<p>I'm graduating this summer (thank God) and going off to college in the Fall. The college that I want to go to is 35 min from my house, which is not far at all. But I don't want to commute, I want to dorm. I'm responsible, trustworthy and get mostly B's and some A's in school. My mom is just freaking out about me wanting to dorm. She says that she's gonna be lonely without me blah blah blah. Is this just her not wanting to let go and admit that her daughter is all grown up? Why do parents have such a hard time with that?</p>
<p>^^^</p>
<p>I would tell my mom (nicely) that whether or not you’re in a dorm, you won’t be home that much anyway. </p>
<p>College is not like high school where kids come home at 3:30 pm. In college, you’ll have classes at various time, sometimes late into the evening, plus there will be activities, clubs, and study groups. Whether you live at home or in a dorm, you won’t be around home that much.</p>
<p>BTW…why don’t you just make it a “done deal” by choosing a college that is more than 35 minutes away? Are you only applying to one school?</p>
<p>Also, check the school’s rules…many schools are requiring all freshmen to live on campus - except for those who live with parents in the college’s town.</p>
<p>Obviously you are not being nearly enough of a pain in the butt during your senior year – so far, anyway! ;)</p>
<p>My mom didn’t start freaking out until like July before I moved, but she adjusted well enough. I go to school about 20 minutes away and see my mom about twice a month anyway.</p>
<p>I think my mom is truly lonely without another “adult” in the house. She’s used to having my dad and me. Now she just has my dad and my 16 year old sister. You will leave a hole when you leave that your mom will have to find a way to fill, and it will take some time to adjust.</p>
<p>Are you the first or last child going away to college by any chance? That makes it worse.</p>
<p>Imagine for a minute-your precious child, whom you would kill or die for, who all your love and hopes and dreams are for–is soon to be leaving. Gone. The person that you are always thinking about, doing things to make their life better, who lifts your spirit every time you just see them–will be gone. </p>
<p>Think about whoever you love right now most in the world, whether it is a parent, dog, sibling, friend or boyfriend. Multiply it by 100. That’s how much your mom loves you. And you will be leaving her. She will grow more accustomed to it as time goes on, but initially it feels like she is practically dealing with a death. So when you feel annoyed at her, just think of that-have some compassion and realize that one day you will love your child just as much. And you will understand her grief.</p>
<p>It sounds like she will have a huge void in her life when you leave, so it will be important for her to start finding other ways to fill her time, even before you go to school. Does she have something that interests her? </p>
<p>Most people agree that living in a dorm is one of those watershed experiences in life and it’s why most colleges require at least one year living on campus. Explain to your mom that it is important for you to live in a dorm so that you can become part of your school community. </p>
<p>It is a conflicted time for most parents - it’s sad to see our kids go, but we also want them to pursue their goals. Your mom seems only focused on the negative aspects of your leaving, so try to keep the things positive. When she starts to become melancholy, change the tone of the conversation and steer her in another direction.</p>
<p>Ketchup, I’m sure that Busdriver didn’t mean that it’s going to be the end of the world for your mom if you live in the dorms. Your mom is a grown-up and will need to deal with her feelings in her own way. It’s completely reasonable for you to want to live on campus - you will make more and better friends that way and be more able to take advantage of everything that college offers. Be loving but firm about your desire to live on campus. Put the most positive spin on it that you can and reassure her that the two of you will still be able to stay close through phone calls and occasional visits. All of us parents go through a period of mourning when our kids leave, but we quickly find that there are many fulfilling things that we can do with our extra time and that it’s easy to stay close to our children even when they aren’t physically in the house.</p>
<p>I think moms and daughters must have a different relationship than moms and sons LOL. Rarely do you see moms posting about the loss of their sons in their lives or sons posting about missing their moms. They miss us and we miss them, but…anyway I digress. If cost is not an issue talk to your mom about driving back and forth late at night, early in the morning…if you live in “snow country” talk to her about the commute in the winter. Make a “pact” about how often you’ll communicate. If you talk to her and keep talking to her including listening to HER point of view, she may warm to the idea as time goes on. Don’t whine, don’t beg, don’t yell… just have two-way conversations. I can’t tell if she is going to be alone or if she has a husband/dad in the picture. If she’s going to be alone it will be an adjustment she might really be dreading. Maybe her friends can help, too. If it’s a money thing then you need to have that discussion and talk about what contributions you can make to ease the financial situation. Sometimes kids that are within commuting distance are not required to live on campus and if that’s the case an apartment close to campus with others might make economic sense depending on the cost in your area.</p>
<p>Does your mom have any friends with students at the same college? Maybe she could get some reassurance that 35 minutes is a very manageable distance for visiting often, even if just for Sunday brunch or a midweek dinner together.
