My parents are forcing me to change my lifestyle

Pre-College Topics High School Life
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<p>"For the “welcome to the real world” comments… I don’t buy that. As high schoolers, we’re still in a transitional stage. We have our own things to worry about, and I feel that all the things we’re responsible for are preparing us, at least somewhat, for the real world anyway.</p>

<p>Who’s to say that OP isn’t prepared for the “real world” the way his is now, anyway? "</p>

<p>He has one responsibility right now, his grades. That isn’t much.
And you’re giving him the benefit of the doubt, hoping he’s prepared when in actuality all facts point to that he probably isn’t. He doesn’t need that, he needs solid advice and push. When he has a car loan, rent, insurance to pay for and a work schedule to follow, no one will be holding his hand. It’ll be he who falls on his face, not you.</p>

<p>And futurexec put it exactly as it is. Their house, their rules.</p>

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<p>Yes, I am giving OP the benefit of the doubt. I’m not at all saying he’s prepared for the real world… and that’s not the issue. The issue is, is OP’s parents asking “too much” of him?</p>

<p>IMO, points 1&4, yes. points 2&3, no.</p>

<p>Also, I’m not saying that getting a part time job isn’t beneficial. I’m just saying, he shouldn’t be forced into a job he would hate.</p>

<p>I’m more against the “welcome to the real world” comments that were more like… In the real world, you wouldn’t get to complain… type of comments (there was only one like that though).</p>

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<p>compromise?
maybe scouts or venturers instead of church youth group?
tutoring…work at a kumon math/reading school (after school hours generally 4-7) earn steady money at an established business (please mom + tutor for $)
chores …sigh …just do some; that way mom’ll miss you even more when u leave for college!
yeah…get sleep schedule more on track with real life…unless you want to be a health professional! ( i work 7p-7a and friends work 3-11p)</p>

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<p>Reasonable sleep schedule is not an outrageous demand. Demanding that you wipe out your life savings to buy a car is, as is trying to force you to take part in religious activities you have no interest in. As is trying to restrict what kind of job you work. As long as you get the money you need and are not engaging in prostitution, drug dealing, or other illegal or uncouth activities, they should not have a say.</p>

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<p>I find that…seriously, the first two are a bit overboard. Especially the first. That’s…slightly reminiscent of anti-religious-freedom acts. Bleh.</p>

<p>The second is slightly strange in that you can probably decide bedtime and risetimes for yourself at this age. However, keep in mind your mom probably does this out of concern lol. Do you have visible bags under your eyes?</p>

<p>As for chores, I’m pretty sure you understood that.</p>

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<p>@nattilee</p>

<p>I’m pretty sure the OP knows that he should change his sleeping habits.
But it’s already been established that he said he would do chores and take on a job. He IS following his parents rules. After establishing that he WILL do them, his parents have no say or choice on how he will go about completing those tasks. Tutoring isn’t even that bad! It’s more respectable than downgrading yourself as some cashier at a grocery store, is it not? Use your mind, not your labor. That is what my parents - yes, they’re Asian so they know what the hell they are saying - have always taught me. And this is true. The OP can always schedule tutoring classes in the morning so as to follow his parents’ wishes of waking up regularly, can he not? Also, I’m pretty sure the parents of the children being tutored would not have their tutoring sessions scheduled at 9 PM.</p>

<p>BTW your parents cannot force you to follow a religion. What if they were neo-Nazis and wanted you to snipe anyone who wasn’t blond haired and blue eyed?</p>

<p>Again, I would like to say that the OP has already agreed to what his parents want him to do, so he isn’t breaking any rules at all. How he goes about completing them isn’t up to his parents at that point: it’s up to the OP, as a natural right of we as human beings.</p>

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<p>o.O chill gurl</p>

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<p>lol. i just think it’s pretty scary how these people will be as parents in the future…despotic, authoritarian…</p>

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<p>there are certain advantages to going through a job where you have to work hard physically or have to go through physical unpleasantness. It teaches you that you don’t want to do that for a living.</p>

<p>it also gives one an appreciation for the sh1t that other people go through every day, which perhaps the person three posts above me could learn from.</p>

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<p>o.O chill gurl</p>

<p>personally, I think it’s slightly rebellious for kids to self proclaim themselves as atheists under the “I can believe what ever I want to believe” pretext, so I think the OP should try it out and see how it goes and then consult his parents</p>

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<p>^^ “It teaches you that you don’t want to do that for a living.” …precisely what the OP learned, which is why he would rather do tutoring.</p>

<p>LOL. Hahahha. You make me laugh. Want to hear what I have to do for my parents?

