<p>Toledo, you should know more than admissions. How can an office, paid to assist thousands of students, know your daughter better than her parents? Especially when it seems they may have been given only partial info regarding her LDs and IEP?</p>
<p>If you honestly think this would have happened at her safety then there is no way you can hold admissions accountable because it would have happened anywhere. You are admitting your daughter is not ready for college. She is admitting it as well. If you went into the college and told them that and they still took your money THEN you could hold them accountable. Yes, they overloaded your daughter’s course load but if they did not know the extent of her learning issues then she was not given proper or adequate advice and consent.</p>
<p>It sounds like the daughter is trying to take personal responsibility for her part of the problem. Her not going to class, not doing quality work, not taking this serious are SYMPTOMS of a problem and not the actual problem. </p>
<p>The problem is she lacks maturity, direction, discipline, and supervision that is not available to her and/or she is not willing to find. Expecting her to find it herself when you know she’s not mature OR expecting the college to provide it in your absence is not realistic. </p>
<p>If a student needs micromanaging and/or hand holding the only place they will get it is at home from caring parents. Colleges, especially elite reach ones, are not set up to accommodate kids who need that type of help.</p>
<p>I know I really wish my LD son would step up and start to figure this out on his own. I’m tired of helping him and sometimes resent it. But I know in my heart of hearts he’s not ready and he will require even MORE hand holding and micromanaging during his teenage and early college years. </p>
<p>The idea of kids growing means less dependency is just that an idea in our LD house. I know one day he’ll be able to function on his own but it’s not his freshman year in college. He’s having hard times as a freshman in high school. To throw him into the world believing he’ll figure it out and deserves a chance to try is simply setting him up for failure.</p>
<p>I don’t know about that Poet and oldfort. The OP’s daughter is enrolled in a couple of Ed classes and it also sounds like a basic science class probably geared towards non majors or specifically for elem. ed majors. To have the grades she has right now means she was doing almost nothing this semester. It is hard to get a kid with ADHD back on track without a change of course. If you think about a drug addict for instance…they should never return to where they were involved in the drug use once they recover. This kid may have her set of partying friends, and her life style of doing little work has already been established. I remember when we gave my daughter the option to return back to her original school after her first semester at a CC and she said she had no desire to go back to what she was doing. She liked her new found success in school. A fresh start is sometimes a good thing. Ultimately it needs to be a decision that the parents could live with considering they are paying the tuition bill, its not easy to see that money go down the toilet without a real plan in place for change. The trust also goes down the tubes, when you start wondering if your kid is just having a grand time while you go to work everyday believing that your kid is getting an education, when they aren’t.</p>
<p>M-3, you may be right in your assessment of the situation.</p>
<p>You may not be right.</p>
<p>I’m not always convinced that the “best” way to teach our kids how to get out of challenging circumstances is to pull them out of those situations without first demonstrating to them how to “problem solve” something sticky…I’m not always sure that it is a “bad” thing to learn to address and face up to the problems in the place you caused them. It might be the best way to learn.</p>
<p>FWIW, it is not true that a drug addict “should never return” once they are in recovery. In fact, it is best if they can return and make amends and find a new way to live. The thing is this: Wherever you go there “you” are. Usually “you” are the real issue, not the circumstances.</p>
<p>Since Toledo’s daughter has flat out admitted that she messed up? Teaching her how to get out of a situation where she “messed up” is much more valuable, imho, than simply saying, “Well, clearly you are not mature and need to come home.” It is very mature to admit our mistakes, a big sign of growth, regardless of how that admission actually comes about. This seems like a young woman who is taking responsibility, and pressing on that a little bit could really bear out a positive learning experience.</p>
<p>YMMV. I could obviously be very wrong. But, sentences like, “I know we can figure this out. I know you know what you really need to do do here,” are my personal preference. Ultimately, Toledo will have to make the choice, along with her D, and I’m sure they will do the right thing. It’s only college, the place you go to learn things. It’s not an emergency room. ;)</p>
<p>^^True, but the drug addict does not go back right away. Making amends comes once they are strong enough to avoid the life style. What I meant by going back was they should never go back to the neighborhood of their drug use with the friends (fellow drug users) </p>
<p>Toledo… I am only using drugs as an example and I am not implying that your daughter has become involved with drugs.</p>
