<p>OP - No need to stay immature. Just do what many of our teens have done when parents meddle too much … just roll your eyes very “loudly” (it’s possible - I got so I could practically hear eye-rolling over the phone). </p>
<p>I once read something very interesting. It said parents of teens tend to want to treat the kids as if they were 2 years younger (14 year old freedoms for a 16 year old). And teens often expect to be treated as if they were 2 years older (example - a new 16 year old driver wanting freedoms of an 18 year old with a good driving record). Thus there is a 4 year gap of expectations.</p>
<p>OP- you will LOVE Boston/Cambridge so much! The two days that you have to put up with your mom will fade from memory quickly as you soak up the fabulous university and all the surrounding areas! No worries.</p>
<p>OP, please don’t worry about being embarrassed by the fact that your mother is going with you. I suspect that approximately 98% of the kids are going to be accompanied by one or both parents. My son spent the summer at an academic camp at Yale when he was about your age, and I don’t remember seeing a single unaccompanied camper at the beginning. </p>
<p>As others have said, try to bear this in good humor; the two days will be over soon, and you’ll have the rest of the summer to be independent.</p>
<p>By the way, I’ve been known to get histrionic myself in my lurid fantasies of awful things that could happen to my son. And it doesn’t make him happy that I’m such a worrier, and, from his viewpoint, overprotective. But he also knows that it comes from a place of love, and that nothing has made me happier over the last few years than seeing how independent he’s become. There really is a profound difference between what he’s able to do by himself now, at 21 (basically, everything except pay all the bills!) and what he was able to do at 15 or 16. My trust has grown with his independence, and I’m sure your mom’s will, too.</p>
<p>What kind of ‘loving mother’ says '“See? He hates me. Look how much he hates me. He doesn’t want me to go with him because he hates me.” When I say that I will enjoy a change in scenery, she says “Oh, now I know why you applied to a summer program in Boston. You just want to get away from the house and be away from me. That is your only reason.”</p>
<p>This mom isn’t about supporting/raising her kids.</p>
<p>OP, just a guess, I bet your mom is an immigrant (first generation). Is that true? We have seen MANY threads like yours on CC where they have trouble letting go in the way many American parents will. In a lot of other societies, independence from family is not necessarily seen as favorable. It does not make her unsupportive or unloving.</p>
<p>When your mom says the cab driver will kidnap or rob you, just smile and nod. Two days of your mom will be fine. You are going to have a great summer. Don’t let this get to you.</p>
<p>Not sure if this is necessarily cultural or “Asian” alone. I believe there’s also a class and degree of being overly sheltered on the worrying parent’s part as well. </p>
<p>As an Asian-American who started college only a year older than the OP, mom expressed some similar worries…though she was nowhere near as clingy as the OP’s mother. </p>
<p>Fortunately, my father backed me up on my need to be independent and go it alone. In doing so, he cited the experience of being completely on his own since the age of 12 in the wake of the Chinese Civil War and felt that US kids are being “too coddled” as it is with parents insisting on supervising their whereabouts after junior high. He also went on about how during his youth that men around OP’s were expected to prepare to train/fight for their country as soldiers when needed during the '40s and as such, should be treated as fully grown men…not little boys. </p>
<p>Ended up moving myself in and out of my undergrad and Harvard summer school. Then again, I was also doing both without ever having parents defray a cent of either due to scholarships and working during my undergrad years.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, since your parents are paying and your mom’s made up her mind, I’d try to bear it as best as possible and slowly try to prove your capable while also secretly preparing for the possibility you may need to cut off all contact after college to maintain healthy relational boundaries in adulthood.</p>
<p>OP, don’t feel too bad. The wife of one of the regular posters on this forum wanted to move across the country when their daughter started college at a top 20 U. She thought it would be a good idea to buy a home there so they could be close to the daughter all the time. :eek: In fact, the father still expects the girl to call or text him several times a day. It’s typical behavior of immigrant parents, and while it can be frustrating and upsetting, you won’t be the only one at the Harvard program whose mom tagged along. </p>
<p>You’ve been given good advice here. Let her come with you and see that the program is not a scam, there aren’t murderers and robbers inside every taxicab, and that you can handle yourself well in a new environment. This will make it much easier for her to let go when you actually do go off to college.</p>
<p>We had a poster earlier in the year whose mom was insisting that he go to a lower ranked school and live at home, rather than go away to a better college where he was accepted (AND had a better financial deal). He had a huge battle with her to get to go to the better school and live in the dorms. At least your mom is letting you go to programs away from home (even if she wants to get you settled in). Believe me, you could have much bigger problems.</p>
