<p>OP, look ahead a year. There have been several young adults just like you who have posted threads just like this. The only difference was the dilemma: their mothers weren’t letting them matriculate at their Top But Far Away School, instead requiring them to live at home and commute to Nearby College. Really. How, you ask? Until you are financially independent, you parents may exercise control via money.</p>
<p>So I’d look at this as a huge gift. (In fact, I might even suggest aunt goes along so your mom isn’t alone when you’re busy and, importantly, her sister sees the light, too!) Be agreeable, take the lead in planning trip logistics so she can see you are a capable young adult, be sure to do one thoughtful thing that is all about mom–which can as simple as surprising her with a cookie from the dining hall or her favorite chocolate bar anywhere along the way of the trip (it reassures her that no matter how important your life becomes, you will never forget mom) and realize plenty of peers will also have parents along for the first day or two–so don’t be embarrassed, do make sure your mom has a wonderful time!</p>
<p>The other part of helping moms let go involves communication. So once she leaves and goes back home, don’t be so happy that you ignore her for your remaining weeks! She won’t dictate a contact scheme if you take the initiative and suggest a communication pattern that is comfortable and convenient for you–a once a week phone call has been the “standard” for college kids for years. (Smart phones have changed things; many kids text or call their parents daily. Personally, I think that’s too much–and I’m a mom! But if that is already the pattern you have with your mom and you like it, keep it up. If that’s your pattern and you’d like to wean her off of it, this is a perfect time!)</p>
<p>I think it’s a cultural thing…all the things she is saying to make you feel guilty, all the worries that she is voicing. There’s Asian mother guilt, Jewish mother guilt, and so forth. </p>
<p>She will come with you, see where you are, and be reassured. You’re going to have to put up with some of this, and wean her little by little. Hang in there…she’ll go home and you’ll be on your own. :)</p>
<p>It’s not a big deal that you get the experience of traveling alone from Boston airport to Harvard: only one short bus and 2 short trains. You will have plenty of occasions to take the buses and trains to explore Cambridge and Boston by yourself throughout the summer. I agree that your mom spoiled your spirit of adventure, but you won’t lose a lot of adventure. The only thing I would regret is your mom did not arrange more than two vacation days to go around Boston and its neighborhood with you as a family before you start the summer class. You will not be able to see your mom and travel together often after going to college.</p>
<p>Umm, Pizzagirl, Boston for a day or so. Not shabby, not at all. Maybe we should all join OP’s mom there. I’ll spring for some drinks and appetizers at some neat little Cambridge haunts. Then we can all go and wave at the OP. Sounds like fun. When are you going, Haletonford? Wanta to pm us with your mom’s email address?</p>
<p>Student answering here, so not as far removed from the age you’re at, but also with no parenting experience.
I just wanted to say that while your mother was being unreasonable with her reasons for you not to go to the program, her wanting to go with you to Boston is not at all strange. She calls you naive, but your reasoning for your not being naive is that you do school work without incentives? Really? Yes, your mother seems extreme, and I have a father who is the same way, but your post did little to prove your maturity.
As a rising sophomore I did a summer program in Baltimore and my whole family came down. (I did not have to fly however, so it was necessary that someone drive) Every other student also had their parents come. One guy who was sixteen and who’s father had recently transferred from New Jersey to Greece had his mother actually come and visit family in New Jersey for the entire time he was back in the country.
I’m twenty years old and I still prefer it when my mother drives me down to school. (The four to six hour drive gets monotonous. Especially if you’re driving alone, you can get a bit tired. She also enjoys driving my car down with me and taking the bus home. It gives her some time to herself.) I would have never dreamed of telling her she couldn’t come on my very first day of college, or would I have told my father who is similar to your mother, but for different reasons.
