<p>They are social security benefits.</p>
<p>It seems clear from your posts that you believe you cannot discuss any creative financing deals with your mother, Legend: you believe she will not listen to you and will not entertain any options, and whether this is really true or not, it's clear you two are not communicating smoothly now. It also sounds as if you are going to hold to your dream school and not entertain other choices, and that you are not keen on finding counseling (which would have to be pretty quick in any event, since decisions are due in slightly over a week).</p>
<p>Given those 'facts', I think your only choice is to find another adult with whom to discuss financial options on your own. Are you 18 yet? If so, you can probably take on loans yourself. You may be able to find an adult friend (teacher, coach, minister, mentor...) to lend you the $200 deposit until you earn it to repay this summer. And as others have said, perhaps you can defer your admission for a year (take a gap year) while earning some good cash to help pay starting next year.</p>
<p>Whatever you do, you'll need to do it rather promptly, given the time. And if you go out on your own to find funding for your college dream, realize that you may, at least short-term, create an even larger rift between your mother and yourself, which hopefully would heal and lessen over time. If she is as you have portrayed her, she is likely to resent your taking your own path on this, so be prepared for what may be a further difficult time in your immediate family.</p>
<p>Whatever you decide to do, do it purposefully and without delay: complaining about your mother will not get the money found and the decision made. You may be on your own in this now. Good luck with your choices and your future. And condolences on the tragedy and difficult times you've all been through this past year.</p>
<p>Legand - if those are social security benefits in your name - then that money may actually be yours - you may want to consult the lawyer who took care of everything to clarify your rights in this situation.</p>
<p>Social security benefits are to help with the expenses of you - and that would include your education, clothes, food, medical care, etc.......... your expenses for school should be countered from those funds.</p>
<p>Xiggi: nice and forceful advice. However, at this stage there is no use to fight fire with fire (remember we are not talking about asian parents here)</p>
<p>(1) First legend has to find money to send to the college.</p>
<p>(2) A third party intervention may be needed.</p>
<p>He can try negotiating with the college, but this is very similar to the past thread we had about father having fun in europe while refusing to pay a dime more than agreed in divorce settlement.</p>
<p>Thank you for your kind words.</p>
<p>Thing is, I don't want to defer a year or settle for a "cheaper school" because I felt that I've worked hard for my acceptances -- I've worked <em>so</em> hard. And to have my mom simply "not pay" is not something that makes me want to submit and just say "fine, I'll turn down my dreams for you". I have no problem maintaining communication with my mom on good terms as I love her very much, but I think it's unfair of her to just back out like this during a time when we both need each other.</p>
<p>JeepMOM: Yes legally I have control over those funds but my mom felt it was so disrespectful to even discuss using that money because mom needed it for survival -- I said I needed it for college, and she said I've done nothing to earn it and thus I shouldn't touch it.</p>
<p>It may be unfair of her, but it sounds as if there are factors at work that would require longer-term counseling to uncover and mitigate. You don't have that kind of time right now. Wanting her to be different will not make it so.</p>
<p>If you're serious about following the dream you've worked for, your next move is to find the money. On your own. Do not count on her for help. You've gotten good advice here from several people: go find the money, and best of luck.</p>
<p>(PS: Does <em>ANY</em> of the advice people have given you sound workable? All I see in your replies are further complaints about your mother and resenting her attitude. If you want your dream to happen, you will have to take control of this situation, right away. Get on the phone and stop typing on CC. ;) )</p>
<p>
[quote]
We have no income but my mom received about 500k from life insurance and she gets 1.5k a month for me and another 1.5k a month for my brother. Attorney fees and such have cost about 10k or so. Mom is not working right now.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It sounds like there is possibly a fund/ins co that is paying your mom $3,000 a month to care for your and brother?
OR was there a lump settlement?
anyway- I agree that you can't help your mom but you can help yourself and by helping yourself it may help your mom get to a place where she can deal.