<p>Your mom is wrong. You will be fine. Instead of being sarcastic or not taking her seriously the two of you should sit down and really talk about it without either one getting mad or feeling misunderstood. I went to Oxford last summer as a 16 year old, flew alone, no car service or anything. Its a lot more challenging than you think being on your own and I’m sure you will have a lot of problems while you’re gone that you won’t know how to handle at first. But you will figure it out on your own and your parents will be proud of you for it. This summer will be a life-changing experience for you. I believe that your mom will let you go alone in the end. Just talk to her kindly and rationally. Tell her that you value her opinion but give her examples of your other responsibilities and tell her how much this experience is going to help you grow. It will work out.</p>
<p>DW22, his mom already bought her ticket. She is going with him. But as other posters have said, this is not such a big deal. I think we all believe he would be fine (or at least that anything that would happen would not be a huge deal that he couldn’t handle). But sometimes you just have to accept that there are some things you can’t change, and figure out how you can best handle your side of it.</p>
<p>Oh I’m sorry! I was in a bit of a hurry and only got through part if the original post. Still, I agree that things will be fine. Disregard my somewhat irrelevant post!</p>
<p>Wow. OP, I am sorry the way you feel about your mom. Somewhat she validated your feeling when she said “You just want to get away from the house and be away from me.” You must be driven. I don’t konw how many 15 or 16-years-old teenagers want to give up their summer and to be away from home, friends and the “sleeping in” to attend a 7-8 weeks program.</p>
<p>I don’t know if you are the oldest of your siblings. As resourceful as you are, help your mom with her parenting skills with some good examples. Your mom raises you the best (or the only way) she knows. You only have two more years at home. Don’t shut her out of your life.</p>
<p>I know you don’t want her to accompany you and you have been fighting about this from day one. Who knows maybe this upcoming trip will be an opportunity to open up a door between your mom and you. Make sure she attends the parent meeting if there is one. I hope things change for the better between you and your mom after the summer program!</p>
<p>To be fair, she was only 14 at the time and pleaded no contest to voluntary manslaughter to killing her alcoholic, abusive mother. Harvard (and Columbia & Barnard) revoked her acceptance without even speaking to her first; luckily Tufts had the wisdom to allow her to stay :D</p>
<p>When my son was 16 we sent him from New Jersey to Indiana by himself to attend Operation Catapult - a summer camp at Rose Hulman. I was extremely nervous, but he did fine. I think with cell phones it is a little easier today. He now attends college in Illinois and we are still in NJ. This year we did not accompany him out for move in or back for move out.</p>
<p>One thing that is relevant that I don’t think the OP mentioned is where he lives now. Has he grown up in a small town for his entire life with occasional or no visits to a city? Or is he from the South Bronx where you need to pay the guy on the stoop near your car to make sure it doesn’t get taken while you’re gone? If it’s the former, or more towards that end his mother’s behavior makes far more sense. (Even though someone going from the Bronx to Boston will get trouble if it’s advertised. Maybe Detroit or something works better in my example). A country or even suburban kid who gets to the city for the first time on it’s own can easily run into trouble and a worried mother will exaggerate this. Especially if she’s from a country where crime is higher.</p>
<p>OP–this is a tough one. Candidly, if she goes and afterwards you feel that she diminshed or ruined this experience/opportunity you probably will resent her for it. These are the first steps in your process of pulling away and having your own experiences unfiltered by your parents. Some parents don’t get that and worse some parents get it all too well and are threatened by it.</p>
<p>From what you have described, you have met the concerns of the travel arrangements with the driver service. The other concerns about the roommate do sound irrational as your father has observed. Do you think she will make a scene if she doesn’t warm up to the roommate? This may be a harbinger of things to come. The fact that she booked her trip in secret is also not a good sign.</p>
<p>If your father does not have a problem with you going alone, this adds to the frustration. Is it that he won’t go to bat for you on this? Or is it that in their relationship he feels he can’t? Is your maternal grandmother alive? If so, and she isn’t like her daughters, you might ask her to talk to your mother. Someone needs to tell her that she is about to seriously impact the relationship between you and her.</p>
<p>OP lots (probably even most) parents will be there at drop off. While I understand you wanted this to be your first solo expedition, I have a lot of sympathy for your Mom too. It’s not a big deal, and knowing the way Harvard generally runs things, they will probably make it very difficult for your Mom to see you after the drop off. One thing you might do is ask if she will let you take charge of the trip. You figure out how to get from Logan to Harvard, hail the cab, find the bus, whatever. That way she’ll be able to see you being capable.</p>
Lots do! Lots of kids love academics and challenge. My son is one of them, and we are very close. There’s nothing odd about wanting to enrich oneself, even at the age of 15 or 16 or much younger.</p>
<p>OP, my son (not on CC) suggested that “whatever you do, <em>don’t</em> try to ditch her in the airport.”</p>