Hi everybody. I am in a situation right now where I want to go to UVA, and my father wants me to go to UC-Berkeley (mostly because he likes Berkeley). We got into a big fight, and now he refuses to talk to me, my mom, and my sister. I plan to major in Public Health, so UVA’s proximity to D.C. will help me get jobs relating to Public Health in the government sector and its hospital is very well-known. Also, when I went to go visit UVA and UC-Berkeley, I was happier at UVA. I know that happiness is not a valid reason to choose one college over another, but I do know that if I am happy I will do better than if I am miserable. If I choose UVA, he will most likely refuse to pay and refuse to speak to acknowledge me as his daughter. I know that UC-Berkeley’s “brand” is better, but I don’t want to go to a college because of its brand. I definitely don’t want to go to Berkeley just for my dad to talk to me again if that means sacrificing my happiness. So really, it’s choose UVA and lose my dad or choose Berkeley and lose my happiness. I have less than a week to make a decision, and I honestly have no clue what to do anymore. If anybody has any suggestions, please let me know!
“I know that happiness is not a valid reason to choose on college over another” What???
First off, happiness at a college does matter. And you should try to talk with your father with someone there to mediate. Appeal to reason and try to use facts to back up your points. I’m sorry that this is happening. No one wants to be in that kind of situation. But if worse comes to worse, know that while you may not be as happy at Berkeley as you be at UVA, you will enjoy your time there.
what does mom say?
I am just wondering, why isn’t happiness a valid reason to choose a college? Lots of kids look at fit.
Can you talk to your mom about what to do? She’s married to the man, perhaps she knows how to get through to him. Some people need a little time to digest before getting on board with an idea.
Continue to do your homework on the two colleges, and prepare more information about why UVA fits for you. Find out what kind of careers options UVA students have that match your goals. I think it is hard to argue with someone who has facts.
As far as “brand” goes, I think the respective “brands” of these two colleges is pretty equal. Look at Forbes Top Colleges which places Berkeley at #35, and UVA at #36. But I don’t really condone picking colleges by brand anyway, as finding what makes sense for each student is more important.
Tell your dad that the undergraduate public health major at Berkeley was almost eliminated this year… and that it’s been extended for another 4 years, but after that it’s unclear whether they will continue it. In my mind, that raises a red flag and concerns whether the current faculty will stick around, especially the better-known professors/staff. It also raises questions about Cal’s ability to place undergrads in good internships.
http://www.dailycal.org/2016/03/04/school-of-public-health-reopens/
I’m not sure I understand someone being upset about their kid wanting to go to UVA? It’s not exactly a slouch school. Is there a money issue perhaps?
She’s on my side
To my dad happiness isn’t a valid reason unfortunately
<<<
I plan to major in Public Health, so UVA’s proximity to D.C. will help me get jobs relating to Public Health in the government sector and its hospital is very well-known.
<<<
I may be wrong, but doesn’t a career in Public Health require a masters degree (MPH)? If so, then the proxiity to DC wouldn’t matter for undergrad.
BTW…probably every major city has good jobs for MPH folks. One of my son’s high school friends went to UAB for undergrad Public Health, and now is in grad school (MPH) at UMich. She’ll likely end up being employed by UAB in the end.
What is going on? What is the cost of Berkeley vs UVA for your family? What aid did you get?
If you can go to UCB for $35k (if instate), but UVA would cost $50k+, then your dad may have a money concern.
but it sounds like the only reason he wants you to go to Berkeley is that it will make HIM happy. so happiness is a valid reason for him, but it’s his happiness, not yours.
Is there a large cost difference involved? What is your home state?
<<< it’s choose UVA and lose my dad or choose Berkeley and lose my happiness. >>>
How would it even be possible to “choose UVA and lose my dad,” unless UVA is giving you a free ride. If your dad won’t pay for UVA, then how could you go there even if you wanted???
Where ELSE were you accepted???
This is a teensy bit of a first world problem – they are both great universities, and you will get a very good education at each. I agree that you are going to need a master in public health to get far careerwise – that is one thing you should bring up to your dad, as it probably will NOT be funded. If you are in-state for UVA (and your user name makes me thing that maybe you are?), maybe there will be money leftover for grad school if you go in-state (that would be an argument for UVA).
But in the end… it is his money, his choice what to fund. I wouldn’t give my dad up over the choice of what college to attend, so think hard about whether this is worth that kind of family rift if you don’t succeed in convincing him. (And I am a person who attended the college my dad wanted, not where I wanted to go – and I can say in retrospect that while I still would have preferred my choice, it sure wasn’t worth blowing up my relationship with him for life).
Use your father’s language. Don’t argue about happiness. Argue about why UVA is a better choice for the major/career you are intending to pursue. Talk to his friends. Try to be as dispassionate as you can when you talk to him. Is location an issue for him at all? If so address that issue. Maybe he perceives Berkeley as far above UVA in prestige. Show him that that isn’t true, especially in your field. No one who knows anything about colleges in the USA should be anything but proud to say their child attends UVA. Not that that should matter but you have to approach this discussion in a way that your father can hear you.
If all else fails recognize that both schools are absolutely fantastic places to get a great education.
UVA ranked 26
UCB ranked 20
really negligible.
Is your dad foreign? Does he believe that this difference matters in some way??
He’s from China and in China the Berkeley brand is very big
i don’t get this situation at all. but if he is going to pay for Berkeley, and not UVa nor anywhere else, I don’t see what choice you have but to go to Berkeley and make the most of your opportunities there.
are you in-state for Virginia? if so, the only thing that might sway him might be to point out the astronomical cost difference between the two.
you’re in the US now and here, they are both pretty big.
but if he’s loaded and insists on spending his money on Berkeley, i don’t see what you can do.
Agree with this ^^. Unless you have another way to fund UVa, you may have no choice, sadly.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. But, I’m guessing this isn’t the first fight regarding his wishes that you’ve had or will have in the future. So, you need to decide what you want to do.
Can you go to UVA if he doesn’t pay? Do you have a full ride? What about traveling back and forth? Will you be out of the house and on your own if you go to UVA? Is that worth it?
Berkeley is a great school and not a bad place to be. There are millions of worse places you could be. If you can convince him of the above mentioned information about the stability of your major than great. But, I’m guessing he’ll be stubborn about Berkeley.
Are you prepared to lose your family over this? Can you find “happiness at Berkeley” despite the disappointment?