My Dad is threatening to cut me off because I don't want to be a doctor

<p>I had an aunt who was obsessed with trying to badger me into doing pre-med and becoming a doctor because “its practical and what “smart people” did”. </p>

<p>I retorted by saying I’d be willing to consider doing it if she’d not only pay for all my undergrad and med school expenses, but also all malpractice suits which’ll inevitably result from my becoming a practicing doctor in the medical field. That really shut her up pretty fast. </p>

<p>A decision which was only confirmed when I roomed with 3 medical residents and saw the insane long hours & topsy turvy schedules they kept. Sometimes, I wouldn’t see them for 3 weeks out of the month. Even biglaw attorneys don’t keep the insane hours the doctor roomies I had kept. </p>

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<p>A former supervisor/now friend had a colleague with wealthy father who threatened to disown him and cut him off from the family unless he attended Princeton. No other colleges…not even Yale or Harvard were acceptable. </p>

<p>Said colleague went along with his father’s order to attend Princeton and bided his time. However, karma caught up to the father as not too long after the father handed over a substantial trust fund, the colleague cut off all further contact the father and refused to have anything to do with him despite the father’s pleas over the years to see him out of paternal instinct. Having practically every meaningful choice micromanaged and dictated to you by parents who use threats…including manipulation of money tends to produce a rebellious backlash in most psychologically healthy adults…especially those who have a mind of their own and won’t buckle under the dictatorial dictats of others. </p>

<p>In short, parents should be extremely wary of the possible consequences of being too controlling and micromanaging over their kids’ choices. This does not include the fact that if they end up pursuing the parentally chosen path and end up failing or being extremely unhappy with their lives…the blame will inevitably and IMO…justifiably fall squarely on such parents.</p>

<p>^ &*) $ happens and then you die. so what. Parents without trust funds to dole out dont give a darn.</p>

<p>Lily,</p>

<p>It is very sad to read those things but this is your life and you can choose whatever you want. My suggestion is to you DON’T discuss your future decisions with your parent.</p>

<p>An English major will essentially give you nothing. It is true that you should do what you love, but if you can’t get any job that pertains to what you love, then YOU CAN’T DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Be reasonable. Don’t waste college money on a useless career. Look into something that is reasonable in the job market and pertains to an interest of yours. Engineering, accounting, nursing, and a few more are hot jobs right now. But of course, you don’t like any of them. I don’t know how to help you. For god’s sake, don’t major in biology as a pre-med student - most overrated career ever. It’s pathetic how the interest in becoming a doctor comes from the projected six figure salaries.</p>

<p>That is perfectly ridiculous advice. Being an English major is fine; being a good writer, being able to analyze texts can lead to any sort of career–lawyer, business, teaching and yes even medicine. Your major is no limitation on your career.</p>

<p>biodontchem is right, more or less</p>

<p>there’s a good likelihood that an English degree will be useless</p>

<p>with a degree in engineering, accounting, nursing, or (are there any more?), that likelihood is much smaller</p>

<p>but either way, the world changes fast. who knows, maybe we will automate certain jobs a decade. hurray, for AI progress.</p>

<p>My advise would be to try to hash things out with you parents one more time, and then if that doesn’t work, try to dual degree. If you don’t have the time, maybe take summer classes or drop one of your business minors.</p>

<p>My parents (father was a doctor, mother was a nurse) were very encouraging of my desire to be pre-med (which I did to please them and because I couldn’t think of anything else). I changed to a double major in Art History (which I loved) and Econ (to be practical). Whenever they asked my major, I said “Econ”. </p>

<p>Later on, I wish I’d focussed on writing. Maybe if I’d followed writing as a career, I’d be successful as a writer now. But as John Updike said, writers write. That’s what they do. They write articles, obituaries, condolence letters to the woman whose husband of 50 years just died. There are many ways to get positive feedback from your writing. A paycheck isn’t always one of them.</p>

<p>I echo all those who said to see a career counselor and plan out your future so you can be financially independent if you choose a writing or writing-based career. You don’t want to be 30, sharing an apartment with 6 girls because you can’t afford your own place (or hey - maybe that’s appealing – you can be the next Lena Dunham!)</p>

<p>Last thought – why don’t you use this time over break to line up a summer job (paid if you have to; unpaid if your dad will let you) and use that time to explore some careers?</p>

<p>Where you are now (in your 20’s) you have more energy and potential than you will for the rest of your life. there is unlimited potential for you! you probably don’t believe it but time actually speeds up as you get older, so there are certain things you are (physically and emotionally) better equipped to handle now rather than later. This includes working hard (paying your dues) as well as having kids. (we were 36 when we started our family and that’s when we learned about that.) </p>

