<p>Hi parents, I thought I'd come here for advice because I can't really approach this issue with anyone in my family. I'm an international student (girl) who's been accepted to one of the top LACs in the US. I've also been accepted to the top university in my country at an okay program. It's been my dream for a long time to study a liberal arts curriculum in the US and I feel really blessed to get into this amazing school. But as the date to enroll comes closer, I'm getting serious doubts about whether I can, and whether it's the best option to leave home. </p>
<p>The thing is, my mother and I are EXTREMELY close. We've never been apart before and I'm an only child. We're really each other's best friends. I'm really scared of leaving her - of being alone and leaving her alone. Since we live in a foreign country, my parents don't have many contacts here and my mother is a homemaker. I'm afraid that after I'm gone she'll be too lonely. Am I being selfish? She tells me to go but I know she will have a hard time and I can't seem to handle the thought of leaving either. We've been crying at least a couple of times a week. :(</p>
<p>So, with all these factors to consider, I really don't know if I should go abroad. Do you know someone else who was in a similar position? Do you think this level of attachment and homesickness is manageable or even advisable, either for myself or my mom? If yes, then how? I'm so afraid that once I get there I will be miserable. Unfortunately I am not 100% set on my major so studying in the US is a good idea for me. My dad is also not too fond of the university in my home country. So now I don't know what to do! I know my dilemma and questions are a bit vague but please help me!</p>
<p>Is there anything I can go to prepare for leaving in August? I think, if I can somehow prepare and strengthen my mind now, I will be less miserable in college.</p>
<p>Everyone is “a little” homesick, so you won’t be alone in that emotion. Some more than others. But, unless you can’t handle the maturity that it takes to go off on your own, you should go. My son wasn’t homesick, but he wasn’t ready to manage on his own. </p>
<p>My sense is that you may also be concerned about the whole transition. It is a big step, but honestly, I think going off to college and experiencing something completely different is a wonderful best way to grow up. </p>
<p>You’ll be able to come home during the summers and/or breaks, and if you really miss your mom, you can move back home after college. But, don’t miss this opportunity now to try something new. This is one of the best times in your life to explore. Be open to it and enjoy. It sounds like you have your parent’s blessings.</p>
<p>When S1 went off to college I had a hard time adjusting during the first semester. But there was never one second that I regretted that he went. I knew this is what was best for him and for me. It was time for me to transition my life into something different as well . . . just as it is for your mom now.</p>
<p>I would suggest setting up a Skpe account so that you two can talk face-to-face whenever you want. Although S1 refuses to do this – but guys are just different.</p>
<p>Anyway, don’t let this opportunity pass. I would hate for you to say “what if” for the rest of your life.</p>
<p>Skype is fantastic for keeping in touch. You can even get it on your phone and can send/receive messages at any time, and of course, being able to see each other through webcam does make you feel closer.</p>
<p>I’m not suggesting you should be in constant contact with your mother while you are at school, you both will gradually adjust to more independence, but just knowing that you have easy, immediate access is really helpful in feeling less lonely.</p>
<p>as cbug said - does your mom have access to a computer? If so, set her up with Skype before you leave, and practice using it so she is familiar with the process.</p>
<p>I will miss my daughter fiercely when she is at college, but I would never want my feelings to stand in the way of her going.<br>
An exchange student lived with us for three weeks a few years ago. She talked to her family using Skype every day.</p>
<p>My daughter and I are very close and remain very close while she is at college. Through email, skype (or ichat), it is very easy to keep communication going. Once you are away at college, it doesn’t matter if you are three states away (like my daughter is) or in another country. Away is away. College kids living on campus are all living away from home in a new situation. Granted, yours will be more different than home, but it is different for everyone.</p>
<p>I’m not saying it’s easy to leave your family, but it is part of growing up. And, remember, you are going off to college, not off to war. Everything will be fine.</p>
<p>Your nerves are normal (as are the tears). But you can do it! Take advantage of the opportunities you have worked so hard for! You will not regret it! Good luck to you!</p>
<p>You are being thoughtful in recognizing what a big transition this will be for your mother, as well as for yourself. But it is essential to both her and your growth and future well-being, that she finds new friends and new interests in life now that the nest is empty. Your departure will be a great opportunity for her to grow and explore and she should view this as an adventure and an opportunity. Talk with her about what she might want to do with her new freedom - go back to school? learn a new instrument? volunteer for an organization she cares about? teach others something she is especially talented at? </p>
<p>It will be hard at times for both of you so yes, Skype is amazing and you should set it up now. That way, once you are gone, you can talk to each other every night if you need to (but I’m guessing after a few weeks or months, it will be more like once a week or when something really exciting happens.)</p>
<p>Speaking as an only child (err…adult) with a very over-controlling mother, I fully understand your position. It’s hard for others to get this if they have siblings.
Now is the time to cut the apron ties. You have the right to the best education you can get. I should have done it then, but wasn’t permitted to, and have regretted it for a lifetime. You should go and not be controlled by a whiny mother.</p>
<p>go to the US.
I am a ‘stay-at-home-mom’ ( maybe in a similar situation as your mom) & I am originally from Hong Kong so I know the situation/feeling.
trust me, she will miss you BUT she will also find many things to do to enjoy her “free time” without you. Your dad is with her & are they “best buddies” to each other too?</p>
<p>1st, try doing activities without your mom MORE OFTEN than before.
