<p>Your mom is not your responsibility at this point. She might become your responsibility later on in her life when she is very old and cannot take care of herself.<br>
As far as language goes, if you and your sister have refused to translate to begin with, your mom would have been in much better shape right now. Sometime brutal facing of reality is the best medicine of all. However, you should start refusing now even if you stay at home with her. Better late than never. PLEASE, DO NOT DO IT FOR YOUR MOTHER SAKE. She will be much better off and will thank you later. I would like to point out though that none of it is your or your sister fault. Your mother should have realized that she would have been much better off if she tried harder with language on her own without her kids’ help.</p>
<p>LaTina</p>
<p>You are getting very good advice here. </p>
<p>I just want to add – although I am not Asian and have no cultural differences. That said, I believe in my future the empty nest syndrome will hit me hard. A child who goes into the military would cause me great pride and great anxiety simultaneously too. Mothers worry. This is a big leap for both of you.</p>
<p>It sounds like you have a strong community. She has friends. She will be fine in the long run.
Don’t hesistate coming back for support.</p>
<p>Thank you in advance for the service you will be performing for our country.</p>
<p>LaTina –</p>
<p>From what I’ve heard from families of other kids at the service academies, the money does not go as far as you might expect, and you’ll be very reliant on having some of it saved when you graduate to cover costs as you transition into your first assignment. </p>
<p>Since your contacts with your mom will be pretty limited during your first summer at the academy, perhaps you could consider pre-writing a number of cards for your mom, and giving them to a friend to mail to her every week or two during the summer?</p>
<p>I really wish you the very best as you move forward, and I think your mom will be fine.</p>
<p>My mom is a foreigner, and she made an effort to learn English, there is no reason to put your life on hold for her. She is a grown up mom.</p>
<p>LaTina, I just want to reiterate what TexArt is saying - you are a very, very special and impressive young person. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for serving our country.</p>
<p>I am wondering how much you know about your mom’s story. It seems that there is a large emotional component operating here…could it be possible that now that you will be leaving, she is “recycling” some of the anxiety that she felt when she left her home, her family, her friends? How old was she when this happened?
A gentle suggestion: could you borrow some video equipment and interview your mom? Perhaps if she talks about her life in Vietnam, the circumstances under which she left, how this was for her, what were her fears and her dreams, what was her life like when she first arrived in this country, what were her hopes for you - she will work through some of these emotions. Plus, she would leave a priceless piece of oral history for you and your future children. You could interview other relatives also if you want.
Best wishes to you - you have a bright future ahead and you will make your mom and yourself very proud!</p>
<p>LaTina- I cannot at all speak to the cultural pressures you are feeling, I am aware of them and see it happen to friends (I grew up in OC) but they did not shape my life.</p>
<p>Aside from that my in laws are emotional vampires and after 30 years of marriage what I can say we should have done differently in the early days is NOT keep the peace all the time. They are now 90+ and have barely changed, but we now live over 1000 miles away for sanity sake. They have another child who did fiercely cut ties and later returned as the prodigal, totally loved & accepted at their return, yet had set up new rules for the in laws and himself, he had drawn his lines in the sand and everyone lived by those rules.</p>
<p>What I notice is that he is as loved as my DH, so the time away was not a permanent scar (and it was most of the 1970s) AND he cut ties, he set rules and HE benefited. The in laws can still pull my DHs puppet strings, but his brother is not really emotionally affected by their games.</p>
<p>It is easy to go along to get along and keep the peace, but you are setting up a framework for the rest of your life. Think hard and, within what is permissible in your culture, set YOUR rules and you may have some rough times as she fights them, but in the end you will both win. She will adapt and you will enjoy her more. My DH really struggles with his parents and every visit is about doing whatever they want, they seem to enjoy it, he dreads it :(</p>
<p>LaTina - It sounds like you are doing a great job planning your future. That’s excellent. </p>
<p>I do encourage you to do my post #21 idea (or other variation).
Idea - Create a set of English/Vietnamese cards</p>
<p>Although English is my first language, I am a mom who must live alone when my kids go to college. Yes, it is lonely at first and even a little scarey. Jobs that my kids did for me don’t always get done. But trust me… we moms (and dads) can adjust and find a new routine.</p>
<p>Would it be possible for you mother to get a little part-time job? This could help in several ways. First, it would occupy her time and put her in touch with new people so she wouldn’t be so lonely. It would also help to develop her English - she probably has absorbed more than she thinks and just needs practice using it. Finally, a few extra dollars is always helpful.</p>
<p>Like others, I think you should go to your chosen college and make that known now so your mother has time to process it and plan for it.</p>
<p>LaTina, you are facing a very difficult situation with courage. There’s a lot of good advice here.</p>
<p>As a wife of a service member, I would encourage you to look (and explain) your stipend in this way: It is not yours. The military expects you to have that money in hand for your expenses, and they will tell you how to spend it, on expenses that are requirements.</p>
<p>If by chance there is money left over, again, the military will expect you to have that in an account so that you can use it to re-locate or purchase new uniforms on short notice.</p>
<p>I wish you all the best. You have chosen an honorable and difficult career and I am sure that it will be very rewarding for you. Good luck!</p>
<p>Being a poor immigrant sucks. While other college students think only about getting a job for mostly their own benefit, we, on the other hand, have to think about getting a good job, so we can help our parents and sometimes siblings. I hated the fact that it is a requirement in most Asian culture to stick together and “help” each other out. It’s specially frustrating when others get used to being “help” all the time.</p>
<p>^^imagine, goldenapple, what’s it’s like, then, to be American and marry into this culture. Your Dad is demanding a thousand dollars for some goofy ceremony and we have no choice but to fork it over? Oh, he** no.</p>