My parents are forcing me to change my lifestyle

Pre-College Topics High School Life
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<p>James, in post #56, you say you prefer to live off of passive income when possible.</p>

<p>When I think of “passive income,” I think of dividends and interest from a stock or bond portfolio, or rent from owned and maintained rental properties, or pensions, or royalties, etc. Are you referring to these same kinds of things? Do you, personally, have such things set up from which you generate passive income? Or are the things that are generating passive income your parents’ things?</p>

<p>James, has it occurred to you that we ALL, for the most part, would prefer to live off of passive income? We’d all prefer to do whatever we wish all day long, as you said in post #59. It’s really not feasible for most of us.</p>

<p>You also say you’re an “intelligent, responsible, hard-working human being.” James, I’ll grant you “intelligent,” but the picture you paint of yourself does not depict “responsible” or “hard-working” at all. To me, you paint a picture of a kid who resists growing up, who resists authority (even though we ALL deal with authority, no matter the age), who resists responsibility, and who thinks it’s perfectly rational to explain that you simply don’t LIKE working on a schedule, or being around people, or making money the “active” way, or following your parents’ rules while you live off of them. Other people may be reading you the same way. I think that’s why you’re getting the kind of feedback you’re getting.</p>

<p>You say you feel like you’re “already grown up,” but really, James, those attitudes are not the attitudes of a grown up. I’m guessing that your parents are worried about your unwillingness to take on responsibility. They’re probably worried that you’re not growing up within the realm of “typical” emotional development. Parents love their kids (in nearly all cases, anyway). Chances are very good that your parents are worried about you and are trying to help you.</p>

<p>You say, “I’ll deal with these financial issues once they’re upon me. No need to worry about them now. I’m an intelligent, responsible, hard-working human being. When the time comes for me to have to take on these financial burdens, I’ll be able to bear them.”</p>

<p>But it sounds like the time is upon you – your parents, who support you while you study for 4 hours and sleep for 10-12, have told you that the time has come to bear some financial and familial responsibility. But you don’t want to. You want to “stay inside all day long doing whatever [you] wish.” You “prefer to live off of passive income.” Your “fate is [your] own.” But, in reality, you’re living off your parents, in their home, via their hard work and “active” income, resisting social contact, resisting responsibility, and resisting their rules.</p>

<p>In reality, I would say your fate is pretty much tied in with their fate right now. And that’s why you got on CC and wrote. It’s bothering you. You want your fate to be your own, but you don’t seem to think it’s necessary or logical for you to contribute through hard work or anything you don’t LIKE doing. That’s loosely called Peter Pan Syndrome in adults. </p>

<p>I hope your new medication works for you. I know a little about social anxiety. It can be debilitating. You sound absolutely brilliant. People with super high IQ’s often have trouble fitting into society. They often think they have a better way. They’re often resistant to any sort of conformity. They’re often resistant to authority. If you can find a way to make all of your ideas work for you without leeching off of others or hurting others, then more power to you. The problem is, that often doesn’t work out so well. Right now, for example, I’m wondering if your parents feel like you’re not doing your part. They’re providing for you (perhaps too abundantly?), and they may think you’re not reciprocating and growing up. So they’re imposing strict rules on you. Which you don’t like … because you don’t really WANT to do your part. You don’t LIKE doing your part.</p>

<p>I predict a recurring theme if you don’t get some help. People in society are going to expect SOME degree of conformity. There will continue to be some uncomfortable, unlikeable, natural consequences for you, throughout your life, if you don’t learn to accept that.</p>

<p>By the way, have you thought of a “regular” job with FedEx or UPS or some other shipping company that works through the night? They both pay well and are good jobs with potential for advancement. You could stay up all night! And work!</p>

<p>Last thought … have you ever heard of Asperger’s Syndrome?</p>

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<p>I forgot. I also wanted to ask about your homeschool quote.</p>

<p>You quoted the National Home Education Research Institute:</p>

<p>"Quote:
The social skills scores of the homeschooled were consistently higher than those of public school students. ‘Differences were most marked for girls and for older children, and encompassed all four of the specific skills tested: cooperation, assertiveness, empathy, and self-control.’ </p>

<p>National Home Education Research Institute - Homeschooled Children’s Social Skills"</p>

<p>Of the 4 specific social skills tested, it sounds as though you’ve mastered just one of them. Am I correct? Do you believe you would have tested higher or lower than the average public school student on the other three? Could this have something to do with your parents’ new rules?</p>

