<p>Okay, so let me start off by saying that she's not a horrible/corrupt mother or anything like that.</p>
<p>Anyway, I got accepted into Michigan State University, and it's almost time for school. She looked at my final high school grades from senior year (D-, A-, A, C, A, about a 2.8-2.9, I've done way better in the past) and got really mad at me for that. Now she says that she's wondering why she should send me to college in the first place? She wants me to "convince" her that sending me to college is worth it. Our family isn't desperately poor or anything, so money isn't the issue here. I think it's just that she feels that I can't "handle" college because my final grades were disappointing. </p>
<p>So I'm in a bit of a rut here. I'm just gonna say that she bluffs a lot whe she's made threats in the past 17 years, but I can't be too sure with this one. How can I convince her that sending me to college is worth it? She wants to know what it will do for her (???), and what I would accomplish. "I'm going to try harder and try my best to get a 4.0 in order to succeed" doesn't cut it for her...(And yes, I know that's probably the most generic response one could think up)</p>
<p>Well I assume the bill for the fall semester arrived and she has to pay it within the next three weeks. You could make a contract on grades or do something like provide her with a lot of progress information as the semester wears on. Perhaps a journal that she could read or a weekly progress report.</p>
<p>That’s just a suggestion.</p>
<p>You could ask her what she would like to see to indicate that you will take care of business at college.</p>
<p>A lot of parents talk about a contract. Saying you’ll get straight A’s is not exactly a good bargain on your end as the transition to college that first semester is a tricky one. If it’s applicable, explain to your mom that you had a little bit of senioritis and this is not, as proven by past transcripts (if it’s the case), your typical MO.</p>
<p>Suggest that you will sign off on her seeing your grades (if that’s something the school requires for parents), and you will communicate with her regularly about your classes and make her aware of all test scores. Also suggest that you will check in your professors around midterms and get a status update (and to make sure you aren’t missing any work). And finally, you will do your best to achieve at least a 3.0 the first semester.</p>
<p>Not proud of it, but I’ve been there, done that. </p>
<p>She’s probably looking for you to grovel a bit and to maturely explain that (1) those grades were affected by Senioritis or errors on one or two exams, (2) that that your overall record reflects your ability to do the work; (3) you’ve wised up and are approaching college very seriously, understanding it will affect your whole life; and (4) (the carrot) that when she comes up for parents’ weekend, you will want to talk to her about how its going and can reassure her…you plan on continuing your very close relationship and she’ll know how it’s going all the way through. Review the classes you’re taking with her, and your thoughts about whether the first semester looks like it’s very easy (or not) and what your goals are. She’ll move on to other topics soon.</p>
<p>This is a stressful time for her too, and she’s probably just worried about you taking all of this seriously. Kids forget that we’re worried about our little birds flying, flying, flying, smack into the plate glass window.</p>
<p>Well, I’d be pretty ****ed too if I was about to write a big check for college tuition after getting getting evidence that my daughter appears to have been very irresponsible regarding her school obligations (even with senioritis, come on, a D-???)</p>
<p>So, assuming you actually are ready to handle college . . . . (which is a big assumption given that you couldn’t handle getting decent grades when faced with the fun of the end of senior year . . . how are you going to handle all of the distractions and fun associated with beginning of college???) . . . . you do need to grovel and commit to taking your college work seriously, studying hard, and getting the best grades you can. Hopefully, you DO have a good past track record to point to in order to give her confidence that you can do it if you want to. My sister was in a very similar situation . . . tanked her senior grades, talked my parents into writing the college check (which was a hardship for the family) and sending her off, just to have her flunk out her first semester because there were too many other fun things to do other than going to class and doing homework – flushing my parents money down the drain. Again, if it was my daughter, I would expect her to own up to her mistakes, explain why it happened, and commit to it not happening again. Because she has a good history, I would give her a “do over” but wouldn’t cut her much slack if she messed up again. I would require that she sign over the right for me to get her grades and progress reports on her academics.</p>
<p>There really is no excuse for the D-. I just thought I understood everything that was being told to me in the class, but I realized too late that I actually didn’t. A D- is still passing over here (E is failing), but I still feel bad about the grade. </p>