Talk to a counselor or family friend about talking to your mom to get some of the money put away for emergencies- if that constitutes your moms assets, she could be in a world of hurt if she doesn't get herself back on track.</p>
<p>and social security benefits will be paid to you once you don't live there anymore ( as long as you are in school) or so it was when I was younger
that may be what your mom is freaking out about- even though that money is for your support and education- if she is dependent on it to live( although she should be getting surviors benefits also) then she may not beable to see beyond that
However- you moving out may be what she needs to start taking care of herself and your brother-
I would try and get away of what she "owes" you though, technically she doesn't owe you a college education and emotionally it sounds like another pressure that she can't deal with and trying to force her to, is only going to make matters worse</p>
<p>I have to say I agree with Xiggi 100% here. As a mom (single, and no child support ever) who not only paid for private school K-12 and now also pays EFC plus collateral support, I cannot find any reason to agree with or support Legend's mother's position. Few people have a $500,000 foundation (I certainly don't) - granted that's not a lot of money, however, Legend's mother can certainly enter the workforce. Even an entry level position will pay a decent amount, plus provide health insurance and other benefits. </p>
<p>However, as others have said, that doesn't help in the short term. Legend, you need to go find the money on your own. In addition, I agree with Cheers - don't worry about the money so much - if you must take loans in the short term, so be it. Focus for now on what must be done immediately - borrow the $200, and do whatever you need to do to get yourself off to college this fall, and to get in a position to take advantage of the opportunities you'll find there. </p>
<p>Long term, you can work on the issues with your mother with a third party/counselor.</p>
<p>mootmom: No, I do plan on making some money. I'm just trying to get all my feelings out here and any other info that might help elucidate a solution. I just called my friend's mom who is a financial aid officer and she will see if she can't try talking to my mom.</p>
<p>SS survivor benefits end at 18 or the end of HS--whichever is later.</p>
<p>Yeah my benefits end around June of 2005 I believe.</p>
<p>Having the finaid officer talk to your mom is not a bad idea. But you've led us to believe that you think she will not relent. So most of us are encouraging you to get out there <em>now</em> and start figuring out how you can handle this on your own. "I do plan on making some money" -- good! And so you should! But you won't make $15K this summer, and you say you don't have $200 now for the deposit.</p>
<p>If you really want this to happen, it is not too early (and just barely not too late) to go out and make it happen on your own. Sounds as if crossing your fingers and hoping that your mom will "come around" may not be a very safe position to take. If you want it, set up the backup plan. Now.</p>
<p>sigh. I understand, mootmom... it's just very stressful. I didn't want things to end up this way :/</p>
<p>How do you feel about spreadsheets? Me, being a data kind of person, I would make up spreadsheets with the different scenarios. Include the possibility of her contributing, but have some where she doesn't. Try different loan/working scenarios. Then when Monday comes and you hear from Financial Aid you will be ready. IMO you should go for Penn. Just because you seem to really want it. And better you should be mad at your mom going forward because you had to work hard to get what you want than that you be mad at her for denying you. You only really regret in life the things you don't do. If you work hard to go to Penn, it will only serve you in the long run.</p>
<p>Do you have any aunts?</p>
<p>And nothing has "ended up" yet. You are still a baby, albeit one having to face up to some life hardships fairly early on. There will be time to fix this later.</p>
<p>Time.</p>
<p>Let time go by. </p>
<p>You can't argue with a hornet's nest that's lost it's queenmaker.</p>
<p>Let her see you go off to Penn. With the loans of $14k for the first year. Let her get to know you as a UPenn student. Get to know yourself as a UPenn student. I pormise you that you will feel so much stronger at this time next year. Livning with the loans will make you stronger. Crazy but true.</p>
<p>Who will be more inspired to make the most of UPenn? No one. </p>
<p>Do you know what happened to my parents after they reneged on their promise to pay full tuition? They became the biggest braggarts of all time. My academic and professional career has been a highlight of their lives as parents. (My spousal and parenting career too!)</p>
<p>I have a hunch that your mom will feel the same. In a year or so, she might rediscover her strengths and generousity. You can have this discussion next year. And the year after. Eventually, you might find the perfect pitch. Or you might not.</p>
<p>Either way. Take care of yourself. That's the bottom line of life, anyway. We have to take care of ourselves.</p>
<p>Get ready for an amazing journey at Penn, max. You better post next year and let us know how great the year turned out!</p>
<p>LEGAND - a mediator - third party - may be helpful in this - to get everything out on the table and to keep flarings at a minimum so that you and your mom can discuss this in a civil way - without raising your voices - There are solutions to this - gotta find them quickly tho. </p>
<p>It somewhat sounds as tho your mom may have taken a lump sum instead of monthly benefits for herself - you have not indicated if that lump sum is from insurance or SS benefit - and monthly benefits for you and your sib from SS - which is legally yours - tho she is including it in her monthly $$ needs. There is a compromise here somewhere - find it - and leave the anger at the door for awhile - you are entitled to be angry - but don't let it get in YOUR way right now - it is not going to help you in the end.</p>
<p>See what monday brings also - that may answer some questions for you also. But find a MEDIATOR to help both of you with this.</p>
<p>
[quote]
You only really regret in life the things you don't do.
[/quote]
Amen. .</p>
<p>I think it is very laudable for Legendofmax to want to pursue his dream school after working so hard and getting in and also wanting to keep peace with his mom. Given these concerns, I don't think it's constructive to argue from the perspective of his mom "owing" him an education or his having the right to the SS monies. The question is how he can achieve his dream school and not break totally with his mom. Suggesting that he show empathy to his mom should not be taken to mean that he currently shows none, but that it is a good way of lowering the volume and making it possible for him and his mom to actually listen to one another. If his mom were posting, I'd have advice for her, too!
I disagree that the situation is similar to that of the father who refuses to pay for his kid but takes off to Europe. The father is considered to have considerable earning power. The mother just has this lump sum of $500k and still has another child to put through college eventually. That's why I feel that there is room for negotiations with UPenn.</p>
<p>Legendofmax: You mentioned knowing a financial aid officer. Could this person do two things for you--actually three: 1. talk to your mother and educate her about the facts of life, including the value of an education, and act as your advocate; 2. talk to UPenn on your behalf since your mom is not willing or able to advocate, as a third party may carry some weight with the financial aid officer at UPenn; 3. lend you the $200 deposit if UPenn does not waive it.
I also think that you could try to deal with the financial situation at Penn one year at a time. Your mom may change her mind and help you out; you may win a scholarship; you could reduce your debts through your earnings... If things don't quite work out, you would still have had a year or more at Penn. But I have a feeling they will.</p>