I'm Just Really Sad :(

<p>I just graduated from high school. I'm going to the college of my dreams next fall but for some reason, I've never been so depressed. </p>

<p>My parents aren't going to support me much in college so I had to get a job this summer to start saving up. I've been working a ton in order to get as much cash as possible, but this has put a major damper on my social life. Whenever I DO hang out with my friends, I feel out of the loop. My two best friends in the entire world have gotten a job together and have therefore become very close, which makes me feel even more left out. Another reason I am left out is because I have recently become a health freak. I've struggled with my body image for some time and this summer I have devouted all my extra time to working out and eating right. I feel like I can't ever hang out with my friends because all they want to do is go to the beach but I am too self conscious to be seen in a swim suit. </p>

<p>So basically I am lonely and stressed from constantly being on the go. Then it gets worse. My best friend has always been my partner in crime. We're both pretty attractive girls but have mananged to have absolutely no luck with relationships. We both grieve together about our sad romantic life...but tonight she tells me that she has been talking for a boy that she used to hang out with and he proposed that they become a couple. I am happy for her but this pretty much broke me heart. Here I am working my hardest to build my self esteem and all comes crashing down as I realize that I ALONE have been unfortunate enough to never have a boyfriend. I'm not ugly. Or fat or stupid. I am usually very well liked and am actually pretty popular at school. But for some reason no one seems to be interested in me. And I'm just so depressed. Not because I like someone and he doesn't like me back. I just feel so lonely and now I feel like I have no one to talk to and I won't be able to meet new people because all I do is work and exercise. </p>

<p>What am I supposed to do? I know I will be leaving for college soon, but what if it is the same there? I just don't get it :(</p>

<p>It won't be the same there. It sounds to me as though you and every one of your friends is engaging in differing versions of "last summer at home." It's sad to say it, but everyone is exploring a bit of life on their own, and loosening (just a bit) the bonds that held you together in high school. That'll only make you and each of them more ready to embrace new possibilities once you get to college.</p>

<p>Working, saving up money, exercising are all great ways to spend a summer. The luck of finding a boyfriend includes the pain of having to ditch him in September, or keep writing to him when it might be more appropriate to go off to college unburdened by an ongoing, longdistance relationship. Do you know how many people in freshman year sit in their rooms texting h.s. boyfriends and what opportunities are missed thereby? </p>

<p>It's easy for me to say "it'll be a short time until college begins" since I'm an adult and time feels different to young people than adults. We say the summer will zip by, but you feel it'll crawl along slowly. Either way, in less than three months, you'll have a whole new opportunity to make friends, male and female. You can also reframe things about yourself, somewhat; if you want to think about presenting a more positive, happy face as a freshman, go ahead and do it. Nobody will know your past and it's an opportunity to shed some bad old tired habits. </p>

<p>In answer to your last para, I don't think it will be the same. It can't be. But, as for "what am I supposed to do?" I'd say to be as light and pleasant as you can with old friends. Don't pick fights, which some people do in order to protect themselves from separating next fall. (as if to say, I'll reject you before you leave me so it won't hurt as much--a poor choice that surprisingly many make. In late August, old friends fight bizarrely, no need to do that!)</p>

<p>You could "do" nothing, just exactly what you're doing; after all, you're very productive here,saving money, toning your body...you'll be in great shape in September. But perhaps you can have a <em>little</em> bit of summer fun? Just take a picnic or beach moment, so the whole summer doesn't get by you without some summer memories, even with your family. Get outside, take a bike ride, be sure something new happens even if you just go explore a new neighborhood or see something "famous" from your region you've never gotten to do but tourists always go there. </p>

<p>I wouldn' begrudge your friend's new boyfriend. It might just be a casual summertime friendship, but it doesn't mean she can do this and you can't. She's just choosing to try her wings a bit sooner than you by a few months, that's all. You might be preferring to consolidate what you've got rather than make new relationships on your way out the door. I notice my S is not trying to make new friends this summer, just hang onto what he's got and simplify a bit too, so he can leave easier. He's also been visiting a lot of "old favorite" locations since he'll be going across the country and feels like he'll miss a lot of favorite haunts. Like you, he's doing more that centers himself and strengthens his inner self rather than branching out socially this summer. </p>

