<p>1) Always being there for my kids; unconditional love (though not always approval).<br>
2) Encouraging communication. I talked to them often (probably too much, some times; I have the “gift” of gab), and they still talk to me, which I consider to be a wonderful thing.
3) I didn’t do much with the college search process. Daughter 1 picked a school that no one in our family had ever heard of and she is deliriously happy there.</p>
<p>1) Stimulated their intellectual curiosity. Discussed issues and current events all the time. Solicited their opinions and allowed them to disagree.
2) Provided environment rich in books, newspapers, magazines. Left them around to pick up. Discussed these.
3) Never scrutinized homework or sat there while they did it. It was their homework and their responsibility, not mine.
4) Allowed them to handle as many logistics themselves as they were able to - and you’d be surprised what they are able to do!
5) Role modeled involvement, service and contributions to the community.
6) Family dinners and family time, ad hoc chores but required them to do the chores willingly and volunteer to do them, as we all pitch in as a family.
7) Kept open lines of communication.</p>
<p>Levirm reminded me of the best of all things. Family dinner time. On a daily basis. I ended up with not only my family but neighborhood kids too. I honestly can’t think of a better bonding experience.</p>
<p>Supporting our junior to finally ignore US schools and focus on Canadian ones. Oh what a lovely change of pace!</p>
<p>Now she can just focus on learning for its own sake, truly only doing what she is interested in, and thoroughly enjoy the quality of her last years of highschool in all its dimensions…no more wasted time and emotions worrying about weighted GPAs, taking APs to collect the set, getting coaching and taking multiple versions of the SAT, no having to take SAT IIs, getting reference letters, and filling up her rare moments with essay writing. </p>
<p>Now she knows where she’ll likely go, what to do to get there, no need to worry about packaging and branding herself, building her resume, or giving two hoots what any adcom committee will think. As a side benefit we will also just happen to save $200k in the process. And her education will be fabulous. If she wants grad school, then she’ll look south and be perfectly prepared…and if not, the job market is healthy up here for new grads. </p>
<p>Whew. I love it.</p>
<p>…Starbright is Bragging ;)!</p>
<p>Best thing I did was shift into high gear when the first grade teacher informed me my little genius was not learning to read. And I quote “He will probably never go to a good college but…” I said 'you have already decided that?" Internet in 1997 turned me into a dyslexia expert (not as well documented then as it is today) in 2 months. Declined summer school and instead pulled him out for six weeks 1/2 day in 2nd grade and had him attend cutting edge reading therapy. A the end of 6 wks, he was above grade level and never tested below 95% in state testing. However, his dyslexia impacted math and writing too, so had focus training in those areas too. Now rising Senior, an English and Film double major at top tier Uni, chosen for honors and senior thesis in English department. </p>
<p>Could have easily gone the other way. Stunning to think many kids could learn to read in 6 wks with early intervention and a focused program. It changed my son’s academic life.</p>
<p>^ ah sorry, or rationalizing. I’ve been so back and forth torn…so finally came to accept her decision (and that wasn’t mine). REALLY! But yes I can come up with a lot of good pluses, which makes me feel better. But I am proud of myself that I let it be hers, and not mine (which is easy for some parents but less so for over-functional control freak types like myself :)).</p>
<p>We LOVE books & are glad that our kids do as well; their lives have been filled with happy times with books, from in utero on!</p>
<p>We also had shared mealtimes, especially dinners.</p>
<p>We have always been there for them and encouraged them ton find & follow THEIR interests.</p>
<p>We tried to provide them with the best possible educational environment–in school and in the community. even when that meant expensive tuition and frequent conferences with the admnistration.</p>
<p>We and S asked the HS GC regularly which schools were likely to award substantial merit to kids with his stats and told S he had to choose at least one school that would offer such an award that he would love to attend.</p>
<p>Encouraged the kids to choose fields they loved and do things in those fields, whether voluntary or paid, which they did. Both are very happy with their chosen fields, so far and S graduated with honors in his field and had 3 excellent job offers in his field by Feb of his SR year. D was thrilled to have been offered a job this summer which she unfortunately had to turn down as she was leaving town to come back home. :)</p>
<p>I am happy that my kids are close to one another, H & me, as well as their extended family on both sides! I couldn’t dream of more!</p>
<p>This is a lovely thread!</p>
<p>I’m glad we made sure my son understood what a GPA meant when he was a high school freshman; he tells us that it made a difference to him.</p>
<p>OlympicLady’s account of the clueless first grade teacher spurs a memory.</p>
