<p>Go right now to the college web site and look for assistance programs. Look up your professors office hours. Look up the libary hours. Make a plan.</p>
<p>I understand your mom’s threats. She needed to give you a serious wakeup call. And I hope it worked.</p>
<p>Here is something you could do. Tell her that you will pay for tuition insurance. That you are going to put YOUR money where your mouth is. That you are going to meet with your profs at the first available oportunity to just check in. That you are going to go to the learning center or whatever they call it at your school to check it out and see how to get help so if you have problems, you can take care of it asap.</p>
<p>That you are not going to assume anything- wel, you are going to assume you don’t know it all. That you will do your work, and work in college is reading, studying and writing, all on your own, that you will do that during the day, and not just hang out.</p>
<p>Let her be mad. She has that right. What yo have to do is show her a plan. None of this “ill try to work harder” ick to a mom. She doesn’t expect perfection, but seems she does expect you to really try. That D- was lucky. You probablly failed the class but the teacher gave you a llucky break. You won’t get many more of those.</p>
<p>I highly suggest a Powerpoint presentation - cost and benefit analysis, return on investment.</p>
<p>I assume U of M has not rescinded your acceptance with that D-. If I were your mom, I would want to have access to your school acct to view your grades and I would set a minimum GPA for me to continue to pay for your school. And I wouldn’t be bluffing.</p>
<p>I’d just offer to go to college “on probation.” Admit your mistakes, but then ask your Mom to take a chance on one semester. If your grades are not all at or above some agreed upon level, you’re done. You come home and get a job or go to remedial community college or what have you. That way your mother is only risking one semester’s money on a potentially bad bet.</p>
<p>Then if she agrees it’s up to you to do your part: go to college and deliver the goods - bring home the good grades.</p>
<p>I agree with the on probation thing. I do say this as a graduate student and not a parent, but to make it blunt, **** happens. One of the things I had to learn in college was to accept failure sometimes and learn from it. Few semesters I messed up in a class or two – it happens, and you move on from it. It’d be different if this was consistent failure, but I’m assuming that this is one D- and one C in a long string of As and Bs throughout your high school career. That’s not a big deal!</p>
<p>So I think that’s what you have to make apparent to your mother. You messed up, and you know it, but you’ve learned from the experience and you’re going to use that learning to do better in college. You’re really excited about having the opportunity to excel at such a great university as Michigan State, and you appreciate her giving you the chance to prove yourself.</p>
<p>And don’t get me wrong – I am all for community colleges. I think they are a wonderful springboard into a 4-year or a good option for people just looking for a 2-year degree. HOWEVER, I don’t think it’s good to make a promise that you will do well OR ELSE you will go to a “remedial community college” for a year. First of all, if you are making satisfactory progress at your school, it makes very little sense to drop out and then go back. Your enrollment status shouldn’t be used as a punishment for you. And we can promise good grades all we want, but sometimes they don’t happen. The transition to college can be tough and some people don’t do as well as they expect. I think a 3.0 might be a realistic minimum GPA to set, but nothing higher than that, really, unless required to by a scholarship.</p>
<p>Also, if my mother had asked for access to my grades and student account I would’ve frowned and then chuckled. But then again, my mother treated me like an adult when I was 18, and respected my ability to make good choices and do well in school. Plus, she wasn’t paying for it.</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the posts, so I don’t know if I’m being repetitive here, but how about offering to sign a promissory note for the amount she has to pay for college for the first semester, with the agreement that if you achieve a GPA of ____ (you and your mom fill in the blank, and 4.0 is a silly number to even consider), the debt would be forgiven, and with the further understanding that if you really didn’t do well, she would not be ponying up the money for a second semester. I would also offer to sign whatever was necessary to give her access to your grades throughout the year. That deal would show her that you were serious about doing well and had a lot of skin in the game.</p>
<p>The FIRST thing you do is say “THANK YOU, MOM” for all her support and tolerance over the years. Not sarcastically – sincerely. Think back to the wing-nuttiest thing you ever did and yet she still kept you. So, say thanks for the support so far. </p>
<p>Do tell her about your mental picture for college, as in “I plan to get to all my classes – no cutting classes. I want to make friends, but I will try to be smart about socializing. I am thinking about taking XXX because after college I am interested in YYY.” All of this may be engrained in your brain as “of course” stuff, but if she hasn’t heard you verbalize it, she doesn’t know you are thinking it. </p>
<p>Last, tell her “Mom, if you are serious that you don’t want to pay for me to go to college, what would you want me to be doing?” Ask seriously, no sarcasm. The economy is the pits. What would truly be a career path? Coast Guard? Military? Plumbing? If you can have a serious heart to heart on this, it may lead to adult to adult conversations (plus a back up plan that is workable) rather than Me Boss, You Minion stuff. Good luck.</p>
<p>Big deal, your grades are pretty good except for the D-, and obviously you are going to learn from that by yourself. Just joke around to your mother about all the dumb D- things she’s done over the years.</p>
<p>“A D- is still passing over here (E is failing)”</p>
<p>From the above I assume the OP is from overseas and that compounds the issue. I would be doubly upset if my child, knowing they would be going to college in a different country, did so poorly. As other posters have mentioned, it’s more difficult in college, and flunking out is an expensive way to learn you are not ready.</p>
<p>No Fs at our school – they are Es. US public school system. </p>
<p>I can’t get access to S’s grades online without having his school’s email access – that is a line I don’t cross. He does show us his quarter grades on line when he comes home, and he offered to give us FERPA access so we get copies of his report card about three weeks after he shows us the grades online. </p>