<p>If there are any social opportunities that are just about being in the present, in the here-and-now, that's what summer can be. If those come along, check them out, but if they don't, that's okay too because college is coming, as you say, "soon." </p>

<p>Some days you might feel sad because a chapter of your life is wrapping up. You're actually strengthening yourself for the big changes ahead. Don't worry but try not to be too sad. I find that ice cream helps ;) but then I'm not toning up for anything.</p>

<p>As John Lennon wrote, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." You never know...you might turn a corner on your way to the gym or work this summer and that's when you'll find something or someone amazing...or not. It could equally (and more likely) occur in line for registration at college next fall, because that's when you'll be surrounded with people similarly interested and open to new people and experiences. Will you have freshman orientation? That'll help for some things that concern you today.</p>

<p>You could look over your exercise program a bit. I'm not sure why exercise has to feel so solitary. I guess you go to a gym, or run, but something solo? Well, maybe there's a tennis clinic or community-based yoga class to add to your exercise program that's a bit friendlier, just for this summer? Remember you don't have to talk to potential boyfriends, just talk to "others" of every age and situation can help you feel less lonely. Don't not talk to old ladies, some of us are amazing and affirming, too, even if we're not boyfriends. Or young moms. Just talk to people without believing they have to be toned-up teenagers to warrant your attention! Try it, and if it feels dorky, try it again in a few years... poiny is: sometimes you get where you're trying to go by an indirect path. Life just happens. </p>

<p>You'll be fine! Don't worry.</p>

<p>wow thanks a lot....your post was amazing. </p>

<p>I think you hit the nail on the head when you said not to fight with friends before leaving. I hang out with a large group of friends but I have two best friends. One is the smart one (the one with the possible boyfriend) and the other is the ladies man (she always has 3 guys lined up at a time but it never bothered me because I had my other friend). I guess I could be called the outgoing, independent, funny one...but I'm not very good at self analysis. Anyways, the ladies man friend and I have been at eachothers throats everytime we hang out, which has added to the loneliness. I think it's because I am tired of her complaining about having to juggle her many boy toys while I have no one...which results in snippy, jealous remarks from me. Your post has basically made me realize that I'm being an idiot and I just have to stay strong. I reacted very indifferently when my smart best firend told me about the possible boyfirend, which was basically my only way of hiding my sadness. I don't like to appear weak, especially among those I love, which is probably why I am askng for help on an annonymous internet site. </p>

<p>You're also right about me partly being sad because I am scared for the future. I was NEVER EVER EVERRRRR the type to be like "I'm gonna miss high sschool" but I really will. I was looking at pictures of us at school and comments in my yearbook and I just started crying because it's over and we really are all going our separate ways already. </p>

<p>And I'm glad that you pointed out that we are all just experiencing our own versions of our "last summer". Sure, I would love a summer romance...just to be able to feel like I am worth something ( sheesh that sounds terrible...i don't exactly mean it like that) but I am okay with using this summer as preparation for what is to come instead. </p>

<p>Thanks for the awesome and inspiring words of wisdom...it's the only thing that has been able to make me stop crying.</p>

<p>Some rsponses to your post
-Having to work hard to earn money is good for you in ways you cannot even imagine.
-Friendships wax and wane. Stay chilled with the two girls who are becoming closer. Nothing is fixed in stone. They may drift apart, or you may find new, closer buddies. Just enjoy whatever slice of that pie that you receive. Look elsewhere if you need more than they can give, but keep whatever you can of those old friendships if they are healthy ones.
-Change feels weird. You are about to start a new life. That is what is probably behind you feeling out of sorts.
-Get over your being-in-a-bathing suit phobia. Don't miss out on time with friends because you have shackled that ball and chain to your ankle.
-Few things will give you more benefits then being really into healthy eating and exercise. Make new friends (a cycling or running club? a bunch of aerobics fans?) who are into those things.
-Even if insecurities prevent you from feeling genuinely supportive of your friends, you need to be able to fake it to avoid sniping at them. As women get older they become less tolerant of other girls who aren't happy for them when something good happens. To keep friends over many years you have to become good at being genuinely happy for others (and at least adept at faking it until that occurs).
-It's always weird when a good friend becomes involved with a boy, and you haven't. Either this summer, or at school, you'll find some nice boy who thinks you are special. However, achieving and prepararing for your future are way more important things than boys.
-Easier said than done, but consider volunteering to help people who have truly unfortunate circimstances to help you get out of your own head and onto a better perspective on things.</p>