What she’s really saying is that she loves you and likes to see you. That’s a good thing and easily accommodated, even after you move to the dorm.</p>
<p>May be this trick will work: Tell your mom that you are changing your plan and you don’t want to go to college anymore. You want to join the Army.</p>
<p>To answer your question: yes, there are many, many other moms freaking out. Busdriver11 described it well. However, your mom will want you to have the dorm experience when you discuss how important the experience will be to you. Just respect your mother’s pain and realize what a joy you’ve been to her, and why it is hard to see you go.</p>
<p>*The college that I want to go to is 35 min from my house, which is not far at all. But I don’t want to commute, I want to dorm. I’m responsible, trustworthy and get mostly B’s and some A’s in school. My mom is just freaking out about me wanting to dorm. She says that she’s gonna be lonely without me blah blah blah. *</p>
<p>Along with my above post…</p>
<p>1) Is is possible that your mom is also worried about paying for your room and board costs? </p>
<p>2) Will your mom be all alone when you’re in college, if so, she needs to either get a hobby or volunteer somewhere.</p>
<p>3) Did you apply to any other schools that are further away?</p>
<p>If none of the above ideas are true in your situation (and I think there is a good chance at least some of them are true), try a different approach.</p>
<p>Explain to your mom how you will be safer on campus. Show her a course catalog with classes running from early in the morning until well in to the evening. Explain to her how study groups, review sessions, and extracurricular clubs generally meet at night., after students are finally done with their classes. Tell her that it spooks you to walk to a deserted parking lot on the edge of campus alone at night, while the other kids are heading to their dorms in the center of campus. Tell her you’re afraid of having a car accident while driving late at night, because you will be so tired… and in the morning you might drive too fast so as not to be late to class, or because you are distracted thinking about an upcoming exam…</p>
<p>Also talk about how you will love occaisonally coming home on a weekend to get away from the campus hubbub, and look forward to bringing roomie/other new friends with you because your mom is so cool. And how great it would be if she sometimes came to campus to see a performance with you.</p>
<p>Get the idea?</p>
<p>Just keep explaining to your mom how important it is to you. Be polite, but be truthful and firm. </p>
<p>This is normal behavior for parents. Think about it from their perspective: for 18 years they’ve hardly been without you, except for a few sleepovers, summer camp, maybe some trips. Now that you’re older too, they probably see you as a source of companionship and someone they can talk to or who can cheer them up when they’ve had a lousy day. They’ve attuned the whole rythym of their lives around you: your school, your activities, your friends, your vacations, your work, your triumphs and challenges, these things are part of fabric of their life just as much as they are a part of yours. And then at some point they’re just expected to drop all that and let you go off and create a whole new pattern for yourself in which they will only play a small role, if any. Of course it’s hard for them. </p>
<p>My mom was the same way. It’s 100% normal and basically unavoidable. Just stick to your guns, and try to be patient. Remember that as exciting as college is for you, it’s scary for your parents.</p>
<p>thanks everyone. i think i’m gonna have a talk with my parents tomorrow & tell them the benefits of me living on campus. & i just thought of another good excuse: i’m not the best driver anyways [my mom knows that]</p>
<p>oh & i ammm mostly late to school now which is a 3 min drive so i can also use the excuse that i might drive to fast in the morning to get to classes</p>
<p>Good plan. Moms can always be manipulated with the safety issue!</p>
<p>I would still want to rule out the possibility that the mom has other reasons for not wanting her D to live on campus, but instead of talking to her about them, the mom is using the excuse “I’ll be lonely if you go.”</p>
<p>I know a mom who did just that… That mom was concerned about R&B costs, concerned about drinking in dorms, concerned about sex in dorms, etc…but the parent didn’t want to say any of those things, so instead she would say that she’d miss the child too much.</p>
<p>
seriously?
this sure will convince your mom that you are all grown up, and ready for independent living in the dorms!</p>
<p>If you really want to live on campus, don’t make stupid excuses. You have to explain the real reasons why this will be beneficial for you (and it probably will be, if you are mature enough to make good choices).</p>
<p>On the other hand, room and board can easily cost over $10,000 at some schools, and it can be unreasonable to expect your parents to pay that if the money is short, and you live so close.</p>
<p>ketchup?</p>
<p>I have a few words of advice for you:</p>
<p>DON’T GO DON’T GO DON’T GO DON’T GO DON’T GO!!!</p>
<p>(and would you please pass the word to my D? thx!)</p>
<p><3</p>