<p>The best thing my first W and I ever did was to ignore the advice of our pediatrician and instead go with the advice of our preschool director. Pediatrician told us our beloved 4 year old daughter was “probably ■■■■■■■■” and “there’s nothing you can do about that.” Preschool director’s response: “That’s hogwash - let’s get her evaluated by somebody who knows what they’re doing.” Took her to a child psychiatrist recommended by the director, who determined that while she was way behind her peers in some areas (speech, social skills) she tested off the charts in intellectual ability. He found that this 4-year-old “■■■■■■■■” kid had taught herself to read by looking at picture books and watching educational kids’ TV (anybody remember the Electric Company?). After a couple years of speech therapy and behavioral therapy, a year of developmental kindergarten and half a year of developmental first grade, the school district “mainlined” her into regular classes. She went on to have a good elementary and high school experience, graduated from a good college, earned a master’s in library science, and today is a happy and well-adjusted 38-year old managing a municipal library and overseeing a staff of about a dozen people.</p>
<p>Side note, my (vindictive) first wife sent the pediatrician an 8x10 color photo of D in her college graduation garb with a note, “Here’s your ■■■■■■■■ kid; recognize her?”</p>
<p>I was going to say, annasdad, that I hope you switched pediatricians.</p>
<p>Advocating for your kids or yourself has to be tops in the “Doing the Right Thing” category. Our new college president told a story about himself at graduation. He talked about a prof during his undergrad years telling him he didn’t have much promise. When he earned his Ph.D. from UVa, he invited the prof to graduation, but the prof didn’t show. Even those with lots of education don’t know everything.</p>
<p>Thanks so much for starting it!</p>
<p>The right stuff, worked for us:
- Sending D. to private prep. HS.
- Sending D. to public state college on full tuition Merit Scholarship. Result - no loans, graduated Summa Cum Laude with many honors, awards and recognitions (Phi Betta Kappa and others), accepted to several Med. Schools, could afford applying to expansive privates.
- Compiled smart list of Med. Schools based on D’s criteria. Result - high rate of accpetance, good choices. Still have to see if D’s choice is right. I have a feeling that it is, she took her time deciding, went to Second Look events.</p>
<p>The best things I did for my kids is to stress citizenship and compassion in our daily lives. As much value as I put on education, and I do put maybe too much on it, we just always made the kids aware that doing the right thing in all kinds of scenarios was the way to go, and to always keep others’ feelings in mind. As different as all of mine are from each other, they do strongly have a lot of empathy for others. It has hurt them in the competitive areas, but well worth it. Some of mine are more wired that way naturally, but some of them are not.</p>
<p>As far as academics go, the best thing I did was to provide the most rigorous academic curriculum for them in high school. Did I sacrifice grades? Maybe, but I don’t think so. My kids are not interested enough to do what is needed to get grades at any school. Bring down the standards, and they slow down too. By pushing them through a top high school curriculum, my kids got a very good education upon finishing high school that made all the difference in college. Unlike many other CC parents, I do not have primo kids in terms of academic profiles. They are lopsided, all of them and are not what one would call ivy material. Yet they have all been accepted to top 25 schools and two of them to ivies. But more importantly, they know their material very, very well. Even if they did not go to college, they graduated high school highly educated.</p>
<p>I also kept their environment very safe and created a small community for them within a large, fast paced one. We moved from a rural/suburban mid west area to NYC area with high standards, and very motivated kids along with kids who just couldn’t make that mark and are probably the most neglected. My kids were in danger of being bottom surfers as they love the easy way out and hate demanding situations. I put them into schools where the kids are very good friends when they graduate and tend to be friends for life. It gave us an instant family and community even though we were planted here late. </p>
<p>Many regrets in not using our excellent and probably one of the most diverse schools I have ever seen in my life. But I don’t think my kids would have achieved what they did academically there. It’s ironic that my district school is as close to ideal as any school I have ever seen, but it did not fit my kids specific needs as well as the not so great Catholic schools that I chose for them instead. But it kept my kids young a bit longer, and out of drugs, drink, the fast life. The kids in the little school that my kids attend as youngsters had nursery school kids side by side with the 8th graders which made for a whole different environment than the middle school adjacent to the high school. I truly believe, and stats support this, that to keep them away from the contraband longer, gives you a better chance of not having one with strong problems with it. </p>