  1. Wash my parents cars each month. My dad has a long Infiniti and my mom has a bigass Nissan minivan.
  2. Vacuum and wipe the floor every week. My house is two stories, more than 2,000 sq ft.
  3. Water, weed, and cut the lawn - front and backyard, every other week.
  4. Cook when my mom is sick, which is basically all the time because there’s something wrong with her nervous system and has excessive migraines as well as stomachaches. She is a stage 1 breast cancer patient.
  5. Wash the whole family’s laundry, iron the clothes (my dad has a lot of dress and fine clothes that need to be ironed carefully), and fold and hang them.
  6. Take out the trash every week.
  7. Wash the showers and toilets every 3 weeks. This is the worst of them all. The bleach makes me want to suffocate.</p>

<p>On top of this, I take a heavy courseload at school, volunteer for several hours, lead more than 10 clubs at school, attend Chinese School every Saturday, and play piano competitively and for <em>international</em> certification. I know what the hell I am talking about.</p>

<p>^ OP already said that he tried if before and it didn’t work out, Ralec.</p>

<p>Why am I so vehement? Yes, the parents can discipline their child and yes, the child should follow their rules, but there goes to a point when the parents take their orders a tad too far and demand extraneous things, such as the OP’s parents making him go bag groceries rather than tutoring, which is much more respectable, or rather, buy a car, which is not necessary. The OP has already tried out many of the things his parents asked for, and it didn’t work out yet his parents continue to push it onto him. The OP said he is ready to follow them and what they want, just not how they want him to do so. My parents are unreasonable and I believe everyone, both now and as future parents, should be more compromising and look at it from the broad perspective rather than stubbornly abiding to what they want.</p>

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<p>gurl, I thought I told you to chill.</p>

<p>No one’s saying that getting a part time job is absolutely all you need to appreciate a good work ethic.</p>

<p>No one is denying the benefits of a part time job either…</p>

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<p>i’m sorry. i just don’t like how all these people are disparaging the OP. the OP is already trying and doing what his parents want, and i feel it’s just really discouraging for the OP to have to read them.</p>

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<p>Another interloping parent here …</p>

<p>I’ve been thinking about why a parent would tell their teenager to get a “real job,” and why that parent might say that tutoring does not qualify as a real job, seeing as it doesn’t have regular hours or a regular paycheck, and here’s what I’m guessing might be behind the parents’ job rule…</p>

<p>If it were me saying that to my kid, it would be based on one overriding parental motive, and one motive alone. In effect, I would be saying to my child: You don’t have a good track record of keeping your word or making healthy choices for yourself in this regard, and I don’t want to follow up on you. I think you’re old enough to do that for yourself. I don’t want to give you any leeway in terms of excuses as to why you’re not working THIS weekend, or next weekend, or last night, etc. I need you to have transportation of your own, and I need you to contribute financially to your own livelihood and success, so I need you to have a regular paycheck. With a regular boss. And regular hours. That way, your job and your income will require no supervision or follow-up from me. If it’s all more “regular,” then I know you will have to do it and I won’t have to be involved in any way. It becomes totally “your baby,” and not mine. That’s what’s emotionally healthy and age-appropriate for you right now.</p>

<p>My kids don’t have any of the issues that the OP describes, but there have been other issues between us – like excessive text messaging, for instance. And I can tell you that after I’ve given them a certain amount of rope with which they can hang themselves if they so choose, or with which they can exercise their maturity and independence, if they don’t rise to the occasion, and if they instead demonstrate a need for incessant, annoying follow-up because they won’t toe their own line – well, then … they find themselves with some ridiculously stringent rule that may seem too strict or controlling to them, but that gets us out of that unhealthy dance – them falling short of “normal” parental expectations, followed by parental nagging and disappointment, followed by immature, resentful teenage whining & blaming the parent for their shortcomings, followed by further lack of responsibility, followed by more nagging and disappointment. Parents can’t do everything and don’t WANT to do everything and shouldn’t have to do everything once kids are old enough to help out and shoulder enough of your own responsibilities.</p>