<p>We talked about FERPA in terms of needing to talk to an advisor or prof in case there was a serious health crisis or other such emergency and made it clear that would be the only time we got involved. It is up to him to take advantage of the many resources his school offers. He found out the hard way that if he doesn’t ask for help, it’s not coming to find him.</p>
<p>My suggestion is similar to a couple of others posted here. Put your money where your mouth is. I would not give your mother a promissary note; I’d give her money. Do you have savings? Can you come up with maybe $1,000? I would ask if you could contribute $1,000 (or whatever significant amount you can manage). If you make a 3.0 or better, she will refund you 100%. 2.8 gets you 75%, 2.5 is 50%. Anything below a 2.5 and you don’t get any of it back. You’d likely be more motivated if it’s your money on the line, plus it will show your mother you are serious.</p>
<p>Your mom sounds a lot like me. This threat I’m sure, although rooted in some serious concerns about your grades, may also just be a bit of angst about you leaving home. Besides trying to prove that you have the right attitude, give her some TLC as well. I don’t know, but maybe I’m just a sucker for these things with my kids
Good luck, and I’m sure you’ll do well at college.</p>
<p>“Well, I’d be pretty ****ed too if I was about to write a big check for college tuition after getting getting evidence that my daughter appears to have been very irresponsible regarding her school obligations (even with senioritis, come on, a D-???)”</p>
<p>I agree, and I also speak from experience. </p>
<p>Senioritis isn’t an acceptable excuse for bad grades. Someone who has gotten such senioritis seems headed for trouble in college where there will be far more temptations to avoid academics than there are in high school.</p>
<p>I agree with those who suggest a written contract with your mother. If you don’t get (fill in the blank of acceptable gpa) grades fall semester, you come home and work.</p>
<p>Another option would be your offering to take out a loan and work to pay for part of fall semester. If you get acceptable grades, your mom would pick up the full cost afterward.</p>
<p>Both of my sons got senioritis. Older S went off to a Big 10 college that had given him a virtually full ride merit aid scholarship and then he flunked out because he didn’t go to class nor do the coursework even though it would have been easy for him.</p>
<p>H and i learned our lesson. When younger S got senioritis, we told him that we would not pay for college until he had gone on his own dime and had obtained an acceptable gpa for at least one year. S took big loans to go to the college of his choice, a place that offers an excellent education, but like MSU and the college older S went to, has a well deserved rep as a party school.</p>
<p>S is now a junior in college, and has maintained high grades there throughout his time there despite working, being active in several ECs, and having the freshman year partying roommate from hell.</p>
<p>Once you make a contract with your mother, may I also suggest that you call her once a week. If you call her somewhat regularly on Sunday afternoon or whatever, take it from me…it is tons easier for a parent to not blow a fuse because they view their son or daughter as an ingrate or rude or without any filial piety. You initiate the contact, make it somewhat reliable and routine…then you get to control it somewhat. My son called weekly, and this eliminated my urge to tell him what to do, ask for text messages, IM him and otherwise try to inject myself into his new life. Although this was less contact than many other parents had with their college students, it was enough and sufficient. Obviously we didn’t make this a hard core rule and he went abroad and traveled without checking in weekly! However, when we were sacrificing mightily for his private school tuition, and suffering to give him this gift of tuition…it sure went down better when we could have courteous weekly contact. I don’t expect to hear much at all about parties and girls…but it is rewarding to hear a bit about classes, teachers and big events attended since after all…we are paying for it and it feels good to recognize that the money is being used productively by someone who appreciates teachers, cultural events and the opportunities to know wonderful peers.</p>
<p>Setting up a respectful routine with your mother is almost as important as making sure you show her that her money is not being wasted on tuition. </p>
<p>There was the one time my old fashioned goody box with food and gifts went unacknowledged where I got mad…however, I learned my lesson, too. My son didn’t want that sort of attention. </p>
<p>Bad grades in college ARE an indication you are not ready for the privilege. You will also discover that in a recession, bad grades will equal never being selected for those jobs and internships that go to students who take their studies on as if it is a paying job they must complete daily</p>
<p>I too was ready to keep my son home from college when we got his grades for 2nd semester senior year. I was thoroughly disgusted. The situation was somewhat different in that my son’s grades have been shaky all through high school. But I think the “nearest” of him going away to college in conjunction with the crappy grades (including a F in his final project for an AP class) just completely freaked me out. I really thought he wasn’t ready. My husband had “talk me down” from not forcing our son to go to community college. </p>
<p>The agreement we came to was that our son has to have a certain minimum GPA (basically a B-) at the end of freshman year in order to continue at his four year school for his sophomore year. If he doesn’t meet the minimum, then he comes home and goes to community college until he shows us that he’s ready for a 4-year school (a minimum GPA of 3.0; maybe higher). Probably at least a year at the community college – we figure its cheaper tuition will somewhat balance out the money we spend for his freshman year.</p>
<p>You’ve had similar suggestions from other parents; give it a try and good luck.</p>
<p>Our cousins decided against paying the cost of sending their son away to college when his last term grades were down AND the young man got into some trouble regarding substance abuse. He had to commute to a local school for a year. If he got a certain GPA and stayed out of trouble, his parents would pay for the next year away at school. I thought it was a good deal.</p>
<p>If you were my kid you would be on probation in first semester. Contract written down for GPA of 3.25 first semester. Open online access to grades if possible. Parent controls on phones, text and internet for the first semester.
Failure to obtain 3.25 would be a transfer mid year to junior college or one of the smaller state colleges.
Good luck MSU is a huge college and it is real easy to get lost.</p>
