<p>My D attends a very competitive (ivy) school far from home. Her room is much like a suite: two single roooms ajoined by a bath. It is at the end of a hall which is an off shoot of the main hall (so, way back in a corner). The first night at the dorm my D invited her suitemate to join her for dinner. The young lady politely declined and explained her mom was there. My D thought, ok, she couldn't find a hotel room. The mother did not leave for over a week! My guess is that because of the location of the room and the fact that the daughter did not attend any mandatory house meetings noone noticed. So now that the mom is gone my D again invited her SM out - the girl explained she did not have a meal card (something I guess is allowed) and will be eating in her room (microwave). The suitemate is extremely introverted and this very wll may be natural for her.<br>
Aside from the fact that my D is disappointed because she misses out on the natural initial companion and her room smells of food sometimes she is not making this her problem - she is "going to deal with it". I, on the other hand, think this is a recipe for disaster - a very unhealthy situation for the young lady. Classes have begun and already the stress level is beginning to elevate. Any thoughts? Is this my business?</p>
<p>It is unfortunate for the young lady. My guess is there maybe money issue. It is unusual for a freshman not to have a meal card. At Cornell you don’t have to have a full meal plan, but everyone is required to have a minimum meal plan. </p>
<p>No, it is none of your business, or your daughter’s business how this young woman wants to live. I would encourage your daughter to reach out to her suitemate, but only to the extend the suitemate wants it. Maybe in time the suitemate will feel comfortable enough to have a relationship with your daughter. In the mean time, your daughter should try to bond with other people. Just be happy that they are just suitemates.</p>
<p>What “disaster” is foreseen here? Seems to me your daughter is doing all the right things. She has invited this girl out but the girl prefers to stay in her room. Fine, it’s her choice. Just keep being polite, friendly, and open with the shy girl and let her accept however much companionship she’s comfortable with. In the meantime, let’s not solve a “problem” before there actually is one.</p>
<p>Make sure your DD knows that she need not expect her roommate to always be her best friend, sometimes just having a polite civil relationship and sharing space allows for much less drama.</p>
<p>If this girl is not her type, be glad she is quiet and not loud, introverted and not a partier bringing home drunk friends. A shift in expectations from meeting ones BFF as a freshman to being relieved there are no huge problems might be a helpful coping mechanism</p>
<p>thanks. hmmm, I guess there really is no eminent disaster. yes, my D is fine with things and has moved on and found other friends while still reaching out to SM. I just find it unusual for parent to stay in room for a week and then the student eats alone in her room. May very well just be a money issue. I will stay out of things.</p>
<p>flamom - It is indeed unfortunate that you D’s SM won’t contribute (or receive) the social benefits that a suite environment can provide. Perhaps in the process of finding new friends she can locate a better match for the Spring Semester. Another roommate may not be “better” but likely will be different … another “learning experience” for college students.</p>
<p>It’s not my daughter with whom I am concerned but the roommate. As I stated, she doesn’t think this is an issue - and so neither will I. I appreciate that the roommate is shy and introverted but in my humble opinion I think that eating in your room all the time (there is a general kitchen in hallway) and having your mom stay for a week is unhealthy. But, you’re right I shouldn’t judge.</p>
<p>I agree with you that it is an unusual situation, and this girl will not be getting the full college experience. It could be a money thing, or a cultural thing. Her parents may have made it clear that college is for academics and not socializing. </p>
<p>It’s not your business (other than giving you something to talk about with friends). If your daughter is concerned, she could mention the situation to the RA.</p>
<p>Maybe the suitemate is anorexic. Just a thought. Or some sort of eating disorder.
Nevertheless, good idea to stay out of it.</p>
<p>I agree that it is an odd situation to say the least and I agree that your D is doing quite well by extending social offers, etc. If your D ever suspects there is a serious issue with the roommate or the situation becomes stressful for her, I would counsel her to talk to the RA, but other than that, I’m glad your D is getting on with her life, new experience and new friends. I’m somewhat surprised the school does not require some sort of meal plan for freshmen and surprised they let a parent “stay” in the room…very odd indeed.</p>
<p>MYOB
10 char</p>
<p>I’m glad your D is handling this fine and is doing as others have stated - being civil, polite, etc. and of course, the SM doesn’t need to be the best friend. But I hope that now that this shy, introverted, and apparently socially awkward SM is at college and away from the family, she’ll grow more in her social skills and maybe start to come out of her shell. College just started but maybe after a few weeks the situation will improve. If it’s suspected that money could be a factor for the SM then maybe your D, who seems very friendly, could invite the SM to some no cost activities on campus - free dorm activities, going to the library, heading to the bookstore with her, free concerts, free movies if they have them, etc. If the SM continues to turn it down then your D will have done about all she could do but again, maybe the SM will open up more after a few weeks. I assume there’s a good chance your D could have a different SM next year - right?</p>
<p>But regardless, there’s nothing for you to do with the situation.</p>
<p>What’s the problem?</p>
<p>Your daughter has a single and shares a bath with one other person who seems entirely unobtrusive except for having the smell of food in the area – which is an extremely common situation in dorms or apartment buildings anyway.</p>
<p>Sounds almost ideal to me.</p>
<p>As for the suitemate, being introverted is not abnormal, and I suspect that the girl is not on the meal plan either because of religious dietary restrictions or medical ones. I also suspect that her mom hung around for awhile so that the two of them could brainstorm together on ways to deal with other aspects of the student’s particular religious or medical needs. In any event, it’s not your daughter’s concern.</p>
<p>OP just wanted to brag her d goes to a very competitive (ivy) school</p>
<p>I don’t see the problem or the need for prefacing the post with the fact that your daughter is attending a very competitive (ivy) school. How is that relevant?</p>
<p>
I don’t see the evidence for that. Way to welcome a newcomer to the board, though.</p>
<p>The competitiveness of school has nothing to do with the problem she posted.</p>
<p>Mom is a new poster, I think we should focus on what she is asking. She probably got her answer already and does not disagree.</p>
<p>Newer posers haven’t had a chance to master the complicated CC etiquette of when it’s all right to mention that their child is at an Ivy and when it isn’t. I don’t think anyone deserves to be dinged for asking an honest question. And how does reproaching someone for mentioning that their child attends a prestigious school add to the quality of the conversation?</p>
<p>Ding away if it makes you happy, though.</p>
<p>Wow! Yep that’s exactly what I wanted to do - brag. Actually it was to explain what i thought was an already stressful environment. (and I know all schools can be stressful and competitive before you attack on that front) I was concerned with a situation and asked for opinion. Last time I will do that - Thanks. Sometimes we can mind our own business too much and miss some warning signs.</p>