<p>Good luck and have fun at school! :-)</p>

<p>I'd like to add you're not an idiot for feeling the way you do. It is a normal part of life at any age, but particularly as one is nearing adulthood, to be leaving the comfort of a familiar situation. You are finding you are expected to do more on your own, such as planning, financing upcoming college, and making new friends and preparing for working life. This is what nearing adulthood means. When you are supporting yourself, and making all your decisions, you'll be an adult. Even then, situations will come up that will put you in unfamiliar positions or places. Not too comforting? Take comfort, though that then you will have finished college and have more life experiences, better preparing you for those unfamiliar situations. While it still feels awkward at this moment, know it is a normal part of living, happens to us all, and although similar situations will arise in the future, each time you will be able to adjust easier because of your learning now.</p>

<p>My D is also drifting a bit from her friends- not because of them or her, but more do to time, distance, work schedules, vacations, etc</p>

<p>My D will be gone most of the summer, with visits home every week and a half....she is a camp counselor, and misses her friends terrbily, who are together more often without her now. And they have those stories to tell about things they did when my D wasn't with them, etc. All my D can do is enjoy their stories, be glad that she still has them in her life at least a little bit, and know that what she is doing is for her future. Staying for 5 weeks at a kids camp isn't her idea of eden either.</p>

<p>As for the summer romance stuff, my Ds are like you, pretty, smart, funny, hard working, but just haven't met that guy yet</p>

<p>Both my Ds have two types of friends- those that serial date- somehow always have a boyfriend and are only single for 3 or 4 weeks at most between, or those that haven't had boyfriends, but have lots of guy friends. It can be rough- oh Fred's taking me to the movies- but you know what- often Fred was a dweeb and boring</p>

<p>So don't worry, many girls are in your place- no serious Boyfriends in HS, but when they get to college, the young men often appreciate you more</p>

<p>What you need to do if maybe find opther fun things to do with your friends that is not the beach (though I am sure you look fine)- any kind of fairs, farmers markets, museum shows, etc that you can drag them to? </p>

<p>Your feelings are normal and as my D says- this to shall pass- and it will get better, promise</p>

<p>Best thing to do is fake it- if you are feeling blue, smile....it works</p>

<p>And while its hard to be interested in what probably is a bit shallow what your friends are doing- working together, and just hanging at the beach- just think that you are working on yourself, getting prepared for college and before you know it, you will be on that campus, having a blast</p>

<p>I understand what you're going through and it's perfectly normal for the summer before going to college. We all go through it in one way or another.</p>

<p>Try and feel positive about your working hard and taking care of yourself....it isn't easy and is a very responsible way to spend your time.</p>

<p>ALL the kids are nervous about going off in different directions and they all show it in different ways. It is the calm before the storm and can be very unnerving. Just ride it out as best you can. before you know it you will be caught up in the excitment of going to college and all that encompasses.</p>

<p>What college are you going to?</p>

<p>At your age, about 90% of girls are ready to date.</p>

<p>The boys, on the other hand. . . .
(other parents, care to estimate?)</p>

<p>It puts the girls at a numerical disadvantage, unless they date older guys, which is frowned on beyond a 1 or 2 year difference.</p>

<p>As the parent of two socially-immature boys, I really feel for the girls out there that are NOT getting dates because of the likes of my two.</p>

<p>Thanks for all the words of encouragment...it's been really helpful. I've invited my friends to go to the beach with me when I have a day off because I've decided that even though I am very self-conscious of my body, I still look pretty not-so-bad in a swim suit...and I'm going to miss the beach like crazy when I leave for college. </p>

<p>Lilymoon- I will be heading off to Gonzaga....not most peoples idea of the ideal college, but it is definitely mine.</p>

