My Dad is threatening to cut me off because I don't want to be a doctor

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>Yeah…but is is reasonable to ask a parent to pay over $200,000 a year for an education that will not produce a student who is in any way prepared for employment at the end? Maybe this student should take a leave of absence for a year from school and see if she can get some internships (living at home) that give her a more practical direction.</p>

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<p>Yup. As long as you are willing to pay your own college bills, no problem. Parents are in no way obligated to pay their kid’s college bills. I understand the frustration of parents who are shelling out big money for kids who want to major in something that will pay them $25K a year (tops). Save the $25K a year activity as a hobby.</p>

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<p>thibault,</p>

<p>Listen to yourself:

Have you met any doctor from, say, Japan, Korea, Singapore, or Hong Kong? It’s really condescending and offensive to listen to you. OTOH, let’s be real here. Most doctors in this country are NOT writers or pursuing literary career. Many Americans also think practically about their career choices. All those examples you cited were exceptions rather than anything representative (vs. “long tradition”). Also, in Europe and UK, as far as I know, you get into med school right after high school. Only in the US can a med school student be an English major during his undergrad years. </p>

<p>The fact is you do not know how much his/her dad knows and you are assuming way too much based on what very little the OP said about his/her dad.</p>

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<p>I think you should try to transfer to a school where you are able to get a scholorship or just look into applying for some sort of scholarship. Basically, do anything you can to free yourself of someone trying to tell you what to do with your life by holding money over your head. It’s a terrible way to live, and you will feel better more confident, and so much happier when you are able to make your own choices. It will affect all aspects of your life. Don’t get stuck in a pattern where you let people control you through money, even if they are your parents.</p>

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<p>Why not become a pharmacist? It is one of the greatest jobs ever? Also, be nice to your parents, they love you lol. Imagine if you were a lawyer, and your girl said, I want to be a writer. Chances are the best writers didn’t go to college. Just because you go to harvard for writing, doesn’t mean you are going to be good. Everyone thinks they are good at writing. You probably should grow up and get a real job. If you don’t want a lot of money, then drop out of college and start writing now. You don’t need a degree to write. Just major in bio or chem, become a doctor, and then write. Don’t lie to your parents and feed them any false ideas, because once you tell him you aren’t going to law school, he’ll know you’ve been lying and he’ll disown your lying self. The disamity between you will be great, and you’ll wish you never lied. Keep in mind, if you’ve been living a rich life, and you become a writer, that all will change fast.</p>

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<p>The parents in this thread seem to sympathize with the idea of parents having all this control over what their kid does with his or her life. It’s their money, so it’s their right to leverage it against you in any way that they please. But from the perspective of a student deciding how to spend the rest of his life, I would just like to reiterate how sick a situation I think that is, and how I think that the second you start to feel pressure like that, you need to cut the ties and choose the life you want. </p>

<p>Some people’s plans are stupid, impossible, nonexistant, etc., and I have zero issue with a parent helping their kid understand that. But the second someone starts to leverage the money thing and just tell you what to do, get loans, grants, something…because it’s your life, and if the paradigm of old people already having money means young people have to live the life that’s dictated to them, it’s time to abandon the dynamic and find a new one. It’s really sad, but I don’t think it’s sadder than choosing to be unhappy forever.</p>

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<p>You may want to consider the practical applications of the subject you want to study. How can you gear what you are passionate about towards a decent paying career? Maybe you and your dad should go to a counselor together to discuss this in a safe environment with a mediator of sorts so that you can understand each other better and come to a workable compromise.</p>

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<p>“Some people’s plans are stupid, impossible, nonexistant, etc., and I have zero issue with a parent helping their kid understand that. But the second someone starts to leverage the money thing and just tell you what to do, get loans, grants, something…because it’s your life, and if the paradigm of old people already having money means young people have to live the life that’s dictated to them, it’s time to abandon the dynamic and find a new one. It’s really sad, but I don’t think it’s sadder than choosing to be unhappy forever.”</p>