However two weeks ago, I moved down to my college town, into my first apartment that if all goes well will be funded by my own job and scholarships. My mom helped me shop for some pots and pans and taught me what reasonable prices were for different foods. Then, I packed up my car and went down on my own because she had seen that I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. </p>
<p>All this being said, I understand where you’re coming from. I remember being your age and thinking I knew everything, and that the only thing that made me different from an adult was the fact that I was stuck at home with my parents. I’m still not at the age where I know I know nothing, but I’m getting there. I know that at sixteen I thought I could handle so much more than I actually could have, and that I was so much smarter than my parents. There’s no way to convince someone of this way otherwise. They need to realize it, but that usually only happens in retrospect.</p>
<p>It’ll be the same way during college admissions and then the college decision. This isn’t the worst of it yet. Play it cool until after college and then completely cut yourself off. People like your mother NEVER change.</p>
<p>Ha, ha. My kids sure want me and my credit card and check book in town when moving into their apartments and houses. At this point, I am about done with that, so my younger kids will not get as much in that area. Unless they are going somewhere that will make a nice mini vacation.</p>
<p>So, yeah, mothers can change. Enjoy while it is still a novelty for her.</p>
<p>Yeah, I’d stay stuff like this, too. It’s called poetic license. Because what I really mean is that I’m worried, that it doesn’t feel safe to me, and that: </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Because you are 16 and have just finished your sophomore year of high school, and two years from now you will have had two years’ worth of additional maturing experiences? And your mother will have two additional years of preparing herself to allow you to face situations that make her nervous?</p>
<p>As others have said, you can experience finding your way around Cambridge/Boston independently after you get there. Then, having demonstrated you could do that, you will be more likely to convince your mother to allow you to travel elsewhere alone.</p>
<p>The summer before my daughter’s sophomore year of high school, she went to Madrid for three weeks for a Johns Hopkins CTY program. I was so nervous about her flying by herself from NY to Spain (even though it was a direct flight and the CTY people were going to pick her up at the Madrid airport) that I flew to Madrid with her. Yes I did. But it was actually nice – we went three days before her program started and had a nice time exploring Madrid. Then I took her to her program and flew home. She did come home by herself, but that wasn’t all that stressful for me because other CTY kids were on the same flight.</p>
<p>Summer before her sophomore year, she took a class at Brown. She went by herself to Providence on Amtrak and then took a cab to campus. I was so stressed out until I knew she arrived at Brown safely. </p>
<p>My kids only attended summer programs in my immediate geographic area, but I don’t know why I wouldn’t fly with them into the program and get them settled in and fly back. D is going to school in Boston in the fall and you’re darn right that H and I are flying in with her, getting her settled and flying back out.</p>
<p>“while your mother was being unreasonable with her reasons for you not to go to the program, her wanting to go with you to Boston is not at all strange.” - I agree. She may not even believe her outlandish reasoning… she probably just wants to go. So let her come along graciously. Then after a few days you’ll have the whole summer to enjoy your independence. </p>
<p>Letting your mom have a taste of college experience may make her much more open minded during your college search. </p>
<p>As an aside… wow, OP’s mom tops even me… a world class worrier. One of my toughest hurdles ever was allowing 11 year old space nut daughter to fly as unaccompanied minor to FL for space camp. I was a little concerned about the flight logistics. And REALLY concerned about a stranger picking her up on the other end. Letting her go was one of the toughest and best decisions I ever made. But she was willing to use her life savings (and some new earnings) to fund half the trip, so I supported her dreams.</p>
<p>I am the mom of a soon to be first year college student. He and I are very close. He is very independent and a great kid. I trust his judgement and know he will continue to make good judgements at school. Part of how we got to this point was traveling together to visit schools and his constant indulgence of his mother being able to vent her worries about all the things that ‘could’ happen. My concerns were not as extreme as your mothers, but I am really going to say this is cultural, and I think you believe this to be the case as well. He let me go through this, listened, and talked with me maturely, as a friend, often with humor. He did not meet me with frustration which could have been understandable. The last few months have been especially hard as I know he is leaving. Everyone gives me a bit of slack and the more I see his mature behavior and grace towards me the easier this transition becomes.</p>
<p>This is not easy on either of you…step up and be the man she has raised you to be. Her fears will begin to slowly fade as she sees this person emerge and the frustrated, immature young boy fade away. Help your mom enjoy the trip. Give her that gift. You will enjoy your time immensely and it will pay off in the years to come. Trust me on this one.</p>
<p>Your mother’s anxiety is dominating any sense of rationale about your upcoming trip.
