<p>Thanks to everyone for your posts - so much food for thought. </p>
<p>But I get it. It must be her decision. I will do my best to keep quiet and just support her.</p>
<p>I posted earlier that I think it should be her decision, and I still definitely think that, but the more I think about it the more I think she should be able to finish out high school, not even necessarily just for these event. I think kids are just pushed, pushed, pushed more and more - no summer breaks to just run around outside; summer programs/classes starting at a very young age. I think it’s of great value to have her experinece this time.</p>
<p>Plus, I wonder if the reason she can’t decide is because she really wants to stay but her mom clearly wants her to go to the programs. OP, do you think that maybe her indecision is not because SHE is really undecided but because she is afraid of disappointing you by what she wants?</p>
<p>I think it should be up to her.
She may regret whatever she chooses later.
My kids have at times, but I just pat myself quietly on the back for not saying " I told you so".
But at the time they made a fully informed choice & no matter what, they may have second thoughts. But it should be their choice. Thats how they learn what is important to them.
( id lean toward the finishing high school with your friends)</p>
<p>I vote for the High School events - these end of school events help the kids to put a close on that part of their lives - they need this emotionally and socially. My daughter’s school does this overnight lock-in event the night of graduation that the entire graduating class attends (500 kids). I was there the next morning to help out and saw how important that night had been to these kids and how they each in their own way were marking the end of their HS life. These kids need to collectively have their final party, their final events together, as their first step in moving on.</p>
<p>“For some students, the special end-of-senior-year events are deeply meaningful, and the memories of them are something they cherish for the rest of their lives. Other students couldn’t care less about prom, graduation, or anything else of that sort. And still others care about senior events but might be willing to give them up in favor of something they care about more.”</p>
<p>Totally agree with this. I couldn’t have cared one whit about my high school events, I was very uninvolved senior year, went half time, and skipped my prom to work. Wouldn’t have gone to graduation if I hadn’t been performing. My kids, though, really cared about the senior events. Completely depends on the person. And I’d bet the research position might let her come late, they can’t be expecting people to leave high school before graduation.</p>
<p>My daughter was graduating college and was offered a job. She had to decide between her last spring break, several college events and committing tO the job. She called me and I told her she knew what she should do. And she never regretted missing a few parties and grad event for the longer view.</p>
<p>And the hs gad stuff, while fun, never ever lived up to the hype. Evera</p>
<p>If this were happening in my house, we’d look first into the costs of travel home on those weekends, to see if it could be afforded. If it was too much, we’d consider letting her choose 1 or 2 among the 3 high school activities, entirely hers.</p>
<p>To me, that’s essential information to know, before asking her to make a choice between research program and high school finishing activities. Sometmes you can buy yourself out of a tough spot.</p>
<p>Sea, there is a huge difference between a job and a temporary pre-college research position. Heck, for that matter, there’s a huge difference between high school and college graduation.</p>
<p>I agree there is a difference romani.
My Ds Bf just graduated college a couple weeks ago, but he skipped walking and grabbed a couple extra days to take D on vacation during her spring break.
But high school isn’t just a transition, it is our society’s ritual for the end of childhood.</p>
<p>Again - great food for thought.</p>
<p>I just don’t know if I can hide my true feelings - that she should grab this opportunity. A bird in the hand…</p>
<p>In any event, I will gather information about costs of travel to come home for some of these events. Also, encourage her to contact the program coordinator at the college to see if she can negotiate the dates (only IF she wants to, of course).</p>
<p>See…I’ve been listening.</p>
<p>Kennedy2010, if you think you might be influencing her too much, how about involving the other adults in her lives. Her other parent, grandparents, or teachers might have different perspectives and might dilute the impact of your strong feelings.</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity, why are you so eager for her to move on? Is it because you believe that she won’t get a chance again or that a pre-college research project will really make a huge difference? As someone mentioned, she may not even continue in this major.</p>
<p>When I was six years old or so (and living in another country, so the system may have been a little different), I took a test, given by the school system, I believe, which determined that I was advanced (maybe gifted, not sure what terms were used there) for my age, and my mom was given the opportunity for me to start first grade a year early.</p>
<p>She decided to let me start with my age group. In the long run, I really don’t think it did anything bad for me - I ended up going to an Ivy and now have a job, completely self-supporting, etc. Her reasoning was that she didn’t think there was any reason to not let me have the full time to enjoy my childhood, and I agree.</p>
<p>I know this is not a six year-old, but I am just curious why deprive her of this time? It seems like a nice time to wrap-up the year and let go of all the pressure that built up over applications, SAT’s, keeping up grades, etc. Even if you have her go back and forth to the events, it seems like it will just create a stressful atmosphere. Are you at all concerned that she will simply burn out before college even starts?</p>
<p>And don’t get me wrong, if this research is her passion, she may want to do it, but if it’s not something she is invested in, why are you?</p>
<p>P.S. I think involving other people will just create even more pressure - - she should be allowed to make up her own mind.</p>
<p>First, my D applied and was accepted to a different research opportunity last summer where she worked for 8 weeks. It was life changing in many ways that I won’t get into here.</p>
<p>With the current opportunity - I view this research scholarship as a nod from the college that they really, really want her. Only up to 20 kids gets selected and the benefits would again be life changing for her. I could rattle off a dozen tangible benefits but I won’t bore you with that.</p>
<p>It would also allow her to try her field of study out early - and know before she gets to campus in fall if she really wants to continue.</p>
<p>The benefits of completing high school in a traditional manner are less tangible - not necessarily less valuable or important - just harder to measure.</p>
<p>Oh - and other students who have done the program say that it is pretty “chill” and not at all stressful. The programming includes lots of social and cultural exploration in addition to the research.</p>
<p>I might have missed it, but what does your D want to do? Is she torn? Is she leaning one way?</p>
<p>Please don’t get other adults involved. The last thing she probably needs is more pressure.</p>
<p>She is torn - going back and forth - but maybe because of my influence.</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind that she might just choose the other school in which case this whole controversy would be a moot point.</p>
<p>My friends’ D was in a similar position almost four years ago. She was offered a summer research position at Wash U and this meant that she had to miss her graduation (she was here for prom). She didn’t care too much about the formalities and chose to go for the research position. There was a concert after that she did care about and her parents flew her back home to attend the concert. I don’t believe the summer research position did much for her career or her schooling at Wash U - just helped her make a few friends and get comfortable with the place a little ahead of time.</p>
<p>Each person has different priorities. Personally, if it had been my daughter, she wouldn’t have chosen to miss the graduation. And I as a mom, would have liked that. The ceremonies at the high school level are a bit much I agree, but life does change significantly once high school is done - and I treasured those last ceremonies. It’s not the same with college.</p>
<p>I’m kind of amazed that there aren’t other people in the OP’s family who would be deeply disappointed if she didn’t attend graduation because that would mean that the family wouldn’t attend graduation.</p>
<p>Well, I haven’t consulted any extended family members. But I can’t imagine that their disappointment should change my daughters decision once she makes it.</p>
<p>Also, the kids that went through the program at this college all say that it is amazing and valuable to furthering their future opportunities.</p>