<p>Blossom, seriously, I was simply trying to drive the point home that kids today literally burn the candle at both ends all for the so called prize at the end. I find people today on two opposite sides of the spectrum (for the most part). Either push, push, push or asleep on their parents couch. The push, IMO comes from parents who can’t bare the thought of having a kid on the couch (long term) or for some odd reason thinks that burning that doubled wicked candle is somehow a good thing.</p>
<p>Why is it when people try to strike balance or when kids choose volunteering over a paid job that somehow that has far less value than their “bread winning” peers? (The assumption that kids without jobs or research opportunities chill at the pool all day) Since when does money have to be the measuring stick for all things? I was called out on this thread how “nice” it must be to be able to travel and still pay for kids in college. Well you know what, people do it every single day. In my little bubble of the world it is not uncommon, so to be called out on it seemed weird and frankly struck a nerve. I feel bad for people that have smashed themselves in the typical rat race world who seem to be sprinting on the treadmill only to keep up without getting ahead…a house too expensive, an area of town that is 3 X as much as the one 5 miles away…etc. They have bought into keeping up with Jones’ mentality as have kids when it comes to APs and ECs. Am I the only one that thinks it has simply gotten out of control?</p>
<p>I can’t begin to relive all the “my kids is spinning out of control threads” that have been here in the past. Kids that do too much, too fast and spiral out of control. We sit on that thread and tell the parents to back off, let them take a break etc, and then here we have a thread where people are saying let the kid relax for a minute and enjoy her last moments in high school and people get all crazy and equate that with a summer at the pool. Go figure.</p>
<p>College- I agree with virtually everything you’ve written- except that in this case, there is very little from what the OP has shared to suggest that this is the kind of kid she’s dealing with. And to call out prom or graduation strikes me as silly- I didn’t attend my own grad school graduation- by then I’d had HS and college graduations, both of which I had attended and in the end were pretty meaningless-- but I’m the first to show up at a Bridal shower, baby-naming or baptism ceremony, any and all family funerals even for cousins who haven’t been on speaking terms with my side of the family for decades.</p>
<p>Some rituals are highly meaningful for some people-- and others not. The connection between that statement and the “my kid is spinning out of control and does too much” seems quite tenuous to me. Having a summer to hang out at the pool sounds lovely-- even people who have eventually won Nobel prizes have had downshifting periods in their lives.</p>
<p>But inflating prom and graduation to something they’re not- at least not to every kid- is insulting to the OP. And conlating her D’s choice to somehow ending up in a house that’s too expensive for her and keeping up with the Jones? Whoa, where does that come from??? Rat race? Cheez. Exagerate much?</p>
<p>Uhmm, let us not forget that some kids have to work if they want to afford college. Money is a measuring stick for some - out of necessity.</p>
<p>Yes, Kennedy, definitely the first to understand that. However, few parents on here have kids who need to work full time out of necessity.</p>
<p>I was not specifically referring to the OPs child. I was referring to the bandwagon of responses that the OPs daughter shouldn’t even consider missing out on the research opportunity for something like prom and graduation. Just like a baby shower may be important to some, prom and graduation can be equally important to others. Frankly I have kids (four through college, two in college and two still to come…and no I did not birth them all…four had a mother pass away at age 1-7) that would have loved to have skipped grad and prom for a top notch research project and did have one do just that for mission type trip. I was simply trying present a counter point that really, in the big scheme of life, this research job/project/whatever will have no bearing on the OP’s daughter ability to obtain a degree to said University.</p>
<p>“I grew up middle-class in a small town in Kansas and back then I was allowed to enjoy a childlike freedom most summers. I loved that - loved my parents for allowing it. Did it contribute to making me a better person. Maybe, but I can’t see how.”</p>
<p>Maybe it’s different for different people. I definitely wish I took more of an opporunity to enjoy being more carefree during the summers, especially now that I am working full-time (part of it was that <em>I</em> didn’t appreciate it at the time). I don’t see why the rush to be propelled into adulthood.</p>
<p>I must have grown up in a different kind of area-almost every kid I knew in HS worked summers-even the rich ones. I worked, so did all of my friends. That made our time of “childlike freedom” somewhat like a game of Tetris, trying to fit it in around our jobs, and eventually summer camps and classes, but we managed to still do fun things that we still talk about. </p>
<p>My H worked FT all through college-at night-and paid his own way out of necessity, finishing with two degrees. I’m not sure when he slept. All his friends worked too-even the wealthy ones. I’ve heard the stories-they still had plenty of time to have fun.</p>
<p>If anything, as adults with kids we have far less time now that we’re not in school, not in summer programs and working on top of it. If anyone thinks you can’t do more than one thing and still have time for youthful adventures, they aren’t budgeting their time well.</p>
<p>OK - my mom always told me to get my teaching certificate—so I could have summers off. Maybe some of you should try that! Haha</p>
<p>“sit by the pool and do nothing all summer” - not such a bad idea at all. Why not?
D. did not sit by the pool simply because it was not her first choice, but she did very little in all of her summers while in college. Simply nothing was available in our home town. Forget jobs, volunteering positions have waiting lists here. But because of her diligency, she was able to get into some, but absolutely nothing to compare to amount that she was doing during school year in addition to her job on campus. Work hard at school, enjoy your summer while it lasts, free summers will not last forever and spending time with your friends (most of whom are currently in various Med. Schools or other Grad. Schools and apparently are where they were planning to be) is precious.</p>
<p>Miami, I can certainly understand and empathize with availability of opportunities in your home town. Thanks for bringing this into the conversation.</p>
<p>As promised - here is an update (also posted to the 2013/2017 thread).</p>
<p>I am thrilled to say that my D made a decision today too!!! And she couldn’t be happier - she is over the top bubbling with joy and enthusiasm - it’s pure love!</p>
<p>She left here 3 days ago with full intention of enrolling in UChicago. </p>
<p>Picked her up at the airport this afternoon and came straight home to submit enrollment and housing deposits to Washu. It’s done!!! I have never seen her this happy…</p>
<p>Also, she has decided to accept the scholarship to their 7-week summer biomed research program despite the fact that she will miss prom, senior luncheon, etc.</p>
<p>I will likely fly her back home for graduation - but maybe not. That is her decision.</p>
<p>If she’s happy, we’re happy. Congratulations!</p>
<p>I’m so glad it worked out.</p>
<p>Congrats to your D. Our son had a great 4 years at WUSTL, and we love everything about that school!</p>
<p>When you know, you know. She seems to know exactly what she wants at this point. Good luck to her!</p>