<p>EXACTLY.</p>

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<p>There are people who, in this situation, buckled under the pressure and ended up doing something they didn’t originally intend to do and some people who didn’t give in to the pressure were thrown into a vicious circle, financially speaking, and later regret not listening to their parents.</p>

<p>Perhaps financial stability can make some people happy.</p>

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<p>Why dont you just major in something business. Such as marketing. You could double major easily with that since you hve credit from your minors</p>

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<p>I understand your point of view… I was once 20, in college, and interested in a course of study my dad thought was dumb (it was not a very employable major). I majored in something else that was more preferable to him. And while I don’t LOVE what I do every day, because of that choice I have been very well positioned financially in life to do other things I really wanted to. I was able to get out of a bad marriage with an abusive husband, and still provide a good life for my kids. I am now able to pay for college for my kids. I should be able to retire without being a burden on my children.</p>

<p>One of the main points I am trying to make is that the choices you make are not just about your happiness and well being (and about your dad). Assuming you want a family some day, you have to consider whether you are making the best use of your education for them. You can live on ramen noodles, but your kids can’t (or shouldn’t).</p>

<p>Some days I think it would have been fun to major in that other subject. But I also know that I would have paid a price for my impracticality down the road, and I am thankful that I did something that I could earn a living with.</p>

<p>OP, you should consider majoring in business and minoring in some kind of art or theater if you want to try to make a living on the business side of the arts (not the other way around).</p>

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<p>Just be careful to major in something that could, yes, have decent job prospects, but not to get a job in a field that is credit-score-sensitive (law is credit-score-sensitive and certain jobs attainable with a business degree are credit-score-sensitive)</p>

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<p>Why does everyone assume writing equates to ONLY writing the next great American novel? </p>

<p>There are plenty of good jobs for english/journalism majors with ad agencies, pr agencies, etc. And the opportunities in social media are unlimited. Our local public university placed 100% of its journalism graduates the last two years.</p>

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<p>^This. 10char</p>

<p>I also agree with the double-majoring idea.</p>

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<p>Regarding having a family, I think one of the great things about living in America (as opposed to some other countries) is that you can have a basic job and still support a small family, if both you and your spouse work. You can also take longer to start a family. Personally, I would rather set an example for my childer of following your passion rather than following the money. I think that’s more important than making enough money to send them to a private school.</p>

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<p>The double majoring idea is a good one. However, you need to prepare for the very real possibility that he will, in fact, cut you off, be it financially or both financially and emotionally. He’s told you what he’s planning, and you need to believe him.</p>

<p>You might want to start figuring out some ways to disentangle yourself from your parents financially before you graduate if at all possible, or else you face having their financial support be a source of control and manipulation. </p>

<p>Get a campus job. Work over the summers. Get yourself a reliable used car in your name only if you don’t have transportation already (obviously this doesn’t apply to a place like NYC with large-scale public transport). Get your own phone. Shutting down your phone will probably be the first thing your dad tries to do to regain control if you make a decision he doesn’t agree with. Go to your financial aid office, explain your circumstances, and find out about taking out student loans in your name only to continue your education should your dad stop paying your tuition.</p>

<p>Get your stuff out of their house, incrementally if you don’t want to arouse suspicion, and either keep it with you or put it in storage. He might trash your things at home if he gets angry enough, so make sure anything of value is with you.</p>

<p>I’m nervous for you about living at home during the summers in case he really does throw you out. You need to have a housing backup plan, although preferably you’ll be spending your summers working and can get campus housing. </p>

<p>Finally, stop giving your dad information. Don’t volunteer it. If he asks for it, give him the minimum that will satisfy him and continue on your way.</p>

<p>If you don’t think that this is a cultural thing (not sure of your culture) and you think it’s just a straight up A hole thing, check out [Daughters</a> of Narcissistic Mothers](<a href=“http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com%5DDaughters”>http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com). Applies to sons and fathers, too.</p>