<p>The only other thing I’m going to say, other than good luck, and trust your instincts, is that there is a reason colleges have set up the system they have set up and there is a reason they give kids a semester to get it together after a failed situation. People really do learn and not everyone who ever “messed up” continued on this course. Colleges have a universal system to allow kids to figure it out for a reason, mainly because it is quite possible. JMO</p>
<p>Toledo, I skipped over the messages that lectured and blamed you…hope you were able to do the same. </p>
<p>Do you have a grasp of how the Fs came to be Fs? Some college classes only give a midterm and a final. At this point, three Fs could be the result of three midterms that did not go well. They may not be indicitive of a long term pattern. Lots of students get through high school not studying, or not studying very hard for tests. Many times, the first college midterm is a big wake up call. </p>
<p>Also, are the Fs 65s or 25s? That info will help you know if the grade can be brought up or not.</p>
<p>She says the work is not that hard. She may be right. I saw a copy of a test that my son failed. It was a 50 question multiple choice test. Not hard at all. It’s just that he hadn’t studied at all.</p>
<p>I would really recommend that you visit your D at school. If I had visited my son, I would have realized how absolutely out of control his life was, that he had been off his ADD meds for months, that his room was messy beyond words, etc. etc. Sometimes just seeing your own child (and his/her room!) tells you so much.</p>
<p>What mdemvizi said. I had an IEP in HS but didn’t carry it with me to college. Your D might have thought that she “graduated” from IEP and wanted to give academics without a IEP a shot. Little did I realize that I would still need to go to the writing center in order to keep working on my writing skills. I spent many, many hours in that place just to keep my head afloat. I had to use it in order to be able to write my essay exams well. I would have definitely benefited from keeping my IEP accommodation of time and half on essays.</p>
<p>What I did not realize until my senior year and grad school that it’s OKAY to ask for a little help. It’s actually a mature thing to do to reach out for help even if it makes us feel inadequate. Unfortunately, it’s just in a teenager’s brain to want to be completely independent and figure things out right now.</p>
<p>Along with many different suggestions, tell your D that she can remain independent with her choices and struggle, or learn to accept the fact that it’s okay to ask for help and take advantage of what’s offered to help her succeed. It’s a hard lesson to learn but with maturity, she’ll come around. Right now if she can’t accept the former, time to pull her out of this school.</p>
It’s one thing to tell your child that they can’t attend a reach due to finances versus telling them that they can’t attend “because I don’t think you can do it.” I never said I hold admissions responsible for this.</p>
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<p>This info would be very helpful. Someone just p.m.'d, mentioning this information could be posted on some type of grading web site. I know our high school uses one of these web sites, but didn’t think that colleges might also use one for posting all grades. </p>
<p>
We visited for parents’ weekend earlier this month. D actually told us the events were all “lame” and didn’t have to come. We went and everything appeared to be perfect. It was the first time she’d had a neat room without me harping about it. We met two of her friends and took them out for dinner. They seemed like nice, well-grounded girls.</p>
<p>I am a believer in first things first, and you/your daughter are up against a time clock, both for dropping classes and registering for the local school. What it sounds like is that you both need is a bit more data in order to help your dau make a reasoned decision. I agree that meetings with the professors are important, and need to be scheduled ASAP. They can advise you/your daughter as to what additional assignments are upcoming and what her chances are of pulling up her grades, so that you/she can make some decisions. The class she doesn’t attend needs to be dropped for sure. If she is able to take some of the classes pass/fail, I agree, that is a good option, especially if they are core/required classes. </p>
<p>Another important question is, do you think she has the ability to really get on track immediately? Do you think she has the self-discipline at this point to really grab this situation by the kahones and buckle down? If it is too much to manage in a small amount of time, perhaps another option is a medical leave. She might be able to drop the lower classes, take incompletes in the others, and come home for the rest of this semester to get back on track. Then , if things are better, and she can get the IEP in place for next semester, perhaps she can return and start afresh.</p>
<p>Good luck. Getting the meetings with the professors is a priority. I agree that if you can be there with her, that would be helpful for you and for her.</p>
<p>Son’s school had such a web site, and in two semesters not a single prof put in any grade but the final grade.</p>
<p>Son’s cc has an even better one…places for attendance, all assignments, grades, etc etc…but no prof uses all features…one tracks attendance but not grades, another stopped tracking anything in September. Son just got a disappointing final grade in a class…all the teacher had put in prior to the final grade were 100s…after the class was over, she input the 0s.</p>
<p>To comment on a couple of comments here, but not directly to the Op.
