
<p>swimcatsmom, It is difficult, isn't it? I worry about taking such drastic steps. But not doing anything is not working.</p>
<p>hornet, It goes against the grain for me to force the medication issue, too. It seems to me that taking a brain-chemistry-altering substance is a very personal decision. But I can't let the current situation continue.</p>
<p>creative1, I wouldn't have thought of military school on my own. The therapist suggested it because of my son's reluctance to consider taking medication which might help him do better here, or look for other situations. He thought that military schools would take kids who aren't necessarily eager to go there.</p>
<p>As he has enjoyed and done well with CTY, have you considered home schooling using CTY materials or Stanford's EPGY online high school? Perhaps you should call Johns Hopkins to discuss your son's situation. They will certainly be understanding and may well be downright insightful and offer some concrete help.</p>
<p>I certainly would not consider any boarding school unless he has visited and is enthusiastic about attending.</p>
<p>MomNeedingAdvice,
I would encourage you to check into RMA. My son was initially very much against the idea. When we toured the school he was silent and sullen. The admissions staff met with him and did a great sales job on the summer school program that in turn lead to my son deciding to enter in the fall. We were told, and I believe, that kids such as my son were who they serve best and who the real success stories are about. I was concerned about some of the other kid's issues. However, the problem kids were more the exception than the rule. The young people my son made friends with were really neat kids. I enjoyed the other families (when we had the opportunity to meet-sporting events and family weekends) and enjoyed being able to talk openly with other moms of fine, but struggling sons and daughters.</p>
<p>I'm aware of the EPGY online HS, olderandwiser, but I feel very strongly that this school, or homeschooling, would be wrong for my son. He really needs to be with other kids, and to have more, rather than less, structure. I am hoping to visit a few schools in May so that he can see what might be available.</p>
<p>Thank you, hornet. I will check into RMA. It sounds as if they might be receptive to an application.</p>
<p>MomNeedingAdvice, sorry I meant Trinity Pawling. I get the two confused.
I have heard that Solesbury near Princeton is also good but I really do not know much about it.</p>
<p>I agree with you on the HS as he sounds like my son. Trying to get kids with ADD to do homework can be a battle at the best of times. I don't think my relationship with my son would have survived an attempt to homeschool him. (Not saying anything against homeschooling - it would have probably worked with my daughter but in my son's case i definitely needed to save my energies for being his Mom not his teacher).</p>
<p>I'm wondering about something. I'm probably about to call some admissions officers and say something like, I have a very bright son who has done spectacularly well at CTY summer programs, but failed every 9th grade class at public HS, probably has a mild form of ADD, not a behavior problem, would you consider a late application from him? Would they be honest if they would not? Or would they encourage any application, however low the chance of acceptance, to improve their stats?</p>
<p>We are very short on time and I am going to have to identify and arrange visits to as many schools as possible in the short time before the school year ends. I can't afford to waste time on a school that would never take a failing student.</p>
<p>Do you have test scores of any kind? Transcripts from the summer programs you could send, recommendations? Does he have any extracurriculars that mean a lot to him, that you could show that he's bright and passionate about something?</p>
<p>Rolling admissions could be a big help too. Right now i'm looking into Winchendon which supports ADD/ADHD and has rolling admissions. I don't have ADD but I have the same problem as your son...i'm pretty disorganized and I didn't do well in my traditional school setting.</p>
<p>I'm assuming he will be entering as a 9th grader? Go to the TABS website and see which schools still have openings. I think Cushing is also an option.</p>
<p>I'm not following why boarding school was the recommendation. Have you worked with an education consultant about local options? </p>
<p>Johns Hopkins has done interesting work on gifted children with learning issues like ADD and ADHD. The center tests, too. I'm running out so I will post the link later.</p>
<p>I forgot to mention Leelanau up north. I knew someone who went up there for her senior year and seemed to love it. I've lost contact with her so I can't ask her specific questions, but I know it's a good school for ADD/ADHD.</p>
<p>christi, he has SAT scores and ISEE scores, all extremely high across the board. Great recommendations from CTY. No ECs at the moment; the problem is that he is not really involved in anything right now. A year ago things were much better. Good luck with Winchendon. </p>
<p>shelley 14, what is TABS? I tried the SSAT site, but their list of schools still accepting applications isn't up yet.</p>
<p>I know a family who have been very happy with their child's experience at Tilton. Tilton does have support for students learning to cope with ADD/ADHD.</p>
<p>Public high schools can be very sink-or-swim. It sounds as if your son needs structure, but I don't think a child should be sent to a military boarding school just because he has ADD. </p>
<p>I'd suggest calling the nearest university or hospital which has a learning disability study unit, to ask if they can recommend any boarding schools for bright kids with severe ADD. The idea that a military boarding school would be able to force your son to comply doesn't sound healthy. If he's been able to function really well at CTY programs, which include, I assume, sleep-away camps, then the trick is to get his consent to change schools. I don't think you can force consent.</p>
<p>Now, as a parent, in desperate situations, I wouldn't overlook the use of bribery. Force, absolutely not. Bribery? Maybe.</p>
<p>It sounds like you're really under the gun! I think the advice you've gotten here is very good, and would just like to add a couple of thoughts.</p>
<p>First, discovering that your teen has ADD of the inattentiveness variety puts you into panic mode as a parent! I know, having been there myself. I found the book "Teenagers with ADD: A Parents' Guide" by Chris A. Zeigler Dendy to be very helpful. It treats the subject with a fairly broad brush so you have to dig through for the information relating to a teen with ADD of the inattentiveness variety, but it's there.</p>
<p>Second, I know that the idea of forcing someone to take "mind-altering drugs" (that does make them sound scary!) seems inappropriate and should be left to the individual, but the hard truth is, your son is young and still needs guidance. Given that his doctors think it would be helpful, and given that things are clearly not working out for him in his current situation, I would encourage you to re-address the issue with him. It may not work out, it may leave him feeling "weird", but on the other hand, it could revolutionize the way he feels about himself as a student and is worth a try. In our family, we approached medication as a therapy not unlike giving someone glasses who needs them: you may not realize how much you needed them until you try them and they can give you such clarity! </p>
<p>Third, you should look at Cushing Academy if you're still considering boarding school. Although I don't have any direct experience with the school, I have been very impressed with the individualized approach to education that they discuss in their literature, and they do rolling admissions. It does encourage a very lively athletic life on campus, but here too, I get the impression that it is very focused on providing the individual students with the opportunities they need and therefore covers the spectrum from kids who are trying something for the first time to kids who are heading into Div. 1 college hockey programs and then the NHL (hockey is one of their "Big" sports).</p>