It is her job to deliver you safely into adulthood.</p>
<p>That said, stop throwing a tantrum-it is happening whether you like it or not.
So accept it like a man and start being gracious to her, plan somewhere to eat when you two get into Boston, chat about the awesome program you are attending at her expense, I may add.
Take the reins and tell her you will do all the printing out of boarding passes, navigate the airport, get you two to the correct gate, and do the same once you get to Boston.
If she sees you are a more than competent flyer she can relax for your future flights.
Stop struggling and accept your fate.
No one likes an ungrateful kid.
You really don’t want to be mean to your mom, she means well.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten lots of good advice. Be kind to your mom, and have a great time in Cambridge.</p>
<p>BTW, yes, Harvard DOES let in murderers. Several years a go an H undergrad murdered her room mate. (Don’t tell your mother, though. ) Then there was the girl who had actually murdered her mother, although her acceptance was withdrawn after they found out.</p>
<p>So don’t be like the 2nd kid in Consoliation’s post… let go of your anger (feel the force, Luke).</p>
<p>Really, you posted a thread about this a while ago when she was thinking about coming, so this was not totally out of the blue for you. She said she wanted to do this from the beginning.</p>
<p>You will have TONS of experiences between now and the end of college to travel to and from college on your own – you will spend more time sitting in airports and complaining about the traveling aspect than you can now imagine. Just let your mom go along for the ride. It is two days out of a seven or eight week experience. The program is probably very good at separating the kids from the parents (having a time when the parents say goodbye and leave). She won’t be able to go to class with you or anything.</p>
<p>I am a parent who will put a kid on a flight alone to a summer program, but I also will carefully work out the logistics, backup plans, etc. But I can tell you this about my daughters (I think you are male). If they went to a camp like this and met a young man on the first day who was being rude and angry to his mom over this particular issue, both to her face and behind her back, that boy would NOT be on their radar as someone they would be attracted to. If they met a boy who was being kind and considerate to his mom, helping her feel more at ease with leaving him, and brushed off any embarrassment with a good natured attitude, THAT is the boy they would want to be friendly with. Just saying… you might want to consider what kind of impression you will make on your classmates. It may seem grown up to you to vent and b**** about this, but it actually would be MUCH more grownup to be kinder to your mom even if she is being somewhat unreasonable. It really doesn’t hurt you to have her go along, but you can hurt your own reputation by behaving wretchedly over it.</p>
<p>^ THIS!! You may not think you care now (or maybe you do), but a sage piece of advice given to young women Is to watch how a man treats his mother. If he is respectful, that’s a very good sign. Rude, impatient, uncaring, run for the exit…this is his future and possibly yours. </p>
<p>My son gets lots of kudos from his ‘girls who are friends’ for being decent to his mom. It is definitely noticed.</p>
<p>Great advice, everyone. What’s done is done and looks like I can’t do much about it, I suppose I have to stay immature for a bit longer. I do want to point out that I am in no way indecent to my mother, it is just that clingy mothers that love too much and pubescent boys don’t work too well with each other. I suppose what bothers me most about all of this is the irrationality of my mother’s arguments and that, from what I can gather, her method of securing my safety is treating me like I am an unpredictable infant. Instead of making assumptions based on my personality and mannerisms, she stays suspicious as if any second I am going to go meet my dealer on the corner, or walk away with an old man that says “I need you to help me get candy out of the back of my van.” It’s quite unfortunate, but the blunt truth of the matter is that, even when I am a grown man, my mother will see me as a baby and, accordingly, I will never in my lifetime hold any credibility in anything I say to her.</p>
<p>You can’t have a mother who loves you too much… trust me. You sure wouldn’t want one that didn’t love you enough, appreciate what you have. You are only 16, she WILL give you credibility when you are a man. You aren’t one yet, though. I have a 16 year old kid, so I know. You will gain her respect and the “credibility” so much more quickly if you can take a mature approach to things like this.</p>
But it was actually nice – we went three days before her program started and had a nice time exploring Madrid. Then I took her to her program and flew home. She did come home by herself, but that wasn’t all that stressful for me because other CTY kids were on the same flight.</p>