<p>You are more than an extension of your father and of your family. Just get your ducks in a row and make sure that you’re ready to be independent sooner than you planned. Sorry you’re going through this.</p>

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<p>@Catria</p>

<p>And there are also people who don’t buckle and actually figure things out and are happy. </p>

<p>@intparent</p>

<p>You make a good point, in that you need to consider money more than I like to admit, assuming you want a family. I admit to a considerable level of idealism w/r/t money and happiness. I personally don’t want kids, and am repulsed by the idea of spending my life with someone who doesn’t want a career, so my options are pretty open. Also, while I have no moral issues with materialism in others, my standard of living and what I want out of life <em>financially</em> are basically a roof, an internet connection and a couple weeks a year traveling, so I could be a garbage man if that interested me. So I’m in a better position to say “eff it, be a playwright” or w/e than someone who wants to live fancy or support an old fashion family.</p>

<p>That said, it’s hard for me to identify with a mentality who could not realize this on their own, but still be pressured into following that path, and end up being happy about it. In addition to personally being idealistic and financially ambivalent, I kind of have a problem with people trying to force my hand, and maybe other people don’t. </p>

<p>I’m glad things worked out for you, and I’m really happy you got yourself and your kids out of a horrible situation. I am a male who never wants a family, and yet mothers who can get away from that kind of situation are one of the groups who I admire most (coming in just after astronauts who double as international sapphire thieves). </p>

<p>(Re: money: If I ever decide I want kids, I wouldn’t do it unless I could send my kids to the best schools money could buy, from preschool until they flake out and decide to be garbage men/women. So, yeah, money is probably important, just not for nuts like me.)</p>

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<p>Do what you want. It’s your life. If your happy that’s all that matters.</p>

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<p>Another Parent weighing in. you have some interesting advice here, some of it good.(probably all from parents)
google Kiplinger’s 10 worst majors for a career and then google Kiplinger’s 10 best Majors for a career. 10 worst include English. My little brother majored in English at Notre Dame (an excellent school) and then spent 3 years after graduation working at the mall. he then went to grad school for teaching and has been teaching elementary school ever since.
I am doing this with my daughter who is interested in several of the 10 worst majors. My daughter has an excellent aptitude in anatomy and physiology, has the stomach for the operating room but has no interest in becoming a Nurse (because her mother the Nurse has been pushing it for a long time).<br>
I have no idea how I am going to pay for her college and then what am i going to do 4 years later when her sister should be going to college? I needfor her to choose a career that she will be able to find work in and earn a living. Hopefully this will also provide fulfilment.</p>

<p>Because he is a lawyer, i assume your father is doing well. I am doing ok but not well and money is a problem for me. I have seen “financial bondage” and your father is trying to keep you out of it. He might seem like a pain in the @$$, but he is painfully aware of a larger picture than you are able to see right now.</p>

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<p>Acollegestudent- you are partially right but I want you to know that most people need to have both spouses working. then you get into the need for daycare which is expensive and it’s not easy handing your child off to strangers.</p>

<p>the “you can have it all (career and family)” is a myth. there is a cost for everything. if you see having a family as simply doing your duty to keep the human race going, that’s fine, enjoy your work. many employers do not want to hear about juggling family and career.
I’m not saying that daycare providers don’t do a good job, but I think that job is one best done by the family.</p>

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<p>Bored, doing a little Googling, found what one of my strongest motivators has to say on the subject:</p>

<p>[Study</a> Hacks Blog Archive The Unconventional Scholar: Don’t Discuss Your Major With Your Parents](<a href=“http://calnewport.com/blog/2008/08/08/the-unconventional-scholar-dont-discuss-your-major-with-your-parents/]Study”>The Unconventional Scholar: Don't Discuss Your Major With Your Parents - Cal Newport)</p>

<p>And this one is also interesting:</p>

<p><a href=“http://calnewport.com/blog/2007/10/24/does-your-college-major-matter/[/url]”>http://calnewport.com/blog/2007/10/24/does-your-college-major-matter/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;