Why Tiffin? Do you know students who have attended there? Did a teacher recommend it? Did you visit it at some point?
I checked out their stats, and they seem to have low graduation rates. Sometimes there is a legitimate reason, like a high percentage of students doing co ops and internships. But their six year graduation rates are low. You should ask questions and get them to tell you why.
https://nces.ed.gov/collegenavigator/
or google college navigator
Why are people challenging OP’s choice when the only option acceptable to mom is a community college? I could understand if mom wanted them to go to a school with a stronger program in their intended major, but that’s not the case here.
I agree that there may be other family dynamics in play that you need to consider (even if you don’t want to discuss them in this forum). Moving isn’t a fun thing, and it’s possibly that mom is terrified of moving to a new state alone.
I also agree that understanding how the grandfather’s trust has been set up is important. If mom controls the money, you may be unable to use any of it without her approval. You also need to make sure that there’s funding available to account for tuition increases, additional expenses (books, lab fees, etc), the possibility of having to attend school for more than 8 semesters, etc. Finally, make sure that the scholarship is renewable each year and that you will be able to maintain your academic standing to keep it.
Personally, I would go down to the local Navy/Marine Corp recruiter and fill out a form for more information (or do it online). Then I’d make sure that mom answers the phone when the recruiter calls to follow up. Tiffin, OH may not seem like such a bad option compared to Parris Island (and then beyond)!
@shortnuke It would help to understand the attachment to Tiffin in order to better advise OP. Maybe Tiffin is known throughout the world for their photography major, or maybe big name employers line up to hire their STEM majors. Is there some draw that could be used in a rational debate with Mom? Or is OP down to “the website pictures of their buildings look like how I pictured college would be when I was younger?”
I want to support OP, but need more facts/details in order to do that. Plus, if OP has only applied to this ONE college, it makes for a very stressful spring. Mom may or may not be convinced to change her mind, and having other options come May 1 will give OP flexibility.
Cast a wide net now, and you still have Tiffin on the table as you work through discussions with your Mom.
Strangers on the internet will never know the whole picture, but you sound pretty darn responsible. Have you said to your mom: “Why did Fred get to go to Texas when I can’t go 500 miles away?”
Get her to spell out, for example, whether it’s because you’re female (are you? stupid reason) or because you’re the youngest and she’ll miss you (understandable but she should not push HER insecurities on you) or because she thinks they can’t afford it (so you can prove with numbers on paper that you can).
When it comes down to it, if you need your parents to pay for anything, you’re at their mercy. But they should understand that they have the power to do irreparable damage to your relationship.
That being said, I’ll now echo others – keep looking for a backup. A quick Wikipedia read tells me Tiffin’s “notable alumni” are almost exclusively athletes. That doesn’t speak well for academics or job placement.
My daughter goes to Tiffin and loves it there – that said the maximum academic scholarship is $13k a year - mine also gets athletic (there are a lot of athletes there and it seems to be a very competitive D2 school for many sports). We still have a decent amount to pay out of pocket but probably not all that much more than our local college tuition and a car and insurance and food at home.
I think OPer is wrong about the scholarship amount. My DD also did get a one time $1000 freshman grant. My daughter finds Tiffin a very nurturing environment and she is doing very well there. Depending on stats, to get really generous merit a student typically has to be academically above the average student at any given school so if money is a challenge a place like Tiffin can make sense.
The Tiffin hate is probably a tad unwarranted - it gave my D a place to play sports, and get a very generous academic scholarship.
It sounds like you can afford to go to Tiffin without your mom’s consent – you will be an adult over age 18 and have access to the needed funds. Who care if your mom approves or not? Live your life.
If she had a better college in mind, then I would say maybe she thinks Tiffin isn’t worth the $15,000 a year of your own funds it will cost. However, community college doesn’t sound like a better option.
If you go your own way and attend Tiffin over her objections, be prepared to work part-time during college to pay for your spending money and health insurance and other expenses above tuition, room and board, in case your mom offers no support whatsoever.