<p>The only way I can think of to reassure her that something like that won’t ever happen again is to prove it to her when the first grades come out for college. Like, I’ve told her that I will take college seriously and keep my priorities straight (I plan on going through with that promise), told her that I plan on giving her all the grades and progress reports that are available, but she doesn’t seem convinced. </p>
<p>Thank you for all the replies so far! I appreciate the help</p>
<p>You’re lucky you didn’t get a warning letter or rescinded from your school!</p>
<p>Now is the time to step up and demonstrate you are worthy of your mom’s trust. Open records, open communication, serious effort on your part. After those senior grades, if you were my kid, you’d have one term to prove yourself before I pulled the plug. </p>
<p>Just to distinguish between legit issues and senioritis that extends to freshman year, I would cut some slack for a kid who was a great student all the way through HS and hit the wall/had a tough transition first semester. Second semester, I’d expect significant improvement. College costs too much $$ to just play around.</p>
<p>P.S. I’m not “desperately poor,” as you put it. Nevertheless, I would not be throwing good money after bad. I have PLENTY of other things that could use some spare cash (retirement funds, replacing one of our ten year old cars, plumbing…). It’s not your money – don’t be flippant about it, whether your parents can easily afford the bill or not.</p>
If this can happen to you in HS, it is very likely to happen in college, where no one will hold your hand, give you warnings, or offer extra credit opportunities. You have to really stay on top of your game there.</p>
<p>In college, you read the textbook, ancillaries, stuff the professor posts on the web and listen to the lectures. In some of my son’s courses, it was very, very hard to get an A without understanding some amount of material outside of the course. For some courses, it’s helpful to have a second textbook around because the assigned textbook is so bad. Some students buy a second textbook or go to the library and use one there. In some of his courses, half the students don’t make it through the semester. My son has the textbook for his difficult fall courses and he started reading them at the beginning of the summer. I have plenty of additional material for him to cover if he wants to go over it including graduate-level materials.</p>
<p>State Universities are generally known for their lack of hand-holding and you really have to take charge of your education - you’re going to be hit with a lot of things to get adjusted to and a lot of distractions and it is very easy to let the semester and your grades slip away with a little bit of procrastination.</p>
<p>You are a lucky kid and I hope you won’t let your mother down. Had I been your mother, you would have had to prove yourself through a year of community college before I would have agreed to pay the bill for an university education. The fact that you did well the previous years, and slacked off senior year make it worse.</p>
<p>@CountingDown
You’re right, “desperately poor” was bad wording and I probably shouldn’t have even said anything like that at all. Also, I understand that she’s been working hard to send me to college, and it would be a waste of money if I just went there to mess up, so I think I have a good idea about how she feels when she could just be using the money on other things.</p>
<p>@nngmm
Yep, that’s true. I’ll try my best to get it together if she decides to let me go. I just have to get my studying/listening habits up and hopefully I can get some satisfying grades.</p>
<p>Anyway, I just had another talk with her, giving everything you guys have said some thought, and she seems to be leaning toward letting me go. Thanks to all of you for every bit of advice you’ve given!</p>
<p>^^True. But we’re really convinced by follow-through. Make sure you don’t fall into bad habits once you get to college. And call home occasionally - Moms like that, too. ;-)</p>
<p>Write two page proposal outlining why it is a good investment for your family to send you to college. Acknowledge past mistakes and explain how you will avoid repeating those mistakes. Outline your goals for the future. Tell your mother what you are willing to bring to the table… savings? hard work? what do you have to offer in return for the privilege of attending college? Ask your mother when she has time to to sit down and review your proposal. If you take it seriously, she will take it seriously.</p>
<p>missypie, my son leaves for school in 10 days and I just threatened the same thing here today :eek: Seriously, when I saw this thread for just an instant I thought maybe it was from him!</p>
<p>OP: show her how responsible you are. Help out at home without being asked. Get your things organized for college. Give her confidence that you are mature enough to manage your affairs.</p>
<p>Your now an adult and have to accept the consequence of your actions.
If your mom is footing the bill you’ll have to earn her trust as you are not entitled to a college education just for converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.</p>