Make a point of doing homework/going to music/after school activities all by yourself without having her along.
Suggest some fun activities for her to join at clubs/recreation centers etc.
See if she wanted to sign up for a class at local places…some fun classes.
My daughters are fairly independent & I make sure they to do things “without me” by their side…they like it & I really think it helps them to learn how to handle things/conflict/issues with friends all by themselves.
I don’t go & tag along at all. </p>
<p>my daughter will be going to college & away from home as well.
I think it is a good idea to go to the US…go to learn to live in a dorm & handle things all by yourself, learn to do things on your own, catch a bus, go to the clinic when you’re ill, go talk to professors/students etc etc…all good things!</p>
<p>your parents can visit & your mom can fly over as often as she like since she stay home, plane tickets will be costly but if they buy ahead of time, the cost is less…& that is part of the cost of going to an oversea college.</p>
<p>which LAC college & which HK university accepted you?
hope it will work out…let me know!</p>
<p>Putturani - You need to cut the cord! Homesickness is never the reason not to go a college away from home, it is only a matter of the distance (500 miles or 10,000 miles).</p>
<p>You don’t need to deny yourself a chance at a college education due to feeling guilty about your Mom. If it were me, and I am going to be missing my soon to be freshman so much, I would still want my dgt to pursue her dreams. I would not want her to stay at home just because I might be lonely. Unfortunately, not to be harsh but realistic, it is your Mom’s issues and not yours. It is time for you to leave the safety and security of home and try new things.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should pass up this opportunity to study at a top LAC that you want to attend. You have this offer now and if you turn it down it will be gone. I know you could still get an education somewhere else but the offer to attend this particular LAC might not materialize again.</p>
<p>Does your mom use facebook? The first few weeks when my D was away and I was worrying whether she was okay, it was reassuring for me to see pictures of her having fun at activities with her new friends.</p>
<p>Putturani: You may not know what the homesickness will be like until you try but I think you should try. This is your opportunity to find out what the future holds for you. You can do that best if you separate from your mom and do it on your own. This is where you find out **how to develop **what it takes to move forward in life. I hope your mom wants this for you more than she wants her own happiness. I’m not trying to portray her as selfish or weak at all. I know how hard it is.</p>
<p>I’m the mom of a senior D that is on exchange this year on another continent. We’re close and it’s been hard. I do miss her, and it has been more difficult than I imagined because her circumstances have been very challenging. And there’s not a thing I can do. I have found that I really needed to keep myself busy with other things. I do have a rewarding part-time job and have several volunteer activities. Sometimes I still would dwell on what was or what I imagined was going on in her life a little more than was healthy. This is what your mom needs to be thinking about now. What is she going to do without you? How will she fill her time and how will she fill the emotional void as a result of your leaving? How is she going to remain positive and encouraging for you? She has to consider this all the time, but especially when you are struggling. If she has been rather isolated, without many contacts, it’s time to get out of that comfort zone, just as you will be doing. Encourage her to do so now, before you leave. </p>
<p>You may be ready to leave. You may miss your mom a lot but you’ll have new friends and experiences to look forward to. There will still be some down times when you really need your mom and that’s okay. Is your mom going to be ready to build you up when you need it? I would never have stopped my D from leaving and it’s been hard not to tell her to come home a few times. But this is her time. Without my faith, family and friends to help me through, I might be a complete basket case by now. My D is returning next month, but will leave again for college some 2000 miles away. So we’ll go through it again, hopefully a little more easily, and I’m looking forward to seeing her continue to grow into a beautiful young woman.</p>
<p>I’m sure your mom feels this way too. Cherish your closeness as the blessing that it is. Accept that this separation will be hard. Agree to do it anyway. I wish you the best.</p>
<p>Putturani,
I have the benefit of knowing which LAC you are talking about. It is, indeed, one of the very top schools in this country, so congratulations on your acceptance! (I have one son who is a graduate and another son who is a current freshman there.) You will receive a phenomenal education there. The college also prides itself on having a very diverse group of students on campus, including a relatively large group of international students. You will not look or feel out of place. Homesickness is something which many students feel during those first few weeks on campus so if this happened to you, it would not be unusual.</p>
<p>As someone pointed out earlier, if you live on the West Coast of the US and you are going to school on the East Coast of the US, it is still very far away. Maybe not as far away as where you are coming from, but once it involves a plane flight, many students are “in the same boat.” If your Mom is telling you to go, you should do it for yourself. You have to start to live your own life and she will figure out hers.</p>
<p>Congrats! that’s a top LAC school & hard to get in.
Your mom can handle herself,
she is a grown up & live in Hong Kong w/ millions of fun things to do each day.</p>
<p>now, the following MAY sound drastic, but this may help her a bit:
I’ve heard some Chinese families did this before & worked for them.
have her stay in a hotel in the area for 1 month
( not even talk about the cost for now because if this helps her )
this will help her with the transaction & she can make sure all is well with you & school.
then she can fly back home after 1 month.</p>
<p>see…i told you its drastic…like I said, some chinese families did that & they just have to make sure the school & everything went well w/ their kids.</p>