The daughter may be saying she messed up. She may even say she can do better if put right back in the same situation again.
The D may be truthful, and may be right.
Then again, she may not be.
Those here that ascribe to the “she admits she messed up, she says she could do the work, but wasn’t putting in enough effort. Let her go back” are assuming her word is now Gospel. They are overlooking that this student has already lied/misled parents about her grades. Is it so impossible to believe student could be doing it again? This time choosing to blame herself, but asking for another chance, so she can go back to the fun school? She knows if she blames the school she wouldn’t go back. There is incentive here for her to blame herself, with the promise she’ll try harder. Is that so ridiculous? Or, could it be the student wants desperately to convince herself and parents the fault was only her effort, when really it was more than that? Since she’s been caught (at best)misrepresenting the situation with her grades, why do some automatically believe her 100% when she says she will try harder? She has fooled the parents once already.
I don’t personally know the D. I doubt anyone here does. Given that, how can some people here believe the kid 100% now without much skepticism? trust but verify.</p>
<p>She’s definitely coming home. We just need to decide when and if any classes are worth salvaging. She already chose the school for second semester, with no protesting.</p>
<p>Toledo, sorry about your Ds problem at school. </p>
<p>Ill cut to the chase. After reading your posts, here are my recommendations. Please report to the college dean and the registrar of her IEP status. Sorry if there are repeats here; Ive not read all the posts.</p>
<p>Option 1: </p>
<p>Check to see if they allow her to shed most of her credits and do the remaining ones on a pass/fail basis. Immediately drop History, Science, Science Lab and English Comp. I know you paid for them already, but your daughter is drowning and she needs immediate help. Ask the school if they offer tutoring for her remaining classes. </p>
<p>Option 2:</p>
<p>Withdraw from this semester as a full-time student and see if there are any remedial classes that she can still sign up for. This way she can reduce her stress and still be engaged.</p>
<p>Option 3:</p>
<p>Withdraw and sit out this semester. This gives her and your family to assess the situation and come up with a plan for next semester.</p>
<p>Toledo, While this is very upsetting and stressful at the moment, know that in the grand scheme of life, it’s not a big deal. </p>
<p>I would seriously consider withdrawing her now. She’s failing (well, has a “D” in one) all of her core general ed. requirements. She’s barely managing to stay afloat in her two Education classes—both of which are basically intro workshop type classes (1 credit and 2 credits). I doubt those two classes will transfer over to another school even if she passes them. Isn’t it better to have her get out now with “W’s” on her transcript rather than permanent “F’s”? One can explain a “W”, but an “F” is an “F”, plain and simple. If you leave her there, she’s only going to keep sinking. Why leave her there only to experience the stress and most likely failure of her first “finals week”? </p>
<p>I would take a trip up there now (bring the SUV, just in case she officially withdraws and you can bring her stuff home). Let her do the hard stuff (meet with advisor, meet with her professors, paperwork, tell her friends, etc.), but be there for guidance. Suggest that she meet with her advisor ASAP (today, if possible) to get the ball rolling on whatever decision she and your family make.</p>
<p>Good luck. She’ll be fine. She’ll just a take a different path to reach her goals----different path and maybe different goals.</p>
<p>Continuing with nysmile’s ideas, might all W’s look less odd than a couple of C’s in the most basic into courses, but W’s on the others?
IMO, that mixture might suggest only that she couldn’t handle the “real courses” and then there is a lot of explaining to do. All W’s though, would open many possible explanations.</p>
<p>I know what you mean, but it is important to remember that IEP is a term that applies to only elementary and secondary schools. In fact, the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights had a lecture in the previous administration that was given to parents, students, and educators called “There are no IEPS in College.” See this OCR pamphlet for a description of what students with disabilities can expect in college: [Students</a> with Disabilities Preparing for Postsecondary Education](<a href=“http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html]Students”>Students with Disabilities Preparing for Postsecondary Education).</p>
<p>And, as a footnote to nothing, note that the proper legal term is academic adjustments, not accommodations.</p>
<p>When we first took Son to school, we all met with the Disabilities Office, took in our paperwork, etc. It was left up to Son to request academic adjustments and he requested none. THEN, when he requested adjustments second semester, they were denied because his psychological assessment was not on the adult scale. As you know, the whole testing/writing the report process can take weeks or even months (and cost $$$). </p>
<p>Some schools have very specific requirements on their web sites (e.g. assessment no more than 2 years old, on the adult scale, etc.) and others don’t.</p>