<p>In my family, the hammer comes down when the kids can’t seem to make healthy, age-appropriate choices for themselves. Perhaps the new “regular job” rule is “the hammer.”</p>

<p>As an (interloping) parent, I’m wondering if the OP’s parents are getting the idea that he’s simply not contributing to his own success or livelihood in an age-appropriate way, and if he’s let his parents down on much more than one occasion. I’m wondering if he doesn’t keep his word with his parents. I’m wondering if he doesn’t contribute to the home very much – even though he says here on CC that he’s willing to help out when his mom asks for help. I’m wondering if his parents are worried about his emotional growth at this point – if it’s where it should be, considering his age. Based on his own description of himself, his behaviors, and his parents’ rules, I’m not getting a really healthy picture.</p>

<p>So, that’s why I would impose what would seem to my kids to be unfair, controlling rules. I would be killing two birds with one stone: try to help my kid get back on track to where he should be in terms of maturity and emotional health, and keep myself out of the picture as much as possible because I don’t want to be caught up in the nag-whine&blame-nag cycle any more than necessary. Things that belong on teenagers’ shoulders … well, … belong on teenagers’ shoulders! Not their parents’.</p>

<p>Now, go get that regular job! ;-)</p>

<p>(btw, I agree with most people here about the church thing. That seems misguided. I can’t see how it would work in your parents’ favor! Though it’s fairly clear what they’re aiming for. The rest of the rules? They seem fair enough to me. I hope everything comes together for you soon!)</p>

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<p>Sorry, double post.</p>

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<p>What an abundant and colorful variety of responses I have received in such a short time! Thank you all for your concern and willingness to offer advice. I’ve read every word so far.</p>

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<p>You’re absolutely right. I’m starting medication for social anxiety next week.</p>

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<p>Over this summer I have gone to bed around 3-5 A.M. Over the school year I go to bed around 1-3 A.M. I enjoy the early morning hours. So quiet, so peaceful. I get to think.</p>

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<p>I don’t like to wake up early, I dislike hard-set schedules, I dislike the environment of public schools and the overarching mindset of the kids that go there. I dislike the enormous amounts of time wasted driving to and from school, walking between classes, taking roll, etc. I can complete a day’s worth of school work online in about four hours, whereas at normal school the school day lasts six hours (plus driving time) AND there’s a couple hours of homework to complete once you get home! The system is extremely inefficient. I understand more material in four hours working alone at home than all those hours at public school combined. </p>

<p>I’m sure I dislike other things about it, too, but please, don’t take me as some sort of misanthropic cynic who hates everything. This is just one of those things.</p>

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<p>Exactly. And this is what bothers me. I feel like I’m already grown up. I’ve proven time and time again that I can take care of myself and behave responsibly. And I’ve done all this stuff before. I was taking 3 AP classes, on my varsity golf team, and working at a local tanning salon 20 hrs/wk for 11 months wiping sweat and other bodily liquids off of tanning beds last year. I’ve seen it all before, and I hated it. It wasn’t healthy, at least not for me. I need a lower key lifestyle. That’s why I switched to my current lifestyle in the first place! </p>

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<p>I don’t borrow it all the time. Maybe twice per week. And never at a time where it would inconvenience my parents’ ability to transport themselves. They haven’t seemed to have a problem with it.</p>

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<p>I wouldn’t go so far to say that teaching others is my passion, but it’s certainly the job I would most prefer to get. Good pay, using my brain, not my body, good conditions, etc.</p>

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<p>I don’t buy this argument. It sounds like you’ve been sucking at the teat of society for a bit too long now. Stop trying to project your bitterness at the world onto others. Even better, just stop being bitter altogether.</p>

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<p>Same to you, Hunt. I will do everything in my power to avoid this horrible reality that you describe. I will do everything in my power to avoid mindless jobs that I work just to pay the bills. In fact, I will do everything in my power to avoid jobs altogether and live off of passive income when possible. You may have become a wage slave with a crappy life, Hunt, but my fate is my own.</p>

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<p>Great response. I’ll consider this.</p>

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<p>These comments sicken me! I’ll deal with these financial issues once they’re upon me. No need to worry about them now. I’m an intelligent, responsible, hard-working human being. When the time comes for me to have to take on these financial burdens, I’ll be able to bear them. That’s why I’m going to college. And getting a degree. And getting a job that can bear said financial burdens.</p>

