<p>DebMaine,
You have gotten some helpful advice…may I offer some additional from a school Nurse perspective. I am a 22 year vertern RN who has worked in a HS Clinic for the last 5 years. I work with all types of students and work closely with the Counselors, Administrative team, Social worker and school pschyologist. </p>
<p>I see too many students to count who are suffering from anxiety, stress related physical symptoms, depression and the like. The pressure (real or percieved) to succeed and do well is so great on these kids. Some handle it better than others. I speak with parents and kids daily trying to cope with their stressors and mental health related issues. Believe it or not, I see more of these issues than I do bumps, bruises, stomach aches and fevers!!</p>
<p>You are doing well by having him seen by a therapist and psychiatrist (for medication therapy as needed). Meds can be a life saver AND certainly don’t mean the student will be on them forever. They should be used in conjunction with therapy. So good job.</p>
<p>Here’s my academic advice: PLEASE share the information with his Adminstrator, counselor and the school nurse. Ask to schedule a meeting and discuss the situation. Bring medical documentation from the doctor to support the diagnosis and therapies being used. In my HS, the more we know, the more we can accomodate the student academically. It’s when parents don’t tell us what is going on that we can’t help and then frustration sets in for the student, the teachers and the staff. </p>
<p>His medical diagnosis will support him favorable for a 504 plan to assist in accomodating his needs (even if it’s for the short term until he feels mentally healthy again). A 504 is a legal document that provides academic accomodations to students with a medical diagnosis that is inhibiting them to succeed at activities of daily living (namely school). If he is not getting to school on time because he is anxious or depressed, they may be able to reduce his schedule. They could give him extra time for assignments. There are other basic accomodations that he may be able to get to help him. </p>
<p>Feel free to PM if you would like more info. I wish you all the best. It’s a tough situation you are in. YES…I see kids get through this all the time and most do succeed with family support and school support. Please don’t just let him tank this semester. Eventually teachers will not let him just coast by…talk to the right people at the school so they can help you and your son.</p>
<p>I had a good friend in high school who went through a similar experience.</p>
<p>He was the valedictorian of our class, with a 98.886 cumulative average. (The grading policy of the school required teachers to round down if there were any grades of less than 100% for an entire year for a course, so a final grade of 100% was essentially impossible. What this means was that my friend essentially probably earned the highest possible grade in a class nine times for every time he received the second highest possible grade. This fact continues to astound me more than thirty years later.) There was an extraordinary number of high achievers in my high school class, but everyone was in absolute awe of this friend.</p>
<p>The first clue I had that something was amiss for my friend was what seemed to be a total loss of his sense of humor. He quit going to class our senior year.</p>
<p>I been in touch with him from time to time over the ensuing decades. He told me that he was certain that his academic achievement record was intimately tied to the crisis he went through; he prepared obsessively for every exam and every assignment because it caused him enormous psychic pain to receive a less than perfect grade on anything.</p>
<p>For my friend, recovery involved finding a path in life that wasn’t focused on academic perfection. He’s living a good, productive, emotionally satisfying life, even if it took a very different dirrection from the one he (and all of us who were his friends) had believed he was headed in.</p>
<p>I’m not a mental health professional. I suspect, however, that his unconsious mind is sending him a powerful message that he was headed down a path that was dangerous for him.</p>
<p>There is much to be said for unconditional love under these circumstances. Is his therapist one who goes in for talking therapies? </p>
<p>I’d also add that it’s important to keep in mind that your son’s long term health and happiness may require him to change course instead of trying to find a quick cure for his anxiety attacks. When the unconscious speaks, it’s important to listen.</p>
<p>I believe I read one study that said that exercise was about as good as medication for depression and anxiety; certainly both together would be even more effective. How about letting him “homeschool” the rest of the year, with support from his highschool so that he can participate in his school EC’s and do some online classwork and some “follow your bliss” work. And a job or some healthy daily exercise. Forget about college for now- he has all the time in the world for that - and focus on the getting healthy. :)</p>
