Hey Reinhardo. There is a limited number of characters permitted in this space so I’ve edited my answer down. It was much longer! If it feels abbreviated, that’s why!
Some kids like college and there are plenty who don’t (they just don’t say so on Facebook). It usually depends on the deeply held, inner and sometimes unconscious expectations about what the experience was going to be and how that measures up to the real, daily atmosphere once you’re there. It also depends on whether you’re holding onto disgruntled feelings about not getting admitted to some “reach” school, or a more expensive school, etc. That’s certainly understandable.
I’m not a professional counselor but it sounds like you’ve done the SMART thing and met with one. I offer these words of wisdom in the hopes they help ease pain and shed bright light for you and the future I KNOW you can have:
POINT A.
The MOST important thing to remember is REALITY IS YOUR FRIEND AND ALLY, you’ve just got to fetter out what that is. Social media raises a ridiculous illusion up onto a brightly lit stage for the world to drool over BUT IT IS NOT REALITY.
Analogy: If I walked down a very long buffet line, I’d see plenty of food I felt indifferent about and a limited, few foods I loved. I’d fill my plate with the small number of favorites, go back to my table of friends and declare “WOW, this buffet is awesome!” But is it? Out of hundreds of choices, only a few were great. SEE? Social media is the same!! It holds up the FEW awesome moments, and ignores ALL THE REST. The “rest” is, in fact, THE MAJORITY of what happens in life. It is the daily drudgery that absolutely everyone endures while walking around in this “meat-suit” that is our human existence. (And it, too, is a good thing, but you’ve got to get to your thirties before you see it).
Here is an extremely important but quick exercise to do to figure out what’s lurking in your head on this topic (this should take 10 minutes; if it takes longer, you’re thinking too hard about it):
(1) draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper.
(2) One the right, list bullet-points on what YOU THOUGHT college would be like. BRUTAL HONESTY HERE IS KEY. And it’s what you thought back BEFORE you started; don’t revise what you thought back then.
(3) On the left, jot down bullet-points on your actual experience now (keeping in mind you are mad now and that colors how you write about it so be careful and only write about items objectively without anger). BE SURE to list the few things that have turned out to be reasonably positive for you during your years at college.
(4) Now CROSS OFF so you can’t see them anymore the items on the right that seem preposterous to you now that you’ve seen the reality of college (anything like: I’ll be class president, date the best-looking person, be best friends with cool faculty, become part of the “it” crowd where we’ll do hilarious stuff constantly and post it to YouTube, etc, etc, etc. NO ONE LIVES THAT LIFE. You are fooling yourself and crushing yourself if you think they do. Leave the realistic items on the list (items like: I’ll make a few really good friends, take interesting classes that spark my desire to pick a certain area of study, etc, etc.) Now, see how it looks at least A LITTLE CLOSER to what you’ve actually experienced?
(5) Now skim through both lists and ask yourself: “Haven’t I had something at least resembling some of each of these, good and bad?” The “good” items are few and far between, the “bad” items are more prevalent. BUT you probably got at least some of both.
SO, THE TRICK IS TO COME UP WITH A PLAN TO INCREASE THE GOOD. It will NOT happen on its own but I guarantee it will happen if YOU work for it.
(6) Now, make a list of 5 or less things you “MUST” get out of college to declare it a victory. Under each one, list 2 ideas for how to INCREASE the likelihood you’ll experience it sometime. Set a deadline (2 weeks or one month) to make strides toward each idea. Keep track of it! Here’s the BEST part: at the end of one month, look back over this and recognize that you, in fact, did make progress.
Here’s the point of this: Inertia breeds inertia. Momentum fosters more momentum. IF YOU MAKE YOURSELF GET UP AND MOVE IN THE DIRECTION OF THE TYPE OF LIFE YOU WANT, YOU WILL START TO GET IT. But you have to do it every day. Don’t give up after the first few days! That’s weak! Why would the universe help out such a weak effort?
POINT B.
The recent ECONOMIC DEVASTATION in our country is PROOF PROOF PROOF that life on TV and social media and magazines is a total lie. College is NOT NOT NOT the place to maximize your party experiences. Do that, and you’ll end up like my cousin (who double-majored in Keg beer and chasing skirts). He was a self-declared party-god but it only lasted 3 short years b/c he had to move to community college were he barely graduated. Then he floated from bad job to bad job and now is unemployed for the third time and 52 years old with no career! He is oblivious to the reason why “life is so hard on him now.” Duh? What you get out of life is directly the result of what effort and smart forward-thinking decision-making you put in to it NOW!
POINT C:
LIFE IS SO MUCH SHORTER THAN HUMAN BEINGS ARE CAPABLE OF PERCEIVING. In the blink of an eye you WILL be in your forties and wishing you had not cared about so many of the meaningless aspects of the campus scene. You’ll even have a hard time remembering what they were!
It’s not the school, it’s the personality and passion of the individual that dictates WHERE you’ll go in life. There are a zillion examples of everyday people who get mired down in the negative experiences of life but pick themselves up and MAKE themselves do something in the direction of their goal. If you WAIT for an outside force to do it for you, you WILL GET LEFT BEHIND. You are that force!!!
POINT D;
DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PASSION YET; THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FIGURING OUT NOW SO GO TRY STUFF THAT’S NEW ! The VAST majority of college kids really aren’t interested in much besides having a good time. OK, so have some good times. But don’t, for one second, think your good times should rise to the level of “epic” otherwise you’ll ruin your own experience, walk around disappointed for 4 years, and be wholly unprepared for life. The point of college is not to maximize good times. If you want to focus on partying, drop out and party full-time. (And pay the consequences, of course).
HEAR ME ON THIS: Post-economic melt-down, College is strictly for (a) exploring potential interests and (b) gaining knowledge for your future career. Take hard classes! Make yourself find summer Internships! IF YOU PUT YOUR FOCUS, DRIVE, ATTENTION AND DESIRE INTO THOSE 2 THINGS, YOU WILL HAVE A VICTORIOUS COLLEGE EXPERIENCE, AND MANY OF THE OTHER “GOOD” ITEMS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU ALONG THE WAY.
IN CONCLUSION: PRINT THIS AND READ IT BEFORE YOU GET OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING. I’m not on this website much so I won’t be adding anything later. Best wishes to you for hanging in there. Ignore everything that has not worked for you in the past and instead take ACTIVE SMALL STEPS to move toward your SHORT LIST of goals. I guarantee whatever you do or don’t do, your life will NEVER look like that “ideal” right-hand list above before you crossed stuff off. BUT I also guarantee it WILL GET BETTER, it WILL move in the direction you want, and in so doing, YOU WILL start feeling charged-up for the positive things ahead of you in life.
From BusyMomofBoys. The end.