It is worth considering some other options besides just Tiffin and community college though, assuming you applied to more universities. Tiffin is not well-known or highly ranked, and you should consider universities that will offer you the best return on your investment of $60,000 or more of your own funds.
Also, be sure to take a close look at the GPA requirements and any other hurdles required to keep the scholarship Tiffin has offered you. Many students start colleges each year counting on a scholarship to afford it, and then quickly lose the scholarship and often have to drop out of the college as a result. Are you planning to major in a subject that is notorious for low GPAs, such as some sciences? Is there a grace period to bring up your GPA if it falls below the threshold for keeping the scholarship? Is the scholarship dependent on you participating in a sport that you might have to stop if you get an injury? Make sure you have considered all the relevant issues, not just your mom’s opinion, before you take the plunge and decide on a university.
@BMtheAlien have you visited any other schools besides Tiffin? It would help your cause to show your Mom that you have done due diligence and that Tiffin is still your favorite.
Do you have any experience with sleep away camps, summer academic programs, or other opportunities to be away from your family? That would be another positive to use in talking with your mom.
I think you may have some legitimate claims that Mom is not being fair. Is there a relative she is close to that might help you advocate for Tiffin? Does your Mom make rash decisions often? Does she end up changing her mind later? Knowing her moods and personality, would backing off completely on college for a few weeks be helpful?
Are you the only sibling left in the house? The drastic move + last child in her home may equal irrational decisions for your college future. Try to get her to sit with you (when the mood is right) and just be honest about what she is thinking and feeling.
Do you have your actual financial aid package from Tiffin? Did you have to report those assets from your grandfather? They could change what Tiffin offers you (if they give you need based aid). Are those assets in your name or your mom’s name? That makes a difference in how Tiffin treats them.
Just because you are 18 does not mean the bank will hand over the money to you; it depends on how the account is set up (and maybe what state you live in).
I’m going to vote with Mom here. It would take a LOT of facts on the table to convince me that Tiffin is a better educational option than at least 100 colleges closer to home. Maybe the kid has access to grandpa’s money, maybe not (OP-- just turning 18 isn’t relevant. I know people who set up accounts for their grandkids which aren’t accessible until the kids turn 30. Rationale being that once an adult is “on the path” the money is great, but it can’t be an excuse for not making good and frugal decisions until then).
But Tiffin? Not knocking it- just pointing out that the D hasn’t put forth an analytical argument as to why Tiffin is worth going so far from home, nor has evaluated the 100 options closer to home which might also do the trick.
I told my kids that arguments about college that could be used in a commercial for a theme park, hotel chain, or summer camp weren’t going to work with me. College A is close to good surfing? I’m not impressed. College B has a gorgeous dining hall and student union? I could care less. College C has the best nanotechnology lab in the country for a kid planning on studying engineering or a related field? Now I’m paying attention.
Maybe the OP’s mom is the same.
I agree we haven’t gotten a real reason why the OPer needs (according to her mom) to be closer to home. For us it was about athletics, programs, and merit money – for all the kids. I have one very far for some great merit $$ – the fact that siblings went far means it CAN be okay in certain circumstances, I wonder what those were (for one of ours it was merit $$, for another it was merit $$ combined with athletics) and we have one that is going relatively close.
You:
have car,
have funds,
have university,
Have future
Mom:
Doesn’t leave
Doesn’t have funds
Doesn’t have options
Is Not needed.
Mom is p’od
And is Not having it.
Something is going on.
It sounds like you have your act together OP, but mom is not having it.
As parents we want our children to have the best of everything and the best future possible; we don’t like holding back our children. Even if it hurts us, we still want the best for our children.
If something sounds fishy, then yes, we’re hesitant to let you do things or let you go to things.
Something very obviously wrong. So either it’s your mom, or it’s the situation; you have to find out which it is.
If the grandfather has an account for college and doesn’t trust the parents with the funds, then something is amiss with the parents.
