My Duke Supplement essay, what do you think?

College Essays
1

<p>Hey guys, I'm an international student, looking to study pre-med at Duke. i just finished writing my supplement essay in response to the question:
(For Arts and Sciences Applicants Only) If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.</p>

<p>please tell me what you think! Critique, tips, ideas and anything that could improve the essay would be most helpful!! please feel free to criticize as much as you want! don't hold it back:D
Please and thank you:)</p>

<p>Last year when our school counselor proposed that it was time we started thinking about university and where we wanted to go, it was inevitable that everyone would think I’d want to go to a British university, afterall I have been in the British curriculum all my life. However I didn’t, British universities provided a one way, nonstop, fast paced track to my field, focusing only on subjects necessary for my profession. 5 - 7 years and I could be a doctor, a little more and I’d be a Surgeon. Which was great for those who were interested but I wasn’t. I like the idea of not being boxed in, having the time and ability to change decisions, try new things, explore new interests. So when a friend, a pre-med major at Duke, stopped by during the summer and talked about her life at Trinity college of Arts and Sciences, I was intrigued. She talked of the many study abroad programs and internship opportunities all over the world, her ability to complete pre-med requirements yet simultaneously have the freedom to learn how to play piano, take photography classes, and take up one of the many research opportunities at Duke, I knew I’d found my match. But it’s more than that. All the countless statistics, articles, reviews and videos I’ve both seen and heard, it’s become clear that Duke is the perfect example of a school growing with its roots, it’s traditions, rather than moving forward without them. I love vintage, tradition, always have, but modernity has both its perks and advantages. Duke’s capability of having buildings both new and old; the contemporary design of the Georgian East Campus alongside the time-honored neo-Gothic West Campus, technology adjacent to nature; the number of technology centers and innovations in the midst of a lush-green environment, but most importantly the countless research opportunities for incoming freshman was the final allure that confirmed why Duke would be home for me. Eamus hyacintho dæmonia (Latin/lets go blue devils).</p>

2

<p>First, posting your personal essay like this is a bad, bad idea.</p>

<p>Anyway, have your english teacher check this. It’s filled with weird grammar, and I don’t want to go correcting every single bit.</p>

<p>I also don’t think this essay is personal in any way. Yes, you talked about why Duke is great, but I didn’t feel your voice in the essay.</p>

3

<p>I have to agree. You don’t tell us anything about yourself. you HINT at something at first, but you don’t dig into it. SHOW us why you want the broader path!!!</p>

4

<p>I would take your essay off of the thread and ask people to read it privately. It’s sad that you have to do that, but you want to protect your work.</p>

<p>I like your ideas, but you need to fix a lot of grammatical errors, especially the sentence structures (periods in weird places, etc).</p>

5

<p>Other than the reference to the Gothic architecture, you could substitute the name of any random college for “Duke” and submit it anywhere. You need to dig deeper. Find an angle that is uniquely you and uniquely Duke, that is how you need to approach this. The fluff ball nice campus is wasted effort in any of the essays, for any college. Every reader thinks their own college is lovely, they expect that you will also find it so and that would go without saying. So, don’t say it.</p>

6

<p>I’m applying to Duke too, and I’m happy to help you on an essay that I’m also in the process of working on.</p>

<p>You want the reader to know that you know a lot about Duke, enough to make you want to go there. Strong academics and gothic architecture are not sufficient enough, any top 25 college can have that. I would recommend visiting Duke if you have not already to get a feel for what the campus is like. It really helps to reflect on what you know about the school and its campus when you sit down and write your essay. If you can’t visit, research online for things that are unique to Duke. Pick one of these things that attracts you and write about it. DukeEngage, for example, attracts me because I’ve always wanted to go abroad and work on a long-term service project. No other school offers a program like DukeEngage. That’s something the admissions want to see. They want to see that you know Duke, that you really want to go there, and that your attraction has more depth than just academics and pretty buildings.</p>

<p>Hope this helps and best of luck!</p>