<p>RJM, right on with the 504 plan. My dds school worked with us every step of the way during her illness and recovery. We were a true team. Her teachers and the school admins really treated her with love and care, and were dedicated and professional. </p>
<p>Regarding SSRI antidepressant treatment for adolescents:</p>
<p>Obviously I have a lot of experience in this. I am a nurse and was aware of the black box warning on SSRIs in teenagers regarding increased suidical ideation. The issue is that, as the antidepressant begins to become effective, there is a window during which the patient MAY have more energy but is still depressed. I say MAY because many pediatric psychiatrists know 2 things: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Many kids are started on a too-low dose and the dose is not increased appropriately. When my dd went from (ineffective) outpatient therapy to inpatient therapy at Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, one of the premier psych hospitals in the world, her Zoloft dose was quickly and significantly increased until an effective dose was found. They didn’t **** around with this, believe me. </p></li>
<li><p>The rate of suicide in unmedicated severely depressed teens is much greater than the rate of suicide in depressed teens taking SSRIs. That caveat being that the kid has to be being followed by a pediatric psychiatrist.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I’m a senior and I went through intermittent periods exactly like this all throughout high school (although they were milder than the ones your son is going through). I also used to run to video games when I felt down. I still do, actually.</p>
<p>For most of high school I felt an intense fear of failure and an imminent sense that I would fail. Videogames appealed to me because they were essentially power fantasies in which you pretended to be a heroic figure who couldn’t fail. If you lost the game, you could reload from the last save point, whereas life has no such reset button. Taking away the games isn’t the way to deal with this. In fact, whenever I was restricted from playing them, I got worse because there was literally nothing to take away my stress. I’m not sure if your son feels the same way, but it’s certainly a possibility. </p>
<p>I think this fear of failure develops from tying your worth too closely to grades and scores. In fact, now that grades dictate my self-esteem less than they used to, I’m far more mentally stable. Again, I don’t know if this is how your son feels.</p>
<p>So Cal Gal: more of a lurker :), but I appreciate the vote of confidence. </p>
<p>DcS6 ~ I am sorry about the loss of your DH. I agree with everything you said in your last post. Prescribing meds (any meds) certainly means that close monitoring is a must. I hope your DD is doing better.</p>
<p>rjm,
Kids. as you know, are very resilient and dd is just fine, better than fine. OP, your son will be fine too, hang in there during the journey.</p>
<p>There is such wonderful advice here. I only have my experiences to draw from, as a mother of two high school students who have many friends who are all high-achieving students in a highly competitive high school. I have seen and shared much with fellow parents who see our children coping with the stress and pressure of “keeping up” with overwhleming schedules and loads of homework.</p>
<p>I would like to add that there is a benefit to investigating both physiological testing and educational testing. My friend’s daughter was a high-achieving student throughout high school. Hit a wall her junior year with multiple APs and incredible workload of reading material. She was finally tested- found out she was dyslexic. She had so brilliantly compensated throughout school, but when the work load increased to a level she could no longer handle-she shut down, experiencing severe anxiety attacks. She learned to deal with her dyslexia, and went on to enjoy success in college and her career- an educational specialist! I don’t know if there are any issues- but better to find out. Also, the added benefit is your S may discover his strengths and ways to learn more effectively. As a result of an education evaluation, my S learned some valuable skills to process information more quickly and efficiently, while learning techniques to reduce anxiety during test-taking.</p>
<p>Your S’s emotional state is telling you something is wrong. Investigate every avenue, while continuing with the therapy. He needs a break from the academics while he does the things he still enjoys. Continue to show him your unconditional love and support while you both uncover the full source of his anxiety.