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<p>Ok, so I skimmed through most of these, but I don’t think anyone addressed what would happen to the OP when he/she went to college. </p>

<p>Guess what? I’m there and you don’t get to pick your schedule. Yeah, for the first year you might get to pick some night classes, etc. But once you get past your first intro classes, you have classes at 8-9AM. And if you don’t, then you have later classes and you WORK in the morning.</p>

<p>While I agree going to church is unreasonable, your parents are just forcing you to get off your lazy butt. </p>

<p>Get a job. So what if you hate it? Welcome to life. Or you could actually find one you enjoy. I personally have never had a minimum wage job and I have never had a job I hated. Just go out and network a bit. You can do that through volunteering. </p>

<p>Sorry, but yes, OP, you do sound like an immature brat and your parents are just forcing you to do something real… like have a job?</p>

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<p>that’s your problem with the job… who the hell has a good time doing THAT???</p>

<p>anyway, simplelife pretty much said everything that needed to be said, except he/she was much more tactful and whatnot</p>

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<p>At what point did I assume you’ve been inside your house your whole life? That’s a horrible assumption, and nothing I wrote should’ve given you that indication. UNLESS I write it, don’t assume.</p>

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<p>Not an angry, but corrupted? Psh. Life isn’t going to suck, that’s another assumption. I know life can get better, but your reasoning is poor. Also, stop blaming everything on social anxiety. It’s serious, I understand, but there comes a time when you have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. Using social anxiety as a excuse in your scenario is bull. You’re spoiled. I’m saying that right now. You can’t have it all in life. And what is that significant cost you’re talking about?</p>

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<p>He said… “don’t get that impression”. He’s not saying you assumed that. Also, other people seem to have assumed that he does nothing all day.</p>

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<p>When the only work available is unpleasant physical labour, it’s time to suck it up and do what you have to do to earn money. When there is a more desirable alternative which earns enough money, it’s not unreasonable to seek that instead.</p>

<p>however, it seems as if you’re mad at your parents for refusing to homeschool you. Whether or not they are willing to do that, my friend, is their prerogative entirely. Yeah, lots of people don’t like that kind of rigid structure, but that’s something you’ve just got to deal with.</p>

<p>Not wanting you to go to bed at 1-3 AM during the school year is not unreasonable, either.</p>

<p>However, trying to force you to get a car and trying to force you to participate in religious activities you have no interest in is not acceptable.</p>

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<p>And I’m sure your condescension towards other people here isn’t very welcome, either.</p>

<p>Calling someone a wage slave is just frankly disrespectful, and while much of your parents’ meddling is not appropriate, your attitude suggests itself as a likely factor in why they question your maturity.</p>

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<p>Guys, he already said he was going to help his mom out with chores and take on a job. The youth group thing he does not have to do. The car thing is completely up to him. OP, you need to follow your parents’ desire for you to sleep and wake up in regular hours.</p>

<p>You need to change your mentality about waking up and sleeping. Everything happens in the day: college classes, work, job, etc. Even in high school - the SAT, the ACT, the AP’s…those all happen in the day. No one does anything in the night. You need to learn to sleep early and wake up early. You say you enjoy the morning air, then why don’t you just sleep at 10 or 11 PM and wake up at 4 or 5 AM? Trust me, the morning air is a lot better than. You get to see the sun set and the chills you get are ineffable. </p>

<p>Moreover, you also need to overcome this supposed “social anxiety” you claim to have. You’re going to have to talk or converse with someone at one point in your life, especially in college or at work whether it be your professors, your boss, or your peers. Unless you’re going to live as some hermit off in the Galapagos islands, interaction and socialization is not something you can avoid.</p>

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<p>Honestly I have to say, other than the car and youth group thing, He’s not putting up much of a case for himself. If I was really a jerk, I would dissect this guy’s every statement, and use it against him.</p>

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<p>Well, other than the car and youth group thing, there’s only the sleep schedule and chores… He always agreed to helping out with chores! I think he agreed to changing his sleep schedule too.</p>

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<p>An idea about the youth group thing: offer to do volunteer work instead. Imo, volunteering at a soup kitchen or a children’s home is a lot more christian than going to youth group, and if your parents are at all reasonable they should realize that. You might be atheist, but I have a feeling you could get out of youth group if you told them that you’d be witnessing by example. As it happens, I have little opportunity to go to church when at school as I do at home, so I volunteer instead.</p>