<p>The kids somehow all have a strong work ethic that did NOT come from their academic proclivities and efforts. They are valuable and highly sought employees in a time when employment is scarce. They are willing to do work that Americans supposedly won’t do. Maybe it’s because they have always done some of it at home. I am going OT here, but want to say that one reason that I do NOT support illegal immigrants doing work here, is that I think it gets our youth lazy and employers/payers spoiled. It’s too cheap to get the house cleaned, the yard serviced, go out to eat when you can employ illegals to do the work on the side at sub par wages. There are not enough young Americans doing this sort of work. Why would a house like ours with all of these strapping boys be having a yard service? Every single house in our neighborhood does. The same with shoveling the driveway and other things. And nearly all of the workers are illegals. We are making our kids spoiled, lazy and feeling entitled by paying for stuff and teaching them that such a life style is the way to go. Big problem when they graduate and your money doesn’t stretch to cover such luxuries for them, and they aren’t making enough to pay someone to do it for them, legal or not. So making them learn to do the work on things like car repair, home repair, maintenance, housekeeping is something that I really pushed, with great difficulty because every one of them was recalcitrant, to say the least. But they CAN do it now that they are adults because they have done it.</p>
<p>The list of bad decisions would be ever so much longer.</p>
<p>LOVE your post coth… Very similar boys here. They are at a top private prep and are not at the top academically. Top test scores, but will do just enough work to get pretty good grades but not top. Still vacilated over whether they would have been a tippy top student at an academically easier school… but I really don’t think so. They would have been doing the same amount of effort, without the better education. I have had kids go through both systems, private vs public, and where we live there is no comparison. My 2 younger kids are getting a suberb education and it will follow them for life, regardless of the college outcome.</p>
<p>MY boys have always had to work around the house. My boys can and will do anything we ask. When they were younger they always wanted to know how to do everything. If they asked, we taught them how. My boys can cook, sew, do anything with a car, work in the yard, build anything, repair anything, clean anything…etc… I couldn’t imagine hiring anyone to do anything my boys could do. And, they are always happy to help out whenever they can. My rising Senior DS just left for an Internship with Student Conservation, where he will be working all summer on trails up in the Northern Tier. Long, hard days with no showers or bathrooms, sleeping on the ground… with NO pay, but he was SO excited to go.</p>
<p>Now doing their homework…that’s a different story altogether unfortunately :(((</p>
<p>“They are valuable and highly sought employees in a time when employment is scarce.”</p>
<p>I once saw a “Help Wanted” ad that said
“Wanted: Two employees to work to replace the two who did not.”</p>
<p>Like everyone, I could make an endless list of what I did wrong. I’ve been reading this thread and wondering if there was anything right now I truly do feel proud of. Yes, I did some good research, but I came into this game pretty knowledgeable about colleges and college admissions. My kids had their ups and downs growing up and I’m happy with the parenting job I did, but I couldn’t really put my finger on anything specific. It’s so easy to remember the mistakes and feel guilty about not doing better.</p>
<p>Then yesterday my D told me about a friend who’s an upcoming HS senior. She’s very disappointed in him. Why? Because 1) he won’t take risks, won’t try to do anything that he’s afraid he might fail at; and 2) he’s afraid to follow his dreams, because there’s no guarantee of what kind of job he’ll get with that kind of major. She can’t imagine being that worried about embracing life and going for what matters to you - in fact, she’s furious that he’d sell himself so short.</p>
<p>My kid isn’t perfect, and she has no clue if she’ll get a job in her field - really probably she won’t, according to statistics - and a month ago she felt like a failure because she got rejected by 4 extremely reachy schools. But yesterday hearing her say how she has every plan to follow her dreams and live a life that she loves made me feel like I’d really done a good job raising her.</p>
<p>Emmybet,
Rejections are perfect part of life, which means you did not belong at the place…or with the person. It usually works to advantage, not to disadvantage. Did you tell her that?
Make sure she does not even come close to feeling as failure next time she is rejected. There are very many rejections in everybody life. They propell us into correct place, correct person, correct decision, correct whatever. My D. does not blink her eye for rejections, she moves to the next available and usually have choices. #2 is much better than #1, if #2 accepted you and #1 rejected.</p>
<p>1) Insisted that the Common App essay be completely ready to go by Labor Day of senior year, or no fall varsity sport. </p>
<p>2) Encouraged her to take the ACT junior year, even though her SATs were good. She aced the ACT. Who knew?</p>
<p>3) Encouraged her to submit 5 EA and rolling admissions apps in by November 1. 5 acceptances by Christmas, all with merit dough. She didn’t go to any of those schools after seriously considering 3, but her relief that “I’m really going to college!” was worth all the early effort.</p>
<p>4) Visited her favorite school (again) on the other coast right after she was wait-listed in March, just to tell them she really, really wanted to attend. Admitted 5 days after that…and has been extremely happy there.</p>
<ol>
<li>Taught them to do their own laundry by 6th grade (ea get their own laundry basket for their rooms)</li>
<li>Taught to arrange car pools by 7th grade</li>
</ol>
<p>Not quite Harvard material but carries over in a gazillion other areas!</p>
<p>^Interesting and opposite of what we have done. Still worked! End result is all that counts. Just shows that path to happiness and success is different from person to person and from family to family.</p>