It is amazing to me how teenagers absorb the incredible burden of “perfection” that our society now demands of them, whether dictated by peer pressure or the constant focus on academic performance. They then exhibit this stress in a variety of ways. Some become extremely apathetic, losing interest in all the things they have loved doing. Your S is actually still pursuing the things that provide enjoyment- that is great! In the last two months, two high school juniors at my S and D’s competitive high school have taken a medical leave. One for a life-threatening eating disorder and the other for attempted suicide.<br>
Let your son take a break this semester and this summer, find his self-worth in his interests outside of school and heal. Academics can wait. Along this journey he may actually find his true interests and a passion that will fuel his academic goals in the future.
I wish you all the best. He is lucky to have a parent who cares so much.</p>
<p>You probably already know this, but Zoloft can take longer than three weeks to kick in. So it’s possible that you will see a change in the near future. I did know one incredibly brilliant kid who went into a tailspin junior year. In the end, it did turn around. He went on to a college that turned out to be perfect for him and did so well that when he graduated he had his pick of every dream job imaginable in his field. It was an embarrassment of riches. So don’t lose heart.</p>
<p>bless you and your dear son during this “through a glass darkly” sudden change in his well being. So much good advice here. I am a counselor at the masters level.
Whatever you do, don’t listen to anyone who wants to shame you out of having your son routinely seen by a medical doctor, preferably a very experienced psychiatrist who has had wide practice experience and keeps up.<br>
Talk therapy is very important along with this added medication, so make sure he is going with regulariy. Ask for some joint sessions so your own anxiety and role can be discussed–you need support, too. (we feel for you! we would all be thrown by this!)</p>
<p>Your son is fragile right now but we all hope he finds more self knowledge and his sea legs when you are more clear about what is going on. Perhaps it is not time for the educational reviews till he is better, but not bad advice there…if only we all understood for instance what our learning glitches and talents were before college. There is great power in knowing oneself.</p>
<p>I know you were only making a glancing reference at top schools and you live in the great state of Maine, where the two schools you referenced are not far away…but a collective shudder when you said Yale and MIT. </p>
<p>When college is back in the future for you son, I would steer clear away from schools that require superhero luck and talent to enter. </p>
<p>There are so many truly nurturing colleges in the USA with great faculties. Now is not the time or place to rattle on about them, but perhaps your son needs a new “take” on college and what it might be like. In come cases, college can be less of a grind than high school. APs are useful but they are not critical for college learning and I personally didn’t care for my sons to accelerate in college after they were put through the ringer in high school from dawn to dusk, scheduled to death and doing activities “expected” of them with their free time. </p>
<p>Work with the therapist to help your son try art, exercise and other outlets that will help him value himself in contexts outside of schooling right away…lessons we all need growing up. Perhaps even some non stressful volunteer hours here and there. Friendship matters so much at this age, so it is such a good sign that he is leaving home to keep up with his friends in his old activities. </p>
<p>Schooling CAN be delayed…while this all clarifies over time. </p>
<p>big hugs from other parents who care! we know he is special and talented and hope to hear he is less distressed…</p>
<p>If a star athlete has a major injury at the peak of the season, he has to still sit out and get his injuries taken care of. There will always be another time. There is no shame or embarrassment, nor should there be any panic. It is not the video games, it is not the stress, it is not a nervous breakdown. Those can be aggravating factors but they are not the cause. It is just an illness. Give the professionals some time to treat it and let the school know. He will be fine again.</p>
<p>So much warmth and great advice here–I am in awe. I agree with so much of it. We have had some strange paths in our family, as both of my kids have chronic health issues that caused extended absences and affected their HS attendance and performance.</p>
<p>I strongly agree that the ONLY thing that matters now is your kid’s health. I also agree that sharing with the school is another key, so they can help work out the best plan that will keep his health as the #1 issue.</p>
