Mom worried about college daughter and serious boyfriend

<p>I know that “fractured family” sounded judgmental. I did not want to go into specific details in the event that somehow this boy could be identified through my post. All I will say is that this is not a divorce situation, that he hasn’t spoken to his Dad in over three years and that he has periods of depression (BF) and sadness that he attributes to what he went through with his father. My daughter seems at times to be trying to counsel him and encourage him ashe becomes withdrawn. She has become worried about him and she appears to feel responsible to support him. No matter how much empathy I have for him, I am concerned about my daughter becoming responsible for helping him through this emotional pain will become a burden to him.
I myself have been divorced. I was in no way casting judgement on any divorced family, this is an entirely different matter.</p>

<p>I understand your concern.</p>

<p>We all want our kids to be in the “perfect” situation. But, we don’t get to choose who our kids fall in love with. It sounds to me, based on your post, that you have mainly kept your concerns to yourself. I think that’s a really good plan and I’d stick with it, challenging as it can be.</p>

<p>Your daughter may or may not stay with this guy for a while, and I would bet she has similar misgivings, and she is trying to “figure it out” herself.</p>

<p>When my daughter broke up, this summer, with a guy we didn’t especially “Love,” though we hadn’t said this, it turned out her concerns and reasons for breaking up with him were exactly the same as ours. So… She came to the same place on her own. </p>

<p>In the end, she asked me if I’d liked him, and I said, “I liked that you liked him. And, I figured there must be a good reason. That was good enough for me.”</p>

<p>Good luck. She’s still young. She’ll figure it out. So will you.</p>

<p>Last post on this, I so appreciate all of you who took the time to respond to my post. I saw that I was over-reaching and trying to over-step. I spoke to my daughter yesterday and told her she could go and talked about some creative ways to fund the flight. I still do not wish to have her boyfriend’s family pay for this flight, we may be poor but not cheap.
It just seems to be one thing after another financially with a child in college. Covering tuition is one thing but it is the unanticipated expenses that rock me. My daughter was required to have a series of three rabies shots before she does an internship at a wildlife rehab center. The shots were not covered by our insurance and cost $950.00! Well, enough from me, I sound like I am beginning to whine here. Thanks again everyone.</p>

<p>OP, how gracious! I’m impressed by your willingness to change your point of view. Talking with your D about creative solutions – that’s important for the adult-to-adult relationship you’re beginning to create. I know it’s hard, but very nicely done, Mom!</p>

<p>“If the boyfriend is going to invite her it is very nice that he offer to pay.”</p>

<p>I agree, it’s an appropriate gift. Even if you were rich, I would think it appropriate for him to bear some of the cost of her visiting his family. She’s a guest.</p>

<p>Agree with Hanna that it really is not about ability to pay or some charity offering. As I mentioned previously, my daughter has been invited to spend the holidays with her boyfriend’s family in Ohio (she and her BF live in NYC). It is a gift that either her BF or his parents (not sure whom) are paying for. In fact, it was given as a birthday gift to my daughter. Her BF made a graphic gift certificate/invitation as a present for the invitation to spend the holidays with his family. I saw it (it was cute). It had nothing to do with my D’s ability to pay.</p>