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<p>O_o wow, people on this thread are harsh!</p>

<p>I agree with you OP that the thing about joining the youth group and your parents refusing to let you tutor as a job is ridiculous. Religion is a personal thing that every person must discover on their own - not simply follow it blindly due to their parents’ wishes.</p>

<p>I see you understand the chores thing is reasonable but the waking up at 9 and going to bed earlier is reasonable as well. It’s really just for your health.</p>

<p>As for the job, maybe you can compromise. Is there really no job you could see yourself enjoying? I think volunteering seems like a good thing that could replace both the job and the youth group. If it’s responsibility your parents are worried about, then by volunteering frequently or even setting up your own little volunteer organization with a couple friends, you can prove you’re responsible.</p>

<p>And yeah, the car thing makes no sense. Why should they force you to spend money? I don’t plan on getting a car until probably after I graduate college because all the colleges I’m looking at are in cities with great public transportation so the expense of a car is unnecessary. If your car is just going to be sitting in a driveway then it’s just a waste of money.</p>

<p>I hope everything works out for you. You’re probably going to have to do a lot of compromising but just remember, when you confront your parents about this, try to remain calm and mature - they’d be more willing to listen to you.</p>

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<p>False – the parents are of a particular religion. I cannot control my children post-financial independence. I can say, however, that so long as you are in this household, you are to come and participate in the religious activities of my own faith. This is not unreasonable – I’m not interested in supporting my child’s views, even implicitly, if I think they are damaging to him and simply wrong.</p>

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<p>Too bad for you. This is life, unless you find a specialized career. It doesn’t sound like you’re on the path to one, so this dislike is really not a valid consideration for your parents or anyone.</p>

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<p>This is wrong. You are living with your parents and cannot support yourself. Barring a mental disability or physical one that forever prevents you from doing so, that by definition means you are not grown up. Your sleep schedule is not adult-like. Your schedule in general is not. Your responsibilities are practically non-existent. Maybe if you started acting like an adult, their perception would change. But sorry, “taking care of yourself” in the way that YOU want with no responsibilities and with mommy and daddy’s money doesn’t count as living like an adult.</p>

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<p>Fine. I’m sure if you told your parents that your tutoring went practically non-stop from 9-5, they would be fine with it. Is that the case? Or is it one hour every couple of weeks?</p>

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<p>Have fun in prison, because, given your parents’ attitudes (legitimate BTW), that’s the only place where you could live anything remotely close to the lifestyle you’re describing.</p>

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<p>Your parents are being unreasonable, but they’re probably just worried. Are you a hermit?</p>

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<p>You’re not interesting in supporting your children’s point of view? </p>

<p>What a terrible parent, no offense. You’re supposed to support your children and help them being independent, not keep them confined to only what you think is right :rolleyes:</p>

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<p>No; I’m really not. At least on issues of ethics and the like. </p>

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<p>1) Supporting children does not mean giving them a carte blanche to do and think whatever they want. I am not claiming that you implied this, by the way. Rather, I am pointing out that my support of them does not always include accepting whatever beliefs they have or actions they commit. If they did not adhere to my religion, I believe that my children are seriously putting themselves at risk. I would not be doing my job if I was openly okay with this, in the same way that I would not be doing my job if I continued to let my child binge drink to the point of hospitalization every night. </p>

<p>2) Independence is certainly a goal of parenting, and, as stated, I cannot control their beliefs in the house or after they move out. I can state, however, what the expectations of living in my house are. They are not yet independent if they live with me rent-free and I’m paying for everything. At no point am I even attempting to take away ideological independence, because, again, I cannot even imagine how I would do so.</p>

<p>3) They’re not being confined to anything. They can believe whatever they want. They can do whatever they want. But those decisions have consequences. We have laws, and I have my own. On a different note, I would not attempt to restrict their exposure to different beliefs.</p>

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<p>I think a balance between this and letting the child decide what he wants to do is ideal. Parents tend to be more sensible than kids though, so if I had to choose an extreme I would choose ^</p>

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<p>Here are my questions for the OP–</p>