<p>It may not feel like it right now, but it really is better that this is happening while your child is at home and has all the HS & family & community resources to reach the best possible solutions after fully exploring and evaluating the problem(s) involved. For some kids, this happens while they are in college, far from home and the support that would be best for them. I guess this is the “silver lining.”</p>
<p><em>wince</em> this is rough. When I was teaching last year one of my students (in my impression a pretty well-adjusted, sociable girl) disappeared from school for two weeks due to anxiety. The administration was supportive about her being out of school, I believe. She eventually left the school and tried homeschooling for half a year, but said it required too much personal discipline and re-enrolled at another school to repeat the “lost” year (though I suspect if you asked her she would consider it a significant learning experience - what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger etc.). So it’s definitely not the end of the world, but he needs time.</p>
<p>Take it slow. With his academic performance so far, the fact that he puts a lot of stock in his grades and his intellectual curiosity, I think it’s quite likely he’ll want to go back and clear up his unfinished business. He probably isn’t going to diverge from the college path for good, but he needs time to reassess his self-worth, perhaps, in terms of something other than grades. Seems like medical leave is in order, too - if he’s repulsed by the thought of anything relating to schoolwork it might be helpful for him to know that he at least has a definite window of time where he won’t have to deal with it while your family focuses on his mental and emotional recuperation. </p>
<p>If he can deal with self-studying, as has been suggested, then it’s worth trying - but don’t force it on him if he resists. His psychological recovery must be the first priority, and everything else comes after.</p>
<p>I’m not a medical or psychiatric or educational professional or a parent - just combining my experiences as a student and as an erstwhile teacher.</p>
<p>debmain, I am so sorry you are going through this; please don’t take this badly, but it may be the best thing that could happen. My eldest daughter, now 23, after being an extremely high achiever, broke down in the same way at the age of 20 and dropped out of school for 2 years. She has seen countless shrinks and doctors, with nearly as many diagnosis, ranging from bi-polarism to Aspergers. Anyway, to cut a long story short, she has told me many times how much she regretted not managing to exteriorize her fears and self-doubts earlier instead of clinging to the image she thought (rightly or wrongly) we wanted. Her grades and academic successes were the only things that protected her against her appaling self-esteem, and once “real life” started to loom up on the horizon, she froze. I feel very guilty for not having seen the storm coming, and for probably having provoked it in the first place through my expectations.
As I see it, your son is sending warning signals, and by showing him that your love is not dependant on grades or a possible admission to a prestigious school, you are doing exactly the right thing.What he needs now is the reassurance that you love him for what he is, and not for what he does.Which you do.
The future is wide open, and will remain so whatever college he attends.</p>
<p>This may have no relevance – and I don’t think it does – but I just remembered a family with a very bright kid who got very depressed and stopped performing academically his junior year. It finally came out in therapy that he was terrified of leaving home to go to college and that his sudden shift in academic performance was a way of protecting himself. Lots of stuff starts going on kids’ heads around this age. I knew another kid who hit a class that was difficult for him – an AP class that did not play to his strength - and the experience of doing poorly in something academic sent him into a downward spiral because a) it wasn’t something he was accustomed to and b) he knew that the bad grade he earned was the end of a dream school.</p>
<p>Hugs to you as well as a big pat on the back for seeking help for your son rather quickly. All we want as parents is to see our kids happy and healthy. Continue with the course of action that you have in place. Don’t let people talk you out of using medication along with the therapy. Your son has been on the meds for 3 weeks and it sounds as though you have all ready seen small positive steps forward. Give the meds a little more time (can take up to 6 weeks). The doctor may even increase the dosage a little because they usually start out with a low dosage to see if it’s tolerated and is producing any results. Trust that you’re doing the right thing for your son because you are.</p>
<p>IMO, a dream school becomes a nightmare school when trying to get in causes such stress.</p>
<p>OP, when your son is ready to think college admissions, I’d recommend you read Colleges that Change Lives for some suggestions on nurturing, supportive colleges. There are plenty of academically great schools that aren’e emotional meat-grinders. But first he needs to find his stability.</p>