Or grandpa had a terrible estate lawyer who didn’t know how to properly set up an account for the heirs-- it’s not that hard but it requires some legal expertise. Or grandpa died before being able to work with his terrific estate lawyer who DID know.
I wouldn’t assume the mom is the problem in the absence of more information.
Sorry if I’m repeating others.
It time to have a heart to heart talk and meet her somewhere in the middle. I would tell mom, I will attend in-state school for freshman year and if my grade are mostly A’s, an agreeable grades and what her concerns are met, you would like to transfer to OOS school. First year in college will give both you and mom a respect and maturity and adulthood.
Good Luck.
The issue isn’t the school itself-the issue is that even if I decide to go to school in state, she only wants me to go to community college. I don’t mind going to a state school, that was never the problem. The problem is that she is being ridiculously unfair- she allowed my brother to travel to Texas to go to Concordia, when Concordia has branches in other states that are closer. The problem is also that community college is the only option she’s considering. And it’s absolutely ridiculous consider that she has empty nest syndrome when 2 of my other siblings still live at home! I think it’s tereible that she allowed me to get my hopes up even though she knew she wouldn’t let me go. Also, my grandfather and I were always very close, closer than my mother and I. I met with his lawyer when he was first setting up the trust when I was 15, I’m still in contact with lawyer today. He’s very good at his job and explained to me everything I need to know multiple times. My mother has no authority over the account whatsoever. My grandfather knew he was dying, he’d been diagnosed with lung cancer years ago and made sure that I’d be able to go to the college of my dreams, no matter where it was. He explained to me that my mother would always cite money issues as the reason I couldn’t go to college so he made sure that she had contact with the lawyer at all. He told me that she’d never tell me that I had a fund so I had to know far in advance. I’ve always suspected she was acting like this because I was a girl and my older sister had always followed her instructions, but my mother didn’t raise me, I never felt the need to be around her more than necessary.
I think it would be interesting to hear from the mom. But if your mom has no control over the account, then why can’t you talk to the lawyer? Do you need your mom to fill out FAFSA or something like that? Or is she paying part of the cost?
I will say that community college in MN and then attending either U of MN or U of Wisconsin (states have reciprocity) isn’t the worst fate ever.
A few random thoughts in no particular order:
MN community colleges are about $5,000 to $6,000 per year, though with no out-of-state surcharge, according to https://www.ohe.state.mn.us/sPages/TuitionChart.cfm?State=MN&pageID=101 .
But it seems that there are two different issues to consider:
As to transportation to the airport I do know that Tiffin has free shuttle service to and from Detroit on all major travel days for each semester.
Look, the OP’s story isn’t rational at all, on any level. We’re all trying to make up facts to rationalize it, according to our own biases and interpretive skills. My contribution to that effort is to surmise that either/both the OP isn’t telling us the whole story – which of course she’s under no obligation to do – and the OP’s mother isn’t telling the OP the whole story, either.
Nonetheless, if the OP is going to be 18 soon, and she’s the beneficiary of a 529 account or standard trust set up to pay her educational costs, and Tiffin University (of which I have never heard) is an accredited undergraduate institution and all (which I gather it is), and the trust plus her scholarship is enough to pay for college without parental contribution, then she’s in a position to do what she wants regardless of her mother’s wishes. That’s a tough line to take, but she can take it . . . and simultaneously work on building a relationship with her mother that can survive that sort of dispute, assuming she wants to do that.
I would love to hear the mother’s side of it, sure, but it really doesn’t matter if the elements listed above are correct. Maybe the mother is right, but kids do wrong things all the time. It sounds like this is a relationship that has been compromised for a long time – the OP said “my mother didn’t raise me.”
One of the things I don’t understand is why the OP wants help convincing her mother to accept her choice. She doesn’t need her mother to accept her choice. She needs her mother to understand that the mother isn’t in a position to say “no.” Other relatives could be helpful, but she doesn’t mention any (other than her siblings), including her father.