<p>Or maybe I’ll become a street philosopher with no job to speak of. I might be happier that way.</p>

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If this constitutes being grown up, I fear the future I have to deal with. Sir, you need a grip on life. You can’t be isolated in your own little world.</p>

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Learning is not the only thing here. It’s not only about completing school and learning a curriculum. There’s a whole social and psychological dynamic to school that is crucial at this stage. You’re blocking it, and setting yourself up for a disadvantage. These points are trivial anyway. The walking between classes is BS, no class is that far. In the REAL WORLD, you deal with people you don’t like. Don’t like someone, too damn bad. Taking roll is more efficient now, it ends after about 3 days. These points are BS.</p>

<p>You’re not grown up. I can get a job, juggle 6 AP classes, play soccer, do MUN, and do robotics, and have a childlike mentality like you. Don’t do a job for the money. Search for a job you ****ing like. You’re a child. Your reasons are ludicrous. If you want to make a living in this world, you have to make amends. Nothing’s perfect. You can’t be cooped up in your own dreamland. The sleeping thing is bs. You may like it, but it’s time to realize that things are done IN THE DAY. I suggest you stop being a child and grow up, because you have some tough times ahead. Being grown up is more than taking classes and having a job and paying bills. Being grown up involves a give and go with world, making amends where needed. You can’t have it all.</p>

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<p>Allow me to quote the National Home Education Research Institute:</p>

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<p>[National</a> Home Education Research Institute - Homeschooled Children’s Social Skills](<a href=“http://www.nheri.org/Volume-17-Issue-1/Homeschooled-Childrens-Social-Skills.html]National”>http://www.nheri.org/Volume-17-Issue-1/Homeschooled-Childrens-Social-Skills.html)</p>

<p>Yes, there is a “social and psychological dynamic to school that is crucial at this stage,” and my current lifestyle is indeed lacking in this dynamic, but this lack isn’t caused by my current online education situation, as the article above evidences. It’s caused by my social anxiety and preference to stay inside all day doing whatever I wish. Yes, regular public school would add a social, “normal” aspect to my life, but at significant cost. A far better alternative is for me to just volunteer/join a club/play a sport/get a job I like outside of school. This type of extracurricular socialization would probably be more healthy for me than socialization at my local public high school, anyway.</p>

<p>Also, don’t get the impression that I’ve been cooped up in my house all my life. I attended public high school for two and a half years before going online. Before high school, I’d been enrolled in regular schools all my life. So, I’ve been actively involved in the social and psychological dynamic ever since… birth. (Except until recently)</p>

<p>I know what it’s like to deal with someone I don’t like. I hated my boss at the tanning salon, yet I worked with him for eleven months to earn money to buy a car. Kind of ironic. I originally planned on getting a car so that I could transport myself to summer college classes, but then I became aware of the existence of online college classes! So that’s why I didn’t buy a car in the first place, i.e., to save costs. I’m rambling. Why am I trying to defend myself?</p>

<p>The points I made are not BS. The public school system is indeed slow and inefficient. Otherwise it wouldn’t be true that…</p>

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<p>Anyway, you seem like an angry person, MIT. You’re a bit like Hunt and nattilee, but corrupted at a much younger age. You assume that life is just inevitably gonna suck and there’s no way to make it better, but, believe it or not, you can, in some ways, mold the world around you to suit your will and not the other way around.</p>

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<p>some rules, like the religious ones are harsh, some are not.
hOWEVER
FOLLOW THEM BY ALL MEANS
i attended public school- didn’t hate it like you- but i had to wake up 5:40 am, stand in all sorts of weather for the effing bus that seemed to set a unique time for it’s arrival every morning, was stuck there until two, and came home and basically did nothing but hw until two or three save for mealtimes and a few hours of relaxation.
granted, my public school was really demanding, but still. </p>

<p>so follow them.
you’re life will be even worse if you don’t</p>

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Really? Then why don’t you move out of your parents’ house now? The reason you don’t need “extra” money is that they are feeding, clothing, and housing you and paying for your online education. I think your parents may have realized that your current course is allowing you to become astonishingly self-centered, and they think that you need a more structured environment. So yes, you are a spoiled brat, and an ingrate as well.</p>