<p>What is your post-high school plan?</p>

<p>At what age do you plan to move out?</p>

<p>Do you plan to attend college in person? </p>

<p>What careers are you interested in?</p>

<p>What’s your daily schedule? </p>

<p>My thoughts on this are:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Reinstate your participation in Youth Group at church.
As pointed out by others, I think this is less about religion, and more about socialization and learning ethics/empathy/et cetera. If you truly have a problem with the people and the beliefs, then request to do something else, like it’s been stated. Propose to your parents volunteering and scouts, or other similar activities. Do you play an instrument? Maybe see if your parents will allow you to try something new like martial arts, dance classes, yoga, or something social and stimulating. </p></li>
<li><p>Be awake each morning by 8-9AM and get dressed/start your day. Bed time at 12 midnight Mon-Fri.
Yet again, redundancy on my part, but your parents are attempting to get you on a regular sleep pattern that will be ultimately healthier and more productive in the general world. I would suggest suggesting to them that you follow their sleep pattern to the letter of the law for a month and then decide how it effects you and if it increases your productivity and attentiveness. Give them some props. They are your parents. They did experience high school. They might have a sleep perspective that could benefit you. And after a month of going by their rule on it, if it hasn’t changed anything at all, keep with it. If it has hurt you, go back to what you had. Talk with them completely about this one.</p></li>
<li><p>Be available to help Mom with any chores she needs done.</p></li>
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<p>You’re fine with this. I’ll leave it be. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Get a part time job and buy a car for transportation to your new job. </p>

<p>The issue with tutoring, that I see from your parents perspectives, is that it isn’t a regular, steady hour job, and your parents would probably like some structure in your life besides what you currently have, and something that would connect you to the rest of the world and allow other opportunities to open for you. As for working a job you don’t like, that’s hard, but rarely do people get jobs they love, unfortunately.
As for the car, I don’t completely agree with this one. How about asking your parents if you could save money for something more meaningful to you? I can understand why they would ask you to purchase a car–it would make you save and carefully watch your money. If you replaced this with something else, you would have to learn, develop, and use the same skills, but get something more rewarding out of it.</p></li>
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<p>@truffliepuff
“no say or choice on how he will go about completing those tasks”
Um, yeah, they do. He lives in their house. If they say do this, exactly this way, then that’s how it is. Or he can start packing. Parents don’t make rules so their kids can find cute little loopholes.</p>

<p>“It’s more respectable than downgrading yourself as some cashier at a grocery store, is it not?”
I’m a cashier. Thank you for alerting me that I have downgraded myself because I actually need to make money for the family and not just pocket change for myself (aka tutoring). Also, my mother is a cashier of 10 years at walmart. She did what she had to do, and because of that I respect her far more than if she had not ‘downgraded’ herself.</p>

<p>Truffliepuff, I was going to argue with you more, but you can’t honestly have the same defense for this kid now that you’ve seen his fantasy world opinions. </p>

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<p>Sucking the teat of society? It sounds like you’ve had your head stuck in books for too long and you think you’ll be able to sit on a dam n cushion all your life. I might be a bit bitter. I’m sure we’d all be as happy as you if we slept 10 hours a day and spent the rest doing what we pleased, with food and clean clothes and all the amenities for free. I’d be kissing every stranger on the street. But you’ll have to wake up one day, and then we’ll see if you have all that cheerfulness still.</p>

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<p>This. This is the same mindset I had when I was 7 years old. I’m not saying it as a goad, it just honestly was.</p>

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Deal with them when they’re upon you? You’re 17 years old! They’re either upon you or right around the corner! Yeah, at college, you’ll have to follow a schedule. And it does not just work like that. You don’t just get some degree and then have an amazing job which pays for all your bills, and you get to pick your own schedule and work only 20 hours a week and you absolutely love it! No.</p>

<p>Street philosopher? No one is happy when they’re hungry. Believe me.</p>

<p>I honestly think you must have made this up and am joking. But then again I don’t know many privileged kids so maybe this is just the norm.</p>

<p>“Anyway, you seem like an angry person, MIT. You’re a bit like Hunt and nattilee, but corrupted at a much younger age.”
lol I’m not even an angry person. I’m just realistic. And also, me and MIT are about the same age. I’m 17. Did I seem older? Yeah, that’s because I’m actually a realistic, responsible adult (albeit, not legally) at a young age. When you say you feel you are grown up, then give reasons to prove that you are, it shows you are not. You would be sure of it, and you wouldn’t have to prove it.</p>