<p>I look at writing as being similar to studio art or fine art where you create what nobody else can, but there isn’t a solid path to success and financial security. </p>

<p>If you have the 'fire in the belly" for writing, keep doing it but maybe as a minor. Go for Journalism rather than English. I strongly recommend that you look into magazines to which you could submit articles, find out their submission requirements and start working on submissions. (maybe start with the school paper)</p>

<p>What else interests you? take stock of what fields of study sound interesting to you and see if there is an overlap with a major leading to a more mainstream career. Do NOT go to Law school to satisfy someone else’s ambition. Find your own way. I am in my 50’s now and am envious of those who went into teaching. they got summers and school vacations off and many of them retire in their 50’s. I will be working until they put me in the ground, not because I enjoy working but because I cannot afford to retire. </p>

<p>When I was in college, I had a bunch of friends who discovered Sports Administration as a Major which led them to good jobs and satisfying careers. They got into it because it sounded easy but it was a perfect fit for them. you too can find a career that is right for you and does more than pays the bills. </p>

<p>Writing is and will always be an excellent skill to bring to the workplace.</p>

<p>Lily – I’m a parent and I’m with you on this one. I know so many people my age who wish they’d followed their dream but bowed to parental/societal/peer pressure to go into business/medicine/law.</p>

<p>It’s important for parents to guide their children about some things, and the children need to be realistic. We’ve told ours that if they decide on some majors, they may have a more difficult time getting a job and that it may make life harder for them. On the other hand, we’ve encouraged them to study what they love and are good at.</p>

<p>Parents have the right to, and should, put a limit on the money – and that limit may be X amount per year or whatever tuition is at their state schools. What parents should not do is try to dictate exactly which college and which major(s) fit the bill.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, you may be stuck in a situation where you have to choose between your parents’ money (and a relationship with them) and your desires. I’m so sorry. Some posters have made good suggestions about researching job opportunities and talking to your father about what you CAN do with your interests. If your father is particularly vehement and starts to get more angry, you may need to make plans to protect your physical and emotional health by separating from him, including financially. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Best wishes.</p>

<p>I am so sorry for you. Many kids don’t realize that they have the most important gift— not IQ, affluence, etc… but rather academic autonomy.</p>

<p>I think he thinks I’m completely stupid and I won’t take a job if it isn’t my “dream job” right off the bat</p>

<p>He might change his tune when he sees you working hard toward something that is important to you.</p>

<p>Hi Lilly! I am also interested in being a doctor and doing pre med. I have talked to multiple people in admissions at med schools and they have told me that many accepted students have non science majors along with premed. Often times doing a non science major can help to set you apart from other applicants. For example a woman from Brown med school told me that english is actually one of the most popular majors for admitted students. It shows that students are well rounded and have varied interests. Honestly, I would talk to your dad and explain to him the advantages of doing more liberal majors for med school admissions and do an english or other major of interest while doing premed so as to please your father. Hope this helped :)</p>

<p>There are a couple medical specialties no father would want his daughter going into. If you hint that you’re interested in one of these, maybe he will back off a bit.</p>

<p>“I’ve casually mentioned that I wouldn’t mind living off of only a little money doing what I love (writing) rather than doing something that pays a lot but I’m just not into like an engineer or something”</p>

<p>The OP says she is fine with living on only a little money. The father says he is going to cut her off. </p>

<p>These things dont seem incompatible to me. Let him cut her off and she gets to prove her bona fides sooner rather than later. If she changes her mind then its much better that she do it now when there is time to course correct. If she can be happy on low income an demonstrates it now it saves her parents years of anxiety.</p>

<p>Fair enough, Sam Lee. Point taken, and my apologies for any cultural offense given. </p>

<p>Re. the larger point about literature and medicine, as you rightly note and as others have noted, an English + pre-med major is a superb, uniquely US option that would keep many doors open for OP while placating her dad.</p>

<p>I’ve attended alot of creative writing workshops and worked with many professional creative writers. Writing is an amazing field to work in, but you should seriously consider the risks of it. Even after college, you will probably finding yourself working menial jobs for years before you will be given the chance to become a full-time writer. Writing is a difficult career; if you want to become a writer, you have to absolutely dedicated to it.</p>

<p>is he paying for your college? if so, dont complain, if not then tell him its your money and your future</p>

<p>A few posters are telling the OP that she can still major in English and go to med school. Have I missed something? My impression was that she is not interested in med school, or any STEM sort of career, at all.</p>

<p>So what if he’s cutting you off financially. You can’t expect your parents to pay for your life. In his mind he see’s a great ROI if you change majors.</p>