<p>Here is the story:
I'm an incoming freshman. I have a single room and my mom is the only person driving me up to Ithaca so far. If nobody else takes the trip with us, my mom wants to stay overnight in my dorm room for the first night. I feel like that is really uncomfortable but she is being stubborn and doesn't want to rent a motel room if it is just for one night.</p>
<p>Has anybody ever heard of parents staying in dorm rooms? Is this normal? Is there stuff going on the first night (parties, mixers, etc.)? I need reason to not have her stay!</p>
<p>I would probably feel awkward in that situation as well but only because of the fact that you’ll probably have a roommate. You should try to contact your roommate and see if it’s okay with them. If your roommate’s not comfortable with the idea, your mom should probably get a hotel room for the night but if they are, letting her stay for the night shouldn’t be a big deal.</p>
<p>Parents probably have stayed in dorms with their kids before (in my opinion it’s kinda clingy). My brother had the same prob when he left, and all he did was explain to my parents (mostly my mom) that he wanted them to stay in a hotel. He had some other things he added, but I forget. Just explain to your mom that as much as you love her company, you would like her to stay somewhere else so you can go out and meet people. You could even pull the “the longer you stay, the more likely it is that I’ll be homesick” trick out of the hat. Hope I helped!</p>
<p>This is–and I say this as a parent–a completely terrible idea all around. The dorm will be a chaotic mess because of move-in. People and their roommates will still be figuring out whose stuff should go where, and the hallways will be littered with the boxes of those dorm-room organizers that people bought at Bed, Bath & Beyond and shlepped to Ithaca in their Honda Odysseys. Even if there aren’t organized mixers or welcome parties, there will be a whole campus full of people mixing, and they won’t have their mothers in tow. It will be noisy until well past midnight. It will not be a comfortable place for a middle-aged woman to spend the night.</p>
<p>It’s a plan that makes no sense for her, and that, to be quite honest, creates the real possibility that you’ll spend freshman year known as “the one with the mom.”</p>
<p>I’ve heard stories of this situation before. </p>
<p>While I do think it is kind of awkward especially since you’ll have your own freshman events to attend, it probably will not be a problem for your mom to stay the first night with you. I do remember going to events at night but my memory is fuzzy on rather the first night was one of them. However, if there are events, just make sure you let your mom know and set boundaries.</p>
<p>Honestly, since everyone is just adjusting and moving in, the first night will probably not be a “party” night.</p>
<p>^^I was gonna say “the one with the mom” too. Speaking as a totally over-involved, over-protective, extremely sad to see my first born go off to college Mom…I would never in a zillion years even think of bunking with my child on their first night at college. Tell her it’s against the rules. Tell her you will be teased mercilessly…tell her it’s wildly inappropriate.</p>
<p>I would never in a zillion years voluntarily spend a night in a dormitory full of 18-year-olds–let alone a dormitory full of 18-year-olds who are all having their first night of “freedom” out of their parents’ houses.</p>
<p>And I’m with JoBenny on the over-involved, over-protective thing. I chose my College Confidential user name deliberately.</p>
<p>No. Just no. Totally inappropriate. And I am a mom who will be saying my good-byes to my freshman daughter in 3 weeks. She would never forgive me if I did that.</p>
<p>Yeah, I agree that it is inappropriate. But you may not be able to stop her… one thing to check is whether the college has a time when the parents are supposed to “say goodbye” and leave. Both of my D’s colleges had a clearly marked point in the dropoff days events for this. For one D they had a tea at about 4 pm with the college president for parents and students, and then at 5 pm it had “parents depart” or something like that on the schedule. For D2 they have an afternoon of activities, parents are to take their kids out to dinner, then at 7 pm it says something like that “parents drop kids off and say final goodbyes”. You could look at the dropoff day schedule and see if there is something you could show her.</p>
<p>If not… well… tell her she gets the floor and you get the bed, as it is your room. And that you will be going with your hall or to any scheduled student activities WITHOUT her, as they are clearly intended for students and not parents. Then stick to it. Also tell her you are taking the room key with you because you have to be able to get back in, and she can either stay in the unlocked room the whole time you are gone OR find something else to do elsewhere around campus and you will phone her when you are done with your activities (which may be very late). </p>
<p>You also might print and present her with the list of hotels recommended by the college, there is always such a list on the website.</p>
<p>As a sophomore who had to deal with this last year, I recommend telling your mom not to room with you on the first night. There WILL be parties and you WILL want to hang out with all of your new friends until the wee hours of the night. I think you would be more of a nuisance to your mom (being constantly in and out of your room late at night) than she would be to you! It’s a little late so you might not be able to find any hotels but give it a try. I think if you find and plan out the hotel situation she might be more willing to stay there. I also recommend meeting up with her for brunch the next morning just so she doesn’t feel like you’ve forgotten about her already!</p>
<p>The 22nd is the night most freshman will arrive at Cornell and they will be staying with their parents. The 23rd is the move in day and I believe there are things that evening for freshmen to do - meeting the RA and some team building events. It is not against the rule for someone to stay in your dorm room, and since you have a single, she will not be disturbing your roommate. Most hotels around Ithaca are completely booked by now. They require minimum 3 nights stay and generally cost 2-3 times normal rate. I assume that’s why your mom wants to stay in your room for one night. If it is a case of spending $300/night (money your mom may not want to spend) or stay with you for one night, maybe you can just suck it up. Are you a girl or boy? If you are a guy, your mom may feel awkward in using a men’s bathroom.</p>
<p>On the other hand, maybe Mom can suck it up a little bit, and plan to leave Ithaca early enough that she can get a couple of hours down the road and find a reasonably priced placed to spend the night.</p>
<p>I mean, I infer from this discussion that may not be what she’s inclined to do, but IMO it’s what she ought to do.</p>
<p>In one word- NO! Unless there are some dire financial circumstances, this is the time to cut the cord. I would never do this to my son, and I think that you have a right to be treated as an adult.</p>
<p>Dexterfan - no, there is no 90/night 4 miles from campus. The cheapest I’ve found so far is 350/night if I didn’t want to stay more than 30 miles away. If you do see it, please let me know. I actually need a room for Sat night because D2 just decided she wanted to go up later.</p>
<p>What time is the “separation point” on the day of drop off? For D1 it was at 4 pm, and I drove 2 hours down the road before stopping for the night. D2 is 7 pm, and I have a place about 30 minutes from campus booked, but could easily have gone further if necessary. This parent does not HAVE to stay on campus. I guarantee you that very, very few other parents, even those in financial difficulty, will be staying in their kid’s dorm room.</p>
<p>I just want to say thanks for all the responses. To clear up some things:
-I have a single room. Which means NO ROOMMATE.
-My mom did lose her job recently, so she is kind of using that as a reason not to get a $300+/night hotel room.
-There are family events the day after move in.</p>
<p>I was really wondering if anybody has ever experienced this.</p>
<p>My son is a commuter but even like that I think is a bad idea. One night will not break the bank in the big scope of “college costs”. Many hotels and motels offer deals for incoming freshmen families so I do not think money is really the issue here. Another point is that a dorm is not a hotel and it should be reserved for the students. I would hate if my son (if he was in a dorm) would be spending the night mixed with adults, even if those adults were parents.</p>
Speaking as a totally over-involved, over-protective, extremely sad to see my first born go off to college Mom…I would never in a zillion years even think of bunking with my child on their first night at college. Tell her it’s against the rules. Tell her you will be teased mercilessly…tell her it’s wildly inappropriate.</p>