<p>Gonzaga sounds like a winner to me!! Congrats!!!</p>

<p>I made lifelong wonderful friends in college...so, focus on the future... and give yourself the freedom to enjoy what is to come..... also, short term, take a look around at who else might be on the periphery......or who is more disadvantaged and maybe shed some of YOUR light on them? one of the very best ways to feel good is to help someone else.....
you are not specific about your parents and their ability to help or not help you.....but, maybe you could also make a small effort to spend quality time with them.....or do something special for them..... you won't ever regret that in the long cycle of your life.....</p>

<p>u seem like ur losing some close and dear friends slowly and painfully i would talk to them and see if keeping ur friendship w/ them would be a good idea. My sister used to have this best friend since kindergarden...they went to private school together...and had friends who lived about a half hour away from them.. one of them was my sisters bf for a while. freshman yr of college came and they were still dating. Half way thru freshman yr tho the broke up. Whenever my sister called her friend she was like do u wanna hang out w/ the guys(her ex-bf's group of friends)and while they broke up on a good note she still didnt feel comfortable...they slowly but surely stopped hanging out. About 1.5 yrs later we were in the town where the friend lived at starbucks and my sister was like lets go see ________) they made up theyre not as close but r friends. This friend of my sisters babysat me when i was little and i grew very fond of her. So i was happy, i still get happy the once or twice a yr i see her(which is the 1/2 times a yr my sister comes home...from cali were more cali people we go visit her).</p>

<p>Good for you for going to the beach. I'm a girl too and am very familiar with the fear that everyone lis thinner and looks better in a swim suit than you do. You have the right idea: get exercise, eat healthy food, and accept that you look fine and have nothing to be ashamed of. It'll be a good habit to have when you get to school and all the junk that leads to the freshman 15 is tempting you. </p>

<p>As far as dating goes; been there, had that slump! There will be many, many brand new guys that are single and looking! I can be very, very shy, but I managed to find two guys that I briefly dated and had a lot of fun with. In both cases, we just weren't an ideal match because of differing personalities, goals, and life attitudes. If I can find guys who I'm interested in and are interested in me, then you will too. It will happen, I promise. You find a new circle of friends too. I'm not sugesting that you forget about your friends that you've grown a bit apart from, just be totally open to new friends. And hang on to the old ones. When you go to the beach, be sure to open up about how you're feeling. If you're really truly the best of friends, they'll feel bad that you're feeling left out and you'll all agree to try harder to make time more time for each other.</p>

<p>Checking in on you, Blythe? How're you doing? Did a new day bring a new perspective; sometimes it does...</p>

<p>We care!</p>

<p>My son had a tough senior year in high school, and the summer after graduation was only marginally better. He vowed to force himself to be social during the first month of college, and the result was some good buddies. I think his bad year kind of spawned his good year.</p>

<p>I had a pretty good senior year in h.s. and thus started college missing those friends. I didn't know to "force" myself to be "out there," so I stayed in my room a lot. That was a big mistake as many/most friendships formed early on . . .I never quite caught up, and for me, college was a mediocre experience socially.</p>

<p>Moral: do get out there during your first months. Good luck. I can tell you're excited about Gonzaga and I think you'll make some great new friends.</p>

<p>Jaybe has a point..sadly boys are often even less ready to date even at 20 than girls are...and it is a drag waiting for more of them to mature. Ho hum, and a sense of yearning that seems to never end if you are female and looking for a special someone.</p>

<p>My son had like one arranged date in high school. College dating also has its ups and downs but his social life took off in college. However, don't get the idea dating is fun..it is sort of like a real high spell with lots of lows and plenty of drifting and awkward passages. </p>

<p>The key is to be decent to people all along with the way, and to judge them, but to also keep a somewhat open mind. You can't control how other people conduct their love lives and you can only be yourself. People that seem shallow freshman year may gain depth by junior year and surprise you. People that are shy and seem to not have a niche freshman year, may have five outstanding close friends by sophomore year. People that date a lot at first may not find a lasting relationship before yours.
I think one thing my son does "right" is that he always maintains with the friendships among guys..lets face it, most of us will spend most weekends even in college with friends not lovers. High school will NOT define your romantic future one iota. Be graceful at being yourself and when you get to college be generously interested in the people you meet. Keep an open mind.</p>

