TOPIC:
DO CHANGES THAT MAKE OUR LIVES EASIER NOT NECESSARILY MAKE THEM BETTER?
MY ESSAY:
Changes are everywhere in our daily lives. Changes usually happen to make things better and simpler to be used.
We see changes everyday. Some examples can be a smartphones, washing machines and many other devices or machines. Our surroundings are all consist of the changes we don’t really realize, because we are so used to them.
People used to wash their clothes by themselves with their hands. Around a hundred years ago, women had to go to the stream to wash the clothes till the change has made.
Washing machine is an example of the change that has made our lives easier and better.
Nowadays, it is hard to find people who go to the stream to wash their clothes by themselves. We all sit at home instead of going to the stream by walk and we put our clothes in washing machine and press the button instead of washing our clothes by ourselves.
Technology and change have improved our lives.
As a second example of the change in our lives, i would mention smartphone which we all use.
There were times when we used to use 2G phones before the smartphone has invented actually. There was nothing called wifi on our phones and we had to pay quite a lot of money to be accessible to internet on the phone. Also, obviously, there was no apps such as an Instagram or other social medias we use thesedays.
If we want to text someone on the phone, we had to send texts and pay money depends on how many messages we send. There was nothing free.
As a result of the invention of the smartphone, we can communicate with people more easily and be accessible to information through internet on our phones.
Although smartphone has several bad sides, like an addiction, it still had made the world better.
Changes are everywhere even though we don’t see it. The reason why everything is happening around us is because there were lots of changes in our lives. Change is strongly necessary in our lives. Imagine the world without everything that is around you right now. We all won’t be able to leave without all these changes that has been made in the world.
PLEASE SCORE THIS FROM 1-6 IN SCALES.
THANKS YOU IN ADVANCE AND THE FEEDBACK AND ADVICE WILL BE GREAT.
Examples are fine, but it’s really unclear to me what side you’re on. Also, there are still some grammatical issues, and the essay sounds overly “casual,” given the word choice and use of contractions and 1st person pronouns.
Also, you can go back even further to dial telephones, well before 2G or 5G was a thing…it sounds less “millenial.”
“Our surroundings are all consist of…” Take out the word are. It sounds redundant and doesn’t make sense being there.
Putting aside the language issues for the moment…
It’s best to group kinds of change, paragraph by paragraph. You can group industrial changes (mechanization & automation, like washing machines) together, technological advancements (including smartphones) together, etc. That allows you later to have material for a conclusion because you can then state:
~what industrialization has done
~what technology has done
~what is anticipated in the future
etc.
Simply focusing on smartphones and washing machines is narrow.
That’s for the organization aspects and building an argument. However, with all the language issues, no matter how well organized your essay is, it will be difficult to score well.
Also, it’s best to acknowledge somehow, somewhere that not everybody responds well to change, that change is not universally appreciated everywhere and by everyone of every age, even though you value it. It could be argued that some changes (even smartphones) have negative consequences. You can then counter that argument with a statement about the net effect of change being positive nevertheless. If you don’t acknowledge that there’s even a concern about “change,” then you sound as if you haven’t really thought about the issue at all.
@MITer94 @epiphany @Dylan197 Thanks for all of your feedback. I will try to write a better one next time. And what would be the score of my essay? Thank you in advance.
[quote]
Also, you can go back even further to dial telephones, well before 2G or 5G was a thing…it sounds less “millennial.”/quote )
This. I have been pleading with my students to do this. The only students who automatically do so are those well-versed in, and interested in, history. Many have read on their own. History teaching is minimalist in the U.S. now, and unless a student has an abiding interest, students tend to dismiss everything they’ve learned in history classes. This does not serve them well in writing the current SAT essay. Not all radical and far-reaching changes have occurred since 1997, and 17 years is a narrow perspective for any era, no matter what the era.
What about the Industrial Revolution? Periods of major migration? Changes in medicine? Forensics? The entire world and all of life is not just about 21st century technology and 21st century assumptions & expectations.
@chbabe
Your writing is not test-ready; that’s all you need to know.
Would give it a 4. EDIT: I meant a 4 total, so 2 from each grader. As others said, I didn’t think the examples were strong at all. You can make a good essay from those examples, but you need to analyze and do more than state the obvious.