<p>Even though in the short run, I think my son now has less in common than ever with his high school friends, I still know in my heart that in 10 years when he has kids, he will enjoy running into these home town friends again and perhaps have more in common with them again when you enter the supporting your own family years. </p>

<p>I found my return to my 25th reunion to be very very meaningful and fun, and that I had not fully appreciated what I had growing up. </p>

<p>So as tempting as it might be to blow off high school relationships and their mixed bag of memories..stay courteous, kind and open hearted. None of your friends can fill your needs right now...that is not realistic, so get used to feeling a little needy..that is normal!<br>
Gonzaga is a fine college..you are going to meet some great people there.</p>

<p>"High school will NOT define your romantic future one iota. Be graceful at being yourself and when you get to college be generously interested in the people you meet. Keep an open mind."</p>

<p>Faline2, what FABULOUS advice. I couldn't agree more!!! :)</p>

<p>I really appreciate all the kind posts. I know that college will be different but I'm just a little worried because I'm one of those people that have a hard time revealing their true personality until after they have known someone for a while. I;m just scared of missing out on a lot friends in college because it will take me longer to get to know people then most. </p>

<p>Right now things are...better. The boy that proposed the relationship idea to my friend totally backed down on his promise and has barely called since and my friend is "seriously over it". </p>

<p>It's still hard because my two best friends continue to hang out everyday without me because they work together and we basically have the exact opposite hours. The other night I told my friend that we should hang out because it's the first time I had a night off in a while and she said that it was my fault that we never hung out because "I don't care about them anymore" (she was joking...sort of) but it hurt my feelings because it sort of feels like 2 against 1 and I don't really think she understands what it's like to be SO alone...but oh well. </p>

<p>The three of us are going to the because tomorrow because even though I haven't lost more than 2 pounds since my healthy eating started 3 weeks ago, I simply feel more confident with my body because of my new attitude...however I've been on a binge for the last 3 days which is somewhat unfortunate but I will deal with it. </p>

<p>But honestly, your posts have all been so inspirational. Not just those from this thread but all from the last 2 years. I've had a few sn's (this one and surfette) because of different problems I've had..but anyways...thank you thank you thank you in case I don't get to express my gratitude some other time now that I probably won't be using this site as often. </p>

<p>So THANKS!</p>

<p>I might ask you to keep in mind how I would define dating. I see it as 2 people going out to have fun, enjoying each other's company, and thats about it. It is also a learning excperience, as one learns more about oneself, activities, potential partners, and so on. Certainly dating can lead to more physically, or emotionally, but then again, maybe not. If a person looks at dating as "life-partner shopping" they might choose to only date/not date someone that (without even knowing them well,) they decide is/isn't marriage material. I wouldn't define that as dating. Besides, they could miss a lot of fun. Please don't define dating as going out with someone you think you might marry. Some posters here indicate a boy isn't ready to date until 20. Until 20? I have to think what they mean is not ready to find a marriage partner until 20. Take time, learn about you, enjoy dating, then later when you have a fuller perspective, you'll be a better partner for someone, and will attract a better partner for you!</p>

<p>younghoss: I have two sons, 17 and 19, and I can tell you that the 17 year old for sure isn't ready to date and the 19 year old is only partially ready. And, I define dating the way you do. The 17 year old is more interested in playing his drums and video games, unless he's camping. The 19 year old is only interested in video games. Neither of them would be willing to go to a "chick flick" or anything else girls like just to be with a girl. They don't even go to school dances - hate them. The 19 year old's idea of a good movie is Tenancious D and the Pick of Destiny. The 17 year old's favorite movie this year is Borat. If a date constituted playing video games then, yes, they would be ready. Or, if the girl liked guitars or drums or camping then okay. Those kind of girls are hard to find at age 17. The 19 year old had a girlfriend last year for a couple of months but broke up with her because he found her boring. The 17 year old says he has no trouble attracting girls, but isn't interested in any of them. (Personally, I don't see what interest any girl could have in two boys who only want to see guy flicks and play video games.) Eventually, the boys will grow up and develop some other interests and the girls will seem more appealing to them. Not all boys are this way, but I bet there's a lot of them. Certainly, my boys have friends that are like them. The only friend of my boys who has a girlfriend has an athletic interest in common with her.</p>